19 || They/Them || Chronically Ill, Neurodivergent, and Talking About It || This blog is mainly just me complaining about things tbh, but I hope that someone might come across this and feel a little less alone than I do. I'm AuDHD, have IIH, and am still looking into a few other conditions. My fandom blog is @firelord-aub
I'm starting off this page with some general information so you're not going in blind. I'm also gonna put some of the biggest trigger warnings in here, but this and my featured tags are what's going to be updated as time goes on. I'd also like to mention that I am coming from Twitter because it's only going further downhill and I like making long posts. Everything else on here is backdated so it matches. This post will also be updated as things change.
Last Updated: 10/30/24
I don't feel like giving a backstory, but I'll answer questions if anyone wants to know more about what's going on or why something took so long to deal with, but the majority of the reason is medical neglect, and no one believing me.
These are the conditions I've been diagnosed with, followed by the age I was diagnosed: Seasonal Allergies (3), Seasonal Affective Disorder (6), General Anxiety Disorder (10), Major Depressive Disorder (12), Social Anxiety (12), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (14), Insomnia (14), Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (16/?), Selective Mutism (17/?), Social Phobia (17/?), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (17/19), Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (18), Migraines (18), Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia (18), Autism Spectrum Disorder (19), Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (formerly Pseudotumor Cerebri) (19), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (19), Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (19), Fibromyalgia (19).
(Slashes are due to an unclear therapist at the time. It's followed by either the age at which I was re-diagnosed or a question mark due to the lack of seeing another therapist about it yet.)
As a small child, I also had issues with Jaundice and low muscle tone, but both have been resolved since then. I also have struggled with an off-and-on eating disorder that's only fueled by my sensory issues.
As of right now, I'm in the process of being assessed for other disorders. My mother thinks there's something going even more wrong than PCOS with my menstrual cycle (she also has PCOS and doesn't get violently ill on her period like I do), the doctors have given the diagnosis of IST, but they don't believe that that's all there is to it, so we're looking for another explanation for my high heart rate which may include POTS, and my cortisol levels are consistently coming back abnormally high for no known reason so that's also being looked into. My rheumatologist ignored me when I saw her and just slapped Fibromyalgia on me, so I'll be seeing another one with a place I trust more to hopefully get a second opinion that may help clear things up as well; we think it may be lupus (surprise, it's just fibro). I'm also in with a hematologist who thinks I may have a bone marrow disorder that causes high platelets. We are also mildly worried that cancer might be a possibility based on some of the test results that have been coming back, so there's that...
I use mobility aids (mainly forearm crutches, along with occasionally a rollator or cane) when going out, but sometimes I use them at home during flare-ups. I currently use SmartCrutches, and as my symptoms are being brought under control, hopefully, I'll be free of them soon. Ahaha... That was optimistic of me. I'm considering getting a wheelchair soon. With me in college, my fatigue and pain are overwhelming most days.
I started medical marijuana in June of 2023 due to my pain and ptsd, and so far it's been really helpful. I mainly microdose with mints in the morning to stop my nausea and shaking, without them I'm bedbound for a few hours after waking up. It also helps a lot with panic attacks and meltdowns.
Everything above this will be talked about frequently, but here's a full list of trigger warnings for the account: Eating Disorders, Childhood Neglect and Abuse, Intrusive Thoughts, Poor Health Discussions, AFAB Health Conditions, Medical Treatments, Medications, Suicidal/Self Harm Thoughts, Medical Neglect, Medical Marijuana, General Mental Health Struggles, Neurodivergence, Migraines, Mobility Aids, and general life stuff
you have the right to eat way too many pierogi and make yourself a little sick. you have the right to go skydiving. you have the right to pull an all-nighter building the Imperial City of Tamriel in Minecraft. you have the right to get drunk in your living room watching football.
life is not about making the safest most logically correct choice at all times. you're a blob of salty meat piloting a flesh mech and you get to act like it.
fatphobia and ableism is so insidious. You can look up like, food, and it'll say "eating a lot of food causes diabetes" and you're like oh dang what? I thought we didn't know the cause of diabetes. So you look up what causes diabetes and it says "we still don't know what causes diabetes" bruh they're just making shit up to give people eating disorders
it’s becoming clearer that “being fat makes you diabetic” is actually misapplied observation and like, backwards cause and effect. insulin resistance is the main factor in type 2 diabetes. it was thought being fat made you insulin resistant. turns out it’s the other way round; insulin resistance causes the body to store fat at a greater rate. like yes, once the weight is gained it can then contribute more to resistance and things can snowball, but the initiating factor is not being fat.
#type 1 is caused by no insulin production type 2 is caused by insulin resistance #and what causes the resistance or pancreatic damage is often uncertain #absolutely poor diet and lack of exercise can EXACERBATE EXISTING TYPE 2 DIABETES #but eating carbs and eating sugar will not give you diabetes; neither t1 or t2 #also keto is a fucking scam and a lie and puts people in the hospital on a regular basis
Also worth mentioning how hard it is to find good advice around healthy eating or exercise because almost all of the information available assumes your goal is to lose weight. So you'll find a hundred articles for how you can reduce calories, but nothing about how you can eat more vegetables while managing a budget and still feeling satiated. Because professionals assume your goal is to lose weight, not to feel better in your body. It's so incredibly frustrating.
Also the lack of exercise equipment rated for larger people to use it safely, as well as how much harder it is to find adaptive information on how to do some exercises as a larger person.
my opinion on the current porn ban is that it benefits the state to have its people filled with shame. they want you to be ashamed of yourself and they want you to hurt others who aren't ashamed of themselves. these changes will not benefit the marginalized
A doctor saying "Good news! Your labs look great" is like if you were watching a cop show and the chief walked in like "Great news, everybody! The best news! The killer is still at large and we have no leads."
honestly fucking fascinating that people will pretty universally understand that thin people can be naturally predisposed to thinness regardless of what they eat or their activity level, but that so many of the same people cannot possibly fathom that fat people could have similar dispositions or that there could be any factors more complex than a "lack of self control."
medicine effects: you might feel a little better :)
medicine side effects: impending death will be the most powerful occupant of your mind, your wretched organs will beg for mercy, and your brittle bones will crumble out from under you.
The headline: UK Drug Dealer Feeling Bleu After Cheese Photo Leads To Arrest
The article: Police cracked encryption on a privacy-focused phone service provider and ran fingerprint analysis on photos posted by users.
Like I get that law enforcement does things like this, that’s literally what it exists for, I’m just really upset by the cutesy framing.
Also. Like. Don’t organize shit online or over the phone. Law enforcement has been pressuring tech companies to put backdoors into encrypted services for years, this whole crackdown happened because of a device-level attack, and you never know who’s listening.
And yeah. If you’re setting up an anonymous ID online for any reason do not, under any circumstances, post or share any identifying information under that ID or with devices associated with that account.
He’s a fucking piece of shit drug dealer. He’s not a victim of racial inequality, or being in a union or being homeless..
Fucking anti cop assholes will read about a baby rapist and be like “omg they used a online post and facial recognition to catch this poor victim who raped 2 year old cops are so horrible! Justice for him!
The cops who use facial recognition and an online post to catch a baby rapist are the same cops who will use facial recognition and an online post to track down asylum seekers to send them to concentration camps.
You and the baby rapist have the same rights. An infringement on the baby rapist’s right to privacy is an infringement on your right to privacy. You should be able to use encrypted communication networks, this is true whether you are committing no crimes, whether you are a ‘fucking piece of shit drug dealer,’ or whether you are seeking an abortion in Texas. Cops compromising encrypted communication is a threat to you the same way it is a threat to drug dealers.
“DON’T FUCKING COMMIT CRIMES?!” Is not a useful or actionable admonition because “crime” is a constructed category that makes “forgetting to fill out a form 10 years ago” “assisting your child in seeking an abortion” “having the wrong tattoos” “having a blanket” all equally good reasons to unperson you.
“DON’T FUCKING COMMIT CRIMES?!” and “Just don’t break the law.” are things that are said by people who are entirely too comfortable with the idea that they are never going to be targeted by law enforcement considering that we live in a society in which so much is criminalized.
The fact that he is “a fucking piece of shit drug dealer” is why the original article is comfortable making a joke of his arrest. The contemptible nature of his crime means that it’s okay to pair his face with cheese puns, and it’s why that article was widely circulated - as opposed to this article by an investigative journalist and encrochat user whose home was raided as part of the same nationwide sting.
The reason that you (and everyone else who makes this argument) reach for “baby rapist” as your criminal of choice when making your criticisms is because it doesn’t sound as righteous when you say “she’s a piece of shit abortionist, DON’T COMMIT CRIMES” or “that fucking piece of shit was sleeping on a cardboard box, it’s not hard to keep away from the cops if you just don’t break the law.”
You are attempting to frame the conversation as though the only people subject to this kind of surveillance are people who are easy to hate - drug dealers, rapists, murderers, etc.
The rate of violent crime has been falling for decades. People are less likely to harm one another now than they were at any point since we started tracking those numbers. In spite of that, our population is more criminalized than ever.
In the four years since I made this original post we have seen these types of surveillance being used to track protesters and asylum seekers. The murder/rape case clearance rate isn’t up since these types of stings started becoming more common, but it is now illegal to fall asleep with a blanket on a bench in Oregon and to provide a D&C to a person having a miscarriage in Texas.
“Crime” has expanded in the the last four years, and none of that expansion has done anything to make you safer.
So, completely aside from the fact that I don’t think it should be illegal to sell drugs, the point of this post isn’t that this poor woobie drug dealer got caught, it is that:
We are all subject to a horrifying level of surveillance and
We can all be dehumanized by the state at an time because “crime” is malleable and there are very likely things you have done in your life that could make you subject to the same kind of state violence that a “fucking piece of shit drug dealer” is - and you can be subject to that same level of state violence even if you haven’t done anything to “provoke” it.
This is also the same thing as the “Well why do terrorists/migrants/whatever deserve due process? They’re criminals!” is bullshit. Because the law is supposed to protect everyone the same.
And the law does protect everyone the same, in the way that the average citizen is just as vulnerable to these kinds of violations as anyone else is. They can (and do) use these to harass people for being accused of breaking the law. Which anyone can be, right?
To cite H.L. Mencken:
With the caveat that he did not fucking say scoundrels, he said sons of bitches, and I hate that if you search “hl mencken fighting for human freedom” then you will get SO MANY pages and images that say scoundrels, and very very few that quote it accurately.
I love that the pandemic actually definitively proved a lot of those "hard" questions for us. Masking up reduced cases of the flu to almost nonexistent numbers and we had zero flu deaths for a time. The welfare and social service and unemployment programs helped keep people living paycheck to paycheck out of poverty, and those stimulus checks some folks keep complaining about actually massively benefitted the common man and the economy. Individual personal travel was so extremely restricted on a global scale that we basically have concrete proof that individual restraint in terms of driving cars or travelling means absolutely nothing by comparison because the mass pollution is coming from the fisheries and the corporations with private jets and container ships. Working from home actually has massive benefits for a company like productivity boosts and better mental health of employees while also saving gas
and we're just. Willingly going back to how everything was before. We were shown how to do things better and the people in charge said "that's nice but we just want to get everything 'back to normal' :)"
we’re not willingly going back to how everything was before. we are being forced back into it by members of the ruling class who found out that making things better for almost everyone else made them feel bad.
And don’t forget we were forced into it for “the economy”. Someone couldn’t buy a new yacht that year so they forced us all back to work. Prison labor makes for higher profit margins so we can’t just let people out. That would hurt the bottom line. We are being ruled by the whims of our corporate overlords and they have never cared how many of us have to die to feed their growing greed.
the rudest most helpful thing anyone ever said to me is "why do you keep hurting your own feelings long after [the person who once hurt you] probably forgot about it" like literally just dear god you've split me open so neatly my entire soul is just flopping around on the ground between us now but thank you
I’m Still Alive… I Think. @praublem-child - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
