Feeling Insecure In Relationship;
Thanks for the ask, anon :)).
One of the reasons i love Akito is how realistic she is written. Why Akito treated zodiac badly if she was scared of being abandonded? Why abuse victims end up still being in a abusive relationships? Why people's fear turns to reality? Is it concidence or fate? How a person behave when they feel insecure in relationships? As much as many people prefer to not search a reason behind this, there is a pyschological explanation for all of this and lets dig into it.
I remember seeng comments such as ‘if she was afraid of abandonded, she should treat them nice’. I think many people dont understand how a person behave when they realy feel really insecure. There is high difference between thinking that other person will leave you and thinking that other person will actually leave you.
First of all, its important to remember that we all have some insecurities, at least some point in our life but 1- not everyone’s degree of insecurities are not same 2- not everyone in same sitution.
Insecurity is an inner feeling of being threatened and/or inadequate in some way. We’ve all felt it at one time or another. But while it’s quite normal to have feelings of self-doubt once in a while, chronic insecurity can sabotage your success in life and can be particularly damaging to your intimate relationships. (Source)
In Akito’s sitution, her insecurities started with her mother, her constant abuse, that she was unwanted since her birth. Then later it continued with her father’s last words and his death (and later many other terrible events such as Ren sleeping with zodiac etc etc -_-+). At that point, Akito as child still had insecurities, this is why she has little tantrums Yuki mentioned in his backstory. Later Kureno’s curse breaking, everything changed.
After this point, instead of treating zodiac nicer, we see her treating them bad and constantly pushing the boundaries of the bond.
Now, coming back to your question and here’s the answer;
Self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Pygmalion effect, or Rosenthal effect, is a psychological phenomenon in which high expectations lead to improved performance in a given area. (source)
When a person really really believe that something will happen, unconciously they start to act like ‘that thing already happenned’ and they behave according it and they turn it to reality.
When Kureno’s curse broke, that was the point that Akito believed ‘zodiac will abandon me’, ‘curse will break’. An illogical belief that no matter how she behave, that she will still be abandonded.
This is why first thing she does is start begging Kureno to stay. Of course Kureno is shocked and confused cause he didnt even once thought to leave Akito behind? Then why Akito is so afraid? Why is she begging for him to stay to someone who dont even plan to leave at the beginning?
Akito didnt abuse/hurt zodiac because ‘she thought they wont be able to leave’. No, not really. Actually its opposite. This is a lie Akito told to herself, that she wont be abandonded. When we know she actually believe opposite.
She was not being evil or spoiled. She was afraid constantly insecure.
Which is what Tohru realized when she encountered with Akito, that she was always feeling insecure since the beginning of everything.
To make it simply, put yourself in her position. And imagine, you dont want to be lonely. And you are with someone right now. But you are sure that that someone will definitely abandon you one day. Knowing that that person will eventually sick of you, would you be able to stand still in relationship?
Well, no you dont. This is not a problem with other person. Its a problem with person’s own insecurities. They believe that they are unwanted, unnecessary, that noone actually love them, they will be abandonded. This is what feeling insecure means in relationship.
And when those ‘insecurities’ reached high level, then person starts to act that as they are already abandonded, before actually being abandonded. And they make some preaparations for that ‘future’ that didnt even happen yet and a future might not even happen. And people with fear of abandonment sabotage their heathy relationships without realizing it.
Its something like;
1- Person have illogical belief that they will it will happen; Akito’s fear of abandonment
2- Illogical belief effect actions; Akito's getting angry for zodiac for future abandonment/something didnt even happen yet
3- Your actions affects other person’s belief; ‘Akito doesnt like me thats why she is always angry’
4- Other person’s belief affects their actions; They start avoiding with interacting Akito.
5- Other person’ actions affect your belief; Akito ‘i knew it, they dont want me. They want to abandon me’.
You can actually say Akito was punishing zodiac cause they will abandon her anyway. When Akito became so sure of that noone will love her and they will abandon her, thats when she started hurting zodiac members. Thats when she starts risking the bond with letting Tohru live with zodiac, accepting Ren’s bet and other events. Its almost as she tries to break the curse, its almost as she wants zodiac to hate her.
Akito is constantly angry at zodiac members because she already decided in her mind that they will not like her and abandon her without ever actually giving a chance. This is how a person with extreme fear of abandonment act.
Which is why we see Akito as constantly unstable and angry, seeing any sign as threat of being abandonded, even its not pyshically, emotional abandonment. Its not that she didnt want them to be happy, she was couldnt catch up cause of her own insecurities.
This is why she was always mad at zodiac members cause she already decided in her mind that they dont want her. This is why Akito never give really chance to female zodiac's cause she already decided that they are same as Ren. This is why she was against Hatori's marriage. To her, it wasnt some lovely couple. She saw it as Hatori is abandoning her. Would he even call and visit Akito as usual, if he was married? Then same cycle kept continued with others.
Rin and Haru didnt even thinking marriage, they were just going out. Or Hiro and Kisa were not even going out. This is why we see Akito's lashing out to them. She always in her mind with thinking worst possibilty and acting as "worst possibilty already happenned".
Anyone can feel unsecure and sometimes, those insecurities increase and person might easiely become toxic without realizing it and yeah for other person, its hard but for people who have fear of abandonment, they are in hell too.
Actually, this type of behavours are more common than people thought. When a person decide bad thing will happen, they act according to it to justify what "might" happen to them, then they turn their biggest fear to reality. This is what we call "self fulfilling prophecy".
And Akito is not the only one who acts like this in fruits basket.
Characters like Rin and Kyo acts with similar mindset. As fandom, we tend to call them as tsunderes and ignoring their flaws cause they have tragic backstory, i wonder how many people actually thought why they acted like that.
Rin was abandonded by her family and have fear of abandonment, just like Akito. Despite this fear, she always push people around her, being rude to them. Even when someone treats them nice, she immediately give cold shoulder and speak harsh, why?
Because in her mind, Rin already decided that other person will reject her, sick of her, that they dont want her. Then instead of giving a chance to other person, she will reject them. Akito and Rin are actually reacting back to the rejection in their mind, acting as other person already abandonded.
Kyo is also same, as Cat, he was always rejected one in group. This is why he always speaks rude, lashing out to even people who never did anything wrong to him.
"When a person believe that something bad will happen, they tend to justify it", sohma place already decided that Kyo is bad guy monster, this is why he tried to act like one by blaming Yuki for something he didnt, even though he knew he was innocent.
Also important note that even Rin and Kyo werent insecure as Akito because Kyo had actual parental figure Kazuma and Rin had Haru whom she said ‘he wanted me’ while Akito had noone who actually wanted her.
This is how a person who is extreme fear of rejection/abandonment acts.
Did Akito ever tried?
If you look at her backstory, she clearly did.
Because when we look at Akito’s backtory, she seems very nice and kind kid. She was trying to communicate with Yuki, Haru and laughing with Kureno etc etc.
Was Akito right about her insecurities?
Yeah and no. Before Akito never did anything wrong, zodiac members still tend to avoiding her since the beginning, (ignorance is pyschlogical abuse too btw) they would probably still end up leaving her behind but you cant be fully sure of that. Life is full of surprises. Life is risk. You cant let the fear the control you, you need to let go. But we can say its pretty much normal her to feel insecure in those sitution, she had every right to feel scary, her insecurities makes sense a lot.
Why Akito didnt become people pleasure?
One of the most common behavours of fear of abandonment is being people pleasure. The reason Akito didnt become one, it wasnt really an option for her.
1- she is literally god and family head, she cant become some kind of people pleasure, otherwise people would starts to look down and badmouthing to her.
2- she is raised as tough/masculine. Children who are raised this way tend to hide their weakness, they even feel shame for being "weak" at first place. Basically it was impossible for Akito to be people pleasure.
Though, we have people pleasure in fruits basket.
Characters like Tohru, Momiji, Kureno. They are people pleasure. (This made me realize ‘foolish traveler is people pleasure too, lol.)
Tohru wasnt abandonded but parents death still might cause a fear of abandonment.This is why we see Tohru's constantly trying please people around her, unable to say no, neglect her own needs etc etc. And Momiji is abandonded by his parents too.He tends to show similar behavours as Tohru's, trying to make all group happy etc etc.
Though, in fruits basket, being people pleasure is shown as kindness while its important to remember, its not. Being people pleasure is unhealthy and just because people didnt express their fear of abandonment by being people pleasure, that doesnt mean they are not being kind. Saying that would be victim blaming cause not everyone's sitution is same.
Series would probably tried to show that kindness can eventually reach to people and change things but well, being people pleasure isnt kindness and if you ever become people pleasure in relationship, the other person would also being cold towards you snd abandon you in the end because you cant expect people to realize your "sacrifice" that they never asked for, they will get tired, starts loosing respect towards you and leave you.
The more you afraid of something, the more it will turn to Real.
And as last, why Akito's actions were extreme?
I think Akito shouldnt be put in same sitution as real life abuser because
1- she had weird supernatural power that turning her words to abuse (if she didnt have this power, zodiac wouldnt care her mean words and "abuse" wouldnt happenned.)
2- she is literally cult leader who was told that she can do whatever she wants with them, making her unable to see consequences of her actions... she is literally conditioned to be abuser by both her weird power and environment.
So if she wasnt god and cult leader, she would be most likely Rin and Kyo and her interactions with people would be similar to their interactions with people so.
And i already wrote in here but still a quote from a psychiatrist;
Adopted child feels it inside, even she doesnt know it. When she first opened her eyes to the life, she was abandonded once, then she waits for exact moment again. Unconciously, she does the things that make other people angry, pushing their boundaries and she waits. ‘Will he leave me?’ She test what she knows the best, over and over again. First adoptive mother, later lover…’My own mother abandonded me, why wouldnt you?’
- Kırmızı Oda. (Red Room). Episode 45.
Moral of story; Self love is key to everything.
