Retrograde — Tom Holland AU
*ON AN INDEFINITE HIATUS*
PAIRING: Frat!Tom x Fem!Reader
WARNINGS: underage drinking, language, implied smut, depictions of social anxiety, panic attacks, insecurities, & depression
He’s an egotistical frat boy with a not-so-sparkling reputation. You’re a socially anxious girl with your head in the books. What happens when a rambunctious party, a full-on panic attack, and a vomit-filled trash bin bring two completely different twenty-somethings to cross paths?
CHAPTERS:
(1) here ∥ (2) porcelain ∥
LINKS:
masterlist — series moodboards — add yourself to my taglist!
“SO, do you think that Noah feels something for the MC?”
i feel like fusebox is trying to pull another jake situation where we’ll get to couple up w noah a few days before the finale. but idk?
Yeah, I’m sure that’s what they’re getting at too.
Unfortunately they’ve missed the mark this season I think. Jake worked as a slow-burn LI because:
He didn’t have somebody he was attached to. Noah saying shit like “I’ll always keep trying as long as you want me to” to Hope doesn’t exactly inspire faith. It jut kind of hurts and makes us look like idiots.
He didn’t have somebody who was attached to him. The thing I hate about Noah’s route the most is that it forces you to be snakey about it. You kiss him without talking to Hope first/while yo’re coupled up with someone else. There’s no way to just be straight up with Hope and say “look, I have feels for him” and compete fair and square. You can’t go after him and still have a moral character.
There wasn’t a better option in the villa (apart from Tahlia). MC had good cause to dump Levi/Mason after everything and be with Jake without feeling guilty, but we don’t have that luxury this season. Especially with Bobby and the Casa boys, we have absolutely no good reason to dump them for Noah (and the game basically forces you into a relationship with somebody else where you have to hurt their feelings.
Jake never really had the chance to couple up with us. There was always someone else we were interested in or he couldn't pick us first. With Noah, before now, it was always Hope picking him, or us being picked by someone else first. Even the Blake thing I can justify in my head. But there’s really no excuse for Day 22. He knew how we felt, he picked first, and he picked her. And while I understand his reasons, it’s very hard to justify pursuing him after that. We can only swallow our pride so much.
No matter how I think about it, the only truly satisfying way they can tie up Noah’s route now is if it comes out that Hope’s been playing him all along, and so he’s free to pick who he wishes without guilt. And honestly i can’t say I’d actually like that, because despite everything I’d rather them not turn her into a straight up villain.
I think this is more realistic than the Jake situation, definitely (i mean how many times have you said you’re done with someone and then immediately forgiven them in the next sentence for no good reason), but it’s much harder to play.
In conclusion: Noah’s route is a mess and I wouldn’t put up with it for anyone except him.
God this is hard I love so many blogs to death but I’ve a few people on notifications and that’s the blogs my tired brain can think of rn. They’re all amazing people with lovely blogs and wonderful creations which you should check out and I love them dearly so here’s my shoutout 💕@charlieweesley@grangr@dawnsapphic@teddylupixn@gnargls
summary: the time spent in the villa is rapidly dwindling and continuously watching the man collins is inevitably falling for with another woman has finally caused the cracks in her heart to give way and crumble and there is absolutely nothing she can do to stop it.
warnings: angst?, a lil fluff, some steamy kisses (whoops)
wc: 2.8k+
a/n: just a warning that i kinda suck at writing angst and arguments so i’m genuinely sorry if this is terrible. this was my first time writing noah, obviously, and i really tried to do his character justice so i’m sorry if you think he’s out of character at times. he’s a tough one to write, honestly, but i had a ton of fun! i hope you guys like it as much as i liked writing it.
(side note: the title is a song by andrew james bc i love it so much lol. it’s not necessarily based off the lyrics; i just liked the title.)
masterlist // taglist
Never before had Collins experienced such a gut-wrenching ache in her chest until she was forced into watching the man of her dreams cradle and hum sweet-nothings to another woman. It was etched into the insides of her eyelids and each time she squeezed her baby blues shut she could vividly picture the most minuscule of details from earlier that day; she remembered the paths his fingertips traced along the length of her friend’s spine, the way his massive hands cupped her jaw with the tenderest of care, how his honey colored irises melted into a softer caramel color as he looked down at her clinging to his strong body.
A thrumming throb pulsated through the beating organ in her chest and the ginger-haired girl instinctively clutched her half-empty glass of sangria tighter. Shaky fingers danced over the area above her heart, rubbing gently with a tiny whimper as if a simple touch would rid herself of the pain she felt. Hot pools of tears gathered in the lower rims of her eyes and a stuttered breath was all it took for them to plummet down her makeup-covered cheeks, leaving messy trails in their wake and destroying the cosmetics she had worked hard to apply.
Tucking her knees even tighter to her chest in the hopes of shielding her wet face, Collins sunk further into the plush daybed and tried not to think about how utterly alone she truly felt. It was an impossible feat for the extremely sensitive girl and once the thought wriggled its way into the forefront of her mind it brought with it a fresh wave of tears to coat her face and lips in salt. As furiously as she attempted to fight her emotions, they had finally won and she allowed her head to bow forward until her forehead pressed against her bare knees and her small frame shook with the force of her cries.
Pursuing Noah had jeopardized multiple friendships that Collins had created with the girls and the only friends she felt that she had remaining lied with the boys. No, her relationships with each girl wasn’t completely in tarnishes, but it seemed that not one of them supported her in her feelings for the tall librarian. The one girl she had come to confide in, the one that understood and encouraged her, had been sent packing and left the Villa with necks craned to watch her go just as she had come. With Priya gone, Collins had found comfort in the sweet, sweet boys she had met weeks ago on the lawn and although they were incredible, she craved the company of other girls. Boys were programmed differently and sometimes all she wanted was the familiarity of giggling over drinks and whispered gossip.
A soft pattering of feet jolted Collins back down to her miserable reality and with a newfound haste she swiped the tears away and took a long sip of her sangria to act as if she hadn’t been sobbing miserably moments before. However, when her gaze fell onto the tan-skinned boy she’d been crying over the poor girl knew he’d be able to see straight through her little façade. Suddenly the floating fruits in her glass became very fascinating and as she felt him sit near her feet, she channeled all her remaining energy into focusing on the lingering sweet taste on her tongue from the combination of wine, brandy, and fruit.
A beat of silence passed and Collins blue irises drank in the way his bare, muscular chest heaved as he sighed heavily. “M’ sorry about earlier,” He murmured and she felt her muscles almost instinctively relax at his low, smooth rasp of a voice. It acted like a warm blanket after an exhausting day. “You didn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve any of this.”
She could feel the intensity with which Noah looked at her, his hot chocolate colored eyes burning straight through her flesh and leaving nothing unseen or untouched. He had always been a stickler for eye contact each time they’d spoken so it shouldn’t have surprised the redhead when his hot palm wrapped around her calf, his digits splaying over her pale skin whilst his thumb stroked small circles over her shin bone. But for some unknown reason she still found herself breathing in sharply and had to coax her lungs to keep functioning.
“Look at me, please,” Noah begged gently with a squeeze to her calf.
Collins despised herself for being so weak when it came to him - how such simple actions and words were her ultimate undoing. She’d do whatever he asked of her as long as he kept touching her the way he was and speaking with the tenderest tone of voice. That instance was no different and she ripped her attention from the tiny bubbles in her drink to look him in the eye.
The circles he traced on her shin halted and she sunk further into the pillows littering the daybed behind her once she saw his expression morphing before her. Noah’s honeyed irises darted over her swollen eyelids, then dipped lower to the salty tracks on her pretty pink cheeks, and finally to her puffy bottom lip where she had furiously bitten down on it to muffle her cries. All it had taken was mere seconds for his entire face to fall and for a look of devastation to wash over his gorgeous features and Collins’ heart throbbed painfully once more.
“I made you cry?” He asked carefully, softly.
Curling her painted toes into the mattress until it was almost painful, she struggled to remain eye contact through the pain reverberating through her chest cavity. “It’s okay.” Collins shrugged and her gaze darted away for a split second as she took a shaky breath. “I needed a good cry anyway.”
The blazing heat wafting from Noah’s palm disappeared from her leg and she missed it after only seconds of being without it. She dug her toes into the sheet beneath her again to refrain from stretching her leg out to press against his warm, bare back and sucked in a deep breath as an attempt to clear her racing thoughts. Collins’ teeth clashed against the glass cup when she practically inhaled a large gulp of her deep red alcoholic beverage and shifted her attention to the gorgeous man sitting beside her.
Noah’s tall, lithe form hunched over, elbows resting on his knees, and tugged on his chocolate brown locks out of frustration. “It’s not okay, Collins,” He growled roughly and sat up straight to meet her gaze with an intensity that made her shy away instinctively.
The ginger-haired girl only transposed her focus elsewhere for a few seconds before she felt - and heard - him shuffle closer until he no longer sat near her feet but close enough to pull her into his arms if he desired. Collins presumed he was simply moving closer with no further intentions, but then his warm palm cupped her jawline and his fingers sunk into her red hair and she swore her heart ceased its beating.
Guiding her face to look at him again, Noah managed a small, sweet smile and Collins melted into his touch despite the scorching ball of anger in her belly that she wanted to spew at him. “It’s not okay, honey,” He hummed quietly and the soft glint in his molten colored eyes made her want to shiver. “I’ve been an absolute div, haven’t I?”
Honey. Honey. Honey.
The sweet, attentive pet name made Collins’ tummy do all sorts of acrobatic routines and she was positively certain her cheeks were coated in a bright red blush. God, all she wanted to do was fall into his strong arms and kiss him without having any restrictions or scandalous secrecy; she wanted to kiss him whenever she yearned to and feel the racing drum of his heart beating out of the space behind his ribs, but she knew that it simply wasn’t possible. Her silly fantasy would never become her reality because the man she was falling in love with was falling for someone else.
Turning away from him abruptly, Noah’s hand dropped and Collins quickly slung her legs over the edge of the daybed and darted towards the kitchen, her glass of sangria sloshing with the haste of her movements. The rampant butterflies in her belly died as soon as they’d come and as she tossed the leftover fruit from her cup to dump the blood red liquid down the sink, a heavy wave of exhaustion settled into her bones. She knew sleep wouldn’t come anytime soon for her that night and it was all because of the tall boy that had followed after her on her heels the entire time.
She rubbed at the spot between her furrowed brows and sighed tiredly. “I’m so tired, Noah,” She began dejectedly. “One minute you’re talking about Hope like she’s the woman you’ll end up marrying and then the next you’re...y-”
“The next I’m what?” Noah interrupted, urging the redhead to finish as he moved in closer to where she leaned back against the counter.
Collins breath caught in her throat when his hands gripped the granite on either side of her body, effectively pinning her against the cabinets. She had to crane her neck upwards to catch his eye before she continued.
“Then the next you’re calling me ‘honey’ and...touching me with that stupid look in your eyes and making me feel like I’m the only woman in the world.” Her voice was shaky, dropping in and out like a receiver with a bad connection, and she felt her nose burn with an onslaught of frustrated tears. Her fists thumped against his exposed pectorals and she shoved forcefully, letting out a helpless cry when he barely moved at all. “Is this a game to you, Noah? What do you want, huh? What do you want fr-”
Noah’s lips captured Collins’ in a heated kiss, effectively cutting her off mid-rant. She had always caught glimpses of an underlying intensity and heat around him with stolen glances radiating unspoken lust, but had never experienced it unadulterated. He devoured her, tugging her tangled tresses to tilt her chin up for better access to her mouth whilst his opposite held her jaw tight enough to keep her exactly where he wanted her. It was hot and possessive and when she submissively parted her lips with a soft whine to accommodate for his tongue, it took every ounce of his willpower to separate from her with a wet smack.
Panting, staggered breaths filled what little space was between them and for a split second Collins allowed herself to revel in Noah’s hips pinning her to the cabinets and his fingers gently pulling at her hair; she selfishly indulged in how her lips tingled and how the taste of a sweet chocolate lingered on her tongue from his own swiping along hers. For a throbbing millisecond all she wanted was to taste that rich chocolate in his mouth again, but the guilty knot in her tummy twisted painfully and that red-hot anger sparked once again.
Collins pushed against his pecs once more and that time Noah obliged, letting her shove him away even though every bone in his body ached to keep touching her. Frustrated tears clouded her vision and his figure blurred before her as an annoyed groan ripped through her throat.
“You can’t just do that, Noah. You can’t just kiss me to make everything better!” She hissed bitterly and angrily swiped at the stupid tears dripping down her face, her body completely betraying her right in front of him. “You and Hope are back together and I don’t want to be your second choice. I don’t deserve that.”
“M’sorry.” Noah scrubbed a hand against the back of his neck and hung his head like a scolded puppy. “I’m just...trying to figure out what I want.”
Her heart clenched agonizingly and the images of Hope wrapped around him earlier in the day flashed before her. She could hardly bear to look at him as she croaked out, “I think it’s pretty clear what you want.”
A panicked twinge passed through his chest, suddenly feeling as though the ginger-haired girl he had blossoming feelings for was ending things before they had a chance to begin. The mere idea had Noah reaching out to glide his knuckles across her highlighted cheekbones, but she jerked away before he could even graze her soft skin and the twinge in his thumping heart amplified tenfold.
“No, honey, I-”
“Don’t call me that!” Collins cried. She knew her angry resolve would weaken at that sweet term of endearment and that was the last thing she wanted.
He sighed and whispered yet another apology, desperately trying to diffuse the growing tension settling in the kitchen. “Collins, please just hear me out, okay?” He begged and her beat of silence spurred him on. “I-I can’t just end it with Hope. You know that.”
“Why not, Noah?” She spat and instantly hated how he flinched at her hostile tone. “What—you just want to have your cake and eat it too, huh?”
“Fuckin’ hell,” He growled, beginning to get irritated with the way she kept putting words into his mouth. “You know I’m not that type of guy.”
“Do I?” She threw back in seconds. “Because since we’ve been in the Villa all you’ve been doing is stringing my feelings along.”
“That was never my intention. You have to understand that.” He took a few tentative steps towards her and seeing no visible reaction to suggest he shouldn’t, he proceeded to move closer until he was close enough to reach out and touch her. He felt his expression softening and as a last attempt, he slid his thumb along the length of her jaw with feather-like pressure and relaxed as she allowed it. “I’m crazy about you and I don’t want to lose you before I’ve even had you.”
“So what are you gonna do?” Collins asked and Noah despised the resigned lilt in her pretty accent. “Go back to Hope and keep acting like everything’s fine? Like you’re happy?”
“I promise I’m going to fix this.” He increased the pressure of his thumb and palm against her jaw, fully cupping the sharp bone. He relished in the sight of her subtly tilting further into him, a tender adoration settling in every crevice of his joints. “Don’t give up on me, honey. Please.”
“Noah…”
It was a meek, broken whisper of protest as the tall boy began to pull her face upwards until their lips ghosted against one another’s. When he breathed another incredibly vulnerable and wrecked plea to “please not give up on him” against her parted mouth, Collins tipped over the edge and pulled him down by the back of his neck. Their lips met roughly and the guttural groan her action pulled from deep in his throat only encouraged her to tilt her head further, deepening their passionate exchange.
Her head spun and before her brain had the chance to catch up, Noah had bowed forward, one of his ridiculously large hands sliding down the expanse of her sides to cup her bum possessively. The warmth of his palm easily bled through the thin material of her pajama shorts and she barely had time to soak up how good it felt for him to touch her like that before he squeezed her bottom appreciatively. Her gasp elicited the sexiest smirk from him and he took her parted lips as an opportunity to glide his tongue against all the places that made her keen.
They broke apart much too soon for Collins’ taste and she whimpered pathetically, pushing up onto the tips of her toes to chase his lips; she really couldn’t handle how swollen they looked, all slick from her tongue’s endeavors.
To Collins’ dismay, Noah chuckled huskily and tilted his chin up which put his lips out of her reach.
“Um, rude?” She scoffed and lightly pushed at his muscular pectorals.
“Have to keep you wanting more, don’t I?” He hummed, his honeyed irises twinkling mischievously and she understood why immediately as a muffled ‘smack!’ met her backside before he pulled away completely.
“Noah!” Collins squealed. She was sure her face was the exact shade of her hair.
He laughed, full-on and boisterous, and the sight was so pretty that it stole the breath from her lungs. Noah reached out to tangle their digits together and tugged her in the direction of the communal bedroom, bubbles of laughter continuing to shake his broad shoulders.
“C’mon, honey. Let’s go to bed.”
They clutched onto one another for as long as they could, only dropping hands once they reached the bedroom and ultimately split ways. Noah was swept away by Hope, his feet having barely crossed the threshold, and Collins drifted towards an empty bed to sleep alone.
Things certainly weren’t perfect for the girl, but as she curled up under toasty sheets, she clung onto his whispered promise and let sleep overtake her with the dreams of her future circling her head.
summary: rain is steadily falling outside whilst you and carlisle are in his office; he is working on hospital paperwork and you are reading a book, but both of you get distracted by one another.
warnings: sex innuendos, a little steaming of the windows if ya catch my drift ;) & fluff fluff fluff obvi
word count: 1,027 (super short im so sorry)
a/n: i swear i didn’t mean for this to get as steamy as it does but carlisle is a total daddy and i couldn’t help myself. btw the ending is a little iffy but i wasn’t really sure how to end it so oh well
masterlist // taglist
Carlisle’s office was your favorite place to reside. It was the only room in the home to have a window seat and it was the perfect, most serene spot to sit with a book in hand. Your fondness of the window seat heightened on days when it rained and you found yourself perched in your spot on one of those many days in Forks, Washington.
A steady rain fell at just the right intensity, creating a soothing sound as it collided with the glass; it was tempting to let the melody lull you to a dreamless sleep, but you were too determined to finish the book in your lap. You leaned your head against the cold glass window, the cool temperature bringing with it a sense of pleasure and bid adieu to the fatigue. Your fingers fiddled with the pages and corners of the novel, a habit you had always found yourself doing whilst you read. Just as your eyes skimmed the last few words inked into the yellowing page, you grew distracted by something - or someone - in your peripheral vision.
Lifting your head a bit from the chilled glass, you glanced over to find a pair of ocher-colored eyes already settled on you. A pleasurable shiver went down your spine and red painted your cheeks, much to Carlisle’s delight. At the sight of his adoring smile, one of your own lifted the corners of your mouth a tiny bit - one of the shy grins that Carlisle found endearing.
“What?” You inquired lightly, a small and shy smile worn on your lips.
“I’m admiring the beautiful view.” His gaze remained steady on your flushed face; he couldn’t look away from you if he tried.
Sucking in your cheeks to hold a smile back, you shifted closer to the window and pressed the blazing skin of your forehead against the cold glass once more. Carlisle’s figure fell into your peripherals and your gaze shifted back to the open book that rested on your thighs; you tried with all of your strength to ignore the musical laughter emitting from your left and focus on the story in front of you. The words inked onto the pages flew over your head when you attempted to read them and as you squirmed under Carlisle’s scorching gaze, he sat behind his desk with his hands clasped over his large grin in delight at his effect on you.
Self-control had always been the one thing that Carlisle prided himself on; however, restraining his desires when it came down to you were much, much more strenuous. Not only did the blood that reddened your cheeks smell delectable, but your subtle fragrance of a warm vanilla drove the urge even deeper. His body felt as if it were pulled to yours, tethered together by an invisible string, so with impeccable grace and the agility of a cat he was up and on his feet and across the room within the blink of an eye.
Hooking a finger onto the spine of the book crammed in your face, Carlisle gently tugged it from your grasp and dog-eared your page. Your little whine in protest as he tossed the book aside brought a smile to his face, but when his attention finally settled on you curled against the window it became a full-fledged grin. Your head was tipped all the way up to catch his eye and his hands instinctively came to rest just below your jaw, long fingers curling around the back of your neck and into your hair; you found yourself holding your breath as he lowered his lips to yours, your top lip slotting perfectly between the two of his — like two puzzle pieces coming together to complete a beautiful picture.
In one fluid motion, Carlisle picked you up from where you sat on the window seat and your legs encircled his slender body whilst he continued to kiss you. Your fingers slid around his neck and buried themselves into his neat hair, tugging lightly to elicit a deep, husky groan into your mouth — just like you wanted. The cheek-splitting grin that slowly stretched across your face, pleased at your blatant effect on the man you were wrapped around, caused the kiss to break with a quiet little ‘pop’.
Carlisle’s head was tilted back just slightly as you were a bit higher up than him as he held you and the look of utter adoration he was sending you was very clear. Your feet finally hit the cold hardwood floor and he promptly pulled you flush to him by your waist, that soft smile reserved just for you worn proudly on his pink lips. “Little minx,” He muttered, the timbre of his voice rough and raspy.
You decided to be a bit mischievous and tug his blonde locks again; a low growl vibrated Carlisle’s chest against yours and when he dipped lower to brush his lips against the shell of your ear and said, “Careful, little one,” you felt a shiver ripple down your spine.
Biting back a smile, you innocently pecked his lips once and pulled back enough to breathe normally. The entire exchange had ignited a heat inside you and even though you were only dressed in a little sundress you were still really, really hot.
“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” You inquired innocently and fiddled with the buttons on his nice dress shirt.
A euphonic chuckle rumbled through him and he tightened his arms around your frame, arching your back until he nearly held you up all on his own. With his nose brushing yours and a tender grin, he hummed, “I needed some of my angel’s kisses to keep me going first.”
“You’re literally a vampire, sweet,” You jokingly remind him with a laugh, though inside your tummy was completely rampant with butterflies.
“I’ll always need your kisses — no matter what, angel.”
“Well I’m really, really glad,” You whispered against his mouth.
And Carlisle wasted no time in descending his lips onto yours again.
He had done many, many things over his thousands of years but the one thing he had done absolutely right was you.
— hanging onto his every word because you adored his subtle, but sometimes thick, southern drawl.
— him enunciating his words to make it sound thicker
— you are insanely infatuated with him
— he loves every second of it, wearing a small smirk all the while
— his nose buried in your hair; he loves breathing in your scent
— his head on your chest; the sound of your heart beating comforts him like none other
— your fingers raking through his long locks
— listening to him open up about his past as a soldier
— feeling your heart ache at the pain behind his topaz eyes
— you being a bit uneducated about history (and rather uninterested)
— he begins to call you ‘little girl’ at your lack of knowledge & experience in life
— the pet name sticks much to your dismay
— “i am not a little girl, jasper!”
— “march 5th, 1770. what historical event was that, my love?”
— “jasper, you’re a dick.”
— “such a dirty mouth for such a little girl.”
— nearly puking your guts out when the time came to meet his family
— him having to calm you down with his power a lot
— dancing around his bedroom to very old records he owns
— he teaches you to dance since he’s an excellent dancer
— you’re incredibly clumsy, especially around jasper
— he thinks it’s highly amusing & only embarrasses you more when he gracefully catches you or swiftly retrieves something you dropped
— him catching you off guard a lot
— he likes to dip you nearly to the floor & kiss you unexpectedly
— it never gets old & it makes you feel cherished each time he does it
— catching alice gazing at the two of you, smiling as she sees visions of the future
— when he proposes, alice sees the vision & spoils it as she’s horrible at keeping secrets
— cheesy, lame vampire jokes
— “i heard being a vampire really sucks.”
— “you’re horrible at jokes, little girl.”
— but he actually is quite fond of them since they make you laugh
— teasing him about sparkling in the sun
— “shine bright like a diamond, jas!”
— those remarks often end up with you trying to outrun him, but obviously failing
— him watching you sleep; he loves seeing you look so peaceful
— he calls you darlin’ 24/7
— you love it because his accent grows thicker
— he’s a huge sap
— him handling you with impeccable care, as if you’re made of glass
ok idk how i’ve never really noticed or cared about jasper in the twilight series and i’m so pissed at myself because he’s actually so great and attractive
