I used to date someone who was closeted and living with their very religious, controlling, and unreasonable parents, and it was a really rough situation for them. I met them with empathy because I know how hard that situation must have been, and I always deferred to that feeling when being kept a secret and never getting to spend time with my partner started weighing too hard on me. I told myself that the imbalance of emotional support made sense because my partner was objectively in a way worse situation than me, and so I ended up in a place where because my own struggles were not as bad, I felt like they were not worth discussing. I was not treated the way I deserved because I didn't ask for it. I cut my partner too much slack because I had empathy for them even when their behaviour was negatively impacting me.
We've been broken up for a year now, and I'm dating again. I know my worth and I understand my needs. I'm doing a lot better. So, to whoever needs to hear it: the size of a problem does not determine its validity. You do not need to stay with someone if the relationship is not good for you, whether they have a reason for treating you badly or not. Having empathy for someone does not mean you can't put yourself and your wellbeing first. And don't settle for someone who treats you like shit just because you think it could be your only chance.
that sounds like a really tough situation and decision! sounds like a lot of growth has happened too <3