#questioning frayromantic

[raavenb2619]

Hi! I love your blog! I just wanted to ask you something. Is there a term for someone who is usually demiromantic but sometimes (rarely) they catch feelings fast or are in love at first sight?

Hm, I don’t know of a specific term for this. Followers/rebloggers, feel free to suggest terms in the notes!

If you notice there’s a gender component to it, you could use multiple gender labels, like demiheteroromantic and frayhomoromantic. You could also probably just call yourself demiromantic since it does a pretty good (if not perfect) job of describing your experiences. You could also go with grayromantic or aromantic if you want, since both can be used as umbrella labels. 

[raavenb2619]

i relate to a lot of aro situations (like when people ask you who you have a crush on but you don't have a crush on anybody so youre just. sitting there uncomfortably) but i don't think i'm aro cause i like romantic things and i can picture myself being romantic with people (no one specific). is there a term for that?

Yes, but it’s worth pointing out that all of that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not aromantic. Aros can be romance favorable, romance indifferent, romance repulsed, or none of the above (and they’re all equally aro). Similarly, some aros enjoy fantasizing about romantic scenarios in part because it’s all happening in your head which means it can feel safer and you can stop whenever you want for any reason if you’re ever uncomfortable. 

If you’re thinking you might be aro, these resources helped me realize I was aro (and btw you can still be aro if you don’t relate to everything there). They might be aroace-centric, and you haven’t mentioned anything about sexual orientation or attraction, so if you’re allosexual and possibly aromantic, this could be helpful, too. 

If you do more reading but you don’t think you’re aro, here are a few other terms that might be helpful: grayromantic, demiromantic, frayromantic, cupioromantic. 

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions. 

[raavenb2619]

Sexuality is confusing, I'm stuck because I get crushes but once I'm in a relationship, though I've only had about two, I freak out because I just don't feel anything, I don't know if I'm aro or just have commitment issues

If you notice that your crushes fade/go away after you’ve gotten to know someone better, you might be frayromantic. If you notice that your crushes fade/go away when your feelings are reciprocated by someone, you might be lithromantic/akoiromantic. These identities fall under the aromantic umbrella, so if you think you might be one of them (or another identity under the umbrella), you can call yourself aromantic. If you want, feel free to test drive one of these identities and see how it feels. When I was figuring out if I was aro, I didn’t actually know 100% until I tried on the label for a bit, so it can definitely help. 

If you find that relationships are unpleasant/you don’t want to be in one, you don’t have to. Society tries to promote the idea that everyone needs a relationship/partner, but that’s not true. So feel free to spend some time getting to know yourself better without the pressure of getting into or being in a relationship. In fact, if you find that you dislike being in a relationship, I’d encourage you to ignore the pressure to be in one and just do what’s best and healthiest for yourself. 

Figuring out your orientation can be super tricky because attraction and orientation and relationships can be super complicated and confusing. So if you’re unsure or questioning, that’s totally fine. Take your time if you want, and don’t feel like you have to figure this stuff out right away. Maybe you’ll find a label you like at some point, or maybe you won’t. Either way, you’ll still be valid. 

Hope that helps, as always, feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.