#questioning greyro

[questioning-culture-is]

Do you or anyone else have insight about figuring out if you’re greyromantic?

I'm not sure how much I can help you there, but maybe looking at @greyromantic-culture-is, @questioning-aspec-culture-is and similar blogs might help you!!

[raavenb2619]

i thought i was aro for a while but there's this g i r l and she's so pretty and i love her and i pretty much fit all the symptoms of a crush but she's been my only ever crush ever and i can't see it happening again to anyone else so does that fit the category of greyromantic or am i allo (im not even 14 btw i turn 14 in a couple days so my youth could be a factor and maybe i just was young before)

I can’t tell you what your orientation is, because the only person who can determine that is you. That said, here’re some things that might help. 

Many aros (myself included) used to mistake non-romantic attraction (most often platonic attraction) as romantic attraction. If you think that’s possible, this ask might help you to figure things out some. But let’s say that you really are romantically attracted to this girl. I’m not grayromantic so I can’t speak directly to grayromantic experiences, but it certainly sounds to me like you might be grayromantic. Grayromantic can be used as a specific label, but it can also be used as an umbrella label that encompasses other terms like demiromantic, frayromantic, lithromantic, recipromantic, and more; you can look into other labels, but you don’t have to. (And you can use multiple labels at the same time, like calling yourself lithromantic, greyromantic, and aromantic.) 

With regards to age, I don’t think you’re too young to know your orientation, for a couple of reasons. First, no one would tell a straight person that they’re too young to know they’re straight, so saying that to someone else because they’re not straight is a double standard. Second, people seem to first start experiencing sexual attraction when they’re about 10, and judging by the informal anecdotes of alloros, romantic attraction follows a similar pattern. Thus, I think it’s reasonable to say that most people your age have already experienced romantic attraction. Third, you can actually do your own comparison between your experiences and those of your peers. If you know people your age are experiencing romantic attraction (especially if they seem to be experiencing it more intensely, more frequently, and/or to more people than you) in a way that doesn’t match your experiences, that can suggest that you’re grayromantic. 

Finally, I don’t think that your age should hold you back from using terms that resonate with you, even if they might not be the terms you use forever. I used to think I was heteroromantic (back when I still thought I was cis). Then I thought I was demiromantic, then either quoiromantic or platoniromantic, and then I settled on aromantic. Aside from aromantic, I don’t use any of those labels anymore, because they aren’t right for me anymore, but there was a time when they really were the best label for me. I knew “aromantic” was a term and could have used it from the start, but I genuinely didn’t think I was aro, so it wouldn’t have been helpful. So, if you start calling yourself greyromantic, is there a change you’ll stop at some point? Sure, but there’s also a chance you’ll stick with that label for a long time (maybe even forever), and if you do switch to a different label, there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, moving between different labels is part of the questioning experience, and that’s okay. 

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions. 

[questioning-culture-is]

questioning greyaro culture is going on a long search to prove that having only 4 crushes doesn't make you any less greyaro. Then going like fuck it, if you really feel like it describes you and you've been this excited over the possibility to be this then stop torturing yourself over the frequency part of the definition. Especially when it's a umbrella term to describe they grey area between allo and aro (correct me if I'm wrong)

Sksksk Idk it's been a ride.

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[questioning-culture-is]

Questioning lesbian(?)/greyro(?) culture is wondering if you don’t get or have a lot of crushes because you’re greyro or if it’s because you’ve been mentally blocking your attraction to women all this time. Or both

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[raavenb2619]

The only time I’ve ever wanted to actively pursue a relationship is with the person I am currently dating. Otherwise, I haven’t really had any romantic inclinations - another way to describe would be that my romantic orientation just kind of feels ‘eh’. Like, I could see myself not dating anyone in the future if I weren’t with my current partner, whom I love very deeply, which is an out of the ordinary feeling for me, I think. So, would grey-romantic or some other label cover this? (1/2?)

(2/2) Also, if I were theoretically asexual (I’m still not sure yet), but I experience aesthetic attraction to people of all genders, is an ‘oriented ace’ a thing that exists, or would I just call myself ace and be like ‘yeah people can still *look* good to me’? Thank you!!

Yep, grey-romantic (also spelled gray-romantic, grayromantic, etc.) is definitely a possibility. Depending on how you experience romantic attraction, you might also find the term “demiromantic” (doesn’t experience romantic attraction until a strong emotional bond is formed) helpful. 

“Oriented aroace” and “angled aroace” are terms that some people use to give an orientation label like straight, gay, bi, pan, etc to non-sexual, non-romantic attraction they experience. You could definitely call yourself a pan-oriented greyromantic ace, if you want, but you can also use terminology like panaesthetic greyro ace, pan greyromantic ace, etc. You also don’t have to specify an orientation label for aesthetic attraction (or any other kind of attraction, for that matter); my personal philosophy is that labels are tools we use to understand ourselves and how our experiences relate to those of other people, so the choice of labels is very much an individual one. 

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.