#quiet rambles

[the-quiet-fire-of-defiance]

Somehow, the childlessness of Tarannon was associated with the Cats of Queen Berúthiel, though the way in which the cats had affected Tarannon was unknown.

we really skip over this as a fandom but i love the potential implications here. ‘the way in which in the cats affected tarannon was unknown’ yeah buddy if i became infertile due to feline violence i would also make sure no-one ever knew the details

[princekaiofstars]

Seeing all this Callyieverse earth content hitting my dash……

*looks at the angel baby boy of my eyes Kingsley*

“It would be good content, it would be great even. THE KINGSLEY STANS COULD EAT *I could aggressively [REDACTED FOR LEGAL REASONS]!!”

My better judgment: “BUT WE ALREADY HAVE SO MUCH STUFF! YOU CANT KEEP DOING THIS!!”

[quietrainfan]

Thinking back on it, Patton's line "That side of you is a beautiful part of yourself, you shouldn't let it go for anything." at the end of SvS is...really eerie. Like, by itself it really isn't that bad. But considering the amount of guilt-tripping he does during the episode (and let's not forget his shady action under oath) and the fact that Thomas is giving up on something that he's very clearly devastated about giving up (look at Roman's reaction, Patton is all smiles nonetheless). What this implies is kind of unsettling. 

Patton is the center of Thomas's emotions, meaning Thomas feels obligated to go to the wedding despite knowing he truly wants to attend the callback. Patton spends the whole episode feeding into that feeling of obligation despite knowing what he really wants, coming up with every flimsy argument he can think of to come to the conclusion he wants knowing fully well how much Thomas is itching to go to the callback. He's actively putting his ideal vision of Thomas/his friend's opinion of him over Thomas himself. What's best for his happiness vs someone's outside perspective. He knows how badly this is hurting him, he can feel it but he is actively ignoring it. He's disregarding apart of his emotions despite being his emotions. Patton is only paying attention to part of his feelings that make him feel comfortable and that conform to his ideal emotions that he thinks are okay, ignoring the "bad" ones (aka ones that he doesn't approve of). Then...he says that.

"Beautiful part of yourself." He literally respresents his morality, he's essentially patting himself on the back for having the feeling of obligation to make others happy without regarding what it will do for his emotional health (aka Thomas's). "You shouldn't let it go for anything."

"You should appeal to only me, I'm the best aspect of yourself. Therefore, even if it makes you happy, even if it improves your life, even if there are opportunities to help others in the future, I won't be okay with it unless it involves helping someone else." 

Idk, it just gives off really creepy vibes. Maybe it's just my Unsympathetic!Patton loving brain but it feels almost...self-centered and possessive??? Idk, just the more I think about it from this perspective it just feels uncomfortable and gets creepier by the second.

[shitsquiettime]

Okay okay okay, I won't post any more Night in The Woods stuff here on my main blog (I don't wanna spoil any of it for those of you who are watching Jack play it) I'll hop over to my personal blog to do that, but you guys... Seriously... Holy fucking titties on taters is it a good game. I love it.

[the-quiet-fire-of-defiance]

Any Maedhros headcanons?

So many that I wasn't sure where to even begin!

In general my headcanons tend to be very flexible. I like exploring different possibilities, so nothing's really fixed in my head. But I do tend to be relatively constant with things like characterisation, and there's certainly some headcanons that are more set than others.

I've written before about Maedhros's feelings on his amputation and prosthetics. I also believe in some of the common headcanons/fanons out there, like the idea that the Oath was a real tangible curse or the idea that Maedhros really believed and hoped that he was going to the Everlasting Dark at the end.

I have two other Maedhros headcanons that I’m particularly fond of, but I’ll put the second one under the cut for length.

.

1. Elrond and Maedhros were very close; closer than Elrond and Maglor or Elros and Maedhros.

My headcanon here is influenced by three things.

First, given the complicated circumstances, I think their relationship is utterly fascinating. So is the relationship between the twins and Maglor of course, but there's something even more compelling about the relationship with Maedhros because of his role as the leader of the Sons of Feanor.

Secondly, it's definitely influenced by this quote from the first draft of the Quenta Noldorinwa;

But Maidros took pity upon her child Elrond, and took him with him, and harboured and nurtured him, for his heart was sick and weary with the burden of the dreadful oath.

At this stage in Tolkien's construction of the First Age, Elros doesn't exist. It's only in the final draft that Elros comes into being and Maglor switches roles with Maedhros here. But I love the idea of Elrond and Maedhros having a special bond. I love the idea that Elrond's first introduction to scholarship was being learning all the knowledge of Feanor and history of the Noldor at Maedhros's knee.

Thirdly, they're my two favourite characters in the whole legendarium and I just want them to care about each other, dammit.

.

2. Maedhros's emotional support cat

During Maedhros's recovery, young Celebrimbor comes thudding into the tent one day like, dad!!! look!!! look what i found!!! and carrying a hideous, filthy, huge mass of fur. It’s one of the ugliest and grumpiest creatures you’ve ever seen. The healers want it out immediately because it's a massive infection risk. Curufin wants it out immediately because he thinks it's a demonic entity.

The cat hisses at Maedhros. Maedhros hisses right back. And thus a fast friendship is formed, to literally everyone’s dismay.

Maedhros is the ONLY person the cat will tolerate. The healers hate it until they realise that it actually calms Maedhros down, and they can even undo Maedhros's bandages without him fighting them if he has the cat there to calm him. (He still shakes the entire time and his fingers are white where they're gripping the cat's fur, but it’s progress.)

Maedhros also a) craves touch more than anything, he's so touch starved, please b) absolutely cannot stand to be touched. Every touch makes his skin crawl. Everything takes him back there.

But the cat is... fine.

It’s the one thing that is untainted by memories of Angband. It doesn’t give him flashbacks, it has no hidden ulterior motives. He knows it's not Sauron in disguise because, frankly, Sauron would never craft a form this ugly.

Being able to simply touch another being again is a godsend. It’s a huge step, and it starts him on the long slow road back to recovery.

The cat is also a great aid for the nightmares. Does it cuddle him? No. It sleeps on his chest, and if he starts making noises/ twitching in his sleep it gets annoyed and whacks him across the face until he wakes up. Also, it hates everyone except Maedhros, so if someone walks into the tent it hisses (or yowls, depending on whether it recognises the person) and digs its claws into Maedhros's chest. This may seem like an inconvenience, but it's actually the best thing that Maedhros could have ever asked for because he's terrified of someone coming in while he's asleep.

It stays with Maedhros as he gets better and recovers. Somebody eventually manages to establish that the cat is a she, and Maedhros names her Uvanime. Uvanime is the feminine version of the Quenya Uvanimo, meaning monster, a corrupt or hideous creature. Uvane means ugly.

She goes to Himring with him. She's a shoulder cat and likes to lie around Maedhros's neck like a scarf. People think that he's wearing a fur collar until the collar looks up and hisses at them.

When she dies, Maedhros cremates her and scatters her ashes from the highest tower in Himring. The wind is a southerly. It blows the ashes towards Angband.

Maedhros has a few other cats in his life, but none are personally his, and he's never as emotionally involved as he was with Uvane.

[the-quiet-fire-of-defiance]

Thinking about my headcanon that Nimloth killed Curufin so Celegorm killed Nimloth and then he and Dior fought to the mutual death

And thinking about Celebrimbor & Elrond's friendship in that context

[the-quiet-fire-of-defiance]

I have some thoughts, sometimes, about a universe where Pengolodh the unreliable narrator strikes again.

Fingolfin's host sees the ships burning and has thirty years of pain and awfulness to stew in disgust and fury. If they get to Beleriand and someone from Feanor's host tries to tell them something like "oh we didn't burn the ships, [other reason for big naval fire] happened!" then Fingolfin's host is never going to ever accept that.

They'd think it's the notoriously morally corrupt Feanorians telling lies & trying to manipulate people again, to cover their own asses or not take responsibility for their actions or try to stop the Icy Bois from being mad at them. It's clearly not true.

Then we have everything that happens in the first age, and all the accounts get confused and mixed anyway, and by the end almost all the feanorian followers are dead and no one is going to start being a feanorian apologist bc they will literally immediately get murdered. Like many other things in the first age, only one version of events survives, and it's not necessarily the true one.

"Feanor totally deliberately did an evil thing and set all the shops on fire and his son with them and he laughed while he did it" does smell a bit of anti-Feanorian propaganda, even though it does also completely make sense in canon given the direction Feanor went in. But its eaually plausible to argue that ideas of Feanor as an irredeemable villain totally blew up after the first age, and this was one of them! It would also explain the competing narratives about Amrod's fate if it was another rumour that sprung up out out of anti-Feanorian sentiment.

So what actually happened? Two takes.

1: something else caused the ships to catch fire. It's also entirely plausible that they weren't in good enough condition to sail back after the absolute bashing Uinen, Ossë & Ulmo put them through in the aftermath of the First Kinslaying. I don't like this one as much, because it makes the Feanorians completely blameless in the ship burning, which I think is boring and unrealistic and somewhat of a cop out. But it's fun to play with lots of alternate ideas of canon.

2: I like the idea of the timeline being a bit wrong; it's all dark, there's no days, the host of Fingolfin has no way of knowing how long it took the Feanorians to sail to Beleriand or how long they were there before the fire became visible. And I think the rest happened in quick succession;

they land, fight alongside Cirdan's people as in canon

Maedhros: can we send the boats back now? What about Fingon? Uh, I mean, our host and supplies and army I'm thinking totally strategically here

but Feanor is high on the victory of battle and there's fire in his blood, he wants to press onwards, he doesn't want to be stuck with the boring stuff of ship supplies and sending them back for his awful half brother.

and what if he can defeat morgoth without fingolfin

so fairly soon afterwards, the battle against Morgoth's larger forces is fought.

Feanor dies. "even in the hour of his death," Maitimo goes to parlay and is captured, his whole host slain.

The effect that this has had on the entire Feanorian host is- awful.

They've stepped from a deathless paradise where they thought they knew grief and darkness but they didn't, to a land where your might and your story arc don't matter, because anyone can die.

In the bright clarity of death, Feanor knows the Noldor assault is hopeless and doomed. Maedhros goes to the parlay because maybe they can't get through by military might but if there's any chance they can win this and fulfill the oath that they're just now realizing they swore without knowing the truth of the world, or of doom, he has to take it he has to try- but he fails too.

This world is terrible beyond Maglor's darkest dreams. He sees that there's no hope, he's consumed by despair, and if he can save anyone at all...

He puts the ships to flame.

Go back, he means, go back while you can, go back and live.

They don't.

[the-quiet-fire-of-defiance]

Thinking about Fingon giving away the Helm of Hador, and thinking about the description of the helm.

A power was in it that guarded any who wore it from wound or death, for the sword that hewed it was broken, and the dart that smote it sprang aside. It had a visor, and the face of one that wore it struck fear into the hearts of all beholders, but was itself guarded from dart and fire. Upon its crest was set in defiance a gilded image of Glaurung the dragon.

If it struck fear into the hearts of everyone who saw it, I can definitely see why Fingon wouldn't want to keep it. I can't see Fingon as someone who's keen to cause others fear, especially if the helmet doesn’t discriminate between friend and foe. The point is, I think this was the real reason that Fingon gave up the Helm of Hador.