#quinwrite

[jolient]

i have a lot of body hair that’s very thick and dark, and for as long as i can remember, i’ve felt self-conscious about it. in first grade, another girl pointed at my upper lip hair and told me i had a moustache. i started shaving my legs when i was 8, years before any of my friends. in 7th grade, i shaved my arms almost every day, to the point where they were irritated and red. i remember asking my friends how my eyebrows looked, and they told me they’d look better if i cleaned up the hairs above my eyebrows. a girl in my 4th hour class in 8th grade told me i should start plucking them. the first time i wore a top that showed my stomach, my cousin told me i needed to shave. i overheard a converstation two guys were having about another girl. They said her arm hair was weird. she barely had any. in 8th grade i dreaded pulling up my sleeves because i knew the boy i sat next to would make jokes about how hairy my arms were.

i’ve started to accept my body hair this year. i started pushing my sleeves back without worry about what people would say. i let my eyebrows go untrimmed for weeks, and i still haven’t shaved my stomach. during winter, i let my leg hair grow out, and when we had to change for gym, i didn’t bother trying to hide it. last summer i wore short-sleeved shirts almost every day. i taught myself to not care about what people thought, and in doing so i learned that if you own it, people won’t bring it up. i’ve learned that how i viewed my body, including all my body hair, had an effect on my mental health, and forcing myself to leave it alone and to accept it has helped me in immeasurable ways. 

obviously, i’ve still got a long ways to go--i haven’t worn a short-sleeved shirt to school yet, and i don’t know if i’m comfortable enough with myself to wear anything that exposes my stomach around people i’m not close to, but i’ve realized that self-love takes time. 

idk why i wrote this, but to all my girls with a lot of body hair out there: you’re beautiful, ok, and your body hair is yours to decided to keep or get rid of. 

[jolient]

types of people - summer

red - empty cans of beer, sunsets over the trailer park, concerts and fireworks, staying awake, short fast loud, companionship and laughter, pressing snooze more than once

orange - a screen door slamming, round sunglasses, popsicles and front porches, the rundown part of town, causing trouble, truth or dare, tangerine sunsets, hot beaches

yellow - libraries and summer classes, messenger bag, coffee to go, distracted smiles and doodles, striped socks and vans, old camera, daisies and eraser marks

green - bonfires and roasting marshmallows, stargazing from the back seat of a truck, quiet nights on the farm, camping out in the woods, cicadas, crickets, and fireflies, swimming in the pond, golden retrievers

blue - movie marathons and sleepovers, converse, nostalgia, instagram and snapchat, quick to respond, running through a field of wildflowers, hanging upside down from the monkey bars

gray - thunderstorms, stay at home days, tight smiles and little less than happy eyes, sweatpants and close friends, warm drinks and fresh air, soft lighting or darkness

purple - works at the co-op, soap and paper, wine-tasting and rocking chairs, genuine smiles, hugs or light touches, tea if you’re sad, comforting, artsy, quiet, cuddling with a cat

brown - hotel coffee, inside jokes, always ready to go, messy hair and messy car, big cities, confident and friendly, old blankets and gas stations, listening to the radio, roadside attractions

[jolient]

she is brash and honest and independent and has not seen rick and morty and i like that because the past three guys have all been rick and morty fans and they have all been terrible and i couldn’t stay around so i left and didn’t look back because grief is not an emotion i will go ikea shopping with. and then she was the sound of the windchills on Doña Isabella’s porch and she had my back when that guy who was so much older couldn’t keep his eyes off me and that night when she almost had to sleep in my bed because she was locked out of her room and the way her hair falls around her shoulders and her eyes and the way the i held her when we were in the ocean and she couldn’t do a back float and the all the fries and fruit and bread we shared and the way her energy comes in waves and her eagerness when we were going to watch that movie but the website crashed and my bitter jealousy when she flirted with him in front of me and her lingering eyes when my shirt rode up on my stomach and the clearly. defined. space. between us. and the night in my basement when we were all pressed together on the futon and her leg was against mine and that space was gone and then the next morning when it was back again and just make a move, goddamit, because i know she would kiss me back. i know she would because she’s still not sure she’s bi and she’s a little into me, if she’s honest, and for a few seconds she’d kiss me back, she’d forget about him and for a few seconds she’d sit behind the curtain hidden from the eyes of the audience and then she’d cartwheel back into center stage and her body would scream from every cell what have i done because she is supposed to be committed to him and she is a good girlfriend and that is why i will never make a move as long as they are together because while i will not let grief take me shopping i dine with guilt nightly and i will not let my own sin court her as it has courted me. and i will stand back and move on because it’s just a crush and i can’t ask her to do that and he won’t be gone for a while so why wait and i don’t look back and i wont but i keep coming back to her like a baseball player returning home because i cant push the memory of her hands in mine as we rolled down that hill together out of my mind, i can’t push the thought of how good she looked in my sweatshirt when she borrowed it in the airport out of my mind, i can’t stop myself from immediately thinking of her when i hear “you don’t fool me,” by queen, i can’t keep myself from mirroring her behaviour and i’m trying to hide my feelings so this campfire doesn’t become an angry blaze that destroys everything in its path but i’m bitterly obvious and our mutuals friends who know don’t help and i want her to know that i’m sorry for liking her and im sorry we never got to sneak up to the roof of that motel and im sorry i didn’t stay a few minutes after everyone had left and im sorry you’re in a relationship and im sorry i’m so obvious and im sorry we stopped talking on snapchat last year and had to go all the way to puntarenas to reconnect and i will always, always be there if you need me.

  — the lion king 2, 4.30.19

[jolient]

[jolient]

i’m only happy (when you’re kissing me)

Summary: Kisses are funny things like that, they change with the seasons

Word Count: 603

Genre: fluff

This was written for @phandomficfests summer au! read it here!

-- 

The sun is just barely under the horizon, although the sky still holds a bit of her golden hue. The first stars are peaking out from behind the curtains of oncoming night, and the lonely crescent moon has already taken its place on the stage.

A soft wind, warm and gentle, disturbs the long fields of grass around the small cabin, taking them and dancing with them to create a golden, rippling, lion’s mane affect. It’s beautiful, not that Dan can see it. But he knows it is. Well, he hopes it is. Phil’s told him it is, and while he trusts Phil completely, he understands that beauty is subjective, that it’s in the eyes of the beholder.

keep reading on ao3

[jolient]

concept: i’ve just come home from a long day, and you greet me at the door with a kiss on the cheek and a hug and a “let me help you with that.” we exchange stories about our day while absentmindly scrolling through our phones and order in for dinner. you show me that movie you’d been wanting to watch and we eat our food in front of the tv, wiping our greasy fingers with napkins. i lean against you, and you thread your fingers through my hair.  

[jolient]

dry, arid heat. sand and scrublands. an empty stretch of highway. isolation. 

the stars are always so much brighter than you’d expect.

the ocean is only 300 miles away, but you’re content, floating in the swimming pool behind your hotel, belly up with the scent of chlorine in your nose. 

it’s so quiet. 

the sun breaks into your room early the next morning, as though it had hoped to surprise you. 

you’re already driving away. the sunlight that follows you is soft and breakable, peaking in through your window as you leave the arid planes behind.

now, when you dream, you dream about the desert, and your feet can’t stay in one place anymore. 

[jolient]

yo so like imagine a hero who uses a lot of tech (like iron man or batman) but they’re Poor as shit so they hotwire an alexa into their car or mainframe or whatever so they can have voice-activated commands because it’s hard to type shit in the middle of a car chase you know? so then they’re all like “”alexa, bring me the batcar”” as one does and boom their car is there. but let’s say they’re fighting their A R C H E N E M Y and the A R C H E N E M Y has them like,, trapped under something and is Monologuing(tm) and they pause briefly and the hero (who is gen z ofc who else would hotwire alexa) just coughs out “that’s,,,,, so sad,,,,,,, alexa,,,, play despactio” without thinking and suddenly their car is blasting despactio and the villain is just ?????¿??¿? and then for the rest of the battle they keep shouting at alexa like

Villain: “alexa, crush him!”

Hero: “alexa, no!”

V: “alexa, what are [hero’s] weaknesses?”

H: “alexa, play never gonna give you up!”

V: “man fuck this song”

H: *smiling an awfully, overconfident smile* “exactly”

and then they’re just fucking. fighting. to rick astley’s never gonna give you up.