#quolant

[petrified-mp3]

for the wip ask: eyes!

okay i’m not sure this is for the same ask game BUT it’s totally okay bc i’m gonna extrapolate and assume this is asking for a sentence with the word eyes

The fire doesn’t seem to bother him, even as the flames lick at his face, and no one else seems to notice the man in the everyday-suit as he ducks underneath the collapsing front door, even as their eyes are trained on the blaze.

[earlgreytea68]

Tagged by @quolant relationship status: single

favorite color: all shades of blue and millennial pink (I’m every cliche...)

3 favorite foods: cereal, ice cream, my mother’s ham and potato salad

song stuck in my head: well, now it’s “The Music or the Misery” 

last song i listened to: I was listening to Loud and Sad Radio so it’s Peter Cetera’s “Glory of Love” because Pete’s taste in music is lol

last thing i googled: evening primrose

time: 9:08 pm

dream vacation: I feel like whenever I go to Europe I’m not there very long and so I’m frantically sightseeing the whole time I’m there so I would love to take a whole month and just relax: the Amalfi Coast, the Greek islands, the French Riviera, Portugal. Except now I would feel guilty leaving the dog for so long. I tag @valerieg3, @padawanryan, @jlrpuck, @booskerdu, @s-leary, @preciouscommoditybears, @iconarmyhellyeah, @ukulelekatie, @leonaesperanza, and @tsubame17

[petrified-mp3]

1, 4, and 7 for reading fic asks!

thank you !!

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

reading, probably in sixth grade? i think? i do know that my first ever ship was rose/scorpius from hp, so on the one hand... my tastes have evolved! on the other, i guess i've always been a fan of relative rarepairs. solangelo was the first one i was Really into though. and writing... 10/5/15, according to docs! so i think that would've been late middle school.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

alright i'm gonna go for one that's currently updating and two that are (for me personally) classics:

1. currently updating, gonna go immolatio by @hufflepuffhermione ! i really adore anything that tackles josh's mental health, and so far it's been incredibly raw and tense and satisfying, and i'm so excited to see what's next.

2. cheating a bit here, but the three part series (maybe someday four, fingers crossed but no pressure) and other salutations by @cauldronoflove (if i had to choose one, it would be the second, at a later date). it's a samjosh fic with a big focus on both of their friendships with donna, and her own sexuality and budding romance with joey contrasted with their relationship. the prose and emotion behind it is incredible.

3. don't think i can make a fic rec list, no matter how small, without plugging some basic principles of relativity, with assorted games and american landscapes by raedbard aka a thee seminal roadtrip/poly senior staff fic. could wax poetic abt how much i love their writing and characterization for ages, but uh. please just read it.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?

i think my answer here is long fics, but i tend to have trouble committing. i think a sensible 20k is my favorite, but really i just. love reading it all.

[palukoo]

for the bingo board — amy & donna, josh & donna, and cj, andi & toby

thank you! sorry for late response! answers under the cut!

amy & donna:

donna & josh

cj, andy, toby

[petrified-mp3]

s7 fix it fic???

Josh whirls around to see Sam Seaborn, looking out of place with a California tan and too-big winter coat. “Oh my god,” he says, enveloping him in a hug. Sam’s arms around his back are almost too tight to breathe, but he leans into him, holding each other up on four years of regret and exhaustion. “I thought you couldn’t make it,” he breathes when he finally pulls away.

i literally just rediscovered this while going through my folder bc it’s only a month old but i somehow completely forgot abt it. Anyway the premise is that i got pissed abt sam not being back for leo’s funeral and toby not being in that scene where they’re all sharing stories, and decided to kill two birds with one stone. sam makes it back in time and convinces josh to take toby with them when they’re visiting the president after the funeral.

it’s a little unrealistic and indulgent, but that moment has always felt like it was such an obvious catalyst to restabilize their relationships and come together in a moment of grief and remember that they’re family

ask me abt one of my wips!

[palukoo]

1, 2, and 4 for the meta asks!

thank you!!

1.Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i mean, if you’ve read any of my ask answers or tags you know this, but my current big project is The Amy Gardner Fic, aka hard to be soft/tough to be tender, which was supposed to be just about Amy’s childhood, and then was supposed to be character study + slow burn amy/donna, and then was supposed to follow canon with a brief post canon part, and now is a mostly established relationship almost 200k fic with over half of that being post canon and with way more politics than i bargained for. 

progress rn is. slow. i am stuck in a plot point and a little (creatively) drained rn after over a year of working on this and a kind of intense year for me in general? i need to take some time to sit with it and work on it and i know once i get back in the swing of it, it’ll be nice, i just... need to get there!

what i love about it i guess is... it’s not just an amy/donna fic? i mean, it very much is an amy/donna fic, but it’s above all else an amy fic, but it’s also about so many other things, and so many other relationships (esp amy & josh and amy & cj, but also like. amy & sam and amy & abbey and amy & liz and amy & lou) and i hope that it captures like. the found family and... self acceptance, maybe? i don’t know, growth? that i want it to? it’s way more about concepts of family than i expected it to be at points i think, but also that’s just. very on brand for me. oh! also i like writing about a lot of tensions that tww itself sets up with like power and compromise bc they are fun to think about in an abstract way instead of. how they really play out in real politics which is painful and stressful and awful. 

2.  Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

oh! the plot after the one i’m stuck on is something i’ve been looking forward to since i figured out how this fic would end, but. i like to keep some secrets! 

so, i’m really looking forward to writing the cj/andy spin off! if i can make myself actually do it lol... i have technically started it, but it’s been too long since i’ve committed to a coparenting fic, and i really like writing with a focus on cj even if/maybe partially bc? i find it a little hard to strike the right balance with her (honestly, with amy, too, but i generally know that my issue with amy is that i need to write to being more emotionally closed off lmao. with cj it’s harder to explain i think since she is kind of closed off but also really empathetic). and i love love love andy, and i love the banter and weird complexes i’ll get to write with them. and coparenting!!! god i love coparenting. 

4.  Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

oh okay. here’s honestly one of my favorite parts from the amy fic bc i cannot explain how much i love writing amy & josh.

She says, “You know, for the most insecure guy I’ve ever met, you’re pretty sure of yourself,” and she’s not teasing him when she says it, she’s not smiling, because she’s not making fun of him. She’s just stating a fact and hoping it’ll get through his thick skull that what she’s saying is that that’s why she’s here. She’s not running into his arms romantically, she just wants someone who understands her. Who gets that precarious balance of insane confidence and massive fear of failure and inferiority. 

Amy and Josh both know they’re smart, know they can do great things, and they’re both afraid they haven’t, aren’t going to. Or that they will, and it still won’t be enough.

i just think i like this because like. that’s it! that’s them! i don’t know, i just kind of am proud of putting words to that? if it’s projecting no it isn’t

[palukoo]

first line meme! tagged by @quolant

rules: list the first lines of your last 20 stories. see if there are any patterns. then tag your favorite authors.

this is not gonna be my “last 20 stories” but my favorites i guess?

published works (that I still like lol):

1. of spots and ridges:

The thing was that it should make her mad.

2. rewrite a memory:

“You know, Hera,” Maxwell said casually, though there was a certain tension in her words that put Hera a bit on edge, “you can call me Alana.”

3. it takes a village:

Deanna looked around her quarters, finding herself at a loss.

4. when I looked to myself I was somebody else:

The door chimed, interrupting the log Sisko was making.

5. my own half of this mess

Bea makes an honest to god effort to not call Brenda.

6. elphie isn’t dead

So. Truck driving. Yeah.

7. fuck it. untitled amy&toby fic

amy and toby meet on some doomed campaign that he's running, and she's fundraising for, and they both know it's doomed but that doesn't stop them from trying.

which means I need… 13 unpublished ones? oof.

tww:

8. hard to be soft (part 1 of the Amy fic)

Amelia Gardner is raised with the name of a father she’s never met, but her mom says she’s got his eyes, and when she’s old enough for it, his wit, his career.

9. tough to be tender (part 2 of the Amy fic) (which yep, you guessed it, is the post canon part)

They hit the ground running, starting January 21st.

10. we’ll stumble together until we learn to dance (the cj/andy spin-off)

CJ doesn’t actually hate fundraisers, they’re just long and boring and there’s so many of them, and so many people who expect her to remember their names when they don’t know hers.

11. missing scene from amy fic (wrong perspective)

There’s a hand in hers and it hurts and there’s a hand on her other forearm and there’s a hand on her back and none of them are Amy’s.

12. fuck it andy gets a childhood too

Sharon is two years older than Andy, and two inches shorter than her by the time Andy starts high school.

13. magic-ish au

“So, what’s yours?” Donna says softly, the hint of a smile on her lips until it’s not, because she feels a shift.

14. the cj/amy one

Amy’s four years out of law school, climbing the ladder of NOW, when she meets CJ Cregg at a fundraiser.

15. 2nd person law school au trans josh feat amy

It’s awkward to sit across the table from a woman you barely know but who’s constantly in your apartment, as she sips on burnt coffee and reads the newspaper and you try to study.

other:

16. be the raft in the eye of this storm (w359):

It’s finally all over, they’re back, they’re home, they’re on Earth and everything should be okay and everything is so so wrong.

17. take me through the darkness (the martian):

Shockingly enough, the guilt and grief of a dead crew member— not to mention friend— under her command made it hard for Lewis to sleep.

18. i could fix the witches of eastwick

At the end of it all, there’s them, the three of them, and, god help them, ten children, a very large house.

19. some sort of b7 (voy)

She’s not entirely sure why she says it, because nine times out of ten, she can barely stand working with Seven.

20. one of many attempts to write gay big little lies fanfiction

Jane had to relieve her babysitter and so did Madeline, who also had to make sure a very drunk Ed got home alright, and Bonnie was shaking almost as badly as Celeste, repeatedly reaching for her neck. 

there’s definitely like some patterns but im having trouble articulating them. i think this also just kind of highlights that i like to drop into a scene without exposition usually. usually. i’m really really awful at tagging or remembering who writes or anything like that so if you wanna do it, consider yourself tagged!!

[palukoo]

things you said at 1 am — donna/amy!

thank you!! anyways this ended up being a largely nonsensical post constituency of one fic bc i have a brand or something. it also is like. not at all blatantly romantic whoops (i had like four different ideas for this and only one was established relationship or like. actively romantic. i’m all about the build up and mutual understanding)

“Hey,” Donna says, which explains nothing. Namely, why she’s standing at Amy’s door with a slightly uncomfortable smile.

“Hi,” Amy says carefully, opening the door a bit more. “What are you doing here?”

“I was looking for you,” she admits. Which continues to explain nothing. 

“I would hope so, otherwise you’d be pretty lost,” Amy teases.

“I mean, earlier,” Donna clarifies. “I was looking for you after— but then I was at Josh’s party, and I… sorry.”

Amy can’t fathom what wrong Donna seems to think she’s committed. Except for that she can guess, it’s just ridiculous. “What for?”

“All of it, I— y’know, he’s sorry, too.” Sometimes, Amy really doesn’t like being right. Of course Donna, who systematically explains why Josh may bristle at Amy’s phrasing, Donna who calls Amy to tell her to go to Josh’s apartment, who hovers in the hall when they argue and shoots Amy looks she doesn’t know what to do with— of course she’s trying to fix things, trying to apologize for him.

“Right,” Amy says. “Donna, it’s sweet, but I don’t need you to make excuses for him. In fact, I’d much prefer you didn’t.”

“I’m not making excuses. I told him he should talk to— I’m just saying that he cares about you.”

“It’s not mutual,” Amy says, and she wonders if she gives away what exactly she means by that. It comes out backwards and harsh and quippy, of course. Most things surrounding her and Josh do. But she knows it’s not even a little bit convincing, and Donna looks at her simply, like she could sit down and explain why Amy bristles at Josh’s phrasing sometimes, why Amy argues in the face of points about loyalty and service, why Amy risks and quits dream jobs.

“Yes, it is,” she says plainly. Amy opens her mouth, and then closes it again.

“Why are you here, Donna?” she asks, again, uncomfortable under the casual scrutiny.

“I missed you at the party,” she says. 

Amy rolls her eyes and refuses to really consider that. “Well, I don’t think he really would’ve wanted me there.” She doesn’t really think any of them would right now. Except maybe, allegedly, Donna.

“He didn’t want anyone there,” Donna says with an eye roll of her own. “I told him already that his birthday isn’t for him, it’s for us. Besides, the fish cake wasn’t as funny without you.”

Amy smiles a bit, more at ease in an instant from the joke. “I’d already done the set up, I’m just glad you still did the punchline.” 

Donna smiles back. Amy takes a step back, realizing they’re still in her doorway at… god knows what time. Donna slowly, almost nervously follows.

“I’m surprised you’re not still celebrating with him,” she says.

“No, you’re not,” Donna says, a little exasperated. “He wasn’t really in a celebrating mood.”

“Fine, I’m surprised you’re not still there working. I take it things didn’t go well with Carrick, then?”

Donna shakes her head with a slight grimace. “What about— how was your talk with the president?”

Amy had been hoping she’d forgotten that. She takes another step into her apartment, reaching out for the drink she’d left on her counter. “I quit,” she says flatly.

“You quit?” Donna asks as Amy takes a sip.

Amy sighs, prepares herself. “Spare me the lectures on loyalty and serving the man and whatever else, please.”

“No lectures, I’m just… surprised, I guess.” 

“Why? I’m Amy Gardner, who had seven jobs in three years,” she says, and it stings a little to think about that, to think about Abbey hiring her on the spot the same afternoon she’d said that. “I guess it’s eight now.”

“I just— you’re good at it,” Donna says.

Amy laughs. “I’m good at a lot of things. I’m amazing at a lot of things, at lobbying and strategizing and arguing and— at working for myself. Or an ideal or a movement or a goal.”

“You’re the best Chief of Staff she’s had.” It’s said so matter-of-factly that even Amy doesn’t immediately argue. She takes it at face value, and takes another step back. She kind of wishes Donna had given some stock argument about loyalty now, instead of this. Amy can argue with Josh, because no, she doesn’t work for the president, actually, and she can argue about service to issues instead, and she can defend that. But Donna’s not even trying, Amy doesn’t think, to accuse her of a betrayal, an abandonment in Abbey’s hour of need, but it’s all Amy hears, anyway, echoing through her head.  

She finishes her drink, and tries, desperately, for something that will absolve her. “She’ll find someone better,” she tries. Donna smiles a little. 

“Doubtful,” she breathes out. Amy shakes her head. 

“Stop,” she says, in the same tone as Donna, and Donna stares and then visibly shifts, like it clicks for her.

“Oh. I didn’t mean— ”

“You did. It’s okay, I don’t need approval,” she says, and even as her words harden, Donna seems to soften. Amy almost hates it. She can’t quite bring herself to. “I’m not regretting it.”

“You shouldn’t,” Donna says, reassuringly. Amy nearly laughs. 

“Donna, again, sweet, but unnecessary. I know you and I have different... views on this,” she says, because Donna still works for Josh, has worked for Josh for too long, for years, when she could do so many amazing things, better things, easier things, more rewarding things. Donna would never do any of this. Amy doesn’t begrudge her that, but she’d be a little surprised if the opposite held true. 

“It’s okay to leave,” Donna says, firmly, looking right at Amy, and Amy realizes that Donna’s standing close to her, close enough to touch. Amy doesn’t. Amy doesn’t really believe the words from Donna, either. She looks away.

“You don’t—”

“It’s okay to leave,” she repeats, but her voice is softer this time, almost less sure, and there’s something else in her eyes when Amy finally meets them again. Like she’s asking. Like she needs to hear it. Amy is, in fact, surprised, and something about that possesses her to reach out, to find Donna’s hand. 

“It’s okay to leave,” she echoes softly, and Donna smiles a little bit, looks a little relieved, and Amy feels oddly relieved, too. She takes in a deep breath. “It’s also okay to stay,” she adds. Donna nods, and squeezes her hand. Amy can’t make herself specify. 

She doubts Donna needs her to. She’s not sure she’s picky on the interpretation, anyways.