#rachel3octaves

[rachel3octaves]

Did you all know I hate my life? I do.

[littleeproblem]

Hey. This is for you! I hope it makes you feel better. You can post this if you want. Maybe it’ll help some other people too? Love you! <3

Rachel is such a gem <3 i love her so much!

[rachel3octaves]

Not that anyone is gonna see this I'm sure, but I thought I'd let everyone know that I've been really sick lately so that's why I haven't been on in a while. I'm sorry and I hope everyone is doing well. I'll try to get back on and at least load up my queue

[rachel3octaves]

Sometimes I actually love myself

[please-do-no-harm]

I'm gonna start doing this thing where I do actual blog entry things. So the one I'd like to start with is about being assertive and respecting yourself.

There's this family friend of mine who is about 3 years older than me, and we have known each other since we were born pretty much (obviously he was born first). Apparently he's always had a thing for me, and I've had a thing for him on and off. For the past couple years, he's been flirting a lot and basically trying to hook up with me. For a long time, I kind of just let the flirting happen. I enjoy flirting, and to me it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Well, he took it as me leading him on. A few months ago, I finally gained the courage to stick up for myself and basically told him that he makes me feel uncomfortable because he can get really sexual. He'll get mad and stop talking to me for a while, but then he'll come back around and ask if I want to hang out. I'll have to tell him no, and usually I just start off with something like "Oh I'm not feeling well" or "Sorry, I'm busy" but he keeps bugging me about it, and I know all he really wants to do is hook up or basically try to get me to like him more. I've found a way to be assertive and prioritize my self-respect. A couple nights ago, I had to tell him I didn't want to hang out. I've rejected him so many times, and I've made the message pretty clear, I think. But basically, the other night I was feeling really crappy and he said we should hang out anyway and we could cuddle to warm me up. But I did not want to cuddle with him. So I just told him straight up. I told him I didn't want to cuddle, and when he asked why, I said "I just don't see you in that way man" and he was like "Okay man." That'll keep him off my back for a while. But I feel so much better knowing that when he does come around again, I know I can handle it and tell him no without feeling too badly about it, especially because I've told him so many times and he doesn't seem to get it.

So please, if someone does something similar to you, or makes you uncomfortable, just let them know in the best way possible. Trust me, you will feel a lot better in the long-run. Respect yourself first. Worry about other people later.

[rachel3octaves]

So cold right now that I'm wearing a shirt, a hoodie, and a jacket, leggings, sweatpants, and a blanket on my lap while sitting at work. Hooray for being sick

[rachel3octaves]

Something I'd really like to do right now is kill myself. I don't want to exist. There is too much pain

[rachel3octaves]

All the times I thought I'd relapse were when you were gone. I never thought my relapse would happen after you returned.