how could he be so fucking mean.
he loves me so much and cares about me and all that but i have to keep nagging him again and again before he tells me his literal weekend plans.
which he's been hiding and only js told me now bc atp im being so fucking annoying with wanting to know.
he's going speeding with his friend that i hate (and he's lowk obsessed with). lovely!! and going to a car meet that they will be driving at. who knows what else lmao
holy shit is lying about quitting vaping (like 3 times!!) just not enough? you're lying all the time now saying that you don't have plans like wtf!? YES YOU DO WHY DID YOU FUCKING HIDE IT. ALWAYS WITH THIS STUFF HE WONT TELL ME. THIS IS WHY I ALWAYS ASK AND CANT TAKE "Nothing yet" FOR AN ANSWER.
oh yeah of course he was hiding it bc when have i ever fucking been okay with speeding. ooohh and he's legal for drinking now too (and wanting to!) so there's that aswell that im worrying over! i don't even know where he'll be driving or anything. i don't even know if it's tomorrow or the day after. and ill be at work both days so i can't check his location or message or anything.
this kind of shit makes me sick with worry and he just does not care. also w him wanting to join the army. and ride motorcycles. and that kinda shit. especially speeding. motorcycles and speeding?? wtf is that combo!?? everything that is fun to him is just dangerous and im sorry but selfish. not selfish bc he wants to, but bc he even chose me. he's always known im like this and against all that so why did he even get with me? i wish i knew this shit prior, the kind of stuff he likes. it just does not align with me. and he's like "but fun" in response to my concerns. are you fucking serious? one wrong move and you're splat dead on the floor. it gives me way too much worry to the point i cant function. i am the biggest fucking overthinker and he's always said it's okay bc he is too. no you don't fucking get it. you never will.
what's the point in me even getting angry at him though bc i'll never leave. i love him so bad. it is only hurting the both of us but i cannot lose him. the way he loves me is all ive ever wanted and so much more. way more than i deserve. i just do not know how to cope with the rest. but they're huge things to me.
my bad for ranting but like he's gone to sleep right after sending those messages finally telling me and i am so stuck in my head.
am i being a shit girlfriend? i feel like i am but also this just is not fair, right? i've completely gone off at him so yeah, him responding in the morning will be fun. it's always flipped on me to make me feel bad, can't wait!! xx
