Series : 100 WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU
Inspired by: 100 ways to say I love you
Pairing: Ran Haitani x Fem!Reader
Tags: phone calls, earthquakes
Tw: slight angst, mentions about anxiety
Love come as a force. A tug of fate embracing you, blinding you to the rest of the world. A comforting place in the corner of the world, romanticised by many poets, dramatists. But sometimes, this bubble of warmth and love burst. You’re hit with the reality and the impending truth lurking around you and your lover. So you part ways, wishing best of luck to the other person under the pretext: we aren’t meant for each other.
That’s how Ran found himself sitting inside his parked car. The world around him moved while he was stuck somewhere in the time, frozen. His hands rested on the (steering wheel??), his eyes focused on the pavement. People moved past him, all strangers. Children clinging to the hands of their parents, lovers holding hands. People engaging in idle chatter. Everything seemed just so normal. He sighed, leaning back against his seat, slipping his eyes close.
That’s when the shake happened. Ran opened his eyes and sat down as his car rattled around him. His hand reached for the door instantly but this earthquake didn’t seem to be a bad one, for though worried, people outside were not screaming or running in a frenzy. Despite the situation, his mind slipped to Y/n.
Is she okay? His worried thoughts asked.
The shaking stopped. The world around him resumed it’s daily work. An earthquake once in a while was normal but Ran’s thoughts didn’t stop. Once remembered, Y/n was a force he cannot stop. The memories of their relationship, the laughs, the cries intermingled inside his mind.
Without realising the male slipped his hand to his phone. Before long there he was, his thumb hovering over the call button, his eyes reading and re-reading her name again. It’s been so long since he heard his voice. They had separated a year ago. Ran wasn’t sure what went wrong. They seemed to be happy, they enjoyed each other’s company until suddenly they weren't as close as they used to be.
“I feel like something’s missing” She had said to him under the fairy lights in that restaurant.
Ran didn’t disagree, he felt it too. The emptiness, the void existed between them. “Yeah, maybe we should take a break”
Y/n nodded. Ran knew she wanted that too but the tears filling inside their eyes were out of control. They agreed to give each other space, days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. It had been a year with no contact except for the occasional picture posted on instagram.
Ran always felt they should’ve tried harder without letting go easily.
The decision to press the call button was an epiphany. He watched numbly as the phone rang. His mind was blank. What was he supposed to say? He did not know. Part of him wondered whether she would pick up the phone. He wished she would. He was giving up hope when the ringing stopped.
“Hello” Her voice. It didn’t take a minute for the familiarity to sink in. The tones and chords were like music to his ears. It was wondrous how you don’t realise how much you’re missing a person until you finally hear their voice after years. The horrifying truth of how lonely you’ve been.
“Hi” Ran said, his fingers loosely wrapped around his phone. An awkward silence. It had been so long that none of you knew how to continue. “There was an earthquake” Ran gripped the wheel tightly. “I was wondering are you okay?”
Ran could hear Y/n’s breathing. The slight exhale of her lips as she spoke, “Yeah. It wasn’t that bad.” Ran knew she was lying, Y/n had always been anxious about things that are out of her control.
“Mhm” She said. “And are you?”
Ran shook his head as he answered, “No. I came out for some work.” He let go of the wheel and leaned back on the seat. How are you doing? He wanted to ask. But instead he said, “Do you still have the cats?”
Y/n hummed to the phone, a light rustle welcomed Ran’s ears. “Yeah. They’re still here, and all the plants.”
I want to see you, he wanted to say. “Oh, okay”
Another silence. “Okay then” Y/n finally said, “I’ll hang-”
“Wait” Ran didn’t know why he said it. But he didn’t want to stop talking, not yet. “Do you want me to-” He stopped. “Can we talk a bit more?”
“Yes?” She sounded unsure herself, but Ran didn’t want this to end. This feeling of not being alone in the world again.
“It’s been a year” Ran plucked absentmindedly at a discarded packet of snacks.
“Yeah, it’s been so long.” A beat of silence until her voice comes back, “Do you ever think… that we… that we should’ve tried harder?”
Ran was surprised, he had been walking on eggshells throughout the phone call not wanting to open old wounds, but this is what he wanted to talk about. “Sometimes” He agreed, “Sometimes I think maybe we should’ve tried harder to make… this happen”
“I wonder how it happened” The unsure tone in her voice was gone, Ran relaxed himself. For a moment, he could almost delude himself in the bliss of love. Imagine that they’re together. “I never noticed when everything stopped being exciting. When did our kisses lost its colour”
Ran sighed deeply, “Did they lose their colour?”
Y/n was silent. Ran thought she would hang up, they both knew where this was going. This conversation. Something they have avoided all these years. “Remember that one time when the two of us got too drunk?”
Ran didn’t miss the change of topic. But he didn’t care. “Yeah. There was another earthquake that day, wasn’t there?” There was, he remembered how he hugged her so tight. Scared he might lose her. Scared something bad would happen. She was clinging to his t-shirt, anxious to let go.
“Remember how you talked me through my anxiety attack that day?” Her voice had fallen to a whisper.
Ran hummed. He didn’t forget. He had never forgotten anything. “Y/n” His knuckles were white from gripping on the phone. It needed to be said, they had been suffering alone for months of time wondering how to mend this broken thing they had become.
“Can I come over?” He closed his eyes, promising himself not to break even upon rejection. When he asked, he knew any answer was possible.
A broken whisper answered from the other side of the phone. Just a few blocks away. Fingertip’s reach but far away all the same. “Yes” She answered, “Please come over”
That was all he needed, he was about to hang up. Race to her apartment, to those familiar arms. “And Ran” He stopped and listened. “What is this? What is going to happen?”
He wasn’t sure himself. They both didn’t know what they would become. Ran himself was unaware of the future, how long they can carry this out. “We’ll figure it out,” He said instead. Pushing off his worries, concerns.
“Okay, see you” Y/n answered and a second later the line went dead. Ran was already on the road, racing to her house. His mind blank except for the one hope he was desperately clinging onto: they’ll figure it out.
