Since @ravenwritesstuff has jokes, @fericita-s and I got jokes too!
A collaborative list:
1. Like adults who've had an emotionally mature conversation
2. As functioning adults
3. After having a tender heart-to-heart about their childhood trauma
4. Sober
5. Exploring necrophilia
6. Bjarg still in troll form something something "rock hard"
7. After starting a new religion once he returns from the dead like a Nordic Jesus
8. After Kristoff emerges from the tattered remains of his Bjarg exoskeleton
9. In front of Tom Hiddleston - I mean, Loki - who set this all up as an elaborate prank
10. Bjarg is Baldur
11. Wandering Hearts is actually a modern AU that takes place during the 2020 Pandemic and is sex play between Anna and Kristoff that got out of hand after they drank too much
12. After an owl drops lube into Logi's lap
13. Three-way with Nadir
14. Someone says 'show me,' not even about sex, and they hump
15. Alva gets sick of their shit and locks them in a small storage shed until they bang it out
16. It's all a shared hallucination inside of Lost in the Woods, which is itself a shared hallucination when they sauna too long at Oaken's
17. Sex on the chest he is building her!
18. While neither one of them has ANY wounds from some dumbass attempt to run or fight something
19. With Elsa's blessing
20. During Anna/Logi's coronation
21. Without a bunch of thirsty fangirls eagerly reading every word like a bunch of salivating wolves
22. As they conceive half-troll triplets who grow up to become Arendelle's first pro-hockey players
For those of you with little ones who can read – adult language and speculation ahead. I, uh, learned my kid can read a four letter word today.
@ravenwritesstuff, as always, thank you for writing this amazing world to escape into with its many fan theory strings to overthink. You are awesome.
Now then: I feel that I can’t go on this ramble without skipping ahead and addressing the fact that holy fucking shit . . .his mom ain’t dead? Well, don’t I look like an idiot what with these ramblings as a fine example of me being totally duped. And honestly, I couldn’t be happier about that. A good twist is worth the wait. And Raven, how amazing are you for pulling that off in such a natural and organic way that not only was the entirety of your readership completely convinced that Bjarg’s mom was dead - even if Anna is an unreliable narrator, she’s consistent and the people around her who weren’t unreliable characters were also consistent. The answer is: Crazy Amazing. There was plenty of foreshadowing that something else might be going on, but it could also just as plausibly be explained away (I even did it in a ramble). This was masterful. YOU are masterful. Thank you, as always, for sharing your masterful writing with us.
That being said, I need put some future speculation down regarding more recent chapters before getting back to things that I can no longer read as I once did now that I know Bjarg’s mom isn’t dead:
So we know that there’s a ring that fits Anna’s finger. Thus, in the fine tradition of being completely wrong about my crazy theories/assumptions/ideas: I’m going to assume that at some point, Kristoff’s mom was human shaped and sized. My money is on something happening that permanently transformed her into a troll. And looking back at all those “wild thing” references . . .I think there’s going to be some troll sex. Not, like, full blow monster sex necessarily, but when we say Bjarg is “rock hard” in certain spaces . . .yeah, Logi is gonna know EXACTLY how apt that little nickname she picked for him REALLY is, y’know what I’m saying?
Also, fuck it. Elsa is a troll shape shifter. Nadir is going to make a pact and become a troll shape shifter. Sven is a horse-troll shape shifter. There will be an epic troll battle and Logi will do something illogical and ill advised.
Brought to you by the deviant who speculated on Bjarg’s masturbation habits and troll sex: Here’s Chapter 22!
1. “His healing is impossible, except it isn’t.” Despite the recent revelations regarding trolls and possible shapeshifting (also, maybe he’s just gone insane from the stress of taking care of Logi with her erratic and suicidal efforts to constantly light off on her own – I mean, we haven’t even touched that. Can we even appreciate what a full time job it is to keep her alive? Maybe he just cracked and only THINKS his mom is alive and he can turn into a troll.) – I feel like we’re still in the dark on the extent of the troll powers, which is not a complaint. How do they heal? What do the crystals symbolize?
2. I mean, at this point – what do we know? Nothing. Maybe they’re really aliens with nanotechnology and that’s how the healing works. Nah, probably the wrong genre. WH is more of a dark fantasy, right? Right? I don’t even know anymore. Dude, seriously, the twist still catches in my head at night where I’m just like “How is his mother not dead!? What does Alva know?!” Do you watch The Good Place? That scene where Chidi says “That dot over the ‘I’ broke me. I’m broken.” That’s me. Hashtag, mood.
3. “She just does not know: what to do, what to say, how to love him”. It’s always fascinating to read what Anna is pondering as she emotionally and mentally metabolizes her surroundings. One thing I have to remind myself is that she’s not a fully formed adult – she’s 18. And she’s a very, very sheltered 18 year old – or she was, before the event of the story. You can follow her thought process slowly maturing over the chapters and it’s just wonderful character growth. It’s also reassuring to see her grow more slowly empowered as she acknowledges that she IS making choices – they aren’t always great choices and, no, they aren’t entirely independent of circumstance but whose are?
4. “For whatever strange secret it is he holds, she feels hers are more dangerous.” Prior to Bjarg’s mom reveal: She’s probably not wrong. What could be worse than a royal family wanting to string you up? Now: Aha. Ahahaha. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
5. Her internal monologue regarding hiding her secrets from him and how the time to tell him has passed and how can she be herself – her true self – while hiding all of this . . .I feel like if this was a movie, there should be a split screen showing the both of them and subtitles for their thoughts which are exactly the same save for gender appropriate identifiers.
6. “Magic does not exist”. Are trolls . . .not magic? Is super quick healing not magic? ‘cause if these people don’t consider that to be magical, then what the hell kind of terrifying power does qualify as magic? Or are they so limited that magic can only be evil. Kind of like how in the movie, Anna is just like “Wow, look at these kick ass snow powers!” and everyone else is like “We’re gonna freeze to death!”. Is it just a matter of perspective?
7. “She cannot quite place the length of her father’s nose or where her mother’s face crinkled when she smiled”. This is a really heartbreaking passage about forgetting things, places and people.
8. I love the way the conversation between Logi and Bjarg builds as they both dance around the matter at hand regarding the trolls in the woods: “You found it there now – inside of the chest” “No. Of course not.” They’re both pushing and pulling here. Obviously, neither is going to just say “Ok, so about the trolls which are #real” or “Yeah, so, I saw you getting healed by a monster. What gives?”. It’s great to see how Bjarg is trying to suss out exactly what she knows/saw while maintaining plausible deniability and how Logi is just as deftly having absolutely none of it. “I slept here”. Yeah, sure you did, champ.
9. “He knows what she saw. She knows that she saw it.” And hey – here’s that “wild thing” rising to the surface. Oh boy, will I be keeping an eye out for that phrase.
10. And then, in a wonderful touching and poignant moment . . .the Elderhorn. When I first read this chapter, I distinctly remember going “Oh, Goddamit!”
11. “She wonders if he would still love her if she told him her own origin”. Does he know? Doesn’t he know? But yes, yes he would love you regardless of what you told him, Logi.
12. “She hears the wails before she sees their makers”. Now, this is interesting. The Nordic Hillbillies strike me as a stoic people who are used to casual mutilation and death. This does not diminish the tragedy of the death of a young mother and her child, but it adds an interesting layer to their culture that this kind of open grieving by a community is even allowed.
13. Nah, Logi – Nadir ain’t dead. Yet. That would be too convenient. Is it bad that I hope he dies before the end?
14. “Whatever she had witnessed, what he knows she saw, may have brought him back from death’s door but it had not made everything right. It had not taken his measure of pain.” It’s important/good to know that there are limits to the not magical healing. I wonder just how close to the brink of death it could bring someone back before it’s not powerful enough.
15. “His hands catch her waist to ease her decent […]her cheeks explode with heat at his touch”. Good to know she’s as thirsty as all of us!
16. “Pyres have not been used in Arendelle in centuries. Beyond that she has seen death firsthand now, but always in the moment. Always as a matter of self-preservation. She has never seen a lifeless body just because someone died.” Why wouldn’t pyres have been used in Arendelle? An allusion to the historic church and a reminder of just how far outside their laws these people live? It’s also a rough reminder that she didn’t have her parents’ bodies to bury – that can be difficult. At least with this ceremony, there’s a definite finality and closure to the life that was lost.
17. I do wonder why Bjarg went and why he brought Logi. I don’t think it was just to see if it was Nadir who bit the dust. And while it’s possible he knew who died, I don’t think it’s likely (unless the trolls can sense those who are dying and told him in his semi-lucid dream-healing state). I wonder if Bjarg would have done the same if it had been Nadir or someone else on that pyre.
18. Why does Bjarg give up the two coin for Ragi’s wife? Clearly, they have a respectful enough relationship even if it’s only ice merchant and client. And Ragi accepts what he can give in the two coins. Obviously, we know little more about this culture than Anna does because we see this strange world through her eyes, but the social dynamics that are constantly at play are simply fascinating to watch unfold.
19. And why does he give this woman such a generous gift? It could be that they had a good relationship. It could be that he is – and we know this – just a decent man. Maybe his mother became a troll after almost dying while giving birth to him and he’s projecting. Who knows?
20. I find it interesting that Anna juxtaposes mourning with her decision to leave the castle and frames it as “she forsook it for a chance at something more”.
21. Then again, as she reflects – she was alone for her parents’ funeral. “No one could understand what it had meant to endure the pressure of the death of a king and a queen, a mother and father, all at once.” She’s right. Her sister failed her.
22. The exchange between Alva and Anna is also telling. Nothing good will come from interacting. I also have to wonder, given that Alva is a midwife, if this was a birth she was attending that had a terrible outcome. What blame is she placing on herself and what blame is the community placing on her?
23. Hey, finally! When Logi says she’ll take up some physical task, Bjarg lets her so he doesn’t worry his injuries more. Progress!
24. “She cannot abide the idea of not seeing him again, of never hearing his voice […] she does not want to run. She wants to stay.” Woohoo! “She wants to be his wife. Her blood heats at the word, the idea”. Double woohoo!
25. I love the intensity of her tracing her fingers along his “scruffy jaw”.
26. Also love the conversation between the two about their ages. It’s staggering to think of how much they’ve been through, how long they’ve lived together and how they do know one another relatively intimately in many ways – but they lack the basic knowledge of one another’s lives. Like, how old they are, where they come from, actual names, family histories, shoe size etc.
27. “I was born under the summer sun.” “That explains the warmth in your hair. Nothing so bright could come from winter”. This is a really sweet exchange and I can’t help but hear him saying that with a lot of tenderness.
28. “She is so used to rejection, to obstinance instead of acceptance, that even now his acceptance catches her off guard and she wilts under the heat of it”. Not that we need an explanation, but this does help to contextualize why Logi is always so damned sure that the other shoe is going to drop and why she is so uncertain about a man who has publicly professed his intent to love and protect her.
29. “He wants her. A wave of relief and terror wash through her” – the perfect reaction for Logi.
30. “He tastes like rich earth and rain and rare thunderstorms”. So, once upon a time I would have just read this and been like “Oh wow, Raven is so great at descriptions”. But now that we have the IASIP meme with the cork board and the strings and pictures I’m like “Is this what a troll tastes like? Biologically speaking, what is Kristoff’s mineral content here?”
31. I mean, ‘cause tin foil hat aisde – there’s “the wild thing ripping behind his eyes”.
32. “What is your name?” “Who was your mother?” Mic drop. Point to Logi. Game. Fucking. ON.
Alright. So this began back in 2016 in response to Raven saying something along the lines of there was nothing uplifting about Wandering Hearts. I was working night-shift at the time, and had two kids under two, so I thought it would be a GREAT idea to read Wandering Hearts and pull out all the fluffy parts. That somehow evolved into me occasionally raining my crazy on Raven in various attempts to procrastinate. Full disclosure: I’m procrastinating right now.
This is Part One where I was trying to point out all the fluffy stuff between Chapter One and Chapter Twelve. Yeah. I know. Blame Raven. God Help you if you’re trying to match this to whatever I was reading at the time. Also, if you know formatting tricks - pass ‘em on. And never assume my sobriety while reading this stuff.
There are a multitude of uplifting things in Wandering Hearts strewn amid the bleakness. First and foremost is Kristoff’s constant, unwavering sense of selflessness and understanding towards Anna in her most dire time of need. The whole story starts off with men taking full advantage of her innocence and through happenstance she’s rescued by a man who could fully continue to press the situation to his advantage, but doesn’t. That right there is uplifting. Kristoff’s character is such that he saves a stranger, takes her into his home and shows her every respect and a remarkable level of understanding about the trauma that she must have suffered. Right through to their abrupt and unexpected wedding night. Why wouldn’t we want to believe those kinds of people are out there in the world? We want to believe that there are people who are understanding, selfless and kind who will come after us if we’re in need of help. And on Anna’s side – she’s selfless in her own way and means well even if it backfires multiple times. There’s a lot of respect between these two and they want to take care of one another in their own (slightly flawed, but hey we’re all human) ways. But for a breakdown of moments that stick out in chronological order because I’m just going to treat myself to a re-read of the whole story:
1. The garden one-shot.
2. When Logi is first used – it’s cute. He stops pressing and just rolls with the situation, respecting her wish not to delve into her personal history.
3. Logi cooking for him. It’s so sweet that she wants to contribute and it matters to her what he thinks of her cooking.
4. You weren’t raised in a barn/Show Me/All the UST. Because UST. But in the context of this story, the UST is deeply rooted in the level of respect that Kristoff shows Anna and Anna’s own process of healing. And the fact that she can sometimes make those steps towards acting on her own desires is uplifting in the sense that she’s suffered this terrible trauma, but she’ll heal in time. This isn’t to say that sex is an end goal, but that intimacy and trust (which have been dealt a double blow both by her upbringing and the rape) are something that she’ll experience again. And trust has already been restored with Logi’s relationship with Bjarg. In the real world, we want to believe that we can recover from trauma.
5. “She tries. He appreciates.” This is monumental in day to day life.
6. Ragna Erigson Bjorgman. It means something to him, right? So does she.
7. The almost kiss in the cabin is bittersweet, but again – she is thinking of him
8. He teaches her to use a knife. Even though she’s bounced twice and he’s probably certain she’ll do it again, he wants to ensure she’ll have a chance at taking care of herself.
9. He even asks her to let him know when she’s going to leave next. Again – he’s not trying to control what she’s doing, just trying to make sure she’ll be ok (and if she can help spare him some emotional turmoil, that’d be great)
10. Sharing warmth by the fire. I think it’s significant that she can be that close to someone for so long. Lots of trust here. Also – damn you. And when she wakes from the nightmare, he’s right there to try and help. And again declare his intent to protect her.
11. He cooks her breakfast. ‘nuff said.
12. A man who will warm her through the night, her cheeks warm at the thought, but shies from touching her under other circumstance and the longer she thinks on him the more her head aches.
13. She starts calling herself “Logi” while on the run in Arendelle and she starts to actually regret leaving Bjarg’s safety. NOT the castle. She misses him and everything that he’s become to her.
14. “You may keep me” I don’t think I need to explain this one. I’m sure you telepathically picked up on the shrieking from your readers across the globe.
15. “He does not even give her the chance to speak. “Some things are more precious than salt”” – he’s aware of her self-flagellating train of thought and cuts it off.
16. The entire Akvavit scene in the cave. He opens up about his mother (for him). She opens up about her past (for her) and another little puzzle piece falls into place. And then they kiss. After the past three chapters, it’s nice that they get a nice moment. And, more importantly, when Anna starts to have a negative reaction to the kiss in spite of who it’s with, he doesn’t badger or pressure her, he just tries to reassure her and doesn’t press the issue. And for Kristoff, I feel that it’s good that he gets a moment where – hopefully – he’s aware of how much he matters to her and how much she cares for him even if she has . . .untraditional ways of expressing that.
17. Anna drawing closer to him while he’s asleep and staring at him.
18. I don’t known if the fantasizing about the kiss is “uplifting”, but it’s well written and it lulls her to sleep, so let’s go with “uplifting” and not, what is it the kids say? “Thirsty”?
19. When she whips off the cover to confront the group of me. Seriously, after all she’s been through Anna has balls of steel. “She has to save him as he has saved her”. Go kick their asses, Anna! Even if it won’t exactly happen because this is Wandering Hearts and firmly entrenched in the “possible” as opposed to the “fantastical”
20. Chapter Nine was not uplifting because they are apart. But she does spend a lot of time wishing she was with him.
21. Again, not exactly “uplifting”, but Anna wanting what’s best for Kristoff while hoping he finds “an equal who can make ale and keep him safe and happy in ways she knows she never can” – there’s not exactly a game plan beyond Bjarg. The three times she’s tried to leave haven’t exactly worked out. He’s her sole shining light in the cruel world and she still seems to think her actual survival is worth less than him finding a nice girl and settling down (look in the mirror!). I mean, dude, can’t you, like, explain to him that you can be together you just need to move fifty miles east or something?! HE WOULD DO IT FOR YOU! I’m sorry. It’s 4am. And this a lot of Wandering Hearts for the soul.
22. Despite the risk she knows it will pose for both of them: “She cannot imagine a life where she is anything else but his wife”. Let’s be honest. That’s what we want to see so it’s nice to start seeing her come to the concrete realization.
23. Honestly, I really liked Alva. She could have been cruel to Anna, but she wasn’t. In the context of this story, it’s a nice reminder that Kristoff isn’t the only other decent person out there. She’s curious and amused, but not overly judgmental about Anna’s awkwardness and inability in their world. She even seems a little protective of her.
24. The last three paragraphs of chapter eleven. Beyond my capacity to do justice at this hour.
25. Chapter Twelve . . .well, they’re clearing a lot of air between them. You know, by their standards. But as always, he asks after her, shows concern, doesn’t push anything she isn’t ready to do (even cuts his hand) - it’s just too recent to suss out the uplifting because I feel like there’s a massive precipice in front of us and I desperately need them to get to the cabin and for the entire Arendelle Royal Guard to not be there waiting to drag her back to the castle and him down to the dungeon because oh my God you’ve hurt us before. But seriously, this is one of my favorite pieces of writing in over two decades of reading fanfiction.
This was written in the fall of 2016 and covered Chapters 11-14. At this point, I wasn’t trying to point out the “uplifting” parts but just trying to avoid therapy for the absolute mind and heart fuck that was the Hollow, Wedding and Night After. I was also pretty lit on hard cider.
1. I still love Alva. Seriously, I love her protective vibe because in theory she really could hate on this strange outsider with her clothes that clearly bespeak wealth. Alva really could let Logi fall on her own (or, hell, given this world even assist her), but she doesn’t. Fuck Nadir. I’m glad that Alva is on Anna’s side.
2. Logi, sweetie, honey, I get that you’re concerned about being married to Bjarg and I can’t entirely say that your fears are unfounded, but you’re bound and being marched through some sacred woods. This is happening. But, you know, it speaks well to your character that your focus is on the guy who you’re conflicted about instead of some impending sense of doom of what’s to come.
3. Again, I understand your concern that Bjarg has left you, but as the reader I don’t even consider that possibility.
4. Yeah, you ARE a princess. And difficulties with your sister, the Queen, non-withstanding; these fuckers had better pray to whatever Gods they believe in that she NEVER finds out what they’re about to do to you. Because they have no concept of the frigid hell she would unleash on their limited world.
5. But really, I have to hand it to Anna because I don’t think I have ever loved anyone enough to plunge my hand into a boiling cauldron to grab a stone. To skip ahead, I also find it fascinating how Logi winds up almost embracing this sick practice in a perverse way as proof of her strength instead of ever allowing her thoughts to stray along the lines of “WTF!? Do you KNOW who I am and what I can have done to you?! Baby, hold my flower while I bring the goddamn might of the Arendelle Royal Guard on their asses.” Disappearing act be damned. This is probably the cider talking as opposed to any critical analysis of the actual work that I’m reading.
6. Yes, it is very touching that she assumes Bjarg will know what to do to start healing her mutilated hand and she is not wrong to trust in his ability and competence, but c’mon – I really just want Marshmallow to obliterated these fuckers. Or Elsa with ice spikes. I’m not picky.
7. Bjarg’s appearance: rough night? Also, I’m guessing that Ketil has seen his share of young women who’ve tried to throw themselves at their loved ones. Because he shut that down before it began.
8. I won’t lie, I expected that fight scene to go down as it did from the moment Bjarg declined weapons. I still found it hilarious that Gunnar tried to chomp his leg.
9. And, of course, the zenith of the chapter: HOLY. SHIT. “the singularity of his purpose. He is here for her. He had not left her alone.” Dude. Seriously. I have read this too many times to count and it STILL causes my heart to catch in my chest. I don’t need to try to imagine what Anna must have felt when he said this because the way you wrote it doesn’t make me “see the scene in my mind’s eye”, it makes me feel like I’m fucking Logi rooted to the spot while he’s pointing his sword at me with his chest slightly heaving from his exertions during the fight full harlequin style. I feel rooted as a reader.
10. And he claims Logi as his wife. Because yes, this is what we want almost as much as he does. Despite the endless complications she brings upon him, we know damn full and well that he’s not just doing this to ‘save’ her.
11. Her entire world is reduced only to his gaze”. Yup. Although, to be honest, when she starts talking about how Bjarg always knows what’s going on in her head, I don’t agree with her. I think he’s very good at reading her and guessing what her next move is going to be. And I think that he’s got the measure of her trauma and is a good enough man not to push her limits, but I don’t think he has a fucking clue what’s going on at a deeper level. To be honest, I don’t know if he realizes how very deep her feelings for him have become.
12. Logi’s doubts about how he feels towards her are a bit heartbreaking given that she still sees herself as a burden on him (which, yeah, she’s made herself a complication but I don’t think he’d exactly remove her from his life if given the option)
13. You raise an interesting point during the marriage ceremony – how much does the physical consummation of a relationship validate it or a marriage? For the past few months they have certainly been a source of companionship and comfort to one another, why isn’t that seen as valid as a simple physical act? Anyone can fornicate. Why don’t we consider their relationship to be beautiful in and of its own right and still, as readers, want to see them knock boots? (I mean, I know why, this is just rhetorical, but still.)
14. Based on Logi’s reaction, I can only imagine what’s going through Bjarg’s head. ESPECIALLY if he know just who she is. I’m not saying his entirely displeased with the situation. Just . . .wow. I don’t think it’s going out on a limb to say he wants her more than he’s wanted anything else in his life. Regardless of consequence.
15. Can we assume that most weddings are not bleak death marches if they take place in this grove after a week stay at Casa de Alva? I mean, if everyone survives, I hope not.
16. “The instant the last skirt has crossed from winter to warmth he strides to her. He moves like a hurricane.” Man, there are plenty of ways to interpret this. Obviously, he’s not in a “Viking” mindset of “Oh boy, time to get it on with my new wife”. I think he is eager to get her alone to make sure that she’s safe, that she’s ok and to spare her the more malicious curiosity of some of the crowd. I think that’s he’s also just DONE with this spectacle and ready for some privacy as well.
17. After a few chapters apart, it’s sweet to see Logi once again seeking refuge in him because it indicates the level of faith she has in his ability to protect her.
18. That is an abrupt transition to being alone again that I thought was super effective because Logi knows exactly what is expected to come next. I have a crystal clear image of the both of them just standing after that door shuts, just staring at the bed for a moment before she needs to sit. And I can see where this would all weigh on her mind – when it’s just the two of them, it’s easy to shut out the world and do your own thing. Now there are expectations and she has no idea what his thoughts on those expectations or “wifely obligations” might be now that they’re actually married.
19. As always, let’s give a hand for Kristoff who is World’s Most Understanding Man as he uses ”the dulcet notes of his voice” to help calm her and avoid the vulgar questions that are right in front of them. Asking about her welfare and making sure she’s eating enough (he’s kind of like a mum here).
20. Haha, did I say we needed to worry about Elsa taking revenge for her baby sister’s hand mutilation? Dude, Bjarg, my friend – just wait until she’s back at the cabin and go on an “ice harvesting” trip. Nice job dialing it back when you realized your anger was scaring her, by the way, good restraint.
21. And Logi – their fucked up practice of having you carry a stone doesn’t make you strong or brave (I mean, ok, it kind of does that you can take that sort of pain for your own sake and Bjarg’s, but don’t internalize the fact that you can survive their brutish practice and make it validate your own self-worth. They’re screwy, not you.)
22. Min lille venn. I am dead.
23. “You fear me […] I failed you. I broke my promise to stay you from harm and now you shrink from my touch”. I AM SO DEAD. And this is just proof that she hasn’t picked up on that he doesn’t know what’s going on in her head, not really. I understand completely why he feels guilty, but I don’t think that Anna is capable of blaming him for anything that has happened to her because she’s too busy blaming herself.
24. Regarding Anna’s assessment of Bjarg’s acceptance of her . . .she isn’t wrong? Not entirely. I mean, if he hadn’t saved her in the woods then no, he wouldn’t have missed her. And yes, she’s a bit of a burden but who isn’t in a relationship? And he wants her with him. He could have dumped her in Arendelle (or, shoot, even back in the castle), but it’s clearly hard for her to accept that she is not unwanted by him.
25. “There is dirt under her skin . . .” this passage, I think, sums up a LOT about Logi’s world at this point. I don’t think it is uncommon for the victims of sexual assault to struggle with this and I think you’ve depicted it well. Given the guilt she has already wrapped herself in regarding her ‘imposition’ on Bjarg, I could see her concerns about ‘purity’ and ‘worthiness’ manifesting with thoughts like these.
26. Bjarg, of course, reacts as we expect him to react. That said, I think the last line is very telling of some of his frustrations about “WTF have I gotten myself into?” Regardless of whether or not he knows that Logi is royal, he doesn’t know her down to the core of her being and he is painfully aware of that regardless of the fact that Logi thinks he has ESP. So, yeah, dude, eat your fill and get some energy.
27. I love that Logi is reflecting on the fact that “the greatest delicacy at her wedding feast would be buttered and roasted rabbit”. That it’s even something crossing her mind given the circumstances is very real and very hilarious.
28. Yes. Yes, this is something he wants. He wants to be married to you, assured future and impending disaster aside.
29. Props to Logi for not saying “The fucking flowers? Seriously? The bloody sheets aren’t enough?” and allowing us the first of these many sexy moments.
30. Now, here’s a question – Logi’s fears of the “wild thing” in Bjarg. I wonder what it is that she sees when he allows that part of himself to show through. Anger? Violence? Primal desire? Any form of a lack of his usual control? Which does she fear the most or is she most concerned would be directed towards her? I think she knows that he wouldn’t deliberately hurt her.
31. “She is young, so young, and Elsa is there. They are laughing. Elsa pulls Anna’s pigtails to try to make them grow and then Anna is cold, so cold, and nobody is laughing anymore. “Oh, sisterly backstory. Happy memories of youth. So sweet and innocent. Fuck you, Disney.
32. And here we enter some serious UST land. Poor Anna is always at odds with her desire for him and her sense of ‘propriety’. Yeah, he’s braiding her hair and it’s intimate, but they’ve shared similar intimacy and he has seen her far more vulnerable. I suppose it’s her desire mixed in with this level of vulnerability and her ambivalence about the situation that leads her to this self-torture.
33. Anything. That is so much more than some stupid word from him given their history. This is a man who is very dedicated to “anything” for her.
34. Hey, hello, and here we go with the “How is dressing so tormenting!?” scene. Well done! To answer Logi’s questions if she reached for him: Yes, yes and no. But I can see how knowing all those judgmental people on the other side of the wall would put a damper on your urges. That and the broiled hand.
35. I am completely sold on the idea that Anna was dead set on dressing herself until he asked to help her because he couldn’t hear her in physical pain and she is sensitive enough to that fact to put pride aside.
36. I am also going to head canon that his train of thought when he turns around is something along the lines of “Holy shit, keep your eyes up! Keep ‘em up! Up! Up! Up! Where are your damn hands at!?” despite his controlled appearance and “uneven breath” because he really is trying to put her at ease.
37. You’re killing me with the throbbing and “moist heat of breath at the nape of her neck”. Fucking killing me. I was originally just here for Anna bailing early on the coronation and some kind of kingdom wide hunt for her. And now look at me. And Bjarg. Dude was probably just trying to be a good guy ice harvester. Now look at him. He “takes his time”? I bet he does. Poor bastard.
38. Good man, not copping a feel while you’re lacing her strings.
39. And back to Logi concerned about the ultimate consequences that Kristoff will pay for her presence. Because at some point there are going to be worse ones than the Nordic hillbillies. I think she’s dimly aware (or repressing the thought) that he wants her in certain ways despite her self-perceived “brokenness” and I think she’s equally correct that she “does not know how to save this man from herself” because she could have just gone the hell back to the castle while in Arendelle if she was really that concerned. But she’s not capable of doing that – not judging, I understand her reasons, but she has to know that it’s an option for her if she really wanted to protect him. Maybe she feels that that’s her ultimate betrayal of him, that she can’t go back in her state and deny any and all knowledge of him.
40. Oh Alva, I love you. And you have the Bjarg Seal of Approval.
41. Nadir is a creepy bastard and I buy into the fan-theory that he’ll be back in the future. Y’see, originally I thought Elsa might be the baddie coming after these two and breaking them up (and that might still come), but I feel at this point in the story she’ll be the least of their worries all things considered.
42. Fuck you, Large Leader. He doesn’t need your sword. Or birth right. And Bjarg, who would have thought you’re such the politician with that comeback? Blood will tell. Can this be used to justify their union if Elsa shows up?
43. Well, whatever just went down it’s clearly fired him up more than anything else that’s happened since he’s just striding along, lost in his own thoughts and letting her stumble. So what exactly pisses him off more than the love of his life bailing on him three times in a row? I’m sure we’ll find out.
44. Their homecoming is so sweet when he carries her over the threshold. Yes, yes you do mean something to him and the privacy of the ritual means that much more for you two. It’s also remarkably sweet that he keeps her close for a long moment and that she’s comfortable with that in this context.
45. “He had wed her knowing full well of all of her deficiencies and none of her assets” – Aw, Logi, you’re the hell of a lot more than a title or your birth. He knows your assets.
46. “I am here now” – the repetition surrounding this exchange on both of their parts is interesting to read because it seems to indicate that they need to say these things to try and convince themselves of this reality.
47. Once again, Anna’s fixation on her mutilation as a sign of strength is something I love from a literary sense, but holy shit, Logi, what they did to you is super fucked up and I’m not a fan of how you’re internalizing and taking ownership of it. I get that it’s a less-than-stellar coping mechanism for dealing with yet another trauma heaped upon you by a cruel and fickle universe, but I really hope the trolls take that scar and scarring the fuck away. The experiences of the Nordic hillbillies don’t make them tougher or better than you, they’re just different. Being able to endure physical hardship isn’t superior to enduring emotional hardship.
48. The Quiet Moments are awesome. It can last, dammit. I will go down with this ship.
49. “Which one?” Ouch.
50. I won’t lie – even with modern medicine, burns are just a total sonofabitch to heal with and to deal with. I was wincing throughout this entire scene which was appropriate for fiction, but I’ve seen submersion burns and they’re just fucking horrific.
51. I like that Bjarg must be having an internal chuckle when she starts worrying about Gunnar’s bite (she isn’t wrong – nasty infections from human bites, but it doesn’t sound like he broke skin).
52. “Whatever you need” – yeah, I bet the humor fell from his eyes. This dude has a remarkable amount of self control and I know that Anna wouldn’t tease him deliberately in this Logi form, but goddamn. Is she really that oblivious to the effect she has on him? Her inability to pick up on that would be keeping in line with her low self-esteem in this story. This is basically the equivalent of placing a chocolate bar in front of my pre-schooler and saying “Now, don’t eat it”.
53. Because, of course, the guy is going to go for it. And he isn’t being overly aggressive about it. And I like that Anna is able to initially respond to it in a positive fashion where even if her ever-present ambivalence is in full swing, she’s acknowledging her own desire for this to happen and it’s not a terrible experience. Right up until she starts to have the PTSD kick in full swing.
54. “He presses his forehead to hers breathing as though his lungs are shredding” – it’s always good to remember that all of this is having an impact on poor Bjarg. He is respectful and loving and very tender, but that doesn’t mean that he must not want to slam his dick in a drawer from time to time. I think he wants her very, very badly and while he would never cross the line, there’s an emotional and physical toll for him. I think there’s a lot to be said in that sigh for “I get that this girl has been through a lot, but I need to go slam my dick in a drawer”. Or the barn/masturbation theory because Bjarg is only human.
55. I love the last few lines and I am dying to know what her thoughts about his statement are going to be in the next chapter. Granted, they can always do what they did in the cave and try to carry on like nothing happened, but I don’t that’s what either of them want deep down regardless of whether or not that believe this situation can persist. Anyway, if you made it this far then kudos to you for enduring my verbal vomit. As always, it’s been a privilege to enjoy this world that you’re building.
These are as far as I’ve gotten: Chapter 18 and 19. I think 19 is a strong contender for my favorite chapter in Wandering Hearts. Relevant information if you’re reading these: My husband is about a foot taller than me, so I have a lot of thoughts about height difference based off of personal experience. They, uh, kind of come out here. @ravenwritesstuff, as always, you are an inspiration and a bloody national treasure.
Alright, Chapter 18. This is a rough one.
1. “For being such a mountain of a man, he makes little sound upon impact.” I fucking love this description. I can hear the “thud” in my head (granted, we’re in the middle of a Nor’Easter where I live so I’ve got snow on the brain and heard several people plop into it today) so clearly and I love this wording.
2. “She needs him to get up now, but he does not - so she falls. She will fall for him, she will always fall if it means bringing him to his feet.” “She will fall for him” – well, good to see she’s admitting it to herself. Damn your double meanings and all the feelings they create!
3. I have to hand it to her for not shaking him and just patting different parts. I would be smacking the dude so hard in the face his teeth would be coming out.
4. “She is not helping, she needs to be helping” Wince. I think you really got her sense of helplessness across very realistically with her frenzied thoughts and running through one unrealistic option after the other. Especially when she starts trying to drag him. Fun fact: my husband and I are about the size of Kristoff and Anna. And I once had to drag his half-conscious, dead-weight heavy ass about thirty feet. It went about as smoothly as Logi’s attempts. So A+ for realism.
5. I think my previous comments re: Nordic Hillbillies has made it clear that I’m not a fan of them or their culture. But I will give them credit for not letting Nadir pull a cheap shot and for offering Logi help even when she’s being suicidally proud. It reminds me of when Anna is trying to climb up that cliff face on her own or when she chucks a snowball at Marshmellow, the giant snow monster. It’s a nice transition of consistent characterization and how it would manifest in a “realistic” setting.
6. Trygve. Trustworthy, eh?
7. Oh snap, ol’ Trusty has his sword out!
8. “Akvavit will do”. I do like him here. He’s a practical man. I think he embodies “Lawful Neutral” in the sense that he’s going to follow the idiot code of the hills. He’ll burn a woman, but he’ll try to make right someone cold clocking the dude escorting that woman. And in this era, yeah – you might as well get ‘em drunk.
9. “Where yer from – do they let men die in their beds to spite the ones who carried them?” He also calls Logi quite succinctly on her airs.
10. I like that she tries to think “What would Alva do?” because that’s a good instinct.
11. “If he wakes he will prefer to see your face to mine”. Ha, truer words . . .
12. So part of me kept thinking “Dude, why are you hacking these two off at you so much with your sass when they really are working to save his life”, but I think her sentiment of “If Bjarg is to die this day, she may as well go too” explains her actions nicely.
13. “She does not watch. Cannot. She hears Trygve move, hears a disgusting sizzle, smells the sickening sweet char of burning flesh and her stomach turns. She has smelled this before coming from her own body”. Yes, I imagine that the smell of burning flesh is still rather triggering for Anna.
14. “Get out”. And, of course, Bjarg picks right up on Logi’s attitude as soon as he’s awake.
15. “Her – lost, alone […] Think of yer wife”. It’s also quite impressive that even when LL points out she would have probably died if they hadn’t helped, Bjarg just keeps right on going. I think that really illustrates the rancor.
16. Trygve out.
17. “Here is how I would have you”. I mean, how can you even have an internal struggle against that after how your day has gone? But leave it to Logi.
18. Oh, no shit? You love him? Really? Everyone who’s surprised raise their hands? What? No one? Ok, then.
Alrighty, Chapter Nineteen here we go:
1. Awww. She’s starting to think of him as “her husband” automatically. As to why he’s holding her . . .well, I have my personal bias beliefs, but big dudes need tiny teddy bears. It’s totally for comfort, Anna.
2. “She knows the area better now, has her bearings, if she can make it to the pass before it closes- “ But seriously, you need to stop about taking off. I hope this line of thought is in response to her concerns that he doesn’t trust her to take off again. Because, Logi, if experience should have taught you anything it’s not only that you’re gonna die, but Bjarg is gonna get into deeper trouble whenever you run.
3. “She wants to stay. She needs to leave”. Given her constant rumination on the danger she poses to Bjarg (which is fitting, rumination is a key part of depression and anxiety which runs in her family), don’t you think these two would be fabulous candidates for couple’s therapy? Yes, excellent thoughts on love but you NEED TO STAY. I mean, how many people need to die, Logi?
4. “She will feel the tug of his heart where it is bound to hers with every step, every beat, every breath until she dies”. This is just unfair.
5. “She could take him with her” – RIGHT!? JUST MAKE UP SOME SHIT AND GO! I mean, yeah, he might already have you tagged as Princess Anna, but surely knowing that Big Sis Snow Queen Who Can Freeze Off Important Bits is a friggin’ motivator. Fucking bring it up! Let him give you a reason to not do it! Don’t assume!
6. “She will be his winter bird” – can I just say how much I love this line in light of you having Kristoff internally describe her as “his fragile bird”? Which, again, how dare you?
7. YES! FINALLY! She’s starting to try and plan a future with him. Hell yes it will bring you peace.
8. I love everything about how you write her waking up to find him watching her and holding her close. I’m sure she’ll get to the point where she feels comfortable with spontaneous soft touches of affection. You know, if everyone doesn’t die first.
9. “I needed to see with my own eyes that you were here and unharmed” – aww. I guess having someone warm and snuggled against you and their heart beating through their back and against your chest while they breathe steadily with sleep isn’t reassuring enough. Ooh! I wonder if he noticed her heart start pounding when she woke up.
10. “I do not know why you are here”. This is an interesting line. It could be that he knows who Anna is and doesn’t know why fate has brought her there. It could be that he doesn’t know who she is and has no idea why fate has brought her there. Or in either scenario, why she hasn’t taken off. Again. Since she seems to have a knack for doing it at SUPER inopportune moments. OR, the poor sod might have no clue of her feelings for him which is . . .actually really sad. I hope he has some inkling that she’s there because she loves him and not out of obligation for his heroics or lack of other options.
11. “She thinks of revealing her plan for migration – the extent of her feelings – the intensity of the tattoo that her heart pounds into her every breath – but she won’t. It’s not the proper time”. I have to agree with the girl that feverish dreams are probably not the time to dump a very long monologue onto the boy. But a quick kiss would’ve been nice.
12. “An unfamiliar curl” and “His expression darkens at her evasion”. Mm. Maybe he’s starting to lose some patients. Also – fever and wounds.
13. “I want to know why you are here”. Oh. Oh. Oh. Buddy, what DID you think those two were going to tell her? And what do you think they could say to her that would piss her off enough to leave? Mommy being burned as a witch would only endear you more to her. Worried that they might spill the beans about your past interactions with the Royal Family and shatter the trust she has in you?
14. “Because you oaf” Awwww. “I am your wife.” AWWWWWWWW. This is a very sweet and very real scene.
15. Daaaaaaaaamn. THAT is a kiss. And I love Logi’s thoughts regarding color and their meanings during this. And that as he warms to the kiss she totally loses her train of thought. Yeah, yeah, you have a thirsty readership. I mean, we’ve been living on a handful of kisses for years. It’s gonna be what it’s gonna be.
16. “She thinks to turn and haul him atop her and simply let his weight crush her into blissful oblivion”. Ah, what a way to go.
17. “I will protect you as you have protected me”. GOOD.
18. “She manages to extract herself from his hold inch by inch” – this is no joke. I worry that my husband will roll over on me and die and I’m going to be found weeks later by EMS having been crushed or starved to death. The partner who has a foot on your risk is real!
19. “It is as if no one cared to measure his worth by anything but his birth […] she knows that birthright all too well”. You know – this actually lends an interesting dimension to their canon relationship if that’s how it plays out for Kristoff.
20. Re: Logi’s thoughts while observing him: Alcohol. I know it’s not healthy for all your issues, but seriously – you both need to just decide to have a serious chat and get tanked before it.
21. Ha, he would pop up right after she finishes mucking the stalls. Good on Anna for getting about and being determined to learn how to continue adapting to this world and making herself useful.
22. I wonder if he remembered earlier when she was like “Naw, I’m staying with you ‘cause I’m your wife” or if he woke up like WTF is she!?
23. “Then tell me, you stubborn man!” Yeah, Bjarg, stop being a dick. “Stubborn man”. What is wrong with these people? Submersion burn? Better grab the bucket! Head wound and blood loss? Let’s muck some stalls! People, the point of being unexpectedly married is to tell the other person what needs doin’!
24. I mean, he could have been concerned about her finding the mysterious tapestry, but she’s mucked out the stall before. Granted, not alone.
25. So is this what he made with the wood that Alva was asking about? A Promise Chest? Or did he make it earlier? So many questions.
26. “That is where I will carve your name. I will carve your name there.” Damn.
27. “The conviction in his voice sends sparks down her spine and she knows he is just waiting for her to give him that truth. He is waiting and will wait till she is prepared, but he will also lean”. DAMN.
28. I mean, better than finding the chest with “ANNA” written on it . . .
29. So if mom wasn’t a weaver then how the hell did the tapestry get made? Hopefully we’ll find out in a future installment of “Raven Hurts Her Readers But They Like It”.
30. “What was your mother’s name”. This totally caught me off the mark. I figured that Kristoff was making some kind of in-joke about Anna when he named her that. I NEVER thought it was going to be his mother’s name. It does beg the question of what would have happened if Cotter Raggi had asked for her name. And then shared it with the Nordic Hillbillies. Is there any way that would’ve ended well?
31. “I’ll move it to the house when you tell me you want it.” He says as if he would carry it for her now if she asked, as if he could overcome his limitations just by willing it.” I mean, men are stupid. He probably WOULD try if she told him to.
32. “She knows it is not that simple: his healing, her speaking”. Also, he’d hurt himself trying to move that damn heavy chest.
33. Dude, you don’t WANT the chest to disappear. You love the guy. Winter bird! And let’s be honest, if Elsa suddenly showed up on your doorstep with an explanation for everything that had happened, would you really be inclined to just head on home with her and forget Bjarg? HELL NO! You’d set her on the Nordic Hillbillies (actually, I see Elsa doing this of her own volition) and stay with him.
