#rays random thoughts

[notraylen]

At night intrusive thoughts invade my mindspace screaming ‘you’re not worth it’ on repeat.

I wish i could hit mute

[notraylen]

1 am thoughts:

I wish, so much more than to carry the burden or wanting to feel loved so much i put myself in situations where it turns into unrequited feelings. That happens so much and i don’t think my heart can take another beating.

If i could learn to stop trying i wouldn’t really be the hopeless romantic i claim to be now would I? No, i’ll die on this fucking hill.

Someone come and claim my heart, please.

[notraylen]

6am thought:

I make posts constantly about myself in hopes i can laugh at the ridiculousness of it all and smile the sadness i feel away, and it works almost everytime. Until it comes around again, like an old friend i greet the feeling warmly and brace for impact.

My body and soul feel empty more often than not. I think i enjoy being loved a lot more than loving someone and i can never truly put my all into a relationship which has sadly been my downfall.

It doesn’t help that i feel unwanted when people forget to message me back. In my head i know they’re busy and people have lives and no one truly owes me their time. I just- am blue.

I can be surrounded in a room filled with people i love and cherish dearly yet still feel solitary.

I’m, me.

[notraylen]

4 am thoughts:

I really just want some cuddles and hand hugs, that’s it 🥺

[notraylen]

2 am thoughts:

Giving my entire being to someone and in return getting nothing has caused me a great deal of pain quite often. I just wish to be loved equally as much as i love is that too much to ask?

Being a hopeless romantic sucks, i fucking hate it here

[notraylen]

Random 5 am thought:

Laying here thinking of things i look for when i try to court someone, and it’s not much.

They’d need to be shorter than me, be willing to sing duets with me in public, be able to beat me in a best of 5 game of rock, paper, scissors and last but not least be able to be nerdy with me 24/7.

That’s all.

[notraylen]

Finished Little Women and now i’m just crying while listening to my characters playlist at 3am.

[notraylen]

I really needed that talk to get everything out in the open. I’m really glad i did that. Love isn’t just romantic and we need to remind ourselves of that every single day. If they’re reading this, they know who they are. Thank you.