Heard you were looking for Bertholdt requests... could I get just general Bertholdt relationship headcanons?
YES YES YES. BERTHOLDT REQUESTS YES.
You didn’t specify if it’ll be modern or canon so I’ll go modern <3
tagging @bertlebear bc she’s a Bert simp and o forgot to greet her a happy 400 & she deserves to wake up to bert headcanons <3
SFW AND NSFW (UNDER THE CUT) +18
———
GENERAL DATING BERT HEADCANONS!!
I think he’d be perfect boyfriend material, he’s very mature and can play childish time to time.
He’s a little awkward on the first few dates, but it’s okay, he warms up to you after 4 dates or so.
I believe that you guys own a pet cat. He named his cat snickers. Yes, the candy bar.
Favourite thing to do?? Go to a bookstore and read a bunch of books while drinking coffee you got from Starbucks.
Favourite time for both of you? Tickle time. Both of you know where your tickle spots are, so sometimes you guys would start a tickle war outside and tickle each other mostly at work.
You guys have little 3 am talks when you both can’t fall asleep, sometimes you guys go to stargaze on your roof or sometimes you just hold each other and tell each other I love you’s.
He doesn’t really consider big events as dates, like dinner or a movie, he thinks every single time you ask him to come over is a date, whether it’d just be you and him baking, or watching a movie or just goofing off, he really likes to cherish his time with you.
God the thoughts this man has on the daily about you. He thinks you were some kind of gift god sent him, he can’t help but imagine your soft lips intertwining with his, your gentle hands caressing his face. Your fingertips wiping away his tears whenever he cries.
God he loves you so much. You don’t even know.
He’s kinda the type to like forget he had a valentine’s date with you, genuinely because I feel like he’s a forgetful person. You kinda have to find the right day to tell him. It can’t be too advanced (like week’s advance) or too close (a day before event). 2-3 days before event is good.
pls pls pls, hug him while he’s asleep, he gets frequent nightmares and he hates waking up alone. He just softens when he realizes your arms around him. He hugs you tight, afraid to let go.
You and him, and his cat are like family, Snickers is both your guys’ baby.
His favourite names to call you: the classics, baby, babe. sweet girl. bunny. mama cat.
Your names to call him: papa cat. prince. darling. sweet.
SOFT BERTHOLDT ASIDE. LETS TALK ABT HOW THIS MAN’S SIZE AMAZES ME.
he’s a grower not a shower— he’s a fair size, 7-8 inches perhaps? 9 when hard—
He’s a switch, definitely, he can either break your back, or make you feel like the baddest bitch in the world, he’s tall, topping a tall man can probably make you feel confident.
He prefers morning sex, he loves seeing your scrunched up face in the morning light, some how the sun rays just hit you so perfectly and you look so angelic under or on top of him. He just can’t get enough.
He doesn’t like trying too many new things, I mean he’ll try it with you, just making do a lot would overwhelm him.
So far his kinks are, praising, mirror sex, hair-pulling.
No bc I would want him to whisper how much of a good pet I am while he pulls my hair. IM SORRY. IM GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.
One time you wore a bunny suit for him and he frothed over his mouth. Like pls, you couldn’t leave the bed for like a day bc he kept wanting more.
When you guys have intimate sex, not just a rough fucking. He’s very gentle about you, he knows to ask for consent when he’s going near spots you’re insecure about.
If you allow him, he leaves trials of soft kisses around your insecure area, explaining that you are the most beautiful human being he’s ever set his eyes on.
You guys probably do sleepy sex, you guys curl around each other and he just lazily thrusts into you, still tired, he’s got a dazed look in his eyes as you try to get more friction from him.
You guys probably end-up just cock-warming.
His guilt pleasure is wanting to have a threesome with Reiner and you.
He feels embarrassed thinking about it and sometimes you tease him about it.
He’s a little shy when it comes to eating you out, he doesn’t want to accidentally bite you or anything, sometimes you have to guide him, and that’s okay!
He moans so breathily, you can sometimes barely hear his moans tot he point where you have to check if you’re doing something wrong.
He bites his lip when he’s about to cum lmfao, he doesn’t like cumming inside of you even when you tell him it’s okay, he feels like it’s a crime to cum inside when you’re both not married.
his aftercare is probably the best, if you have post-sex cravings, he will get it for you. Anything you need, he’ll do it.
He rubs your hips with his thumbs when he’s nervous trying out things, then you either calm him down or probably tell him that it’s okay to quit.
IT IS MARCH 23RD. ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER BERTL BRAINROT.
PRESENTING..
bakery owner!bert <3
yes, him as a baker. I think he’d be ecstatic to own a bakery! You and him would be the best baker couple ever :33 (edit: NO BC I HAD TO REWRITE THIS WHEN I THOUGHT OF BERT AS A DAD.)
lowercase intended.
tagging @bertlebear bc I’m obligated to tag her in any fic that’s bert related ☝️😌
Song fitting for baker!bert:
“bertholdt!” you laughed, he threw flour on you, making you cough as you slapped his arm. he laughed as you continued rolling the bread dough. he stopped making a mess in his kitchen, smiling as he continued mixing the filling of the pastry.
“so, where’d you get the idea for a cinnamon roll crossiant?” you asked, cutting the dough in long triangles with a dough cutter. bertholdt hummed before answering, “I have a cinnamon roll as a wife.” you gasped dramatically, as if it offended you. “I’m not that much of a softie.” you poked his cheek, flour was left on his cheek as he stopped mixing.
“you are a cinnamon roll.” he poked your nose with the cinnamon filling. you pulled away as you wiped your nose on a paper towel, feeling a sticky residue left behind. you sighed and went against to arguing back and forth with your tall baker husband.
“you’re getting so good at this.” he mumbled, looking over you filling the dough with the cinnamon filling, rolling it into a crossiant shape. you hummed as a thanks as you placed the pieces of bread onto a baking sheet. bertholdt placed a kiss on your temple as he took the sheet away from you, about to bake it.
you washed your hands, drying it with a towel as you watched your husband open the oven. “there’s...a bun.” he stated. he took hold of the bun and placed the baking sheet on a table and grabbed the bun out of the oven. “there’s a bun..in the oven..” he looked at you questioning, you shrugged, smiling.
“bert, bub. a bun. it’s a bun in an oven.” you said it slow, and he stayed quiet. you watched him calculate your sentence as he gasped, “OH wait- my baby is havin’ a baby?!” he screeched. you laughed and nodded as he pulled you into his embrace, laughing and celebrating. bertholdt showered your face in kisses, laughing and just being so happy and excited.
“i’m gonna be the best dad, ever.” bertholdt said as he rubbed your hips with his thumbs, smiling.
--- extra:
“bert I love that you’re excited but it’s almost six am and you won’t be able to open the bakery.” he winced.
honey’s notes: this drabfic is mostly dedicated to @bertlebear , as you know, she’s my wonderful moot and I have made this drabfic to celebrate her recent milestone! Please greet her a happy 500 and enjoy the fic!!
summary: you and bertholdt can’t remember the last time you guys have spent time together, you can’t help but snoop around the corps’ and hold your tall boyfriend in your arms, looking up at the stars without anyone interrupting you. (lowercase intended)
female reader.
pairing: bertholdt hoover x reader.
tw: swearing.
theme: fluff. like, sickeningly sweet fluff. a lil uh, kissing here and there.
recommended song: happiness by rex orange county.
you looked around the corners, as you held your nightgown close to you, the survey corps had retreated for the day, most soldiers were relieved as they wished nothing but to rest. Although, you wished nothing else but to see your boyfriend, bertholdt.
you missed his warm embrace, you can’t help but break corps’ rules as you planned to meet with bertholdt outside. you could feel your stomach do flips, the excitement making you fidget and the possibility of being caught making your hands sweat, and worry a bit.
you swiftly walked up to the door which led to the outside of your cabin, you could see from the door, a tall figure stood outside, fidgeting and pacing, you laughed silently as you approached him, his face becoming less and less blurry as you came closer to him, feeling mischievous, you had pounced on the poor boy.
bertholdt had almost shouted for his life as he felt your arms embrace him, his heart speeding. He turned around as you laughed softly. “Reader, you shouldn’t do that. I could shit my pants for all you know.” He scolded jokingly as you pouted, smiling soon after.
“let’s get away from here for a bit, I think I’d shit my pants if captain levi catches us.” you whispered, pulling him into a random direction, bertholdt could feel his heart melt as you looked back to strike him a smile, you guys jogged into a field, he glanced behind him as the corps’ cabins slowly shrunk in his vision.
“bertie, look at the stars, tonight. they are so pretty.” You mumbled, your head rolling back as your eyes scanned the midnight sky, the stars sparkled in your eyes as you felt completely entranced by the moon and it’s little stars. “not to be very corny, but I prefer to look at you than the night sky.” He mumbled as he held you in his arms.
bertholdt and you had sat on a hill, enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence. you switched your gaze from the stars to the man that captured your heart, you both stared into each other’s eyes, absolutely enamored.
“god, I don’t think I can stop looking at you.” bertholdt stated out loud, as you felt your cheeks warm. “you’re flustered.” he pointed out, smiling. “bert, stop!” you whined out as you squirmed in his arms. you could feel the vibrations in his chest as he let out a laugh, he couldn’t help it. you were adorable.
he leaned down a bit, his head leaning down to plant a kiss on your forehead. you felt his warm lips make contact with your forehead, your eyelids fluttered close as you basked in bertholdt’s affection, appreciating that someone could give you so much love in such a cruel world.
you had long changed positions and was now sitting in bertholdt’s warm lap, he held your lips as you snuggled your way into your boyfriend’s crook of the neck. you let out a content sigh as you held each other closely, almost a drowsiness overcoming you. “I want to get married after this whole thing, bert. Promise me you’ll survive and we’ll get to say our vows?” you sleepily mumbled, a hum coming out from bertholdt.
you could just assume that it was a hum of agreement. you shared a few kisses, you felt happy that his and yours lips fit like a puzzle. you both completed each other. bertholdt’s hold on you tightened, afraid that you’d disappear from his arms if he ever loosened his hold on you. you peppered kisses on his face as he just looked over your face lovingly, memorizing every wrinkle, ever sparkle in your eyes.
god, he loves you so much. his heart tightened, almost painful as he realized that you truly are the love of his life. “bertie, we should go back, it’s almost morning.” you mumbled, your eyes on the verge of closing and letting sleep over take you. “you getting sleepy, lovely?” he mumbled as he leaned down to snuggle his face into your neck.
you giggled softly, his hair tickling your cheek, as you nodded slightly, confirming that you were sleepy. “okay, but you gotta promise me you’ll meet me here again.” he looked at you as he lazily smiled. you nodded, putting your pinky out.
“pinky promise.” bertholdt rolled his eyes playfully at your childish behaviour as he clasped your pinky with his own. “alright, let’s go.” as you walked back to the cabin, bertholdt’s hold on your hand tightened, still a bit reluctant to let you go.
“goodnight, bert, I love you.” you greeted him a goodbye before retreating back to your cabin, your hand instantly cooling, your hand already missing the presence of his.
“i love you too, reader.” bertholdt more so mumbled into the air as he too, started to retreat to his cabin. not before stopping and watching you disappear from behind the cabin door.
he wonders, would you accept him and run away to a better life, if he ever told you why he’s truly in paradis?
[Author Note: this is literally a re-do of my headcanons bc tumblr’s being mean and deleting my drafts, anyways trying to rush another finished bc outta here 😭 also! Reminder that my requests are OPEN, don’t be afraid to send in any requests!!]
Annie knew, she actually met you at an event for those with cultures, and saw you dancing with your friends to traditional filipino folk music.
She was kinda hesitant to go when you asked her to accompany you to the Philippines, she didn’t like traveling.
She was kinda shocked on how welcoming your family was, your mom and dad hugged her out of nowhere and she just let out a squeak.
Your little sister forced her to go to SM mall with her omg- She literally came home with bags of candy.
Yes, Annie has a soft spot for your family, she probably almost spent all her money on them.
Buchi rivals her love for donuts. She looked like she discovered a new universe after eating one of them thangs.
God, help her when she’s watching filipino movies, your family encouraged her to watch movies with them, and by the end of it she was a mess, pretty sure she cried into your shoulder after watching Seven Sundays.
BUT LIKE SHE ENDS UP BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARENTS.
You see, Annie is a really fast learner, she was bound to learn to be able to speak some point in her stay.
You were shocked when she spoke back to you in tagalog, like ‘dropped my stuff out of shock’ kinda way.
IT WAS A PAIN GETTING HER INTO A BARO’T SAYA. But bribing her with Buchis got her to keep it on for like 2 hours so like..good enough.
Her favourite filipino song is Porque.
Everybody acts like it’s a concert for every karaoke night because she’s there, like she’s just THAT good.
Reiner Braun
This man was so awkward. He went on a trip with Bertholdt to the Philippines, and met you.
He didn’t think you would understand him, so he just stared at you while you talked with your friends, until you were creeped out enough and asked him if he had a problem.
When you and him started dating, you convinced him to travel all around the country.
Firstly, you guys visited your family, your dad absolutely loved him, your mom was a little bit hesitant in letting him in the family, he was blonde, big and buff. Filipinos are bound to worry. Until Reiner cooked with her, then she started to warm up to him.
Okay but why did your family’s chickens like him so much??
He likes the feeling of being around your family, him not having a dad left an impact on him and he felt complete being with you and your family, he swore to himself that he’d marry you.
He almost fainted when he found you battling with one of the kids with your pet spider, mf was deathly afraid of your spider, it was like the size of your hand pls-
I think he’d be fairly good at speaking tagalog, he’s got an accent but people can understand him.
He eats like a tito omg- You lost him at a party once and when you found him, he’s already eaten half of the barbecue.
Everyone thought he was really old, because of his beard so everyone called him tito Reiner.
He’s somewhat good with the village kids, you could see Reiner playing soccer with the kids or goofing off.
He says he doesn’t like watching Manny Pacquiao but it’s his guilty pressure.
He doesn’t really listen or watch anything filipino, but he will listen to old filipino bands if you play them in his car.
Bertholdt Hoover
HAHA PLs- you got mad at him for eating your cake and started cursing in filipino. He was confused because he thought you were just blurting out nonsense.
One second you’re explaining what you were saying and the next second y’all are on the way to the Philippines.
He sweats like a waterfall, LITERALLY. Everyone would like move away because he sweated that much.
You had a private island..because y’all were RICH rich. he was kinda awestruck, you literally just said out of nowhere.
“oh yeah, we have a private island.” ‘YOU HAVE A FUCKING WHAT??”
Poor baby was kinda intimidated by your basket-ball player of a brother, he was taller than Bertholdt omg-
You’re always worrying him somehow, he’s be on the toilet and he’d just hear you scream and he comes running down with his boxers, just to see you watching a telenovela and you had to tell him that you were just gushing over the drama.
He has never felt so embarrassed.
Am I the only one who thinks he looks amazing in a Barong?? Like he’d rock that shit-
He loves eating filipino food, he likes when you guys stay in the country and you go out to buy bread at the nearest bakery.
Like every filipino, he too, dips his bread in coffee.
He ended up learning guitar while he’s in the Philippines, the country’s filled with people who can sing amazingly, he’s bound to learn guitar.
His favourite filipino song to play is Tadhana, it’s also the only song that he knows to sing to, like he absolutely butchers pronunciation for words but this man covers it up with this song.
Zeke Jaeger
He bumped into you and you cursed at him in tagalog, he basically just fell for you at that point.
I just know your family secretly hates this man, he slapped your ass once around your mom and your dad, it’s always tense when he’s around now.
You don’t have the heart to tell him your parents saw because one afternoon, he was gushing and praising your family, you didn’t want to ruin his happiness, his dad’s barely around and his mom passed away. he’d obviously be attached.
Yes you had to talk to your parents about it, a lot of filipinos are very kinds and forgiving, so your parents were very understanding, and made sure he felt loved around the family.
He actually almost cried when your dad told him to marry you already.
He calls your parents nanay and tatay.
You got him to buy a pet spider please- You would catch him fighting a kid’s spider to the death in a match, he’d feel bad though so he buys them new ones after.
Hey this man looks so hot in a Barong, please. You guys had to book a hotel for a night for some alone time yk.
Lord help this man, he tried to do the tinikling dance and he tripped, in front of everyone.
Every night, he comes to bed all shirtless, you could just hear the air conditioner buzzing as he tells you how fun it was playing with the village kids, or talking about he and your titos had a drink while watching a boxing match.
He more so listens to various artists, he doesn’t have a favourite.
but he will replay Joseph Vincent’s filipino covers.
Pieck Finger
She was on a business trip in the Philippines, and you were coincidentally at the same bar they were celebrating at. You were by the karaoke section and she kinda just, fell in love with you. right there and then.
Honestly some people thought you guys were siblings, Pieck can be mistaken as a filipino easily so, you guys expect it from time to time.
She likes to ask from time to time to teach her guitar, your mom probably has a lot of pictures of you and Pieck.
She loves eating the food in the Philippines, she thinks the adobo is great and if you lose her in public she’s probably by a street vendor eating food.
You guys dance to old filipino songs, a replaying song for you guys is Mabagal by Daniel Padillia and Moira Dela Torre.
She learnt Moira’s Part while you had Daniel’s part.
GUys she looks so beautiful in a Baro’t Saya. And she knows it, she flaunts it so well.
You guys probably have a vacation house in the Philippines after leaving with her to go back to her country.
She helps you with packing balikbayan boxes for your family, she makes handwritten letters, she’s both good at writing and saying anything in tagalog.
Her favourite artist is definitely Moira Dela Torre, she just loves her airy voice.
Favourite Filipino Movie? Yes.
You cannot tell me she doesn’t have a shelf full of filipino movies you guys watch.
Her favourite street food is probably qwek-qwek. She likes the sauce she dips, and she probably bought almost twenty bucks worth of the fishballs.
Porco Galliard
UGh honestly he’s a little cringey when it comes to the culture, for some reason I can see him accidentally disrespecting it somehow, I can’t help it.
Your family owned a sari-sari store, and he could not help for the love of him, he ended up being the one stocking it up while you chatted with the customers.
Like Pieck, he and you dance when you’re alone, he probably learnt from Pieck too.
He listens to modern filipino artists, like Ex Battalion, Skusta Clee.
He tries hard to really be respectful, he butchers the way he says nanay and tatay but your parents appreciate the effort.
I can see him being able to secretly make amazing filipino desserts, his ube cake is bomb.
He watches Basketball with your dad, and they both drink during the match.
I can also see him being the type to scream out curses when he hurts himself, a ‘PUNYETA’ comes out of his mouth.
he doesn’t enjoy the hot weather in the Philippines, and due to that, he wears sandos all the time at home, and when he goes out, every girl always looks at him because he’s ripped, yes you’re jealous, but as you should, he’s your mans-
He also knows how use a barbecue grill? You can find him helping your family members while they’re selling barbecue.
he hates going to SM?? He just really hates going, because you genuinely just go for the food court. They sell hella good food.
One time he got chased by the village dogs, so he doesn’t go out without you or a family member.
bc I couldn’t stop thinking abt prince!bertholdt and Kristy probably had it in the back of her mind-
A Song that makes me think of this Drabble:
(lowercase letters intended.)
this Drabble is for @bertlebear <3
bertholdt had woken up from his slumber, just before the sun rose, his familiar bedroom, covered corner to corner in luxuries he’s had since he was a child, a small whine leaving his lips as he stretched, sitting up. a bundle of blankets lay beside him, your hair all sprawled all over the fluffy pillow you lay on, he laid back down, cool air from his open window made him shiver, covering his bared chest with a spare blanket. you slowly awoke, your eyes were squinted, refocusing on bertholdt’s tired and smiling face. His face didn’t show it but he was in awe, you looked so beautiful with an afterglow of last nights activities, the sun painted you in streaks of gold. You were absolutely divine in the morning hour. You saw him staring at you in wonder and laughed, your voice soft and mellow, asking, “is there something wrong, my prince?”
bertholdt’s smile grew wider, his eyes seemed to twinkle with delight, “nothing, you just look so divine, my princess.”
