Summary: Reader comes to terms with her affections for Mr. Darcy.
All writings belong to me @bakerstreethound
Prompt courtesy of @givethispromptatry
A/N: I’m using the 2005 version as reference. If you prefer the older one, just imagine Colin Firth in the place of Matthew Macfayden
Word Count: 1,605
Based off this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1yVCeXYya4
As always, an enormous shout out to @pandaqueen7799 for her friendship and help (:
I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me
This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy
I desperately hoped he wouldn’t find me in this place. Towers and spirals of bound paper surrounded me, enveloping me in the folds of their arms, reaching out to me in comfort. They were always there to dry my tears, to comfort me in the darkened times. Today felt different. I had to be away from him. The man who made my heart ache, who made me hope so foolishly, leading to my downfall. I should’ve known he would’ve left. Most of all leaving my companion Jane distraught without her beloved suitor.
Now to be led down this path of foolery! I groaned with each thought that pulsed through my head. Fire coursed through my veins, burning so deep and bright I feared it might ignite my country estate in flames. Jane had to find Mr. Bingley again. I knew she loved him, no matter how much she tried to deny it.
And yet, you deny your growing affection for him. I see the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. Cousin Charlotte’s voice rang deftly in my ears, a faint memory of the night before. Before everything changed.
I need somebody to heal
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
“From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain and disparage for the feelings of others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry!” I seethed, undaunted by his advances. “How dare you sputter your untamed affections on me! You never cared but for your own pride!”
With two strides, he stood before me, his chest pressed against mine. I stood rigid, back pressed against the marble column of the forum. Rain had begun to fall around us, unaffected by our plight.
“My pride and disdain? Had your pride not been hurt, you would've accepted my advances, and put your prejudices aside!”
I stifled a chuckle. “So now you think I’m prejudiced to you and your birthright. I made a vow and will forever keep it. I will never marry you.”
He leaned in further, I could feel the brush of his lips against mine. “Thank you for explaining so fully. Forgive me, madam, for taking up so much of your time.” With that, he took off his brisk strides unheard in the now pouring rain.
It's easy to say
But it's never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain
“Are you alright, Miss?”
I gasped, slamming the book I was currently engrossed in. I feared it was a voice - his voice. My hands trembled as I reached for the tea my maid, Anna, had placed on the table. I hadn’t noticed her arrival. She seemed unusually quiet these past few weeks. Surely she didn’t know… I shuddered, removing the thought just as swiftly as it had come.
“I’m alright, Anna. Thank you,” I nodded, beckoning her to leave; she fidgeted a moment before saying, “I know it’s not my place to say Miss, but you seem sad. Are you feeling unwell? I can turn down the bed for you.”
“A walk should do me just fine. Now leave me be. I’ll call for dinner in an hour or so.”
“Yes, madame.” With that, she scurried away, leaving me with conflicting thoughts. I needed to numb the aching in my chest. But with what?
I took a deep breath, setting my saucer down on the table, noticing a slip of paper stuck between the folds of fabric on my dress. How odd, Anna must’ve forgotten to remove a letter I placed. I opened the crisp, worn folds, inhaling its scent. I froze, almost unable to move. It was him - his writing: Our hearts bleed, there’s no easy way. You can deny all this pain. Alas throw it away, bury doubt deep within your mind.
Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
My heart churned as I balled up the paper in my fist. No more denial, maybe he was right, I couldn’t hide what ruthful doubt that slithered into my mind - a ruthless snake. But what would I say? I swore a vow, but why would my heart not listen? He knows the borders, the insults we unleashed. But why do you keep denying what’s tittering on the edge of your mind?
I groaned in frustration, tidying a loose strand of my hair before tucking away the crumpled piece of paper within the folds of my skirt. I was in dire need of a walk. Some fresh air should do the trick. I need someone to help with all this pain it’s not meant to be.
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
The birds chirped in harmony, as I walked down the garden path, inhaling the fresh scent of the roses and wildflowers father had instructed to be planted years ago; every year they came back reminded me of him, and how much the ache of his loss tore at my heart - an embedded thorn too painful to forget.
“Oh Papa, you would’ve loved to have been there when he proposed. It was at the most inconvenient of times,” I chuckled reaching out for a white rose, his favorite. “He came up to me, no reason at all, sputtering his affections and adoration. But do you know what I did, Papa?” the tears began to flow as I choked out, “ I denied him Papa, I didn’t know what to do! I feel foolish, we’re both so stubborn!”
I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to
This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you
“And was my stubbornness in vain? You are so unsure of yourself,” I froze as an amused chuckle came from beside me. The presence was overwhelming, my heart thrummed, aching to be released from my chest. I brushed the tears away on my sleeve, turning quickly to catch a glance at the tall figure who had approached at a most inconvenient time.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “You have got to be joking.”
“No, not really. You just so happened to confess your fear again into the expanse of nothingness before you,” came his stark reply.
“Please be joking,” this time I faced him, looking deep within his hazel eyes. Were they always this glorious shade of entwined green and blue? His gaze deepened, stopping my heart. The birds around us stopped singing, the trees stood unmoving, eerily quiet. The entire atmosphere seemed frozen as if a spell were cast. I foolishly hoped I hadn’t sounded desperate. The last thing he needed was another source of kindling to ignite my flames.
“I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that.” He pulled me in, grasping my waist with strong, sturdy hands. I could taste his breath on my lips as he shuddered, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. “You’re too stubborn to deny it. If your affections remain hidden, they may never come back again. It’s something I’m not willing to lose, but are you? ”
There was no time to think before his lips crashed against mine, gentle, warm, and desperate from lack of any affection. I breathed him in, wanting more, the warmth of our bodies pressed together, far too much denial and hatred swept away in a single moment. I couldn’t get enough of him as I tangled my hands in his raven locks, sighing with every touch he bestowed upon my aching body.
Now, I need somebody to know
Somebody to heal
Somebody to have
Just to know how it feels
“See, it’s not healthy to be in denial for eternity,” he grinned cheekily breaking apart to brush away an unruly curl of my hair. I smiled shyly. His fingers were so light and gentle, as if I were the most precious thing in his universe.
“Mr. Darcy, you are ever so surprising. Suppose we bestow the news upon any acquaintances?”
“Oh I suspect the news will get around to my Aunt eventually, but maybe we could continue our walk?” he questioned, raising a mischievous brow before wrapping his arm behind me protectively. I leaned into him, happy and content as we continued to stroll through the garden. The birds chirped happily and the trees now danced with ease, happiness swarming throughout the air, joyous, serene, and calm.
I couldn’t hide my smile no matter how much I tried. I was madly in love, no longer caring about the expectations of my family or scrutinizing friends. We would run away together as husband and wife.
“Mrs. Darcy, we should probably go inside,” Mr. Darcy interrupted my thoughts, bringing me to a halt by the side door where Anna was standing, mouth agape. She moved out of the way as I paid her no heed, most likely to spread gossip to the others; however, at the moment I did not care
“Oh, I guess the news can be held off just a little while longer. At least join me for some tea, darling?”
“I would like nothing more, Mrs. Darcy,” he grinned sweeping me into his arms, promises seeping from his lips. Oh what blissful eternity we would spend together as one. My heart reeled, aching with such happiness.
