I Want To Love
Request: request- heya !! could you maybe write a sister Winchester fic where the reader is being like really irritable and emotional bc she’s struggling with her sexuality, and is like really upset bc she wants to be able to have a girlfriend without feeling afraid of what other people think? and she’s afraid to open up to Sam and Dean about it bc she thinks they won’t understand ? ahhh sorry if this doesn’t make sense 😅 I’ve never requested anything b4. (Also ur fics inspired me to get back into writing !❤️)
Characters: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader, Sam Winchester x Sister!reader, reader x female!OC.
Warnings: homophobia, internalised homophobia, swearing, anxiety.
Author Note: I’m going to slowly work through my requests. It might take some time but please be patient<3.
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You were lying on your bed in the dusty motel room, your brothers were out interviewing a witness on for a case. You had read reports of a ghost that was harming residents of an old, abandoned house. You were scrolling through a tag you had found on twitter, it warmed and broke your heart simultaneously. You loved that these people were proud and comfortable with living life 100% authentically, but it also made you sad knowing you’d never be able to do that. It broke your heart knowing you’d never be able to publicly love a woman. It’s nothing to do with your family, god no, your brothers have never cared about that stuff. As long as you were happy, they were fine. However, you had always had this internalised shame for being gay.
The door opened and your brothers walked in, “how’d it go?” you asked placing your now locked phone on the bedside table. Sam and Dean took off their jackets, Sam was sat at a small table with his laptop open and Dean was sat on the bed next to you “well, you were right. It’s definitely a ghost attacking these victims” Sam said, you did a small fist bump which caused them to smile at you, “luckily the person wasn’t cremated. Her remains are still in her grave, we’re gonna grab some food and head over” he explained further. You nodded your head and scooted to the edge of the bed “does this seem like a safe enough hunt for me to partake in?or...” you asked. Dean shot you a look,
“kiddo, you know you have to rest up that ankle. I’m fine with you coming with us and helping out with the research but you gotta take care of yourself” you let out a groan and flopped onto your back, “fine” you grumbled. You had injured your ankle two weeks ago during a Wendigo hunt, it wasn’t broken, just badly sprained but that didn’t stop your brothers from overreacting. Dean stood up and hovered over you, “you hungry?” he asked, you nodded your head and sat up “you left me for three hours with no food in the motel room and no money. Of course I’m hungry, you idiot” you glared, he put the palm of his hand on your head and pushed you so you fell back onto the bed, you let out a laugh and kicked his leg, “can we go to that diner we drove past on the way here?” you asked, Dean nodded his head and turned to Sam who was typing away on his laptop, “Sammy, you coming?” he asked, Sam nodded his head and shut down his laptop. Your brothers left the motel room before you but quickly jumped when you pushed your way between them and ran towards the Impala, “I call shotgun!” you yelled at Sam whose eyes widened as he chased after you, Dean rolled his eyes but had a fond smile on his face as he watched the two of you fight over the front seat. Eventually Sam picked you up and moved you away causing you to flip him off.
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The car stopped outside of the diner, you jumped out and walked in-between your brothers. “I’ve never been this excited to eat in my entire life” you muttered under your breath. Dean swung an arm over your shoulders “we are so related” he said causing you to let out a snort of laughter.
You stepped into the diner followed by your brothers you inhaled the smell of freshly baked food, Sam motioned to an empty booth near the back, you walked over, Dean slid in next to the window and you sat next to him, Sam sat opposite the both of you. You leant over Dean slightly and grabbed a menu, you opened it and began looking through your options.
You heard footsteps skip over to where you were sat, “Hi, I’m Sophie and I’ll be serving you today, can I get you anything?” you looked up and felt your heart stop beating, your eyes widened slightly so you quickly adverted them back to the menu. You felt Dean elbow you in the side causing you to glare and hit him back “you having anything?” he asked, you nodded your head and glanced back at the waitress “yeah, I uh, could I have a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a water... please” you stuttered out with an awkward smile, you cleared your throat and handed her your menu, she took it out of your hands “awesome, be back soon!” She walked away, you followed subtly with your eyes, you quickly snapped out of it and shook your head. You look at your brothers who were smirking at you “what?” you asked somewhat defensively “you got a little flustered there, huh?” Dean asked, you narrowed your eyes at him and shook your head “no, I just think I’ve seen her somewhere before, that’s all” you swallowed nervously, luckily, they left it alone.
You were talking about the case when the waitress came back with your drinks, “I’ll bring your food out in a sec” she said with a smile, you let out a deep breath and took a sip of your water, you had said one sentence to this girl and you were already smitten and flustered, you put your water back on the table “how long do you think it’ll take to salt and burn the bones? I don’t really wanna be in that motel room on my own for hours. That place is creepy” you muttered at the end whilst taking another sip of water, “hopefully not too long, it’s a pretty cut and dry case” Sam explained, you nodded your head and let out a small yawn, “did you even sleep last night?” Dean asked, you shrugged your shoulders, your brothers knew that shrugging your shoulders was another way of you saying “no”.
Sam sent you a look of disapproval, “you need to sleep, Y/n. We don’t want you getting hurt on a hunt because you become sleepy” you looked at him and rolled your eyes, you went to speak but was interrupted by the waitress coming back over with your food “here you go! One chicken salad, and two bacon cheeseburgers with fries” she handed Dean’s over and then yours, you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion when you felt a piece of paper on the bottom of the plate. When Sam and Dean weren’t looking you pulled out the paper,
hey, I don’t usually do this but I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?
Here’s my number, let me know!
-Sophie.
You sucked in a breath a smiled a little, you quickly tucked the piece of paper in your jacket pocket and grabbed the salt and tomato ketchup, “so what’s the plan of action?” you asked whilst sprinkling salt over your fries, Sam grabbed it out of your hand and frowned “stop using so much, it’s not good for you” you and Dean shared a look before shaking your heads, “and we’re gonna drop you off back at the motel and then drive over to the cemetery” you nodded your head and grinned, it gives you a perfect opportunity to meet with Sophie.
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Your brothers had just left to finish the hunt, you had been pacing the motel room for a solid ten minutes. You collapsed onto your bed with a sigh and unlocked your phone. The cemetery was about a half hour drive away, it’d take another half hour the dig up the grave, if not more and another half hour drive back. You had around an hour and a half, two hours at the most.
You typed Sophie’s number into your phone and started typing out a text,
Hey, it’s the girl from the diner. I’m free tonight if you wanted to hang out? My brothers are out for a few hours and I'm getting a bit bored. My name’s Y/n by the way!
You threw your phone down on the bed and let out a sigh, ‘the text sounded so stupid’ you thought, you walked over to the sink and went to turn on the tap to get some water when you phone binged, you ran and dived on the bed. You opened the message and grinned.
Hey! I didn’t actually think you’d text, but I’d love to hang out. I’ve got about an hour left on my shift here if you’d like to keep me company, it’s been a real quiet night. Also, I like your name, it’s cute x
You let out a small laugh and buried your face in the blanket. You’d never been this flustered over a girl before. Granted this was the first time you’d actually tried to flirt with a girl. You shot her a text back.
I’d love that. The place we’re staying at is 10 mins away. I’ll see you soon? X
You clicked send and went to put your phone down before you quickly typed out another one.
Also, your name is cute too x
You let out a smile and grabbed your jacket, you wrote out a quick note and placed it on the table,
Got a bit hungry so I’ve headed back to the diner. Call when you’re back – Y/n x
You slipped your jacket on, pocketed your phone and some of the money Sam had left for you and walked out of the door.
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You were slightly freezing when you entered the diner, it was a cold night and you were fairly certain your hands had turned blue. You cupped your hands over your mouth and breathed hot air into them. You looked around and spotted an empty booth near the back tucked away in the corner, you walked over and sat down. You shrugged your jacket off your shoulders and rested your arms on the table. Letting out a sigh you pulled out your phone and checked the time, you had maybe an hour and a half before your brothers came back, you were snapped out of your thoughts when somebody placed a cup of hot chocolate in front of you.
You looked up and smiled, you tucked your phone away and grabbed the hot chocolate. ”Hey” you breathed, she sat down across from you with a small smile on her face, she had deep dimples on both sides of her mouth, her emerald green hair was pulled up in a tight ponytail and the apron she was wearing had coffee stains over it. “Hi” she giggled, “how’re you?” she asked, you nodded your head “I’m good, thanks for the hot chocolate. It’s freezing out” she nodded and smiled “it’s fine, your lips were practically blue. I didn’t want you to stay freezing” she looked down for a quick second and looked back up at you “so, I’m guessing you aren’t from around here?” she asked, you let out a small laugh and shook your head. You took a quick sip of hot chocolate, “no, me and my brothers are from Lebanon. We travel a lot though for... work” you furrowed a brow whilst you tried to explain the complexity of your situation, “hunters, right?” she asked.
Your eyes widened which made her laugh, “I mean c’mon. You guys roll into town days after a mysterious murder? Plus this a small town, one of our regulars came in and told me about how some guy knocked on his door claiming to be FBI but then started asking him about cold spots and flashing lights” you let out a small breath and started laughing. You looked up at her and tilted your head “how did you find out about the things that go bump in the night?” you asked, she sighed “my dad use to hunt a lot. One night he went out to hunt a vamp nest but he didn’t come back... we don’t know if they turned him or killed him” her voice was quiet and her eyes were downcast, you reached over and grabbed her hand “I’m sorry that happened to you, I know what it’s like to loose somebody you care about... it’s not great” you sympathised, she slowly laced your fingers together and smiled softly “yeah, I guess it helps talking about it... my mom acts like it didn’t happen, she’s in denial about the whole thing so talking to her is pretty useless” she explained, you gave her hand a gentle squeeze which caused her to look up at you “you can talk to me” you offered, she smiled and nodded her head.
It had been about half an hour since you arrived, you had talked a lot about hunting, she had asked you about what it was like living with your brothers, you asked her about school. She was a little jealous about the fact that you didn’t have to go.
“I swear Sam is so overbearing with school stuff. The second we found the bunker he started researching schools in the area” you laughed whilst eating a fry, “we came to a compromise that he would just home school me instead, I thought it’d be awful but it isn’t too bad” she let out a laugh, “what did Dean think about it all?” Sophie asked with a fond grin on her face, you shrugged your shoulders “he didn’t really care... I mean don’t get me wrong, he did try to talk me into going to school a couple times but when he realised I wasn’t budging he gave up, left it all to Sam” you smiled, it’s rare you get to recounter the good memories you shared with your older siblings, it was nice being able to talk about them this way.
Sophie looked at you for a few seconds and you stared back, “are you out yet?” she asked, you froze slightly but managed to shake your head, “I’ve been debating it... I know they wouldn’t care, they’d be happy for me either way but I’m still just so scared, y’know? I mean, even I’m still battling with myself about the whole thing... I just don’t think I’m quite ready, I’m almost there. It’s just going to take a little more time, I think...” you trailed off, it was her turn to grab your hand this time, “whatever you decide to do, I’m here for you. You don’t have to rush this, take your time” she said rubbing her thumb across the skin of your hand. You smiled softly and clasped her hand in yours, “thank you, it means a lot” she smiled and brought your hand up to her mouth and gently placed a kiss on your knuckles, “anytime”.
Your little moment was interrupted by your phone ringing, you sighed and answered it,
“Hey, Dean.... I’m at the diner, got a bit hungry but I left a note...” you rolled your eyes, “I didn’t call or text because I didn’t want disrupt you guys” Sophie stifled a laugh, you grinned at her “nah it’s fine, I’ll walk back, kay see ya!” you hung up the phone and huffed out a breath which causes Sophie to let out a laugh “never have older brothers, they suck” you rolled your eyes, she smiled and nodded “duly noted” she checked the time whilst you looked around the empty diner “wanna help me close up?” you nodded your head and stood up, you helped her collect the dishes and clean them, it was quiet but it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable. It felt right.
You were drying and putting the dishes away whilst she cleaned them, “hey, Y/n” you turned and was met with soap suds to the face, your lips quirked at the sound of her giggling, “I’m glad you found that funny” you said whilst wiping them off your face, you grabbed a handful and covered her head with it, you were both laughing, you handed her the towel as she dried off her head whilst you wiped your face with the other one, you placed your towel on the counter and looked at her “you uh.. You missed a bit” you said pointing, she tilted her head to the side, “let me just-” you gently took the towel out of her hand and patted the part of her head that was still damp with soap suds, you cleared your throat as you put the towel back down, you turned your back and finished drying the rest of the dishes, you grabbed for a cup when you felt her grab your hand, you looked at her to find her already staring at you. You smiled softly, “hey” you whispered, she laughed “hey” she stepped closer and you could feel your heart jump into your throat.
You looked down as she intertwined her fingers with yours, you smiled softly and gave her hand a small squeeze. With a slow exhale you looked up to find that she was pretty much toe to toe with you. She reached up and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, she went to speak when a knock on the diner door sounded, you stepped away and looked over to the door, you had let out a groan of annoyance when you saw your oldest brother stood there, Sophie shot you and amused grin when she walked over and unlocked it allowing him to enter.
You stepped out of the kitchen, “Dean, I told you I was going to walk back” you said, he shrugged his shoulders, “it was getting late, plus I don’t think you’d wanna walk back in that” he gestured outside, you pulled a face at the sight of the pouring rain.
Dean turned to Sophie, “you need a ride home?” he asked, she shook her head but grinned over at you “nah, I'm good. I’ve got a car” she pointed towards the red Jaguar. Dean nodded in approval “is that the 1994 XJS model?” he asked, his interest suddenly peaked, Sophie nodded her head. You looked at Dean, “so, are we heading back or?” you asked, he snapped out of whatever trance he was in “sure, grab your stuff, I’ll go wait in the car” he walked out and jogged towards the impala.
You turned back to Sophie, “I’m sorry for him. He sees a nice car and turns... weird...” you trailed off as you slipped your jacket on, she shook her head “it’s fine... so this is goodbye, huh?” she said, your turned towards her with a small frown on your face and shook your head “no, absolutely not. I’d love to see you again... I’m about an hour out, so it’s not too far” you shrugged, she smiled and nodded “I’d love to see you again too... we’ll have to plan something” you nodded, it was silent for a while “what were you going to say? Before Dean interrupted...” you asked, she stepped forward “I was just wondering if I could kiss you...” she trailed off looking down at the floor, you smiled softly and stepped closer to her, you were eventually toe to toe again, she looked up at you “okay” you spoke softly.
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You ran towards the Impala, the rain was coming down a lot heavier. You opened the passenger door and sat down, you closed the door and turned your hands towards the heaters “I hate the rain” you grumbled. Dean chucked and slowly drove out of the parking lot.
It was silent for the majority of the car ride, that was until Dean spoke up. “I uh... I wasn’t interrupting anything back there, was I?” he asked, you froze and turned to him. You quickly shook your head, “no, I was helping her clean up and got soap on my face, there was still some in my hair so she was getting rid of it” you spoke, you hated lying to your brother but it was easier than the truth, “you sure?” he asked, you nodded your head, “okay” he spoke.
You jumped out of the impala and into the apartment, throwing your jacket and phone onto the bed, “hey, Sammy. Gotta pee” he laughed when you raced past him into the bathroom, Dean walked in after you and shook his head, “dude, what took so long?” Sam asked, Dean shrugged off his jacket and sat on the bed “I was waiting for Y/n, she made friends with that waitress from earlier” Dean explained, Sam furrowed his brows at his brother, a sign he knew there was more. Dean let out a sigh “I think I may have interrupted something... I don’t know, when I asked her about it, she lied. Do you think she’s hiding something?” Dean asked, Sam pondered for a moment “possibly, but we shouldn’t grill her about it. She'll tell us eventually” Sam said, hoping his idiot of an older brother would listen.
Dean sighed, he was about to talk when your phone interrupted him, you had a text. Dean looked down at your phone and then over to Sam whose head was wrapped up in research. He subtly grabbed your phone and flipped it over so that the screen was facing him.
Hey, I had a lot of fun tonight. It was great meeting you... I guess we could count this as our first official date? I hope we can see each other again... soon...
-Sophie x
Dean’s eyes widened, “I knew it” he muttered causing Sam to look up from his computer in confusion, “I knew I was interrupting something, read this” he said standing up, he passed the phone over to Sam who read the text out loud, Sam raised his eyebrows.
You opened the door, “what’re you looked at?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowed when Sam hid whatever was in his hand by his leg, “what’s that?” you asked. Your two brothers looked at each other, silently communicating, “no... no you are not doing this weird telepathy thing. What is it, what’re you hiding? We said no more secrets, remember?” you explained getting frustrated. The boys looked at each other, Sam let out a sigh and held out your phone.
You furrowed your eyebrows and snatched it away from him, “why were you looking at my phone?” you asked defensively, you saw that you’d had a text from Sophie, you read it and froze. You felt tears rush to your eyes and you started shaking, “you read my text?” you asked not looking at either of them.
The silence was deafening, “why the hell would you do that? Haven’t you ever heard of privacy? God, I can’t believe you did this!” you yelled, you walked towards the door but was stopped in your tracks by Dean grabbing your arm. You yanked it out of his grip and glared at him, “what?” you spat causing his gaze to harden, “hey, you don’t get to run out. We need to talk about this” you rolled your eyes, “talk about what? You already know what it is, you invaded my privacy!” tears filled your eyes, “you had no right to do that. You had no right to look through my phone, either of you!” you walked over to the bed and sat down, “I wasn’t even ready to tell you guys... Every time I’ve thought about telling you I’d just choke up. It was like the words were in my mouth, but I just couldn’t say them” you explained with tears rolling down your face, “I mean, I’ve felt so isolated and alone because I couldn’t talk to anybody about it, it feels like a weight on your shoulders and it’s so exhausting, carrying it is so exhausting” you whimpered, you didn’t notice that your brothers were now sat on either side of you with tears in their eyes, “hiding this, it’s been so difficult... there’s always been a part of me that hates the fact that I like girls. It absolutely despises it. Which sucks because I can’t change who I am and I don’t want to change who I am... I don’t know what to do” you finished, quiet whimpers leaving your mouth.
Dean grabbed your hand, “I’m proud of you... I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling... I’m sorry I invaded your privacy” he paused and looked at Sam, “we both are, but you don’t have to go through this on your own. We’ve got your back, kiddo” he said whilst brushing away your tears with his thumb, “Dean’s right, Y/n. Sure we don’t know how this feels but we can try our best to understand” he knelt down in front of you, “but you’ve gotta talk to us. We can’t help if you keep things bottled up.” he picked up your phone and held it out in front of you, “I think the best place to start would be to text that girl... she clearly cares about you. You can’t be scared forever, sweetheart” you took the phone out of Sam’s hand and sighed, you placed it beside you.
You rested your head on Dean’s shoulder and grabbed Sam’s hands in yours, “I love you both, so much” you whispered, “love you too” “love you too, kiddo” they replied back.
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