The Rejection of Violence
I used to be the person with an eye for horror. I’m an old Goth I admit it, but lately, since I came out as Aro/Ace and especially living as a Vegan I’ve misplaced my taste for violence. Violence to me is not just the physical act of violence of one human to another but Violence is the non-consensual flow of information that is at odds with my very being.
It just seems to me that everywhere I go is a violent attack on my being. The buildings, the cold grey wet stone of the city, the constant flow of traffic, billboards everywhere. It just seems this endless flow of media that is fake, violent plots that are ridiculously romantic or involve death or murder or suicide or the mystery of these things. People that are hetero and white and rich and people that are cops that ‘kill’ bad guys or movies about mob bosses or Femme Fatales or fast cars.
I never really encountered these things in my life. I don’t want to be vicariously entertained by these things. I’ve never killed an animal to eat it, I’m pretty kinky but it’s mostly playful and definitely consensual, I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction or anything close to it. I don’t own a fast car, I like my motorbike. I like soft airy electro or hard dark sludge metal, I draw and paint and read good books, (lately more non-fiction) I despise sports and think cross-stitch is awesome. I bake, I shop at the local organic food co-op and I actually spend time (when I’m not studying) with real people mostly cats.
Being able to watch horror and senseless violence on TV says to me something is wrong with how I’m feeling. It isn't entertaining to be detached from what I’m feeling or experiencing. That’s called de-sensitisation. It means I’ve become numb to my natural human instinct for compassion and empathy.
TV is the apathy creation tool of modern life.
It’s just like a drug, people desire to be numb, not awake and self-aware. Because if you have to actually feel those things then you would feel actual pain and in order to not feel the pain you would have to change your behaviour.
This change can be scary for some people. It’s better to not feel at all--that’s what all this violent media, sport and television say to me. DON’T FEEL! It’s DANGEROUS. Or ‘YOU HAVE TO FEEL IT THIS WAY’. Bollocks.
I don’t think that society can ever change its fascination with vicarious living. But I can choose to not participate. Protecting my sensitive senses is actually something I can do--being active in my life means limiting TV and YouTube videos. Limiting Violent EVERYTHING. It means being active in my own learning and my being proactive about what I produce as an artist.
The Media Excludes us--me, that is unique and true. This is not a bad thing.
It just gives me more room to grow.