#reality.txt

[froggydelirious]

my inability to feel happy even when good things happen may very well be the death of me

[froggydelirious]

saying "yay" in the most deadpan voice so i appear to to others as someone who is still able to feel joy

[froggydelirious]

my samefood keeps disappearing from the walmart website and not telling me what stores have it in stock, so i just have to drive around fruitlessly searching for the only thing i can eat, using all my daily spoons in an hour. i do not have the fucking energy for this

[froggydelirious]

i really hate psychiatry. i wanna quit all this shit. i'm tired of doctors threatening me with incarceration every time i ask for help. i'm tired of the negligence and gaslighting. i'm tired of being stripped of my autonomy and abused when all i need is understanding and compassion.

i'm not getting better. the constant surveillance isn't helping me. i feel trapped. i feel like if i say anything too honest, i'll end up back in a ward, which has never done anything but horrifically traumatize me. this is not healing. this is not care. this is not help.

[froggydelirious]

i love starving myself <3 love feeling the gurgling pool of acid in my stomach grow angrier and more violent as the confusion sets in and i lose my sense of balance <3 yay <3

[froggydelirious]

i wanna murder everyone who slightly inconveniences me

[froggydelirious]

feeling the frantic and uncomfortable urge to create so i can feel useful

[froggydelirious]

imagine having money and friends and not living in squalor