#rebeccatonkin

[rebeccatonkin]

COVID-19. *Luke Hemmings*

*Luke's pov*

Sitting on my bed while playing the guitar was probably one of my favourite activities ever. The power I felt when strumming the strings was indescribable. I felt alive and peaceful. This whole lockdown situation was bearable for me. No late-night concerts in a faraway country, no interviews in some hot studio in Los Angeles where there would be an annoying reporter asking me about my relationship with Y/N all the time, no awkward, ridiculous photoshoots. I could get used to this for a while. And on top of that, I get to spend a lot of quality time with Y/N. 

However, Y/N isn't feeling happy. She is sick and tired of being locked up in lockdown. She gets more and more depressed each day. Poor thing. I feel sorry for her. We have been in our house for an entire month now due to the COVID-19 outbreak. And she doesn’t seem to cope so well. 

Y/N is a very sociable person and she misses her friends. She misses going for a drink after work with her colleagues or going to the local gym. She misses the crowded, rowdy streets of L.A.

The first week was alright for her. The first day, she cleaned the entire house alone. She didn’t want my help because then she’d be finished too quickly. In the end, it took her two days. 

On the third day she worked in the garden. She started in the early morning and worked until the sun started to set. I didn’t know she had such green fingers but she liked it and I let her be. As long as she had something to do, she was happy.

On day four and five, we played board games and watched the television. She’s addicted to NCIS New Orleans and made me watch all the episodes with her. I know all about LaSalle, King and Percy now.

On the sixth day, she started to smile less and on the seventh day when all that could be done, was done, she looked sad and lost.

I tried to cheer her up by playing her favourite songs. I played them on my guitar, on the piano, acapella, whatever she wanted.

It didn't cheer her up.

The other day I tried to spoil her. I had woken up early so that I could make her breakfast on bed. She loves that. I made pancakes, eggs and bacon, toast, I pressed orange juice and made a hot chocolate with real Belgian chocolate. 

She loves Belgian chocolate.

When I went up to our room, I happily walked inside. I opened the curtains so that the sun could light up her face and showed her the homemade breakfast.

She slightly smiled at me but her eyes didn't light up the way they usually do when I make this.

I sighed deeply and made her eat it even though she wasn't really hungry.

It’s time for plan C.

I told her earlier that I had an interview with the guys over Skype and told her that I had to be alone in the living room. I basically locked her up upstairs and handed her a glass of iced tea and her favourite cookies. I said that I’d call her once I was ready. I felt bad for lying but it was for the best.

While she was upstairs, I hung up fairy lights, I put pillows and blankets on the couch to add some cosiness and dimmed the lights. I lit what felt like dozens of candles and turned up some soft relaxing lounge music. I put on her favourite movie, I put popcorn on the table and poured two glasses of red wine.

Now, all that's left to do is call her.

"Y/N, can you come for a sec, I gotta show you something!"

“What do you need to show me? Is the interview done?” she shouted from up in our bedroom. “Yes, it’s over!” I try not to grin too much when she walks down the stairs. 

“Come.” I grab her hand and lead her to the living room. Her eyes grow wide and they light up. Finally. She takes in the scene in front of her. The fairy lights, the many cushions, the popcorn, her favourite movie and the candles.

“This is beautiful!” she gasps and smiles at me. I nod in agreement and lead her over to the couch.

“But what’s the occasion?” she asks suspiciously.

“You,” I chuckle. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her hair. 

“You’ve been looking glum ever since this lockdown started. I know you want to hang out with your friends and go to work and go shopping but we can’t... I can tell it’s difficult for you.” I sit down on the couch with her and look into her eyes.

“Also, usually we’re both apart throughout the day, I’m in the studio, making music and you’re at your job. We’re together in the evening, not the entire day like the past weeks. We’re not used to being in each other’s presence all the time. Other couples may be fine with being with each other all the time but we need our space.”

“Lately, your smile is hard to spot and your eyes are dull. I wanted to do something to make you happy again.”

She sighs deeply and takes my hand in hers. “I’m sorry. I just feel so drained and lost... But I shouldn’t have shut you out, I should’ve appreciated what you did for me, making me breakfast, playing my favourite songs and now this.” She flails her arms in the air to indicate that she appreciates what I did with the living room and I smile widely.

“It’s alright, baby, I understand.” 

She kisses my lips hard and hugs me very tightly. “Thank you, Luke! If there is anyone I want to be in quarantine with, it’s you!”

Hello there,

Given the circumstances, I wrote an imagine about being quarantined. I hope you’re healthy! I hope this imagine will help you get through those dark days and please STAY HOME and STAY HEALTHY! 

ALSO, let me know how you’re killing time! I might turn it into an imagine!

Love, Rebecca Tonkin x

[rebeccatonkin]

Mafia. *Calum Hood*

*Y/N’s pov*

They all said that he was dangerous, that he was bad news, that he killed for a living and enjoyed the fear in his victim’s eyes.

Calum Hood was a huge person in the underworld. They say that he created it and therefore owned it.

He loved it when people saw their life passing by right before getting killed. It brought a smile onto his face and he got off on them begging him not to kill him. He was cruel, merciless and unrelenting.

He was always dressed in black. Black boots, black jeans and a black shirt, sometimes paired with a black blazer or leather jacket. 

He had short black hair and numerous tattoos that littered his arms, his chest and his hands. It made him look even more menacing.

He had broad shoulders and thick-muscled arms. When you weren’t too intimidated by his appearance, you could see his faintly lined abs through his tight black shirt. 

He was in control, he had the power and he sure as hell radiated it. 

Or so they said.

I’ve lived here forever and I’ve heard everyone’s stories but I never paid much attention to them.

Until now. 

“Wait, Y/N!”

It’s past midnight and I’m in a hurry to get away from him and that dangerous alleyway.

It’s where criminals do business, where police officers don’t dare to come and where the shiftiest bars are located. 

It’s where the normal world meets the dark underworld. 

And it’s where tonight turned out to be different than my usual Friday nights. 

I know that I shouldn’t be here but he was so sweet and so gentle earlier that he tricked me into coming here with him. I should’ve known better but my mind was too clouded from all the alcohol I’d consumed earlier with my friends at the club.

He took advantage of my drunken state. He whispered sweet nothings into my ear and gently touched my waist. He danced with me and twirled me around like they do in the movies. He kissed me as if his life depended on it. It was sweet and passionate yet hungry and impatient. I’d been very stupid and I wished that I could turn back time.

“Y/N, for god sake! Wait a second and let me explain myself!”

He was faster than me, I could tell by his quickening footsteps but I kept on running like crazy. My chest was burning and my throat and mouth felt dry. I didn’t look behind me, my feet kept going and I turned yet another corner to try to get rid of him.

*Earlier on*

I was having the time of my life. I was dancing with my two best friends in the fanciest club in town. We were downing Strawberry Daiquiris like crazy, it was fun, careless and chill. It was different than the other Friday nights when we’d watch a movie together and eat crisps because tonight we had something to celebrate. We officially graduated tonight.

The three of us were dressed up in the most beautiful gowns ever. Mine was red, glimmery and very elegant. I felt like some princess from a faraway country and radiated confidence. I was on top of the world and he must have noticed that as well.

He slowly walked over to me from the bar, not once breaking eye contact. My breath had hitched in my throat, my pulse had quickened and my senses had heightened. He was drop-dead gorgeous and he only had eyes for me.

“Shit,” I cursed under my breath and both my friends winked at me before disappearing into the crowd to leave me alone with this hot stranger. 

Black hair, dark brown eyes and plump, kissable lips. 

I knew he was trouble. I fucking knew it yet I didn’t care. I didn’t care about any of these stupid, ridiculous rumours and that’s when I made the first mistake of the night. I let him in.

I was mad at him and myself but I was even more furious at the people that spread all the rumours about him because they left out how good he looked. 

His big dark eyes looked me up and down. They were dazed yet wild and his lips turned into a smirk. I was on fire and my cheeks were burning. 

He winked at me and took my hand in his. I let him. I let him sweep me off of my feet and danced with him for what felt like hours. He twirled me around like I was a princess, he slow danced with me like I was his girlfriend, he danced with me like he was Johnny and I was Baby and I was his forbidden fruit.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked curiously. I nodded my head yes. 

“I think so, you’re Calum Hood, right?”

“Yes, what about the rumours you heard about me?”

“What about them?” I yelled over the music.

He smirked and pulled me closer to him. “Well, I’m just saying that you shouldn’t believe them!” he smiled and I nodded understanding. “Let’s have fun, Calum!” I smiled back. Stupid, little me…

“You’re driving me crazy!” he yelled over the loud music and I grinned widely. “Show me!” I had yelled back and his eyes grew very dark. Instead of being scared, I got more and more confident and intrigued by him and placed a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. It was a bold move. He grabbed my hand and walked to the exit, he opened the heavy door and pressed me up against the wall of the club in the small alleyway. Was this lust or was it more? 

He smashed his lips onto mine. I kissed him back. Doing that was the second mistake I made. 

He smelt so good and so fresh. It reminded me of Canadian pines. I also smelt a hint of lemon, very sour but with a sweet aftertaste.

He slowly pulled away and traced my cheek with his calloused fingertips. “Your skin is so soft,” he whispered against my ear before placing sloppy kisses down my neck.

I put my head against the brick wall and pulled him closer until all of a sudden I heard a loud noise and both our heads snapped up in the direction where it was coming from. His eyes darkened and he immediately stepped in front of me so that his back was facing my stomach. He protectively hid me behind him while trying to figure out where the noise was coming from.

“Don’t make a sound,” he whispered sternly and I nodded in agreement. 

Three guys appeared from the shadows farther down the alleyway. They looked intimidating and my stomach twisted. It was a sickening twist as if something bad was to go down. 

Calum’s body tensed up. “Maybe I should have told you the truth earlier and before I decided to kiss you but some of those rumours that people spread about me are true.”

Just like that, my heartbeat sped up.

“What do you mean?” I hissed and tried to get away from him yet he stopped me and pushed me closer to the wall.

“Well, maybe I am dangerous… Have you ever heard of the Australian mafia?”

They’re butchers. They kill, they kidnap, they enjoy it. My heart stopped. 

I was completely sober, my mind was racing and my eyes were a little clouded. I blinked a couple of times and tried to back away from him yet he stopped me again.

The three guys were walking closer to us, they were holding something in their hands and when they stepped into the lantern light, I could tell that they were holding knives, they were scratching it against the dumpsters in the back.

Calum too grabbed a knife that he kept hidden in his jacket and I gasped loudly. 

I pushed him away and tried to even my breathing. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. I should’ve never let him kiss me, hell I shouldn’t have let him walk up to me in that club in the first place. I shouldn’t have ignored the rumours about him.

“I’ll count to three, on three, you run away from here as fast as you can. Don’t look back, don’t stop until you’re far away from here and most importantly don’t call the police,” he whispered harshly.

I clenched my hands. I was so angry. I was angry with myself for letting him close to me and angry with him for lying to me.

“Y/N, focus! On three. One, two, three, run!”

I wanted to stay and kick him where the sun never shines but I was also scared and confused. 

“Run now!” he yelled and I obeyed. I found myself running away from him. My lungs were on fire, my mouth was dry and my body was drenched in cold sweat. 

I heard a loud bang. 

I stopped running and looked back to see what had happened. 

Someone was lying on the cold, wet ground. I couldn’t see who it was but I felt nauseous when I realised it could be Calum.

He’s strong, yes, but he’s not Superman.  

All of a sudden, three other people appeared and they started beating up the three guys that were towering over the guy who was lying on the ground. He was not moving at all.

I felt tears pricking my eyes. When I blinked them away, I saw the person getting up from the ground, he straightened his clothes and looked in my direction. I was so scared… It was hard to tell who it was due to the poor lighting in the alley.

“Y/N, I told you to run!” That’s Calum, he was the one lying on the ground and now he’s running over to me.

I was too scared to wait for him so instead, I turned away from him and started to run as fast as I could. It wasn’t easy due to my red gown but at least I was trying. My stomach twisted again. I wished we never met. He’s the leader of the freaking Australian mafia and he almost got killed tonight. 

I didn’t want to be around him.

*Present time*

“Y/N wait!”

“Y/N, for god sake! Wait a second and let me explain myself!”

He quickly catches up with me and grabs my hand. He turns me around and I gasp. I’m so scared right now. Not of him but of the fact that he was their target. 

His face is swollen and bruised. His lip is busted and his hands are scraped. 

“Who were these guys?!” I ask frantically. I so badly want to take care of him and these cuts and bruises.

“American mafia…” he trails off and takes both my hands in his. “I never meant to put you in danger, I-just…”

I stare at him. I’m confused. He seems guilty and I bite my lip. What do I do? He’s part of the mafia, he’s dangerous and apparently, he carries knives around in his pockets. 

“Look, I saw you in that club and thought you were really hot. I just wanted to get to know you, I never meant to put you in any danger,” he confesses, not once breaking eye contact.

“Also, I’m sorry for lying to you.”

My heart flutters, it feels so much better than my twisting stomach.

“Let me make it up to you. Let’s forget about what just happened and let me take you out some time?”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Forget about this? “How can I forget about this?!” I yell incredulously. He smiles apologetically and takes my hands in his as he did earlier. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Sorry? You’re sorry-“ He cuts me off by pressing his lips on mine. My body is on fire, his hands are all over me and my breath is taken away.

Wow. He’s sweeping me off of my feet. Like back in the club except that I’m sober now and he’s still making me swoon.

At this moment, I don’t care that he’s dangerous and involved with bad people. Because I know that I’ll be safe with him and he’ll protect me no matter what. 

Fuck these stupid rumours.

I might regret this later on but right now I don’t care.

That’s mistake number four...

[rebeccatonkin]

Wildflower. *Ashton Irwin*

*Y/N’s pov*

Petals fall to the ground as a young man picks apart a flower and says, "She loved me, she never loved me."

He's sitting on a bench in the park. His elbows are propped up on his thighs. His hazel eyes are fixated on the small flower. He seems sad,  comfortless and heartbroken. I want to walk up to him and tell him that whatever -or better whoever- is making him so sad is not worth it and that everything will be okay.

But I don't. Cause I'm feeling just as down as he is and in the end, who am I to tell him to cheer up? I don't even what happened to him. However, I can take a wild guess since he's picking apart a flower.

All of a sudden, the man looks up at me. It's as if he could feel my prying eyes on him. I quickly look away from him and focus on a bird that's eating breadcrumbs instead.

Sometimes I wish that I was a bird. Worries wouldn't exist and I'd be free. Free to do whatever I want and go wherever I want.

I can feel his eyes on me, they're burning holes in my skin and I'm feeling really hot. In the corner of my eye, I can see him get up and throw away the flower. He seems to hesitate for a second but then decides to go for it and walks over to me.

Why is he walking in my direction? Will he tell me to mind my own business or will he ask me why I'm looking as sad as he does?

"Hey, uh- I caught you staring at me..."

I mentally pinch my skin and bite my lip instead.

"I wasn't," I rush out. I'm feeling so stupid now. Even that damn bird could tell that I was looking at him.

The blonde-haired guy raises both his eyebrows and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He's handsome. He has wavy hair, hazel eyes and tattoos on his arms.

"You were," he states ever so seriously and I sigh defeated.

"Fine, I admit it, are you happy now?" I mumble and get up. I need to get away from here, from him.

"Hey, don't go!" he exclaims and catches my wrist. "I didn't mean no harm," he whispers and quickly lets go of me.

"Why did you walk up to me?" I ignore his sad eyes and focus on my toes instead.

He shrugs his shoulders. "Because we're both heartbroken?"

How did he know that? Was it that obvious? Did my ex write 'I dumped her' on my forehead?

I can't hold back the tears from rolling down my cheeks and I feel so stupid and embarrassed. I'm crying in front of a stranger.

His eyes grow wide and for a second, he seems lost. "Can I give you a hug?" he asks sweetly.

I nod my head right away and his strong arms engulf me in what seems to be the best hug ever. "You'll be alright," he whispers and I wipe away my tears.

"How can you tell?" I ask confused and dry my cheeks with the sleeves of my T-shirt. He lets go of me and I feel colder. His body felt warm and soft and I want him to hug me again.

"Because you're like me. We're both heartbroken but we'll be alright in the end."

"You don't know anything about me," I say coldly and he licks his lips.

"You're right. I don't know you but I do want to change that."

What does he mean by that? Why would he want to get to know me?

"What do you mean?" I tilt my head a little and look up at him, curiosity is written all over my face.

"Let's get a drink together, I might be able to get your mind off of him and you're helping me as well. In these five minutes with you, I haven't thought about her. Well, until now that is..." he chuckles awkwardly and his eyes seem a little less sad than before when he was picking apart petal flowers.

"Let's be each other's distraction. I know where to get the best hot chocolates in town." He carefully smiles at me and I find myself smiling back at him.

"O-okay," I'm hesitant, after all, he's a stranger but something about him feels familiar. I like it.

In the end, I don't think it's such a bad idea. We can pour our hearts out to each other and maybe even move on.

"I'm Ashton, by the way," he smiles and picks up a flower that was lying in the grass next to the bench I was sitting on. He hands it over to me and smiles at me.

"A wildflower for you," he whispers and I carefully take it. We make our way to the exit of the park and I can't help but wonder where this little encounter will lead.

"I'm Y/N," I say while rolling the stem of the flower between my fingers.

You're the only one who makes me Every time we I'll tell you what I like My wildflower

In honour of this beautiful song: Wildflower by 5 Seconds of Summer

Credits to the awesome drawer! https://twitter.com/RoseMlek

Love x

Rebecca Tonkin 

[rebeccatonkin]

Oreo. *Shawn Mendes*

*Y/N’s pov*

“Shawn, stop the car!”

“What, Y/N, I can’t just stop in the middle-”

“Shawn! Do it now!”

Shawn confusedly parks the car beside the road. I jump out and walk back down the road we were on.

“Y/N? Where are you going?!” I hear Shawn yell from inside the car but I’m too shook up to answer him.

“Y/N?!”

“I’ll be right back!”

There it is. The small white ball of fur. It’s in the middle of the road but I can’t care less. I quickly crouch down beside the small white trembling kitten and carefully touch it. It’s made itself as small as possible. Poor thing.

I gently stroke its fur and take it in my arms. Telling the kitten that I’m here now and that I'm not going to leave it here. I quickly run back to the emergency lane where Shawn parked the car and jog over to him.

His eyebrows are knitted together, his hands are put on his hips. “What was that about? It’s dangerous to- what’s that in your hands?”

“It’s a kitten but it’s scared and I don’t know if it’s injured.”

Shawn’s eyes widen as he looks at the road, then back at his car. “Did I- you know?”

His face is pale and his eyes are filled with worries. “No, it wasn’t you. It was already there.”

An audible sigh leaves Shawn’s lips and he quickly steps closer to me and strokes the tiny kitten. “What do we do now?”

“We’ll go to the vet and they’ll know what to do.”

Shawn nods understandingly and points at the car. “Let’s get going then.”

***

A young woman, wearing a long white coat approaches us and shakes our hands. She leads us into her doctor’s office and I gently lay the white trembling kitten on the examination table. I unwrap the blanket I wrapped the kitten into to stay warm and let the woman do her job.

“It’s scared, traumatised but not injured. He’s one lucky kitten,” she says and carefully puts him back into my arms. I wrap the blanket around its tiny body and stroke the spot right behind his ears.

“So it’s a male?”

The young woman nods and smiles at me. She sits down behind her desk and folds her hands.

“What happens now?” Shawn asks and fondly looks down at the adorable white ball of fur.

“Well, you either keep him and take care of him, or I can call the local asylum-“ 

“No! Shawn, we can take him home, right?” I cut off the young woman and look at Shawn with pleading eyes. He chuckles softly and nods in agreement. “You’ve always wanted to have a cat so why not? Besides, he seems to be really comfortable in your arms.” I kiss Shawn’s cheek, smiling from ear to ear as he pays the vet.

“He’s traumatised yet he trusts you, Y/N. I think that if he were to be sent to an asylum, he’d get depressed,” she tells me and looks down at the kitten.

I nod understanding, letting the information sink in and get off the chair. I thank the young woman, shake her hand and walk out with Shawn.

I want this little ball of fur to be happy and I think we can do that by taking care of him, by providing him with food and water and a lot of cuddles and strokes.

“Can I call him Oreo?”

“He’s white, not black and white,” Shawn chuckles and unlocks his car.

“But I like it,” I pout and open the car door on the passenger’s side.

“Oreo it is then,” Shawn laughs and gets in the car. I sit down on the passenger’s seat and grin at him.

“You’re the best, Mendes.“ 

[rebeccatonkin]

Rejects. Part 3. *Luke Hemmings*

Part 1.

Part 2.

My dear Y/N, will you be my reject even though I’d never reject you. Will you be mine?

Lots of love, Luke X

*Y/N’s pov*

To say that I’m nervous is an understatement.

My hands are trembling. My heart is beating rapidly and my breaths are quick and shallow. I’m sitting on my bed, legs crossed and head against the wall. I’m trying to take calm and deep breaths but it’s difficult. Every ten seconds I get dizzy because of the nerves until the point where they make me want to throw up.

When I think about tonight my stomach gets filled with butterflies. I really want things to end well. I’ve thought about so many endings that I got even more nervous. Like what if they will never like Luke or accept him as my boyfriend? I know they think of him as a low-life. They think he does drugs, or that he smokes so knowing mum and dad, they’ll need a lot of convincing.

I asked my brother and sister to help me, to which they both agreed, but mum and dad have also heard stories about Luke from them and they’ll want to know why they ended up changing their minds.

I let out a long, deep sigh and run my hands down my face. I just want them to like Luke. If they reject him, he’ll be broken forever.

***

“Hey,” Luke whispers shyly as he climbs into my room. I slightly shake my head to stop myself from overthinking every single detail and look up at Luke, who’s clumsily taking off his shoes.

“I’m nervous,” I blurt out and look at my twiddling fingers. “Hey, don’t be, there’s no need to feel nervous.” “Luke, we’re talking about my parents, I mean, they ha- dislike you and I want them to actually like you.” “Baby,” He sighs deeply and sits down on my bed in front of me. He crosses his legs as well so that his knees are touching mine, then he takes my hand in his. “I know that they hate me,” My eyes flicker to his and I watch the blue colour get clouded by sadness. “Luke…” I whisper and caress his cheek. He smiles weakly at me and closes his eyes for a solid second. “However, I’m going to try not to mess this up and if they don’t like me-“ “Then what?” I interrupt and squeeze his hand. “I’ll just-I’ll leave you and find someone else you can be happy with. Someone that your parents will accept.” “W-what?! Luke, no!” I cry and hear my own voice fade away. “You can’t just leave me. If my parents don’t like you, it’s their problem! You said it yourself: we don’t have to play along in this sick game of society, we can just create our own game. In fact, we already did, we won this, Luke, whatever this may be. We won. We’re not going to let anybody drag us down.” Luke lets out a shaky breath as he wraps his arms around me and soothingly rubs my back. I feel him put his chin on my head and grab his shirt so I can even pull him closer to me. “I’m a reject, Y/N, and I’ll always be one.” “In that last note that you gave me, you said you started to like the sound of it. Luke, I said yes to being your girlfriend, you’re no longer a reject. I accepted you with all my heart and with open arms. You’re no longer a reject.” I whisper and rest my head in the crook of his neck. “I don’t deserve you…” “Luke, stop it, I don’t like hearing you talk about yourself this low. I love you and when you hurt yourself by saying all those ugly words, you’re hurting me as well.” “And that’s exactly why I’m no good for you. That’s exactly why I need to leave you and why you need to find someone else. Someone that will make you happy.” “I will never find anyone who will love me more than you love me,” I say barely above a whisper. I let the hot tear freely run down my cheek until it falls onto his skin. I feel his chest moving faster and more irregular and kiss the spot right above his collarbone. “I love you, Luke Hemmings.” “I love you, Y/N Y/L/N.” “Then don’t leave me.” “Y/N, there is a saying that I’ve never understood. I never really thought much about it because it was so weird and unlogic. But now… I understand. And, I’m truly sorry but I’ll have to act upon it.” “Upon what exactly?” I whisper as yet another tear streams down my face. “If you love someone, let them go.” “I’m sorry, baby.” My body is shocking, tears are streaming down my face whilst my hands are tightly gripping onto his shirt. “Luke…” “I’ll always be a reject, Y/N. And deep down in your heart, you know that as well.” “N-no, you’re not making any sense, right now… We’ve been together for two months, Luke. Are you going to throw away all that we had in the blink of an eye?” He guiltily bites his lip and caresses my face. “Baby, I love you, I just don’t want to hurt you.” “You’re hurting me right now.” “Then I guess I better go, I don’t want to hurt you even more.” He gets up and takes his shoes in his hands. “I love you, Y/N.” I silently watch him climb out of my window and numbly stare at my fingers in my lap.

He left me.

Because he loves me. Because of his mind playing tricks with him. It’s not about him, feeling like he’ll never be good enough for me, or about him, thinking that he can’t make me happy. It’s about him not being able to deal with yet another rejection. The rejection from the parents of the girl he loves.

He promised to never reject me but that’s what he did to me, not even a minute ago.

Who wants a part 4??? :)

Xx -Rebecca

[rebeccatonkin]

Shadow. *Calum Hood*

*Calum’s pov*

Only you ever make me scared ‘Cause only you can take me there

There she is. Beautiful as ever. She’s happily walking down the pavement. Her book is tightly pressed against her chest as if it’s the most precious thing ever. As if her life depends on it.

Every day is the same. I get up early and sit in front of my window. I would wait for her to pass by, just to catch a glimpse of her, that is all that I need. I just need to see her. Every single day she walks down this pavement and I know where she’s going. At the end of this street is a rather old, vacant playground. No-one ever goes there, except for her. She will sit down on the wooden bench and read. She will read until it gets dark and walk back home, alone.

Sometimes, I just want to run outside and walk with her but that’s crazy. She’s perfect and I’m not. She’d never like me, like I like her. In fact, she’d be creeped out Because I know everything about her.

Her name is Y/N but I like to call her my Y/N. She’s a mystery to me. She’s here, she’s there, she’s always present yet no-one ever sees her. No-one sees the way she looks at her book. Her big eyes flickering from word to word to take in everything. No-one sees how beautiful she is, except for me. I see her.

The first time I saw her was when I was sick. I’d been in bed all day long, coughing, blowing my nose and sleeping. In the evening, after mum had forced me to swallow my medicines, I felt better so I got up out of bed and sat down on the chair in front of my window. I’d been inside all day long and I wasn’t allowed to go outside so the closest I got, was by looking outside. And that’s when I saw her. I saw a beautiful girl walking down the pavement. Her head hung low, causing her hair to fall in front of her face but that didn’t bother me. I could still see her beauty. Her strawberry-red lips, her pale skin and her big brown orbs, adorned by long black eyelashes. She looked so good. She looked like the girl of my dreams. Ever since that day, she’s been on my mind and in my heart and I’m never, ever, ever letting her go.

So wherever you go, I’m your shadow Desert to ice flow, I will follow Wherever you go, I’m your shadow I’m your shadow

I hear a soft humming and I look in the direction it’s coming from. There she is. My Y/N. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I look at her. After all those months. My heartbeat speeds up as she passes by. I can smell the fresh scent of her perfume and close my eyes. How I wish I could wake up beside her. My arm would be lazily draped around her waist whilst she’s fast asleep. Her scent would be the first thing I’d smell. I would press my body against hers and bury my face in her hair, only to memorise the smell, although, I’m pretty sure that her scent is already engraved in my mind.

I shake my head at my sick mind and get up. She’s the reason I get up this early and sit on the curb in front of my house. Because she’s just walked passed me, there’s nothing keeping me here. I make my way downtown, trying not to think too much about her.

I’ve asked so many people about her, if they knew her, what her name is until I ran into this old woman. She told me that the girl’s called Y/N and that’s she’s an only child. She knew all of that because the old woman turned out to be her neighbour. She told me that Y/N is a very kind girl. She’s kind but really quiet. She’s always reading books or helping others and as the old woman continued, I could only feel myself fall harder and deeper in love with this mystery girl.

In my dreams, I would walk up to her when she’s seated all by herself at the vacant playground. I’d introduce myself and invite her to go on the swings with me. I’d push her as high and fast as she wants to and she’d be laughing uncontrollably. In another dream, I’d ask her out on a real date. I’d decorate the old playground with Christmas lights and we could have a picnic on the old football field next to the swings. It’d be unforgettable. In the evening, when she’d be getting cold, I’d wrap my arms around her and hold her close. She’d lock eye contact and I’d lean in. I’d kiss her.

I know, I know, I know Every way you move You stay, you go, you change I am far too

I sit down at one of the many benches in town and enjoy the cold vanilla milkshake that I’ve just bought. I smile at myself. Y/N will pass by this bench later on which means I’ll catch yet another glimpse of her. And perhaps, I should smile at her.  She might return it and I’d be the happiest guy alive. I talked to my friend, Michael, and told him all about her. At first, he was a bit creeped out but nonetheless he gave me advice. He told me to walk up to her and make small talk, like in my dreams. I don’t know if I should, though. Y/N seems so fragile and I don’t want to scare her. I can’t just walk up to her and be like: ‘Hey Y/N’… She’d be scared to death. I mean, I’m a complete stranger to her yet I know her name. Way to go, Cal, way to go… I’ll just have to take it slow and start off by sending her a smile.

The sky darkens, the wind gets stronger and the temperatures lower. It’s almost 8 p.m., she’ll be here any second. My excitement gets the best of me as my leg starts to tremble. I’m so nervous. Yet, it’s just a smile, isn’t it? Everything will be fine, she’ll smile back at me and continue to walk home. But what if she doesn’t smile back at me? What if she thinks that I’m a creep? Nah, that won’t happen… right?

The familiar, fresh scent fills my nose I. My heartbeat speeds up, my hand palms get sweaty and my leg starts to tremble even more.

My head shoots up to look at her. It’s like two invisible hands are placed under my chin and force me to look up at her.

Her hair is blowing in the wind and her face is once again facing the ground. I take a deep breath before I flash her a smile. It’s like time stops and it’s only Y/N and I. However, the moment is over very soon. She walks passed me, she doesn’t even look at me. This can’t be happening… Michael said that I had to make a move, so that’s what I’m going to do. I can’t risk getting sad because she didn’t look at me. I have to create my own happiness, I have to take matter into my own hands.

I quickly get up and jog after her. “Um, hey,” I say nervously.

I run a hand through my brown hair and nervously smile down at her. Her big brown orbs look up at me and she shyly smiles back.

“Hey, “ she trails off, clearly feeling creeped out by me.

“Um, look, this must be pretty weird but-“

“No, it’s fine. I’ve seen you around before,” she smiles.

Wait? She’s seen me before? She must think that I’m a stalker. I mean it’s obviously the truth but I don’t want her to know that.

“Don’t worry about it,” she speaks up, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Uh, what do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve only seen you sitting on a curb every now and then, nothing big… That’s why I know your face,” she confesses, looking back down at the ground.

“Oh, yeah, I uh have seen you before as well.”

I’m not going to tell her about me following her like the sick guy that I am. Yet a weight is lifted off my shoulders. She’s only seen me sitting on the curb in front of my house, that’s all. She doesn’t know anything about me sitting there to watch her. She doesn’t know about me staring out of my window to catch a glimpse of her.

“I’m Y/N,” she whispers.

She stops walking and hesitantly reaches her hand out for me to shake.

“I’m Calum,” I smile as I politely shake her small hand. I feel electricity running through my veins the moment our hands touch. She makes me feel so alive. So real and so, so happy.

“Nice to meet you,” I smile, biting my lip whilst waiting for her reaction.

“Nice to meet you too, Calum.” She smiles even more. I nod confirming and keep on shaking her hand. It’s just that I don’t want to let go. I want this electricity to stay inside me forever.

Y/N giggles softly at our hands but doesn’t say a thing.

“Uh, so, um… I better go…” I sigh defeated. I’ve probably screwed up all the way. I bet she wants me to let go of her hand so she can run off. She’s just too polite and way too kind to tell me off.

“Oh…uh, already?” she asks sadly.

My eyes widen and I quickly shake my head.

“I can stay a bit longer if you want me to?”

She nods hopefully and I crack a smile. “You actually want me to stay?” I ask surprised.

“Yeah, I think you’re really kind,” she confesses, blushing slightly while doing so.

“You’re really kind as well,” I confess sheepishly.

“We can uh, get a milkshake?” I try.

“Sure, sounds great, I love milkshakes, you know.”

My eyes are wide open. Did she just say yes?

Only you ever make me care ‘Cause only you ever made me dare

I don’t let go of her hand, instead, I intertwine our fingers and walk to the nearest ice cream parlour. “They have the best milkshakes ever,” I smile at her. Y/N nods understanding and tightly holds my hand in hers, afraid that I might let go.

Once we’ve ordered our two drinks, I pay and together we walk to the bench I was sitting on when she passed me.

“I like this,” Y/N smiles as she wraps her red lips around the straw.

”Me too,” I confess as I look at her.

I lock eyes with her and feel the butterflies come to life. I’m hanging out with the girl of my dreams, what else could I wish for?

“You know, Calum, we should do this again,” Y/N hesitantly whispers.

I nod right away. “For sure.”

She smiles satisfied before getting up.

“I have to go, mum and dad are probably worried about me so… I’ll see you?”

“Wait!” I shout. I run up to her and place a soft kiss on her cheek. “I’ve wanted to do that for a very long time,” I confess.

Y/N blushes like mad and tries to control the wide smile on her face, however, it’s useless. Her brown eyes are shining and her red cheeks give her away.

“I’ll see you around,” I whisper, slowly walking backwards.

I wave at her, I’m grinning from ear to ear. It’s like I’m dreaming and I never want to wake up.

My Y/N.

So wherever you go, I’m your shadow Desert to ice flow, I will follow Wherever you go, I’m your shadow I’m your shadow I’m your shadow

[rebeccatonkin]

You Were Deep In A Coma. *Shawn Mendes*

*Y/N’s pov* “But Shawn don’t you see? I’m really sorry that I need to study a lot but at least I try to spend as much time with you as possible!“ "Don’t you think I try to? I just can’t fucking help it! I’m in a band, Y/N! My job consists out of travelling a lot and when I asked you to be my girlfriend, you said distance could never tear us apart! Look at us now, huh?” “That’s not what I mean and you know it! I’m just trying to tell you that I have a life as well and that I’m not always around, just like you. But no, when you’re here, I need to stop everything I’m doing and spend time with you! It’s not that simple!” I yell, tightly holding onto the kitchen counter to release a bit of my anger yet it’s useless.  New anger keeps building up in my stomach. “I just want to be with you when I’m here.” Shawn says. “I know but there’ll be times that you’re gone and that I’m alone. And there will be times that I’m gone and that you’re alone.” “But that’s the fucking point! I’m often gone so when I’m here I wanna be with you, then I don’t want you to be gone!” I lick my lips and sigh deeply. This is ridiculous. I put my head in my hands and try to calm down. “Y/N?” Shawn asks, slowly approaching me. “No, Shawn just leave me alone for a bit.” “I just want you to understand that I miss you a lot.” “I know and I do understand, it’s just stupid…” “Stupid?! This is not stupid!” He yells, making me flinch.  “You know what? You don’t get it, you’re too worked up… I’m off.” “No, you don’t, not until this conversation is finished.” “Finished? There’s nothing to finish because you don’t want to understand me.” “I do, you don’t want to understand me! When I’m here, I want you to be with me, that’s all. Isn’t that logic?” I close my eyes for one second and sigh deeply before speaking up. “See! You don’t want to understand. I want to be with you when you’re here as well but I need to go to college, Shawn. I have friends myself, not everything is about you, yeah?” I say frustrated, quickly grabbing my car keys and running out. “No, Y/N, come back, we’re not done yet!“ I shut him out by slamming the car door shut and quickly press the gas pedal and speed down the street. It’s raining, just like me, I’m crying. I hate fighting Shawn. He’s always stubborn and yelling at me… I hate it. He’s finally home after being away for months and all we’ve done so far is yelling at each other. It frustrates me so much. Sometimes, I doubt our love. Maybe he’s not the one, yet, on the other hand, he can be so sweet and happy and caring… And I really love that Shawn. Luckily, we don’t fight often but when we do, it’s all or nothing. The next morning we’d have forgotten everything and we’d be totally fine again but this time. I don’t know… It was different. He was so mad, maybe it was the heat of the moment but still, he shouldn’t have yelled at me and said all of that crap. He hurt me. I don’t even know where I’m going, I’m just swerving down this road, trying to forget about Shawn and the argument. I better focus on the road which is slippery. It’s late at night and the streets are rather empty but that’s logic, why go out when you can be inside, covered with a warm blanket whilst sipping your hot cup of tea. Ash and I were like that less than two hours ago. Just watching the television, catching up. He’d been on tour for four months so there was a lot to tell. I told him about college life and my new job and Ash talked about waking up in different countries and meeting all those amazing people. In the morning when he hadn’t arrived yet I thought of this very important essay I needed to write and it was quite urgent, but with Shawn asking me to pick him up at the airport in an hour I forgot about it. Then when we were finally in my car and fans had left us, he started kissing me and telling me how much he missed me and well, I’d forgotten about the essay until then, until I was telling him about college. I told him I needed to finish it real quick and got up and started to work on it, but then a little over an hour had passed and he started whining about taking a break and so on, and so on… I told him I really needed to finish it and he got annoyed, he walked into the kitchen and didn’t come back. After a bit, I got worried and checked up on him and I guess that’s when the bomb went off. We kept fighting and yelling and I now realise that I’m feeling quite tired. I guess the fight -and the day in general- asked a lot of energy from me in return. Maybe I should head home, Shawn probably went to bed so there won’t be more yelling… I feel my eyelids get heavy but try to keep them open as I make a U-turn and drive home. I narrow my eyes at this blinding white light in front of me and vigorously press the break when I realise what’s going on, however soon everything turns black. Because of the sleep or the car that was speeding towards me? ***   “Baby, please, you’ve been gone for three weeks now, just come back. I know you’re strong and you’re going to make it. You’re my strong girl, right? A real fighter…” I try to wrap my mind around what’s happening but I can’t move. I hear this one voice but I can’t reply. No matter how hard I try. Also, there’s this beat in the back of my head, it’s beating so loud and it hurts, it makes my head ache. “I felt so bad when you drove away that night, I’ve told you this every single day now but I’m really sorry… You must be getting annoyed with me, huh? Oh, I truly wish you’d wake up, there’s nothing to talk about anymore, I was just being the stupidest prick ever and I’m so sorry for scaring you. I remember that you flinched when I yelled and I can’t stop from crying because you were scared of me. I scared you… I cry so much, baby, all day and all night. I feel so alone, Y/N. And so guilty, If I stopped you from leaving, if I ran after you and opened that car door and I told you to come back inside, this wouldn’t have happened…” I try to wake up. Shawn is beating himself up and I can’t stand to hear him cry any longer. I try to move my hand but with no success. “I know that essay was important for you, I really do. I was just being selfish, selfish for starting that fight with you when all you wanted was to check up on me and ask if I was okay… I’m so sorry, baby… I’m so sorry…“ A minute filled with silence passes by, once more I try to open my eyes, only to fail again. "Mum told me to bring something with me that reminds you of me and you might wake up. My aunt once had an accident and she was in a coma for eight weeks. My uncle had brought her favourite food with him and apparently it influenced her senses and so on and she woke up. The nurses and doctors didn’t believe him earlier on when he walked down the hospital corridor with a plate of spaghetti in his hands. They thought he went nuts but it did work out in the end so I’m gonna try that too. Now, yesterday I brought your favourite food with me but… that didn’t work… so I hope this does…” His voice is shaky and the cries get louder, he tries to hold back his cries and tears but I can tell he’s broken, he’s empty. All of a sudden, I feel something on my head, I try to touch it but once again I can’t move, I can’t do anything, only jumble up my brain some more. “The song is somewhat about us.” I hear him whisper as he takes my hand in his warm one. He starts to rub soothing circles on the palm of my hand and I feel my thoughts leave me and focus on the song and his hands instead.

You’ve been deep in a coma But I stood right here When you thought there was no one I was still right here You were scared, but I told ya "Open up your eyes” Never saw me as someone who could love you well Had to show you the hard way Only time will tell Revelations and heartaches make you realise I was always in front of you So wake up Your sleeping heart I know sometimes we’ll be afraid But no more playing safe, my dear I’m here So wake up You’ve been deep in a coma But I stood right here When you thought there was no one I was still right here You were scared, but I told ya, “Open up your eyes.”

I feel so strong right now like I could burst out of my skin. It’s weird, really… Shawn has been crying non-stop and I really need to comfort him and tell him everything is going to be all right. I try to open my eyes, I try so hard, I think back to the song, of Shawn’s broken state and I need to wake up, he needs me right now, more than ever. I try to so hard, I focus on my eyes which is really weird and difficult but once I see something white above me I know I did it. A boring, white ceiling is the first thing I see. The sun shining down on it makes the white colour turn very bright and it’s sort of blinding, it reminds me of what I saw right before sleep took over me in that car, although maybe it was no sleep… Why else would I be in a hospital? It were headlights. I look to my right and look at Shawn. He’s silently crying in a chair beside my hospital bed. He’s repeatedly kissing my hand as tears keep streaming down his face, he seems so fragile, like one more tear could make him melt or make him fall apart. “Shawn.” I whisper. My voice sounds weird, hoarse but it doesn’t matter, Shawn’s eyes are wide and fixated on me. The brown colour is filled with surprise, shock, guilt and happiness. I smile weakly as he lets go of my hand and places his warm, salty lips on mine. Salty from all the tears he’s shed. “Oh my god, you’re back, it worked!” He whispers, slowly composing himself. “I’ll be right back sweetie, I need to get the doctors.” He smiles as he practically runs out. Shawn looked ruined, to be honest. Dark bags under his eyes, messed up hair, a bit greasy even. His cheeks were red from all the crying and his eyes looked quite dull, even after all the emotions I found in them. “See! She’s awake! I told you she’s a fighter!” I hear Shawn say with pride laced in his voice. He excitedly walks back into the room, pointing at me. “I’m really happy for you, Shawn, now let me check her condition.” Shawn nods understanding and sits back down on his chair. “You’re going to be okay.” He whispers, intertwining our fingers as the doctor runs some tests on me. “I love you.” Shawn whispers. “I love you too.” I reply weakly.

[rebeccatonkin]

Peanut Butter. *Calum Hood*

*Y/N’s pov*

Loud music deafens you once you enter the huge brick building. A warmth caused by sweaty bodies dancing, makes a chill go down your spine. You close the heavy metal door behind you and let your eyes get used to the blinding lights. Pink. Yellow. Blue. Green. Your mind can’t wrap itself around it so you squeeze yourself between all those sticky bodies to get a drink at the bar.

“One Mojito please!” you shout, putting your hands around your mouth to make sure the bartender gets your order right. He shoves it to you and you mutter a quick thank you before turning back around so you’re facing the huge crowd, just like before.

Here you are. Alone. You planned on getting absolutely wasted tonight with your friend but she called off because her boyfriend wanted to be with her. However, you’re always in for a party, even if it means that you have to go all by yourself. You planned on get wasted so that’s exactly what you’re going to do. You take a sip of the sweet yet fresh drink and feel the alcohol burning your throat. It feels amazing and leaves you wanting more.

A lot of Mojito’s have been downed and you feel rather light-headed. The world is a blur to you right now. The sweaty people around you are jumping and dancing to the beat of the song and you were too a second ago until all of a sudden a stupid headache dragged you down.

You clutch your head to stop it from spinning and try to think of where the exit is. You tightly grab a hold of someone to keep yourself balanced but the person quickly pushes you away, leaving you dizzy all over again because of the toxic air and all the alcohol that’s running through your veins. Black and white dots float in front of your eyes and you frown your eyebrows. You feel your knees give away, you’re about to fall onto the cold beer-stained floor yet someone you don’t feel the pain of falling.

You feel a gush of wind cool down your body and you sigh with relief. Your lungs fill themselves with fresh air and your body cools down. Only then you feel the strong grip of two arms around your waist and look up. You blink a few times and the blurry face becomes clear. Piercing brown eyes stare back into yours as the strong arms let go of your waist and place themselves on your shoulders to help you sit down. You press your back against the red brick wall and sigh deeply, only craving more of the clean air.

“You okay, love? What’s your name?”

You blink once again before pressing the back of your head against the wall. You rub your eyes and turn your head to face him. You look at him, confusion written in your eyes and you furrow your eyebrows.

“You drank too much…” The brown-eyed boy mutters, he places a warm hand on your cheek as his other hand puts a plastic cup against your lips. “Drink this, it’s water, way better than all that shit they gave you in there.”

You nod, feeling nauseous and take a sip. The cold water runs down your throat and your hot body immediately reacts. You quickly take a hold of the plastic cup and down all of it. You smile sheepishly and hesitantly hand him the empty cup. The boy takes it and throws it away before cupping your face.

“What’s your name?” he asks you, draping his jeans jacket over your shoulders.

“Y/N,” you whisper, trying to keep your eyes from closing as a sleepy feeling washes over you.

He smiles and pulls you a little closer to him to warm you up even more.

“Well, nice to meet you, I’m Calum.”

You yawn as you nod at him and rest your head on his shoulder.

***

“Good morning, love.”

You rub your eyes and stir around, once you’ve fully opened them all you can see is brown. Brown eyes. You furrow your eyebrows before backing away so you can properly sit up in bed. You look around and much to your surprise you’re not in your own room.

“Where am I? Who are you? What happened last night?” you ask confused, throwing him a thousand questions all at once.

“Ahh, last night…” he chuckles.

“You remember anything?”

“I wanted to get wasted.”

“Which you surely did,” he laughs.

“In case you forgot and I’m pretty sure you did, I’m Calum.”

Calum.

Sounds vaguely familiar.

“To answer your other questions: you’re at my place because you were way too drunk to walk home yourself, obviously. Secondly, you told me you weren’t allowed to tell me where you live because your mum taught you not to tell strangers. I checked your handbag but there I couldn’t find your ID so I took you to my place.”

A wave of realisation hits you and you remember getting in a black car and someone carrying you.

“Did I uh say any weird stuff?” you ask embarrassed.

A giggle escapes his lips as he shakes his head, causing you to sigh with relief once again.

“Although… yeah there was this one thing… You wanted to kiss me no matter what but you were drunk and I’m not the sort of guy to take advantage of that, nonetheless, when I refused to kiss you, you went crazy and started flailing your arms, not to mention I was carrying you up the stairs of my apartment. To stop you from kicking your legs in the air, we made a deal. Well, you made a deal. I was so desperate to get you to calm down… You insisted on playing truth or dare and if I chickened out I’d have to kiss you… on the lips, you made that really clear.”

“Oh god…” you breathe, smacking your head that’s been killing you ever since you’ve woken up. “Uh did we, you know kiss?”

Calum’s cheeks turn red as he inhales a deep breath. “Your dare was ridiculous, I wouldn’t do it, not even in a million years,” he explains, shaking his head at the memory.

“What was the dare?”

“I had to eat a slice of bread covered with peanut butter and uh I’m sort of allergic to peanuts so yeah…” His cheeks turn red as he scratches the back of his neck. He looks down and sighs deeply.

“Oh my, I didn’t… I’m so sorry Calum.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re a pretty good kisser you know, even though you were completely hammered.”

“I am?”

“Well yeah, no need to lie about it.”

“Thank you…” you stutter, blushing like never before.

“I uh can always help you remember… Did I say that out loud?” he asks shocked.

You bite your lip and look up at him. Nodding your head in confirmation. The tension between the two of you had dramatically risen to the point where you wanted to press your lips to his and make out with him for the rest of the day. You’re snapped out of your daze when a warm hand caresses your cheek. You smile softly at Calum and watch him close his eyes as he leans in. You feel yet another weight being lifted off your shoulder as you kiss him back.

This one got requested by Anonymous :) but I deleted the message so sorry! I hope you like it, though!