#rebelcaptainmay4

[the-strongest-stars]

Chapter 2 of Bed Peace is up

And yes, I know you all want an update to Heartbeats, it’s in the pipeline as well. I’m procrastinating on studying for finals this week by updating my fics instead. 

If you’d like to read Chapter 2 of Bed Peace on AO3, you can find it here 

[fukamidori-chan]

Rebelcaptain may the 4th gift for @doptimous!

I'm so sorry it's not a full finished fanart but I've been really, really, really busy 🙏

I just hope you like it!

This is like the after traning kiss. Or almost kiss.

Please click on the pic if it is blurry!

[andorerso]

imaginary homelands - for @cassianserso, May the Fourth be with you! Here’s the first chapter of your gift, and I’ll try to post the second one soon.

You used to love me, she thinks. Are we just strangers now? 

Two years after Jyn and Cassian separated, a chance encounter brings them back to each other again. Confronted with what she lost, Jyn wonders if it's too late to make it right.

read it on ao3

[mosylufanfic]

What’s Said Can’t Be Unsaid

Hello there, @captainandors, here is your May the 4th gift! You asked for “when the two characters who don’t realize they’re in love are in a fight and one of them shouts “BECAUSE IM IN LOVE WITH YOU” and they’re both like wait”

Also, I've never read Rebel Rising, so please excuse any differences between that and this.

I hope you like it!

What’s Said Can’t Be Unsaid

Jyn woke in darkness.

For a moment, she was eight years old again, crying and trembling in the dark, haunted by the hours-old visions of her mama falling and her papa taken away by the man in white . . .

No. No, that was years ago. It was far behind her. She had woken in the dark before. She was waiting for Saw to come back and retrieve her. It shouldn't be too much longer.

Although she'd been saying that to herself for the last several hours . . .

She put out a hand, patting around herself until her fingertips brushed the glass of her 'pad's screen. She pulled it toward herself and switched it on to check the time.

Eighteen hours, thirty-two minutes since Saw had left the message for her to wait here, in this hidey-hole.

The truth washed over her in a cold wave. He wasn't coming back.

He'd left her here, on Tamsye Prime, with a battered weapon and an elderly datapad and the clothes on her back, and he'd . . . he'd just left.

She was alone.

The datapad's screen went black again, and the dark closed in around her. "But," she said into it. "But I kept up.

Six Years Later

They staggered up the gangplank together, Cassian shouting out, "Bodhi, get us out of here!" He angled toward the bench and shifted so Jyn could sit down, not missing the way she winced as she settled into place.

He reached for the medkit in the locker above his head, and her face went from wincing to stony. "I've got it," she snapped at him, pulling the medkit out of his hands. "I'm fine." She turned away from him, tugging her shirt up and craning her neck to peer at her midsection.

Cassian gritted his teeth. She was always like this when she got hurt. Worse when he turned back for her or waited for her. It was massively frustrating, when all he wanted to do was make sure she was all right.

Which he would for any one of his team, of course he would.

It was just that it was . . . different with Jyn.

The U-wing lurched, and he sat down hard on the bench, grabbing the bar over his head so he wouldn't just fall into Jyn and hurt her more. He didn't know if that was possible, because he didn't know how badly she was hurt, because she wouldn't kriffing well tell him.

As their ride bumped and rattled its way out of atmo, he stared at the hunch of her shoulders and the set of her neck, trying to read in them the things he wanted to know.

She was a whole new language for him, with no translation bot.

With a jolt, they jumped to hyperspace, and he got up, making his way to the cockpit.

"What happened?" Bodhi asked him, hands busy over the control panels.

"She got hit," Cassian said. It played out in front of his eyes again, Jyn running alongside him, then her body jolting from the blaster bolt, collapsing, going down -

He'd been running so hard he was ten feet away before he could turn and go back for her.

"I could tell that much," Bodhi said. Cassian could tell he was trying to sound light and buoyant, but his voice was weighed down with unspoken worry. "How bad?"

"She won't let me look at it."

Bodhi peered over his shoulder. "I'm sure it's not that bad, if she wants to take care of it herself." A question trailed off the end of his sentence.

Cassian shook his head, trying to figure out a way to say That's not the point, without being an ass about it.

"We got everything?" he said instead.

"In and out.”

"Good." He turned and went back, plotting how to get Jyn to let him look at her injury.

Baze was kneeling down next to her, squinting at her side. "Bacta," he rumbled, and rooted around in the medkit on the floor next to him.

Cassian stood in the doorway, battling the stupidest feeling of hurt. She would let Baze look at it but not him?

It was fine, he told himself as she pulled her shirt down over the new bacta dressing. As long as someone looked at it, someone who wasn't her and wouldn't pretend it was less serious than it was. Baze was stoic but blunt. If he thought it only needed a bacta dressing, it was no more than a surface injury. No organs nicked or arteries cauterized.

Baze looked at Jyn narrowly. "Anything else?"

"No."

"You were limping," Cassian said.

She shot him a look. "I just bashed my knee when I went down."

"Which knee?" Baze asked.

"It's nothing."

"The right," Cassian said.

Baze tapped one large, square-tipped finger on her right knee, and she clamped her lips shut around a grunt that they all still heard.

"Doesn't sound like nothing," he said, and commenced prodding and poking.

He made her pull up her pants so he could see the knee. The skin was dark red, already deepening into what would surely be a lurid bruise, but still unbroken. He prodded some more, got her to extend her leg, walk a few steps.

"Ice," he said finally. "And compression." He wrapped her knee and handed her a cool pack.

Through all of it, Jyn steadfastly ignored Cassian's presence. But when Baze finally let her tug her pants down over the lump of the compression bandage, she finally looked up at him. "See? I'm fine."

"Good," he said.

"You didn't need to come back. I could have got up and made it back on my own."

He shrugged. "I did anyway."

"You didn't need to."

Exasperated, he turned around and strode into the galley where Chirrut was filling up the hot-water kettle for tea.

She came after him, limping a little. "You were almost safe. Why did you turn back?"

"What else was I supposed to do?"

"I told you, I could have managed!" She whipped around, wincing as she wobbled in place. "Baze, tell him, I would have been fine."

"No," Baze said. "I'm not getting in the middle of your squabble."

"Squabble," Jyn seethed.

Cassian snapped, "I didn't know that at the time."

She swiveled to glare at him again.

"For all I knew," he added, "you'd broken your knee and gotten shot in the spine."

"Then you should have left me."

"I'm not going to do that!"

"No, you never do, do you?"

He gritted his teeth. "Why is that a problem?"

"It's a problem because I don't need to you come back for me!"

Forget language. She was an entire new terrain, unmapped, with death traps lurking for the unwary. He kept his voice even. "All I'm doing is making sure the whole team gets back safe. Again, why is that a problem?"

"Because you're always looking after me," she shouted. "Not anyone else, just me!"

"That's not true."

"No? You don't think I've noticed that when we go out in the field, we're always partnered together so you can pick up my slack?"

"It's not about slack, it's - " He wanted to be with her. Somehow that didn't feel like the right thing to say. "We work well together. We make a good team." Yes, exactly. That was it. That was what he meant.

She snorted loudly. "And this way you can look after me."

Arrrrrrrrggghhhh.

She went on. "If you don't think I can keep up, than just tell me so."

"It's not that I don't think you can keep up - "

"Then why else would you be always swooping in to rescue me?"

Somehow it all came out of his mouth at once. "Because I'm in love you with, is why!"

She went white.

He suspected he did too, because he felt the sick feeling of utter disaster draining from his face all the way down to the pit of his stomach.

A very small voice murmured, "Oh, boy."

It wasn't Jyn's.

He felt his neck creak as he turned his head to see the entire rest of the team in the tiny galley. Chirrut, placidly drinking tea. Baze with his arms folded, leaning in the doorway. Bodhi looking from Cassian to Jyn and back again. Kay stationed next to the table.

Somehow, he hadn't even noticed the rest of them come in, which was unlike him. To say the least.

Kay said loudly into the silence, "As I understand these things, that is a common if illogical human impetus."

Uneven footsteps made him look back toward Jyn, just in time to see her limp out of the galley as fast as she could toward the berths along the back of the ship.

With a heartfelt groan, he turned on his heel, pushed past Baze, and strode in the other direction.

One door slammed. Then another.

Kay said, "That was unprecedented."

Chirrut held out his hand. Baze looked at it. "What?"

"Pay up," Chirrut said. "I won. The captain said it first."

Baze gave a small humph. "Didn't say it. Yelled it. And I don't think he meant to." He frowned even more than usual. "I don't think he even knew."

"Bodhi, will you tell my husband to stop weaseling out of his debts."

"I don't know," Bodhi said. "I'm with Baze. I don't think he knew he was going to say that. Doesn't it invalidate the bet?"

"The terms of the wager would seem to be predicated on their knowledge of their own feelings, and a reluctance to speak those feelings aloud to the other," Kay put in. "Although how you could feel something and not know you're feeling it - "

Chirrut waved a hand. "Whether he meant to or not, he did say it, and he said it first."

"Jyn didn't say it at all," Kay noted. "So it's inaccurate to say first."

"She didn't say it yet!" Chirrut said. "Anyway, now Baze owes me ten credits."

"Put it on my tab," Baze said, meandering toward the tea kettle.

Chirrut snorted. "Tab," he muttered, picking up his teacup. "Your tab would reach from here back to Jedha."

It was a long way back to base - fifty-two hours in hyperspace. Most of the way back, they avoided each other, with astonishing success considering the size of the U-wing.

Cassian spent the bulk of those hours mired in his own thoughts, hearing his own blurted confession over and and over again, seeing Jyn's frozen expression before she almost ran away from him.

Because I'm in love with you.

He didn't waste a lot of time trying to deny it to himself. While he didn't have much experience with love, he'd known the truth the moment he'd heard the words.

The real question was what he wanted to do about it.

Up until now, he had been satisfied with fleeting connections, brief and intense relationships in between missions, where both parties understood that it had a time limit and a low priority.

Being with Jyn would be intense. But it wouldn't be fleeting, or limited, or low priority. He should be worried about that, perhaps, but he wasn't.

Mostly, he worried about what Jyn might want to do.

Hopefully not leave the team.

The notion sent his stomach lurching with panic. She already thought he was - what? Coddling her?

As if he would ever dare.

He said, "Kay, will you tell me something?"

Kay, quietly charging a few feet away, turned his head. "I can tell you any number of things, Cassian. You will need to specify."

"About Jyn."

Kay paused. "I can tell you rather fewer things about Jyn Erso."

"Do I treat her as if I don't think she can keep up?"

"That is not a question about Jyn, that is a question about you."

He sighed. "Will you please answer it, anyway."

Kay's servos hummed softly, usually an indication that he was considering his answer carefully. A rare occurrence.

Finally, he said, "You are thorough and conscientious, regarding both the success of your missions and the safety of your team. You would not include anyone who you didn't think could keep up. Jyn has a number of skill sets and areas of knowledge that have been crucial to the success of all your missions since our team's recent expansion." He paused, and a peevish note entered his voice. "And she has many weapons, which she is most proficient at using."

Cassian pinched the bridge of his nose. "Then why would she think that I don't trust in her abilities?"

"There is a 97.6% chance that Jyn has significant abandonment issues."

"What makes you say that?"

"The large number of files I have downloaded over the years regarding human psychology, with a particular focus on the experience of childhood trauma."

"No, I mean what made you say that right now?"

"The psychological research files tell me that humans can react to a deep and terrible fear by doing their utmost to make it come true." He sounded annoyed. "Organics are very puzzling."

So . . . Jyn feared being abandoned, left behind, and that was why she'd shouted at him that he should have done it?

Cassian rubbed his hand over his mouth and stared unseeingly at the surface of the table.

A few hours before they were due to exit hyperspace, he had retreated to the cockpit. Not retreated, he told himself. It sounded as if he was hiding. He was just .. .  being discreet. Circumspect, possibly.

Anyway, it was a good place to write his mission report. Which had already been written, but could be gone over again, for the third or fourth time.

In regards to the whole issue of leaving her behind, he would speak to her on base. Part of the mission debrief. Making it clear that leaving her behind wasn't an option, no matter what happened. Stating unequivocally that she was useful and valued and necessary. That ought to take care of the matter.

In regards to . . . the other thing.

He'd decided to wait for her to broach the subject. He'd blurted it out, so the next move was properly hers. If she wanted to hear more about that, then she would come to him.

If she didn't . . .

Well, she didn't, that was all.

He sighed and scrolled through his report. Maybe he was hiding.

"Cassian," Bodhi said, and he jolted.

"Sorry, yes. What?"

For a moment, his friend could have been smiling, but then he said briskly, "I'm going to check something in the back. Will you be up here for awhile?"

Cassian waved his hand, turning back to his datapad and adding an unnecessary note. "Go on."

Bodhi nodded and climbed out of the seat. it was only after he was gone that it occurred to Cassian to wonder what he could possibly have to check in the back.

A few minutes later, footsteps alerted him to someone coming up into the cockpit, and he glanced over his shoulder, expecting to see Bodhi returning. But it wasn't Bodhi.

Jyn gave him a little nod and settled into the pilot's seat.

He stared out at the mottled expanse of hyperspace. His neck felt hot and something buzzed in his ears. Say something, idiot.  "How's your injury?"

"Fine," she said. "Still bandaged." She scratched her side. "It's at that itchy stage," she added.

"And your knee?" He sounded like he was checking off a list or something.

She flexed her leg. "Still stiff. But better." She propped her foot on the dash. "I'm supposed to keep it elevated," she added.

"Right," he said. "Yes."

They both stared at hyperspace for awhile.

He thought, I should probably talk to her now. It's as good a time as any. Words circled around his head, but for the first time in a long time, he couldn't pull them together into any kind of coherent statement.

She spoke first, her voice abrupt and a little too loud. "Chirrut talked to me."

He looked over at her. "Oh?"

"I mean, the way Chirrut talks."

"All nonsense until you realize he's just skewered you like a womp rat?"

"Mmmm." She rubbed her hands against her knees again. "Anyway, I - I don't really think you should leave me behind."

"Neither do I," he said, dry as dust.

Her mouth quirked for the briefest of moments, then she looked away again. "I, um," she said. "That bolt hit me, and I went down. I - " Her fingers worked on the material of her pants, crumpling them up, smoothing them. "I caught myself on my knee, so I was still sort of half-up, and I could see you. Ahead of me. I thought maybe you haven't seen."

"I did," he said.

"I know," she said. "You turned around and came back for me. It's just that moment, when all I could see was your back, running away from me."

"Did you think I was leaving you?"

"I - " She tapped her fingers on her good knee. "I had a bad moment. And even when you came back, it was still - " She pushed her fingers into her breastbone. "Just sort of sitting right here. I didn't know what to do with it, so I shouted at you and said stupid things. I'm sorry."

"And the - coddling?"

She shook her head, her mouth wry. "I know you're not. I know my value. I - " She huffed out a breath. "You are always looking after me, though. It feels like."

He shifted uneasily. "Do you - do you want to be paired with someone else on missions?"

"No," she said quickly. "You were right. We do work well together. And I - " She swallowed. "It's good you look out for me, actually. For all of us. Good for the team. I'm just not used to it. Not the way things always worked for me."

He studied her profile. "Did the Partisans leave people behind?"

A second passed.

She nodded.

Another second passed.

"We would help them get up, though, if they could get up," she said. "If they could keep up, even injured, then they kept up. If they couldn't, we left them, because they would slow all of us down and then we'd all get captured or killed. The cause was more important, we had to be efficient and ruthless and - " She looked at her fingers. "I didn't always, though."

She looked ashamed. Whether it was of going back for people, or not going back for people, he wasn't really sure.

"I've left people behind before," he said. "I had to."

"Yeah," she said. "I understand. Sometimes you have to."

He set the ‘pad aside and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. "I won't leave you behind," he said.

"If you ever have to - "

"I won't," he said again, firmly.

"Even if we'd both be killed?"

"No."

"Even if we'd both be captured?"

"No."

She stared at him a moment, some unfathomable emotion filling her eyes, before she looked away and started picking at her pants again. "I guess I knew that," she mumbled. "I just - don't always remember it."

The muffled confession made something strange happen in his chest. "I'll remind you sometimes," he said. "If you need me to."

She shrugged a little. "All right, yeah." She looked over at him with the smallest of smiles. He smiled tentatively back.

At least she hadn’t announced she was leaving.

Her gaze drifted past him, and her mouth tightened for a moment. She got up and went over to the door that separated the cockpit from the rest of the ship.

He thought she was about to walk away and thought, Let her go, don't push, when she smacked the button and the door swished closed.

From behind it came cries of indignation.

"Kriff off!" she yelled back.

"That is not possible, Jyn Erso," Kay said loudly.

She made a rude sound with her tongue and came back to plop herself in the pilot's chair,  bracing her foot on the dash again. He was starting to think she just liked doing that.

"About the other thing you said,” she said, slouching into the back of the chair. “That you, um. That you're in love with me."

He cleared his throat. "Yes. That."

"Did you mean it?"

His stomach clenched with nerves, but he kept his voice level. "I don't say that kind of thing for no reason."

Her jaw worked briefly. "Is that why I'm here?"

"No," he said. "You're here because you belong here. With us. Your skills and your knowledge and your - " He smiled briefly. "Your weaponry. Rogue One needs that. The way that I - uh. That I feel about you is separate."

She took that in, her face unreadable. "What if I preferred never to talk about it again?”

He swallowed. "Then we wouldn't talk about it."

"Would I still belong here?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation. It would hurt, to be this near her and not with her. But he had hurt before.

She took in a breath through her nose, then let it out. "Good," she said. "That's what I wanted to know."

He felt stiff and cold. Right. All right then. Now he knew. Now he could -

She got to her feet, reached out and pulled his chair around ninety degrees, and leaned over, bracing her hands on the armrests. He looked up into her eyes, and realized what she was doing a split second before her mouth covered his.

But he knew well how to adjust to split-second changes, and he tilted his chin up, kissing her back with elation bubbling under his skin. She leaned into him, her mouth moving on his, and he put his hands to her waist, trying not to put any pressure on the slight thickness of the bacta patch on her left side. That small encouragement was all she needed to twist her hips and slide into his lap.

He wrapped his arms around all the way around her, deepening the kiss, and she returned it, hands twisting in his shirt. She kissed as fiercely as she fought, storming his battlements, taking new territory with every movement of lips and hands.

He surrendered with barely a peep of resistance.

Some eons later, she lifted her head, her breath soft and fast against his lips. "That was good," she said.

It had been more than good, but he couldn't think of any other adjectives either. He traced the line of her spine and enjoyed the slight pleased squirm she gave. "Does this mean you love me, too?" he asked softly.

"I might," she said, sliding her fingers through the ends of his hair.

It made him smile. She might be a whole new language to him, but he was starting to learn the basic grammar. "Kiss me again and make sure," he suggested.

She did.

FINIS

[carr-crashh-heartss-archive]

Happy May the Fourth to @fukamidori-chan! The prompt was for a Pirate AU, and I hope, hope, hope you like it!! 

READ ON AO3

Waves & the Both of Us

Captain Cassian Andor couldn’t quite believe that there had ever been a time in which he had ever considered leaving Jyn Erso - a stowaway on his ship, the Rising Hope - to fend for herself at the nearest port.

As he was slowly beginning to learn, she was more than capable of taking care of herself, but more importantly than that, she had proven to be an invaluable asset and addition to his small crew - a crew made up of Imperial defectors and war-displaced refugees, all of whom were led by a former spy.

Jyn Erso, a war orphan, rumored to have been taken in by Saw Gerrera, the most legendary and most feared pirate the seas had ever seen, made a perfect addition with her pickpocket and forging skills. And there was still more than met the eye when it came to her.

She wasn’t much of a cook, he recalled, wrinkling his nose at the memory of her last attempt. The galley still vaguely smelled of smoke, and the small crew had unanimously decided not to task her with meal preparations again unless absolutely necessary.

Jyn was no cook, but she was rather adept at navigating, and made it a point to assist Bodhi when he was at the helm.

She couldn’t fly across the rigging like blind Chirrut could, but she was small and fast and strong, as well as determined to prove that she could do whatever was asked of her, whether that was to raise sails or drop anchor. Cassian hadn’t outwardly admitted as such, but he was impressed with her tenacity.

‘Tenacity’, he told himself as he and Kay stood by and watched the fierce sparring match between Jyn and Baze - Baze, who physically dwarfed her, who was an expert with the blunderbuss strapped to his back, the pistols at his sides, the cutlasses secured to his chest.

It was that Baze that Jyn had stumbling backward as she advanced, sword in hand and a feral snarl twisting her expression into something unrecognizable.

These were not the hack-and-slash motions of a woman who had never picked up a sword before, Cassian thought, watching in awe as Jyn parried and thrusted and held off Baze’s offensive maneuvers. She moved like she had practiced these moves a thousand times before, so fluidly and gracefully, so full of confidence.

“Careful, Captain - “, his first mate muttered, distaste coloring his voice. “The stars in your eyes are shining bright.”

Cassian scowled and tried to school his expression into something interested but otherwise very neutral as he strode down onto the lower deck. Baze dropped his hand and bowed slightly, effectively calling the match to an end. He then bowed to Jyn, a gruff ‘little sister’ the only acknowledgment he gave that he was impressed with her fighting skills - and that this would not be the only instance that they would train.

“May I?”, Cassian asked, and Baze nodded, relinquishing hold of his sword and handing it to the captain. Cassian took his time in testing the weight of the blade and adjusting his grip. He far preferred the pistol strapped to his thigh, but as he had come to learn, it was always best to be prepared and to expect the unexpected.

When he was satisfied, he struck an offensive pose and beckoned Jyn closer. “Care to give it a go?”

His breath caught in his throat as she touched the tip of her sword to his and nodded her agreement, her smile small but undeniably mischievious. It was an expression that suggested that Cassian not underestimate her skills just because she happened to be of the ‘fairer sex’, and he did not intend to. 

He took a breath to center himself and then, without another word, surged forward on the attack. He watched as her eyes widened in surprise, but his triumph was short-lived as she fought back fiercely, just as deftly as she had handled the much larger Baze.

Cassian grunted from the effort he was expending to keep Jyn’s advances at bay. But for every step forward he won, she pushed him back two. He, too, had studied the blade copiously, and he was a keen observer, so when there was an opportunity to advance, he took it. He met and matched each thrust and parry and finally began gaining ground on Jyn a little at a time, until -

Until she stumbled and she dropped not only her elbow, but her guard as well. With a sharp twist of his wrist and the sound of blade striking blade, he managed to surprise Jyn long enough to disarm her. Her startled gasp filled the air as her sword clattered to the deck below, and it was then that Cassian made his move.

He didn’t grab at her or try to incapacitate her like he would with an actual enemy opponent, but he did lean in close enough to observe the rapid rise and fall of her chest, the high flush of color in her cheeks, and the fire still burning in her green eyes.

“Do you yield?”, he asked softly, even as he pointed the tip of his sword at her throat. “Do you yield to me?”

No answer came, but he thought he saw Jyn’s lips twitch upward in the split second before she lashed out and swept his bad leg out from underneath him. The next thing Cassian knew, he was sprawled out across the deck, staring at the almost cloudless sky, panting hard as Jyn kicked his sword away and kneeled at his side, pressing the blade of a knife that she must have kept secreted upon her person to his throat, right where his pulse beat rapidly against his skin.

“Do you yield?”

For all Cassian knew, it could have been minutes or it could have been days that he laid in a heap staring up at Jyn, trapped and helpless at her mercy, the sun beating down, his heart thumping against his ribs.

Vaguely, he could hear Kay’s voice coming into focus as he informed them dispassionately that Takodana was coming into view.

Takodana, the pirate’s paradise, presided over by Maz Kanata, an island out of the jurisdiction of pirate-hunters and the law, a refuge and restocking point that Cassian and his crew were very familiar with. He always enjoyed the rolling hills and all the green, and if he were of a mind to settle down, it would be in a place very much like Takodana.

But Cassian didn’t know if that kind of life awaited him, not with the threat of the Empire looming large, not when crews like his were needed to disrupt their expansion, to fight for those that couldn’t fight for themselves.

He sighed in relief as Jyn withdrew her sword and extended her free hand in its stead. Cassian grunted as he stood, but didn’t let go of Jyn’s hand immediately, small and warm, and as rough and work-worn as his own. But what he marveled at more was that she didn’t pull away immediately either. Cassian was almost convinced that he felt a soft squeeze, but it ended almost as quickly as it had begun. “Captain”, she murmured, and then took her leave in order to collect both swords and return them to Baze before tending to her docking duties.

Cassian had his own to attend to, but he was slower to move, shaking his head as if to clear it, silently chiding himself for feeling so … off-kilter.

What was Jyn Erso doing to him?

But there was little time to ponder the question as the small crew came to life and began making preparations for making landfall.

Baze and Chirrut offered to take first watch, with the larger man grumbling about Takodana being a young person’s paradise, but Cassian knew that the pair would take a meandering walk through the market later in the evening when the crowd had lessened.

“The ship is yours, gentlemen”, Cassian solemnly intoned, and then the four of them - Cassian, Kay, Bodhi, and Jyn - disembarked.

Arm-in-arm, Jyn and Bodhi took the lead while Cassian and Kay hung back a few paces to discuss the list of supplies that needed procuring.

But Cassian’s attention was soon drawn elsewhere - namely, toward Jyn, especially when her laughter reached his ears. She and Bodhi had taken to each other easily, Cassian had noticed. She was almost always so guarded and aloof with many others, but with Bodhi, she seemed to smile and laugh much more readily. He would never admit to feeling any sense of jealousy when he watched them together, but it was there, darkly gnawing at the pit of his belly.

But … he didn’t really have the right to feel that way, did he? He was just a captain and she was just a member of his crew, no more, no less. She certainly wasn’t his lady, and as such, was free to find companionship at any port they visited.

And she had no shortage of male admirers, he had noticed time and time again. Every time Cassian caught someone leering at Jyn, the hair on the back of his neck stood up. But she could take care of herself, she didn’t require his intervention, and as far as he knew, she didn’t entertain that sort of nonsense.

But she was close to Bodhi, the stuttering, nervous navigator, and every time he witnessed those little intimate moments they shared, his heart constricted painfully in his chest.

Like now.

Cassian must not have been doing a sufficient job of keeping his expression neutral, since it was Kay’s disgusted sigh that finally cut through his thoughts and brought him back to the present, where …

Jyn was glancing at him from over her shoulder, an eyebrow arched curiously, the hint of a wry smirk lifting the edges of her lips just enough to bring heat to Cassian’s cheeks.

Sometimes, all it took to send him spiraling was just one look.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t exactly escape to the deck and the cool sea breeze, so instead, he cleared his throat and looked to Kay once more, nodding apologetically.

“If I may continue, Captain?”, his first mate crisply inquired, and again, Cassian nodded.

It was unbecoming of a man of his age - a man of his station - to behave in such a way.

What was Jyn Erso doing to him? And why was he allowing her to affect him so thoroughly? He ought to be ashamed of himself - Cassian was a blushing schoolboy no longer, he was a Captain, and had far more important things to devote his attention to.

“Yes”, he answered, suitably chagrined, reluctantly tearing his attention away from Jyn and shifting it back to the taller man at his side. “Apologies. Carry on.”

But even as they discussed what supplies took precedence over others, Cassian couldn’t help glancing at Jyn every now and again, just to try to catch a glimpse of her smile.

The quartet entered the makeshift marketplace, where travelers from near and far set up to peddle their wares, and Bodhi immediately split off, heading toward Maz Kanata’s ‘castle’, where Cassian knew he was going to test out Sabaac skills he had been nurturing during downtime aboard the Rising Hope.

As Cassian and Kay parted, he caught sight of Jyn hurrying away in the opposite direction, and wondered where she was off to, if she was eager to see someone, and -

Cassian wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t. He had no Earthly reason for it. And thankfully, he was distracted from it as he spoke to vendors, haggled over prices, and agreed upon delivery times.

And by the time he finally made it into the castle itself, he was so exhausted that all he wanted was a drink and perhaps a bite to eat before heading back to the ship. He needed to be there while supplies were delivered, after all, and Cassian felt far more comfortable there than in the midst of a crowd.

So he sat at the bar and nursed his drink and tried - and failed - to ignore the raucous laughter that erupted intermittently from the other patrons, some of whom were gambling, some making plans both legal and not, most of whom were drinking. He couldn’t bother hiding his scowl by the time Maz, the tiny proprietress, took the empty seat next to him, her knowing gaze just as unsettling as always.

“Captain Andor - “, she announced amiably enough, “It’s so good to see you again.”

“Thank you for your hospitality”, Cassian answered, tilting his half-empty glass in a friendly gesture. “We always appreciate it.”

“Your navigator will be returning with full pockets”, she commented, nodding toward the gaming tables with a smirk. “I hear that he hasn’t lost a hand yet.”

Cassian snorted and shrugged. “Doesn’t surprise me. He’s already won a few coins off of me and the rest of my crew, too.”

“And your tall friend”, she queried, although Cassian was certain that she already knew the answers to her questions. “Still as irascible as always, Captain?”

“That’s an understatement and you know it”, Cassian replied, his lips twitching into a smile. “But, yes.”

She laughed then, a deep, warm sound that was surprising coming from such a small woman. “Good, good. And the Guardians? I trust I’ll be seeing them before you depart.”

“Of course. They’ll come round once the sun goes down. Far be it from me to deprive you of your ceremonies, tea or otherwise.”

“You’re a good man, Cassian Andor, and a good Captain to them, even though you still question both”, she offered, and his eyebrows slowly raised one, and then the other.

She always knew, even when Cassian never so much as breathed a word of his insecurities to anyone.

He cleared his throat and let his eyes wander the bar a bit, immediately ceasing when Jyn came into view once more - grinning and pink-cheeked Jyn, who was hugging a brown-paper wrapped package close to her chest, her attention focused on the bringer, and not for the first time, Cassian’s heart seized at the thought that some stranger was receiving the sorts of happy smiles and laughter that he himself was still stranger to.

His gaze must have been boring into her, because eventually, Jyn slowly turned her head, and with a curious expression, her green eyes met Cassian’s brown.

Damn it all, he was blushing. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks, grateful for the relative dimness of the castle itself and the distance that separated them. Hopefully, she couldn’t see. And even as he cursed himself internally for behaving like a boy, when Jyn’s lips slowly spread into a smile, Cassian found himself returning it.

For one blissful moment, it felt like they were the only two people at the bar - the only two people in the world … and then it all came crashing to a halt as Jyn turned and made a quick exit, leaving Cassian feeling more confused and conflicted than ever before.

He murmured a soft apology when he noticed that Maz was still at his side, studying him intently. “No need to feel so lost, Captain - “, she offered, her voice gentle, but just firm enough to suggest that he not argue - as if he ever would have dreamed of such a thing, not with her. “All you have to do is follow your North Star. It will never lead you astray.”

She, too, was off like a shot, tending to other patrons as Cassian finished his drink and pondered the meaning of her words. With no new answers in hand and the hour for deliveries nearing, he took his leave of the castle and headed back toward the dock, where the Rising Hope was moored. His hard-earned ship, the only real home he had ever known.

With Kay’s precise directions, the new supplies were soon stored in their proper places, every bit of it accounted for. Bodhi had returned to the ship midway through, pockets bulging with his card winnings, taking care of the watch so that Chirrut and Baze could take their turn on shore.

But Jyn - Jyn was nowhere to be found, and usually, she was the first to offer a hand with deliveries. Cassian’s stomach clenched as he wondered if she had gone off with her maybe-beau to spend the night away from prying eyes - his own included. He reminded himself yet again that it was not his concern. And, as he turned to Kay and informed his first mate that he was retiring to his quarters where he did not want to be disturbed until it was his turn to take watch. He hoped that some rest would somehow wash away emotions that he didn’t know what to do with, but held no real belief that in the course of a few short hours, he would be able to untangle everything neatly.

Cassian leaned against his closed door an sighed heavily, rubbing at tired eyes as if that was going to help in the slightest. Dropping his hands to his sides, he was about to step into his quarters more fully when he was stopped right in his tracks.

Jyn.

In his quarters. Sitting on the edge of his bunk, fidgeting with her fingers as though she had any Earthly reason to be nervous in front of him.

She stood up suddenly, and in the low lamplight, Cassian’s eyes widened when he realized that he had never seen her like this before - he was far more used to seeing her in breeches and boots, rolling her shirtsleeves to her elbows before tackling her assigned tasks with fervor.

But the Jyn standing in front of him was so markedly different that he hardly knew what to think. Jyn, with her thick, wavy hair loose and framing her face Jyn, clad in creamy finery that the most genteel of women would be jealous of, Jyn, the most beautiful woman that Cassian had ever laid eyes upon. Throat dry and thoughts so jumbled that Cassian couldn’t quite formulate anything resembling coherent, and he watched helplessly as her expression shifted from expectant to embarrassed in the span of one heartbeat.

Although he struggled to do it, Cassian finally found enough presence of mind to blurt out the first thing that he could think of, the first thought that took root, afraid that if he didn’t say something, she would disappear into the night and he would never be granted this opportunity again.

“You’re beautiful!”

He watched as she quickly ducked her head, but in the moment just before, he thought he saw that she was smiling.

“You always are - “ he continued, slowly stepping forward, careful not to scare her away. “I simply mean that this is not the first time I’ve noticed. I - I … “

He laughed then,  a breathless, overwhelmed sound, lifting a hand to rub nervously at the back of his neck. He felt trapped by an insane urge to continue explaining, even as he approached all the closer still and the pair began circling each other, orbiting each other, almost like a dance.

“I had hoped … “, she began.

“I didn’t want to take advantage … “, he continued.

“But when you look at me, I - “, she breathed.

“You make me feel things that I am wholly unaccustomed to”, Cassian admitted, inhaling sharply when he realized just how close they’d gotten, how very little personal space remained between them.

From this distance or lack thereof, Cassian could see the brown and gray flecks in Jyn’s eyes, and the light dusting of freckles across her cheeks and nose. Gods, she was stunning.

“So you do?”, she asked, her voice lifting tremulously - hopefully. “You feel it, too?”

After a moment’s pause, Cassian laughed again, incredulously, as he slowly extended a hand for Jyn to take if she chose to, the warmth in his stomach simmering as she did, winding warm and work-roughened fingers together, holding on like they didn’t want to have to let go.

“Yes. Probably since the moment that you threatened to toss me off the side if I so much as laid a finger on you.”

His mirth soon gave way to his usual seriousness as he continued. “Every glance, every smile, every conversation … my feelings have grown and grown. But I worried that you might think that I expected you to - to do things with me that you were not interested in doing just to stay onboard, and Jyn - ?”

Cassian paused, took a breath, shook his head and forged ahead. There was no stopping now, after all, no taking anything back.

“I want you on my crew because you’re competent in your skills and a confident sailor. Any Captain would be so fortunate to have you.”

He paused again, the silence a little awkward as he pondered what to say next - and he still had plenty he wanted her to know - gasping his surprise as Jyn breached the divide left between them and surged up onto her tiptoes to capture his lips in a kiss.

Startled, Cassian kept still for a moment, but eventually, his instincts came to life and he slowly curled his free arm around her waist to keep her close, a softly pleased little groan the only noise he made as his eyes fluttered shut and he returned the kiss with vigor, although he tried valiantly to keep from deepening it too fast or take liberties that she wasn’t offering him.

But maybe there was no mistaking her intention as she nipped at his lips and heatedly murmured his name, his body unable to keep from shivering in response.

This - now - was so much better than anything he had previously conjured up using an admittedly very vivid imagination. This was real. Jyn was real - warm and solid in his arms and responding to Cassian in ways that he had never before imagined possible. But fleetingly, he found himself thinking that if this really was just another dream, it was a dream that he never wanted to wake from.

She took a step forward, forcing Cassian to step backward, repeating the movements until the back of his knees touched the edge of the bunk and contact was broken as he found himself suddenly sitting, gazing up at Jyn through hazy, adoring eyes.

She didn’t have a sword pointed at his throat, but Cassian still found himself at her mercy. And when he murmured a husky - “I yield” he still meant it wholeheartedly.

He knew it was soon, but somehow, he already knew that no matter where the tides brought them, Cassian wanted Jyn by his side to meet it all head on. Somehow, he got the feeling that life with Jyn was always going to be an adventure, and maybe that was always what he had been searching for, what he had been meant to find.

“Thank the Gods, this bloody corset is killing me.”

Maybe he was well and truly home now.

[oh-nostalgiaa]

happy (belated) may the fourth to @ohstardustgirl! i am your backup gifter, and here is your gift for the prompt ‘starting a family’. i’m sorry if it’s not great, but i did only have a week to work. stay tuned, i may remix this to expand the idea, which is absolutely one of my favorites. 

(find this fic on ao3)

you make it real for me

The hints came out in bits and pieces.

A faint smile offered to a group of laughing children on some sun-dappled, mostly peaceful planet they’d been tasked to scout as a possible location for a new base. Unsuitable, Cassian had relayed, the risk for civilian casualties was too high.

A whispered admittance as they laid together in a too-small bunk, arms and legs hopelessly tangled together, that Jyn had always wanted to have a sibling or two, that despite her vivid imagination and cadre of homemade toys, she had been a very lonely child.

Cassian didn’t like to speak of an after, a lump forming in his throat every time he made an attempt. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want a future - especially one with Jyn - it was that he didn’t want to make promises that he couldn’t be sure that he would be able to keep. The galaxy was such an uncertain place, after all, especially in a time of war. Even so, he wanted it with her - a life, a future, and whatever came along with it.

Even so, it had been the shock of a lifetime when Jyn had unexpectedly burst into his quarters startling him from the stretches he’d been given in order to keep the muscles of his back loose. Cassian tumbled to the floor with a grunt and looked up at Jyn through confused eyes.

“What’s wrong?”, he had asked, taking in the sight of the way her brows knitted together worriedly, the way she nibbled her bottom lip nervously, the way she seemed to curl in on herself as she kept near the door instead of sitting on the bunk near Cassian.

Of all the things he might have expected to hear, the words ‘I’m pregnant’ were so far out of the realm of possibility that Cassian wondered - momentarily - if he had somehow misheard them.

But as Jyn sat heavily by his side and reiterated the statement - actually apologized for the apparent failure of her contraceptive implant - the realization settled in the pit of his belly.

“It’s not your fault”, he had consoled gently, leaning over and ressing a kiss to the side of her head. And it wasn’t - obviously, his implant hadn’t been the most reliable, either. Maybe they should have been smarter and used more protection, but there was no turning back time now.

It wasn’t the most opportune time, but Cassian wasn’t sure if there was such a thing as ‘perfect’ in the world that they were living in.

After some long, difficult conversations where they weighed the pros and cons of starting a family in such an uncertain, d,angerous time, and the decision was finally made that neither could go through with termination. Cassian felt selfish, for sure, but he did want to keep the baby - their baby - and he did want to start a family of his own, to attempt to make their way in a brand-new situation that neither felt truly prepared for. It was a terrifying prospect, but he had meant it every single time he had pulled her close and murmured that whatever came their way, they would face it head on, together.

It was going to be worth it, Cassian told himself as he tendered his resignation (with the caveat that if he was ever needed, truly needed, he could be called back to duty), accepting a meager amount of credits for years of loyal service to start a life away from the only home he had ever really known.

It was a mantra that Cassian found himself repeating often as the months stretched out in front of he and Jyn as they navigated their new lives.

He couldn’t help thinking it after long days spent working to renovate their new home on the banks of a tranquil lake on a lightly populated Mid Rim planet that seemed very far away from the strife caused by war. How could he feel anything but happy when he caught sight of Jyn, face tilted up to enjoy the last rays of the late afternoon sunlight, looking as free of worry as he had ever seen her?

He silently reminded himself of that fact every late night that he found himself sitting with Jyn in the ‘fresher and held her hair back and out of her face while she was sick and apologizing to him through agonized, panting breaths. He couldn’t stand to see Jyn hurting, but he could do  nothing to take away her pain. He tried, though, to soothe her as best he could.

The belief was only bolstered the first time they visited the capital’s main med-center and he saw their baby’s image on screen for the very first time - a living, breathing being that was half of Jyn and half of him, and he found himself overcome by emotion as he held on tightly to her hand and tried to discern if the baby looked more like their mother or father.

Cassian tried to trust in his mantra as he worked on the solar panels that provided their comfortable little house power, certain that Jyn wanted nothing to do with him after the blow-up they had just had. He was a logical, pragmatic man, and had done his fair share of research, he knew that Jyn was being overwhelmed by hormones and conflicting emotions, but it had felt - really and truly felt that he erred in a way that couldn’t be easily fixed

So he kept to himself and lost himself in the work until he felt that he was no longer alone, and turned around to find Jyn standing and watching him quietly. Before he could apologize for being overprotective and perhaps a little overbearing, she beat him to it, and Cassian found himself descending the ladder as quickly and safely as he could so that he could wrap Jyn in his arms and reassure her that he hadn’t taken offense to her outburst.

He knew how capable she was, even pregnant. And he knew that she would never put herself or the baby in danger - that he needed to trust herto know when to ask for assitance, when too much was too much.

It was worth it, he thought, in the quiet moments when they rested in their bed, when his fingers drifted across her belly, only stilling when the baby kicked, and he laughed softly in response, kissing the spot and quietly chiding the baby to leave its mama be.

He relished those moments the most - relaxing and resting together in ways they had never really had the opportunity to before, speaking in hushed whispers to her stomach, sharing with the baby all of his hopes and dreams for the three of them as a family.

There were good times and bad times, laughter and tears, and most of the time, Cassian didn’t have the slightest clue when it came to being a father, living a life where he wasn’t sure that death was waiting for him around every corner At least he wasn’t alone in it. At least he had Jyn.

And he could, at the very least, reassure her when she worried about the very same things. This was the right decision for them, and the good, the bad, the inbetweens, they were all going to be worth it in the end.

He didn’t truly believe in it, though, until the day he was holding a tiny, red-faced, wailing infant in his arms, and trying to shush her by reassuring her that although the world was a big and scary place, especially for someone so small, her mama and her papa would always be there to help her through, would never let anything hurt her.

Cassian still had no idea what he thought he was doing being a parent, but as he showed Jyn their healthy, angry baby, he was certain that this - this right here - was exactly what they’d been fighting so hard to save.

Every step along the way had brought them here, and he knew that it was exactly where he was supposed to be. And whatever came their way, the three of them, they would perservere.

It had all been worth it in the end.

[starxdust22]

| and the time that we had will be left to the world |

Jyn Erso was not a fool; he had been dead for over two years now. People did not come back from the dead, no matter how much she might wish he would.

(Cassian never thought that he make it back to London alive. He never thought he would survive long enough to return to the city that had been home, for a time. He wasn't truly home, of course; but he had been the one to tell her to move on.)

In other words: five years is a long time. But moving on and giving up hope are not things to be done lightly.

Read on ao3

May the fourth be with you, @hoofgirl! This fills your prompts for reunion and feelings realization, and a little bit for hope for the future. I had so much fun writing this... I hope you like it!

[imgoingtocrash]

you like me a little (but a little’s a lot) by imgoingtocrash for @starxdust22​

(For the @therebelcaptainnetwork​ “May The Fourth” Gift Exchange)

Word Count: 2,235

“Of all the things that Jyn shouldn’t be doing, this one…this one is really, really up there. (And there are many things that she does on a daily basis that one would likely say she shouldn’t do, considering the whole Saw’s Right-Hand Woman of the Partisans thing, so that’s saying something.)”

In a world where the Partisans and Rebels are rival gangs fighting to take control of the city away from a corrupt police force, Jyn and Cassian find themselves getting along much better than expected, and things get a little heated.

Read on AO3

As I’ve already messaged, it’s me, your gifter! Sorry this took a minute to get up, but I hope you like it! It was a blast to play in this little AU, and you were so kind with Tumblr’s messaging system getting in my way of keeping in regular contact. <3