just enneag-rambling
Welp, I used to be torn between thinking I was a 7w6 or a 4w5 but my friend lent me an enneagram book and so far I’m SUPER confused because I’d gotten to the point where I was starting to think I was a 4, but EVERY step of the way in the book I’m relating to ones I’d previously ruled out. Pretty much everything I’m relating to hardest is from enneagram 3. 3??? If I’m a 3, I’m a really crappy one, cause I have NOT been achieving much. The main thing keeping me from feeling more 3-ish is its description of being realistic and pragmatic. I’m the most head-in-the-clouds daydreamy person I know. My creativity and imagination are what I pride myself on!!! And that’s 4, right??? So WHY is 3 seeming so much more accurate???
Plus when it talked about Basic Fears, 8 hit me like ROCKS. I aligned most with 3 and 4, but when I read 8′s fear, “Fear of being harmed or controlled by others,” I started actually crying. I am absolutely not an 8 - I do know that for certain - but my mom sure is... which would explain where the fear comes from.
So now I’m pretty much confused over 3w4 vs 4w3
Thanks for listening to my semi-informed, inconsistent rambling. Tune in next time, where I’ll ponder whether I’m an 8 or a 1 or something equally ridiculous to me now, because of course my mind can never stay sure of anything - even the things I feel most sure of. HOORAY.
TL;DR Turns out my life is a lie and everything I thought I knew is wrong. Instead of wondering if I’m a 7w6 or 4w5, I’m now torn between 3w4 and 4w3. Also, all the fears and “childhood messages” of 3, 5 and 8 make me cry. Gonna keep studying this.
Update from the future: lmao I really thought I might be a three huh? I just reaaally did not wanna be a 4 cause the stereotypes don't feel very accurate to me, but uh. That's because. They're not. Most descriptions of 4 are very 4w5 and sp, but I'm sp-blind and 4w3 (soc dom) which is very different. 4s get a bad rap tbh. Also wow @ past me thinking creativity was inherent or exclusive to fours. Yikeos