#refusing compulsory sexuality

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2025: REFUSING COMPULSORY SEXUALITY: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown.

Tangentially NaNo-prep related (by virtue of: "aromantic people" appears in the index), and also I've been meaning to read more specific queer theory type of texts.

This one is only about 180 pages of Text and like 40 pages of notes/index, but it covers a lot of ground: from acephobia and gatekeeping to capitalism to infantilization and villainization, there's a Little Bit Of Everything and a LOT of intersectionality in here.

From a literary perspective, I found chapters 8 ("Unhuman") and 9 ("Refusal") most interesting, but I really appreciated the history-oriented chapters ("Frigidity" and "Histories"), too. While Brown uses a lot of those long, hyper-precise academia-type words--like "cisheteronormativity" or "cisheteropatriarchy" (gosh there was so much cisheteropatriarchy)--the text itself was fairly approachable. I didn't find myself turned around in the language at all (always a win, in academic-type books).

As a fellow ace, some of the earlier chapters were very time-knifey for me, but once Brown started digging into the intersection of Blackness and asexuality I found myself learning a lot and flagging other seminal texts to add to the TBR. Brown does a thorough job of noting content discussions by section, so you're not blindsided by heavier topics.

Overall, an important, thoughtful book. I recommend it to all aces far and wide: It clearly and strongly centers a Black perspective and addresses white supremacy in unflinching terms (although non-Black aces of color were only mentioned a few times in passing). (Allos, especially queer allos, y'all should probably read it, too.)

[bookcub]

I will always advocate for every queer person's right to be a fully autonomous sexual being-and that always must and always will include asexuals. Recognizing the significance of queer sex should not mean that every queer person should be mandated to meet an arbitrary sexual prerequisite in order for their queerness to be affirmed. Centering queerness around sex leaves very little room for queer folks for whom sex is insignificant, or for whom sex is never or rarely possible, or for queer folks who have never had sex before, or for queer folks whose only sexual experiences have been violent. It also leaves a lot of queer people, especially young ones, feeling pressured to have a certain amount or certain type of sex in order to legitimate or prove their queerness to themselves or to someone else.

-Sherronda J. Brown, Refusing compulsory sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture

[queereads-bracket]

Queer Nonfiction Books Bracket: Round 2

Choose a book:

Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture

Voting ended onJun 13

Book summaries and submitted endorsements below:

Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe

In 2014, Maia Kobabe, who uses e/em/eir pronouns, thought that a comic of reading statistics would be the last autobiographical comic e would ever write. At the time, it was the only thing e felt comfortable with strangers knowing about em. Now, Gender Queer is here. Maia's intensely cathartic autobiography charts eir journey of self-identity, which includes the mortification and confusion of adolescent crushes, grappling with how to come out to family and society, bonding with friends over erotic gay fanfiction, and facing the trauma of pap smears. Started as a way to explain to eir family what it means to be nonbinary and asexual, Gender Queer is more than a personal story: it is a useful and touching guide on gender identity—what it means and how to think about it—for advocates, friends, and humans everywhere.

Nonfiction, graphic novel, memoir

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown

Endorsement from submitter: "Insightful and cutting, recommended reading for EVERYBODY, Black or not, asexual or not. It investigates compulsory sexuality and amatonormativity, and less-discussed elements like healthism (the idea that abnormality is unhealthy and that seeking to become more healthy is a moral imperative) and chrononormativity (the idea of a certain timeline everyone is expected to hit different goals by) and how these affect ace people and queer people more broadly, AND how the idea of norms intertwines with racism and racial assumptions about Black vs. white people"

For readers of Ace and Belly of the Beast: A Black queer feminist exploration of asexuality—and an incisive interrogation of the sex-obsessed culture that invisibilizes and ignores asexual and A-spec identity.

Everything you know about sex and asexuality is (probably) wrong.

The notion that everyone wants sex—and that we all have to have it—is false. It's intertwined with our ideas about capitalism, race, gender, and queerness. And it impacts the most marginalized among us. For asexual folks, it means that ace and A-spec identity is often defined by a queerness that's not queer enough, seen through a lens of perceived lack of pleasure, connection, joy, maturity, and even humanity.

In this exploration of what it means to be Black and asexual in America today, Sherronda J. Brown offers new perspectives on asexuality. She takes an incisive look at how anti-Blackness, white supremacy, patriarchy, heteronormativity, and capitalism enact harm against asexual people, contextualizing acephobia within a racial framework in the first book of its kind. Brown advocates for the "A" in LGBTQIA+, affirming that to be asexual is to be queer—despite the gatekeeping and denial that often says otherwise.

With chapters on desire, fuckability, utility, refusal, and possibilities, Refusing Compulsory Sexuality discusses topics of deep relevance to ace and a-spec communities. It centers the Black asexual experience—and demands visibility in a world that pathologizes and denies asexuality, denigrates queerness, and specifically sexualizes Black people.

A necessary and unapologetic reclamation, Refusing Compulsory Sexuality is smart, timely, and an essential read for asexuals, aromantics, queer readers, and anyone looking to better understand sexual politics in America.

Nonfiction, queer theory

[makingqueerhistory]

Queer Book Recommendations

Every once in a while I like sharing some queer book recommendations on here as I read a lot and I get requests to share some of the books I love, so here we go! 

Tell Me I'm Worthless: Three years ago, Alice spent one night in an abandoned house with her friends Ila and Hannah. Since then, things have not been going well. Alice is living a haunted existence, selling videos of herself cleaning for money, going to parties she hates, drinking herself to sleep. She hasn’t spoken to Ila since they went into the House. She hasn’t seen Hannah either.

Our Wives Under The Sea: Miri thinks she has got her wife back, when Leah finally returns after a deep sea mission that ended in catastrophe. It soon becomes clear, though, that Leah may have come back wrong. Whatever happened in that vessel, whatever it was they were supposed to be studying before they were stranded on the ocean floor, Leah has carried part of it with her, onto dry land and into their home. 

You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty: Feyi Adekola wants to learn how to be alive again.It’s been five years since the accident that killed the love of her life and she’s almost a new person now—an artist with her own studio, and sharing a brownstone apartment with her ride-or-die best friend, Joy, who insists it’s time for Feyi to ease back into the dating scene. Feyi isn’t ready for anything serious, but a steamy encounter at a rooftop party cascades into a whirlwind summer she could have never imagined: a luxury trip to a tropical island, decadent meals in the glamorous home of a celebrity chef, and a major curator who wants to launch her art career.

Silver Under Nightfall: Remy Pendergast is many things: the only son of the Duke of Valenbonne (though his father might wish otherwise), an elite bounty hunter of rogue vampires, and an outcast among his fellow Reapers. His mother was the subject of gossip even before she eloped with a vampire, giving rise to the rumors that Remy is half-vampire himself. Though the kingdom of Aluria barely tolerates him, Remy’s father has been shaping him into a weapon to fight for the kingdom at any cost.

Disintegrate/Dissociate: In her powerful debut collection of poetry, Arielle Twist unravels the complexities of human relationships after death and metamorphosis. In these spare yet powerful poems, she explores, with both rage and tenderness, the parameters of grief, trauma, displacement, and identity. Weaving together a past made murky by uncertainty and a present which exists in multitudes, Arielle Twist poetically navigates through what it means to be an Indigenous trans woman, discovering the possibilities of a hopeful future and a transcendent, beautiful path to regaining softness. 

The Perks of Loving a Wallflower: As a master of disguise, Thomasina Wynchester can be a polite young lady—or a bawdy old man. She’ll do whatever it takes to solve the cases her family takes on. But when Tommy’s beautiful new client turns out to be the highborn lady she’s secretly smitten with, more than her mission is at stake . . . 

It Came from the Closet: Queer Reflections on Horror: Horror movies hold a complicated space in the hearts of the queer community: historically misogynist, and often homo- and transphobic, the genre has also been inadvertently feminist and open to subversive readings. Common tropes—such as the circumspect and resilient “final girl,” body possession, costumed villains, secret identities, and things that lurk in the closet—spark moments of eerie familiarity and affective connection. Still, viewers often remain tasked with reading themselves into beloved films, seeking out characters and set pieces that speak to, mirror, and parallel the unique ways queerness encounters the world. 

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture: Everything you know about sex and asexuality is (probably) wrong. The notion that everyone wants sex–and that we all have to have it–is false. It’s intertwined with our ideas about capitalism, race, gender, and queerness. And it impacts the most marginalized among us. For asexual folks, it means that ace and A-spec identity is often defined by a queerness that’s not queer enough, seen through a lens of perceived lack: lack of pleasure, connection, joy, maturity, and even humanity.

[onthesideplot]

Review of "Refusing compulsory sexuality: a black asexual lens on our sex-obsessed society" by Sherronda Brown (because I can)

Yes, the book does have its weak point. Still, is it the first book I would recommend when it comes to (a)sexuality and racism? Yes, definitely.

Compulsory sexuality is part of the social norms established by our (Western) society. Under this norm, the practice of sexuality is regulated, in both directions. Just as excessively free sexuality is shamed (especially among women), it is also expected that it be practiced in the "right" situations.

Furthermore, expectations about sexuality are also influenced by the colonial era, which shaped the racist cliché of an "uncivilized non-white sexuality." The book also explores how this affects today's dynamics and stereotypes.

There are certainly points of criticism concerning it. I would have liked a deeper dive into postcolonial themes, which were mentioned several times but not explored in detail. Due to the strong focus on the USA, some geographical boundaries are also drawn here. Furthermore, the "Histories" chapter is a simple timeline without any connecting narrative or contextualization, which, in my opinion, should either have been better structured or left out entirely.

Despite these points, the book was a highlight for me. It was actually the first time I'd ever dealt with asexuality on a nonfiction level, and so many times I read passages that simply clicked, that put into words what I'd subconsciously perceived, or that showed me perspectives that were new to me but made so much sense.

I'm asexual, but also white, which is why I find it all the more important to understand how racism influences the A-spectrum and vice versa. And this book is an excellent starting point for that. It not only addresses the coercion toward, or against, asexuality in society, but also how both asexuality and sexuality in general have been used as tools of white supremacy. In this respect, it has helped me a lot to better understand sexuality in general and asexuality specifically, and to orient myself within this spectrum.

[styrofauxm]

You know a book is good when you need to annotate it. Those tabs aren't everything, I've got a note for almost every page.

This book ought to be cited as one of the most important texts on asexuality. I very much think that all asexual people ought to read it. It significantly reframed many, if not most, of my understandings of asexuality, changed my mind on others, and introduced concepts of which I was previously unaware. It also affirms asexuality masterfully.

Many concepts within it are also applicable to other aspec identities. Mostly aromanticism, but all of them at some point.

Go read it.

[marrietti-dot-png]

Took a walk while listening to an audiobook book on asexuality, I am health

(The book is Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda J. Brown)

[meetmeinmyden]

Hard relate to Isaac here... Ace books are everything

Heartstopper season 2