An anon sent me a hollytaya request but I forgot that they wanted a detailed oneshot and not goofy ass headcanons but I fucked up and deleted the entire ask five seconds after posting it alongside the headcanons
chat I can't read shit right these days and I regret it so much because the headcanons were decent enough for a separate post on its own
I'M GONNA SOB ACTUALLY
IT EVEN HAD THE KISSING FISH SCREENSHOT BECAUSE I HC THAT THEY KISS LIKE IT'S A WARZONE
Kalna’s in a foul mood, and thinking about why only puts him in a worse one.
Iska leaves for Samra and his cousin’s funeral rites later in the evening, and Kalna…
Kalna feels that old selfishness curling in his gut. He doesn’t need Isokai here, but he doesn’t want him to leave either. It’s been so long since they’ve had this—this camaraderie, relatively unburdened by the antagonism that usually sets them at odds. Kalna wants to keep that, to guard it for as many years as this life will give him, so of course there’s a part of him that fears what will happen if Isokai leaves. What if he’s not the same when he returns? What if Kan isn’t the same? But surely, he tries to tell himself, surely a distant cousin’s death won’t change what they have now.
And yet—Kalna is so unsure of himself where Iska is concerned.
“Darling boy.” The Dowager’s voice is sharp, calling Kan to attention. “You look ready to set the thunderclouds on fire, and it’s very distracting.”
Kan rolls his eyes at his mother. She’s at Sem’s desk again, sifting through the reports with expert ease and gossiping at the same time.
“I don’t have to be cheery every day,” Kan complains.
“Did you argue with your Noki again?” the Dowager asks archly, raising a brow perfectly sculpted to convey a cuttingly precise dose of judgement.
“No,” Kan says, at the same time as Sem murmurs, “Yes.”
Kan glares at Sem. “Yes,” he corrects himself, annoyed. “But we’ve already made up. He’s coming in later and we’ll send the ambassador off together.”
“How precious,” says the Dowager.
“I love you too, Mother.”
Isokai leaves Court by grounder, which will take him to the nearest transit hub at the edge of the city limits. From there, he’ll been flown home to Samra directly, without any of the usual detours through neighboring Viad. Instead, he’ll go over neutral sea by private transport, designed for long-term trips. His family is not without their resources.
The Dowager surprises everyone by showing up to Isokai’s sending-off. Everyone save Isokai, who would never look surprised by anything. A touch disconcerted, maybe, or mildly confused.
“Guard your health, and travel safely.” Kan offers Isokai the polite leave-taking with a firm handshake. Isokai shakes his hand and smiles at Kan--reassuringly, the ass--and then turns to make his goodbye to Noki.
Private words pass between them, and Kan only half tries to overhear their quiet conversation. Kan wonders if Isokai is advising Noki on who to contact in his absence, and thinks that does go a little too far, actually.
He’s let the Exchange operate within the diplomatic arm of his court as a pseudo-think tank and a center of cultural research--or, as Sem has said on a few occasions, he’s been playing favorites...
But if things are going to become official, as Kan sees is a true option now, all relations with Samra will need to be held to a higher standard. Everything--well, most things--will need to come above-ground, so to speak.
“Dearest Ambassador Isokai,” the Dowager says, her voice announcing the end of the ambassador and diplomat’s goodbye. “I wish you the best of journeys home on this sad occasion.” Kan looks up at his mother, hearing that note in her voice which promises something else.
With a smile so gracious it can only be sarcastic, the Dowager adds with honeyed warmth, “And please, do not feel the need to rush back to us.”
Isokai smiles politely, and he takes the Dowager’s hand and bows over it. “Thank you, my lady,” he replies, unruffled, and the Dowager favors him with a real smile. Kalna would have been surprised that she's taken such a liking to him recently--but who doesn't like Iska?
Without much more fuss, the ambassador gets into the grounder beside the driver, and they take off. The farewell party breaks up, each heading in their own directions.
“Kan,” Noki comments in a low, troubled voice, and Kan walks him towards his lift. “Doesn’t the Dowager embarrass you when she does things like that?”
“Things like what?”
“Those veiled insults,” says Noki flatly, like he’s annoyed that Kan is making him spell it out.
“Oh, yes, of course,” Kan says with a shrug. “I try not to worry about those, since you do it enough for the both of us.”
“But Kan--what if she insults someone less tolerant than the ambassador?”
Kan sighs. He looks at Noki and shakes his head. “Have you considered that she wouldn’t say such things to someone else?”
Noki shuts his mouth, but he still looks to be in the arguing mood.
“She’s important,” Kan says wearily, to preclude anything else from Noki. He’s tired from having been so irritated all morning, and feels oddly anxious now that Isokai has left. “And she knows what she’s doing. Can we leave it at that?”
Noki drops his head. “I’m sorry,” he mutters, quietly. “You know how I feel about…” He trails off, but he doesn’t need to finish.
Kan does know. But he’s very good at avoiding that truth.
Kissing Noki on the cheek, Kan says, “I’ll see you later? Enjoy your meetings with the trades councilmen.”
Noki makes a face at Kan, and then retreats.
When he’s gone, Kan turns back towards the where the Dowager waits. She glides towards him, all regal grace, and when she’s close enough Kan says, “Lunch, Mother? Just the two of us today.”
“The coronet of flowers around your heart won’t be joining us, I suppose.”
“Mother,” Kan replies humorlessly, but he offers the Dowager his arm with an attempt at a smile.
She takes it. “If he doesn’t like me, darling, you should wonder about that more. You’re half me, you know.”
“Unfortunately,” agrees Kan, as he leads the Dowager back towards his private sitting rooms in Court. They usually have lunch there when they do have it together, and sometimes Sem joins. Kan doubts he’ll have the time today.
They step into the lifts together, and the doors close automatically behind them. “Ambassador Isokai likes me,” the Dowager observes innocently, as the lift begins moving upwards.
“Would you like lunch, Mother? Or would you like to go straight to the dungeon and torture me there?”
(next - twenty-one)
OK so not to speak to soon (but naybe it will motivate me) i think i have one scene--not even one major scene, like, one scene final to write. and then just the rest to polish! (lol except the rest is like 14 pages, so...)
regret everything the lover, part ii
(previous - the lover)
Is Noki more important to Kan than Tasak? Is Tasak more important to Kan than his ego?
Huddled in the brisk darkness of the forest, made even darker for the weak moon, and Noki is terrified because he doesn’t know the answers to his own questions. He just knows that Kan will smile and lock his bitter words behind furiously sorrowful eyes, and Noki does know he can’t handle that. How could anyone ask that of him?
It’s not one person who’s asking me, Noki thinks as he waits for his co-conspirators to arrive. Because they are conspirators in truth now, not just in theory; they’ve planned a coup and this is the night they act, the night Noki will have the answers to his questions whether he wants them or not. It’s me asking myself. It's all of Tasak I’m doing this for.
Kan has been so volatile lately, so… Inaccessible. Incomprehensible. Noki thinks about all the things he’s said that demonstrate his insuperable mistrust and dislike of Samra, reminds himself of the all of Kan’s impetuous decisions, and tries to forget the warmth of the bed that he left to be here.
Hona and Polis are the first to arrive, and they come together. Noki’s sister, Ahal, and Hona’s brother will be last—they had to go furthest, to cut communication frequencies to Tasak’s satellite towns. Best to keep them from getting involved too soon. The three of them nod to each other silent acknowledgement—they all feel the taut tension, and none of them want to speak—and then gather closer together to wait in silence.
Isokai enters the clearing like a ghost.
“As we discussed,” he announces, his light voice clear and steady in the night. “Your people have been prepared, though nothing is technologically traceable, of course. Our involvement will not be discovered.”
The ambassador’s confirmation of this crucial aspect of the plan sets them free from the paralysis of anticipation. Polis and Hona both straighten, their breathless worry transformed into action. They all know what comes next.
They act now, and they succeed. Or they don’t.
“Right,” Hona says, the first to speak after Isokai’s announcement. “Polis and I will rendezvous with the central group, and head towards Inner Court. Noki, you and Ambassador Isokai should wait here for the others—”
“—then we’ll meet up with the ground advance crew,” Noki finishes for Hona. “We're all as prepared as we can be,” he tells her.
Smiling, Hona and Polis leave hand-in-hand, galvanized by the first tastes of success.
But Noki feels a new anxiety welling up in him. Isokai’s announcement has brought Noki clarity, too, only his is the gutting realization that this is not what he wants. Everything is real, and happening, and Noki could choke on his fear.
He looks up into the Ambassador’s eyes, dark and nearly invisible in the night.
“This can still be ended.”
Isokai breathes to life words that could save Noki. He gives them so quietly that Noki thinks he's imagined it, for the briefest moment.
But Isokai is right. Noki can end this surreal reality he's embroiled in.
“We have done good,” he says, a final justification for this errant path. What are they even thinking? Kan deserves far more time to recover from his grief. His first steps alone have just been alarming and threatening to a young group like the Exchange; they had pinned a lot of their plans on Congress. Too many. “I still believe that. Our hearts are in the right direction. But this is… Isokai, how did we—”
“—Sadura Noki!”
The new voice cracks into the air between Noki and Isokai, cutting Noki off. Both turn to face a white-faced Sem emerging into sight. One of his arms is outstretched and Noki goes cold with terror. This is it, he thinks. Now it really is too late.
“Sem,” says Isokai, quick and gentle. He moves in front of Noki. “Put that down. I assure you we may still resolve this with words.”
Sem’s arm only wavers for a minute. He doesn’t stop pointing the old-style laser handgun at them. “Please stay out of this, Ambassador. You, I understand—you're a foreign diplomat. But you, Sadura Noki?”
Noki lifts his chin, and clenched his fists to hide their trembling. “What about me.”
“A mole, I get,” Sem growls. “They happen. I've used them before, always with care… but you. You’re like a snake. An eel. Do you even love him?”
Noki’s anger snaps at that. “Of course I do!”
“But you didn't like the Dowager, so she had to go, is that correct?” Sem accuses with a bitter snarl. “Even though she was his mother, and a pillar of stability--”
“A monument of anti-Samra sentiment,” argues Noki coldly. “I will not be criticized like this. I have never let my personal opinions influence my diplomatic role.”
“Oh, I see,” Kan’s secretary sneers. “So you had a different reason to sell the Dowager out to the Samrans? What were your diplomatic rationalizations for having her assassinated?”
“What?”
“Don't deny it. You were communicating with three different Conclave representatives in the weeks leading up to hear death! Information that you passed to one of them lead directly to the Dowager’s murder.”
Noki shakes his head. “I… You were spying on me!” he bursts out, though it's the last thing on his mind, the final and least consequential of his revelations.
“Of course we were spying on you,” Sem confirms with a half-snarl. “Would you trust the Exchange, if you were lord?”
Noki had been right earlier, to think he can't come back from this. Even before, with Isokai’s offer of help, he couldn’t have undone this; he only thought he could have. Noki grasps for something solid to hold onto, and finds the grip of his own new weapon, a baton-shaped firearm.
Smuggled to him by Samrans. He feels like a child playing war with his friends, only he’s found his parents’ truly dangerous weapons instead of the toy ones. All of his cool, righteous anger dries up.
“Is it true, Isokai?” How could Noki have been so stupid? “Did I…?”
Isokai bows his head. “No, not directly. But the radicals have their ways of gleaning what should be secret, as you know, and they are radicals.”
“Then we have to move forward,” Noki mutters. There’s nothing for them if they don't succeed now. Tasak will never forgive Samra for a failed coup. Not for long and costly centuries. This is their only chance, and they must take it. “We’ll have to be more careful, but I have to… I have to.”
“Noki,” Isokai says, in the heavy voice of a man who knows what's going to happen before it happens; before even Noki realizes he’s stepped further away from Isokai and raised his smuggled baton and fired it at Sem in a brilliant, fine streak of laser-light.
“No!” Isokai shouts. His voice clangs, rattling through Noki’s bones and locking him in place. But it's too late.
The baton explodes.
Sem shouts and ducks, dropping the old, borrowed rifle. The deadly hot beam of light never reaches him though, and when Sem looks up, he’s horrified by what he sees.
“I—Isokai, it wasn't—”
“I know,” says Isokai. He doesn't sound surprised, only tired with an undercurrent of a sorrow so deep, it sends a shiver down Sem’s spine.
The shiver chills the blaze that's been driving him to wildness.
“Is he...?” Sem can’t look away from the crumpled, unmoving form.
“This wasn't your fault, Sem,” Isokai reassures him again. “You should leave though, before anyone finds you. You need to stay free of this. Lord Kan is going to need your help. I’ll handle all of this here.”
“But—what happened?”
“I made a wish in haste,” the Ambassador says, hanging his head. His voice is so soft, Sem isn't sure who the answer is for. “And it was judged selfish.”
