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Isn’t it ironic that Reid’s drug addiction started only a few months after Prentiss started and she was the only one that actually dared to confront him, and then her «death» was what almost pushed him to start using again? And then when he was injected with heroin, she was/put herself in charge of clearing his name?
Summary: For years, Emily and Spencer have wondered what could be. It takes Emily leaving for London to spur Spencer into action.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Emily Prentiss
Word Count: 1,147
Warning: Spoilers through season 7. Drug mentions.
A/N: This fulfills my Reid/Emily square for @cmbingo.
Doyle was breathing down her neck and she needed to lay low, but after Derek approached her about her recent behavior, she knew she couldn’t keep turning down plans either without raising more suspicion. As she had so many times before, she found herself at Spencer’s apartment. With a heavy heart, she knocked on his door.
“Emily?” Spencer quickly ushered her into the apartment. “What’s wrong?”
Despite the desire to air out some long held feelings, the instant she saw the softness in his eyes and realized how much he cared for her and just what he meant to her, she couldn’t burden him that way. If she told him how she felt, he might want to start something between them and she couldn’t put him in harm’s way like that. Doyle was her battle and hers alone.
“Nothing,” she replied, injecting levity into her voice like it was second nature. “I was just in the area and I remember you telling me you got that Russian-subtitled Solaris on DVD and I was wondering if we could watch it?”
There was the slightest hint of hesitation in his voice, like he wanted to question her further, but then he broke out into a smile. “Sure! Um, do you want some popcorn?”
Nodding, Emily thanked him and sat down on the couch, feeling a bit peaceful for the first time in nearly a week. Settling in, she took the popcorn Spencer offered with a smile and watched Solaris for nearly two and a half hours, all the while debating with herself. As if he could sense her inner turmoil, Spencer interrupted the movie. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”
Emily sleepily sunk into the couch and leaned into him. “Yea, I just have a lot on my mind and don’t really want to talk about it. That okay?”
“Of course.”
She closed her eyes against the sound of his voice. “Thanks,”
----
The night Emily “died” was one of the worst nights of Spencer’s life. Not only did he lose one of his best friends, but the possibility of more - all because he was too cowardly, too afraid of rejection, to bring up how he truly felt. For weeks after her death, he’d gone crying to JJ and eventually told her about his feelings for Emily. Each day felt harder than the last, and in his despair, he nearly returned to dilaudid too many times to count. The only thing that kept him from contacting his old dealer was Emily’s voice in the back of his head.
“Please don’t.”
“This isn’t what you really want.”
“This isn’t what I want for you.”
Every emotion, every tear, every near relapse was thrown into sharp relief when she returned. And though he knew she did what she did for her own safety, he couldn’t make sense of it - and Hotch and JJ’s part in it - for months. “You know what I think it is?” JJ asked, anger and shame running through her body. “You’re made that Hotch and I controlled our micro expressions at the hospital and you weren’t able to detect our deception.”
Spencer swallowed back bile, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. “You think this is about my profiling skills? Jennifer, listen - the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you! I came to your house for ten weeks in a row, crying over losing a friend, confiding in you, and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.
“I couldn’t.”
“You couldn’t or you wouldn’t?”
“No, I couldn’t!”
Not caring who he hurt, he blurted out. “What if I had started taking dilaudid again? Would you have let me?”
JJ looked taken aback. “You didn’t,” she replied shakily.”
“Yea, but I thought about it.”
That moment nearly broke him. Broke his relationship with JJ and left him more confused than ever about where he stood regarding his feelings for Emily. In the following months, they all made up, with Spencer deciding to forgive and thank any deity that existed that at least Emily was alive.
On Fridays, Spencer and Emily would get together and watch movies, sometimes foreign language ones, sometimes horror, sometimes something completely random, whether they were on a case or not. If home, they would eat popcorn like the used to and dance around the unspoken feelings between them.
It was only a year after her return, when she decided to move to London to find herself again post-death that Spencer realized he didn’t want to let her go. No matter what hang-ups he’d had before she died, or the ones that arose upon her return, they didn’t erase how he felt. But each time he tried to say something, he would get interrupted until she was on the plane and out of his reach.
Though he’d never told Derek about his feelings for Emily, he placed his hand on Spencer’s shoulder one night, shortly after Emily departure. “There’s almost nothing worse than the unknown, kid.”
They sat in silence in the bullpen for a moment before Spencer replied. “You’re right.”
----
A week and a half after Emily left for London, Spencer found himself across the pond catching a cab in the middle of the pouring rain. With a windbreaker that was slightly too big and did little to keep away the cold, he knocked on Emily’s apartment door. “Spence?” Although taken aback by his presence, she immediately wrapped her arms around him. “Spence, what are you doing here?”
Spencer took a deep breath and grabbed Emily’s hand. “Emily, if I’m wrong I’m the worst profiler on the planet, but we’ve been dancing around this for a while. I like you as more than a friend. I have for a long time. Before you came back, before Doyle. I never said anything because I was afraid of what you’d say and then after you came back, the whole situation just left me confused about where I stood when it came to my feelings but then you were gone and it made me realize that I had to say something. Whether it goes anywhere or not is up to you from here on out, but I had to say something.”
“Spence, I-”
At first, Spencer thought that maybe he’d been reading into the little moments between them, but then she smiled.
“You didn’t have to come all the way here. You could’ve picked up the phone and told me and I would’ve said I feel the same way.” As she wrapped her arms around his waist, she laughed. “Instead, you’re all wet and you spent who the hell knows how much money.”
“You’re worth it, Emily.”
For one of the first time’s ever, he saw her blush. “Do you want to stay?”
