the Silent Treatment is used for abuse is as a tool of punishment.
It's interesting to note that research has shown that children would much rather be yelled at than ignored. Purposeful silence is truly one of the horrific methods of punishment, and some adults seem to have carried this childish method right into their adult years and into their marriage as a way of dealing with issues that are beyond the tools they currently have.
In fact, it is considered to be one of the harshest methods of punishment towards dangerous criminals to wear out their very fabric of human nature. It's called "Solitary Confinement."
In 1890, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Freeman Miller found "A considerable number of the prisoners fell, after even a short confinement, into a semi-fatuous condition, from which it was next to impossible to arouse them, and others became violently insane; others still, committed suicide..."
God makes us with the very need for fellowship, friendship and human interactions. We are by God's design – a socialite. This is who we are. And when a partner decides to cut off this need – they are putting their entire marriage at jeopardy by denying a God-given identity of that person, and it is not an action to be taken lightly.
Dr. Seth, a Los Angeles television psychologist & relationship expert, gives his perspective on how the Silent Treatment affects couples today: "Often men and women who issue the Silent Treatment know it hurts their partners – and that’s part of why they do it."
He continues, "If you are guilty of resorting to the Silent Treatment, I must call a spade a spade –it’s a cheap and easy way to hurt your partner. All the while, it turns you into a child who is incapable of communicating in your relationship like a grown-up. If you’re in a relationship, do the honorable, adult thing and give your partner a chance to talk to you. Talk to your partner – share – and work productively on your relationship."
Ways to Deal With It
If you are on the receiving end of the silent treatment, one thing you can do first and foremost is to think of how you may have contributed to your partner's reaction.
Understand that hurtful actions are usually negative RE-actions towards an event or something said or done – or not said or done.
• Think back of when this behavior started.
• Trace your steps and words to see if there was anything you did or said that contributed to your partner's reaction – and then deal with it.
• Apologize, make amends and explore how it hurt them. After all, you're in love – you most likely didn't mean to purposefully hurt them."
