#relationship ptsd

[bipolarmango]

It's funny how being cheated on and manipulated turns you into a person who believes the worst of every person's intentions and whatever someone says, it must be manipulation or at least a lie. Great stuff.

[flashbackonyourbehalf]

I think it fucks with me more than I realize that, twice in a row now, there’ve been two men who’ve fallen head over heels for me at the beginning, and eventually become unrecognizable by the end.

I’d proud to announce that I don’t struggle with self-loathing anymore. I’m strong, I’m smart, I’m funny, and I’m reliable. I’m a good fucking person.

But what is it about me that is so unlovable, so horrific, that it turns knights in shining armor into the demons and dragons they once swore to protect me from?

What is it about me that turns men into monsters?

[radiocurrency]

Having a 'hoe phase' after getting out of a traumatising relationship 🤝 feeling like you're crawling out of your skin and wanting to end things instantly when a new partner starts giving you emotional intimacy

[himero-love]

not sure if it's part of the typical healing process, but i literally started crying at the thought of someone being romantically interested in me again & not in a longing way, but like genuine panic. & everytime i think abt a romantic relationship in the future, i think abt a & i kinda freak out & get anxious.

[medicallybl0nde]

I wonder how many of my exes current girls/friends know me in their head as “the crazy ex” and have no idea how toxic he was and what I went through after he discarded me. 

the only remotely “crazy” story he even has on me is when he dumped me and cut all contact without explanation I blew up his phone with texts and calls begging for an explanation or a second chance. that’s it, and that was like only 12 hours before the phone call with my sister where I heard him say all that nasty stuff (”she’s boring, she’s too sad, her mental illness is just an excuse and she’s never going to change, plus she’s too dumb to get into medicine and she shouldn’t sit the gamsat since it’ll be a waste of money”) and then I spiraled and realised he was legit a horrible person who’d never cared for me at all. 

But still, I wonder who in this city that knows him now knows me as “zacs crazy ex” because when they ask how his first/last relationship ended he tells them “she was crazy and mentally ill and had to many issues” 

instead of just saying “I knew she was scarred all over and trying her best to recover from her past, I thwarted her attempts to always try to communicate with me when she got turbulent and when she hit a real rough patch instead of trying to politely tell her i couldn’t handle it, I blamed it all on her claiming it made is incompatible dunked her in a vat of ice, tore out her insides, and ran”

I have other things to be worrying about, I have 6 exams in the next 4 weeks, a club to launch, and a gamsat to study for. 

yet here I am wondering just how many people in this tiny city know me as “crazy ex”

and it makes me angry, and it makes me angry that this is a common problem for people (especially girls) everywhere. 

I need tea 

[callmebliss]

That stumbling polyamory feel when you wanna be cool and excited that your partner has maybe found a cool new somebody but your relationship PTSD had you all tight and closed off and afraid

[parawhore-for-your-mother]

Rant

I'm fucking sick of being broken. I hate it. I loathe people who have wrong me. I want nothing more but for them to suffer for the rest of their lives. But I also want peace. I want to forgive them for my sake. I'm tired of hating. I'm tired of being tormented everyday by what they did. I'm tired of being perpetually terrified of being vulnerable with anyone. I just want to be healed. I want to love again. I want to be loved for real. I don't want to be utterly terrified of letting myself fall again.

[flashbackonyourbehalf]

I hate traumaversaries so fucking much