once again, i'm thinking about being a knight captain who has to train the new recruits. taunting, mocking and overpowering them to see who has what it takes
my 2026 resolution is to start journalling everyday so i can stop mixing dreams with reality . idek how many times this year ive deluded myself into thinking something happened or something was real
Starring: Aizawa Shouta x OC | Rated R | MDNI | warnings: unprotected sex | cursing | relationship tension | OC is described as black fem
Summary: A date night is long overdue for the young couple. So what better way to reignite their flame than with a little friendly competition?
“Hey Cutie, I need you to close up-”
“Noooope. No can do, Sorry Sir.” Cutie had just taken off her work apron and placed it on the hook in the employee locker room when her boss came in with his request. Fluffing her coily hair and checking her reflection in the mirror for any dirt or dead leaves on her person, she was ready to clock in and start her free time.
“Anko called out last minute, and we have that rich customer coming in for his order, I need you to-”
“Boss, I love this place. I love the plants, the fresh air, the dirt, even a couple of customers...and you too, I guess. But” Purse firmly secured across her body; Brown eyes shined as her daydreams became closer to reality. “It’s date night. The first in a really long time. Shouta hasn’t had a free night in weeks, and we really miss each other. Please, call Mori-chan to close. I need to leave.”
The owner of the plant nursery, an aged man named Nagisa, sighed and turned back to his office. “You young kids, so eager to chase love. I’ll never understand you brats, back in my day…” Cutie smiled at her boss’s grumbling as she finally clocked out for the day, and bounced to the entrance of the shop, each step sending shockwaves of energy to her surroundings. The plants she passed perked up and bloomed in reaction, something Nagisa would appreciate silently.
Outside, the sun bathed the city block in its golden afternoon rays, making Cutie’s brown skin shine like gold. It’s a fifteen-minute train ride to her apartment, leaving her with two and a half hours to get ready and clean her place up. The convenience store near her complex sold a wine she and Shouta found that was both decent and cheap. That would take five minutes, ten if that one cashier that liked to ask about every item you put on her conveyor belt was there. That means she had enough time to shower and take her time with her makeup. Splendid.
Cutie made her way down the street to the train station, weaving in and out of the after-work foot traffic. She had just made her way to the platform where her train would arrive when she got a notification on her phone, pulling it out, she smiled lightly at the contact picture. She cleared her throat before answering.
“I’m sorry. The phone number you dialed is no longer is service. Please hang up and-
“Oh, spare me. Here I am, packing up my paperwork after a long day of dealing with brats, trying to rush home and get ready for a date with my...ugh-” Her plush lips spread into a smile as she listened to his dry voice.
“Go ahead, say it. Your what?”
“Please no, I feel like one of my students when I call you that.”
“Your baby? Your boo? Your honey toasted sugar smacks? Your.... come on, sound it out,” Her raspy voice danced off her tongue through her phone’s receiver. She paused when her train arrived but picked up where she left off after getting situated. “In English, it’s a combination of two words…”
“Girlfriend. There. Are you happy, brat?” His gruff expression sent shivers down her spine.
“Proud too. If you woo me enough, I might let you get into my pants.”
“Thank god you’re easy and like to wear those little skirts.” His playful tone sent another shiver throughout her body. She clicked her tongue, ready to lash out a jab when she looked at all the people around her. The train was full of kids still in uniforms, weary workers, and a couple of seniors scattered in the crowd. Huffing, she mentally swallowed down her indecent reply.
“You’re lucky I’m out in public so I can’t roast you like I want to. So I'll just say this: Sleeping. Bag.” The laugh she got in response was all she needed to chime in her own giggles, toned down of course.
“Please don’t scandalize the public, I can’t have a villain as a girlfriend. Ruins my reputation.”
“Right, because you care so much about how people think of you.” If her choosing to ignore him say the word ‘girlfriend’ shocked him, Shouta didn’t express it.
“Whatever brat. Be ready by seven. And make sure you get a couple bottles of that wine. I want to have drunk sex at least once tonight.” Cutie couldn’t hear him say bye or the sound of the call ending over the sound of her blood rushing to her face with a quickness. Cutie dropped her hand back to her side and reshuffled her purse on her shoulders, staring absentmindedly at the hero-con poster opposite of her.
She didn’t resurface until a ding and a soft voice staying her stop hit her ears. Checking her watch, she smiled at the earlier time assessment being right. Next stop, the convenience store, then home.
---
Shouta waited with bated breath as the door opened. He couldn’t deny he was nervous for his date with Cutie. No matter how many times they’ve gone out or how long they’ve been romantically involved, it still felt like the first date every time he knocked on her apartment door. Maybe it’s how she opens the door. Slowly, with her body out of sight and only a single eye staring at him. Each time he’s taken her out, she peers at him and his outfit before stepping from behind the wooden door to let him see her.
This time was no different. Slow opening door, curious eye, grand entrance. One day he’ll ask why she does that but for now, he’ll let his mind absorb her body. Like most things she wore, it was green and fitted her ‘child of earth’ aesthetic. Free-spirited personified. Her hair was up in twin buns, all her piercings had gold jewelry adorned on.
“Are you going to stop gawking, or are you gonna come in? We only have 12 hours until our responsibilities come around, and I want to-”
“You look beautiful.” He cut her off, something she’ll bring up later he’s sure. Still, Cutie preens under his compliment, shoulders that were slightly drawn up release the tension in them. Another action that seems to repeat every date night. That quiet release of tension after he gives her some form of approval.
“And you look so fucking handsome. Did you put your hair in a bun for me?” As she talked her hands, adorned in jewelry, grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket to tug him into her home. His foot kicked the door closed, sealing his fate. He learned a long time ago when he was just starting out as a pro-hero, don’t make reservations. Another secret rule that he found out from hanging out with daylight heroes is that it’s better to stay in, especially on weekends.
“No, I got tired of hair blowing into my face. Nothing to do with how attractive you tell me I look like this.” Cutie smiled, her glossed lips reflecting the artificial light off it, and kissed him sweetly for a heartbeat. Shouta could already feel his body tensing, his arms flexed with the desire to wrap around her waist. Before he could, she pulled away to grab her jacket and purse from her couch. As she walked away, those chunky heels she loved so much that she had to buy a replacement pair after the first pair broke the strap, clapped against the fake wooden floors. “I think that’s my jacket.”
Cutie glanced down at the jean jacket she just put on. The sleeves went past her fingertips, and it smelt like a smell only Shouta could smell like. He washed with unscented soap so everything he owned smelt like his natural musk, a smell she’s borderline obsessed with a year into their relationship. “You don’t even wear this.”
“Obviously, since you stole it.” This time he did not resist, his arms wrapped around her to invade her personal space. “You look better in it, though. So you might as well wear it.”
“How generous. Let’s go. I want to be wooed by you.” To make up for all the missed dates we’ve had, she thinks. It wasn’t his fault, she reminds herself. Locking the door, Cutie takes the lead to the stairs to get the date started.
Shouta has been an underground hero for six years now. Above the surface, the name Eraserhead didn’t mean much. Only the most devoted hero fans would know of his name, but even then they wouldn’t know him. In his field, Shouta was becoming a highly respected figure. Though he didn’t partner up with many when he would, the stories of how he fought would make the rounds in their circle for weeks. His prowess meant his workload was heavy with important cases. Add in his new day job as a teacher at his alma mater and that left little time to spend time with Cutie.
The curly-haired woman mentally shook herself out of the mind-space. They had addressed and fixed the issue -and the underlying issues that got brought up- in winter. It was nearing summer, they’ve moved on. Shouta has learned to enjoy the time he does have with her, and she has learned that letting things fester helped no one, her especially, in the long run.
The place they were headed to was within walking distance of her complex. She didn’t even know it existed until one of her coworkers told her about it last week. When Cutie brought it up as a date suggestion, the face he made in response dripped with the utter betrayal he felt. It was only when she challenged him, and out loud pondered if Zhao, -brace-faced Zhao that she worked with, used way too much hair product, and who had the biggest crush on her- would want to go with her instead that Shouta started singing a different tune. So, a week later on a warm evening in Musutafu, the pair walked ten minutes to a mini-golf course.
The bright lights burned his retinas, and he raised his finger to voice such, only to have a pair of shades shoved into his hand. “You think I would risk your secret weapon for mini-golf? Puh-lease,” Cutie smirked at the impressed face her boyfriend gave her. “I also have fast-acting cooling eye drops in my purse. Now let’s have fun!”
“Remember, don’t be a sore loser when I win.”
“I think you mean when I win. I was my state’s top mini-golfer for five years, kitten.”
Shouta paused his response to stare at his girlfriend as she walked away to buy the entrance tickets. Was she serious or was that a joke? It was probably a joke, telling outrageous lies and passing them off as jokes were a thing Cutie did. But what if she was serious? Dear god, Shouta hasn’t played mini-golf in years, where he lost pathetically to Tensei and nearly broke his putter.
“You ready?” Cutie interrupted his spiral with two blue and green putters in her hand and matching golf balls in the other. Her eyes shone with mischief. Fuck it, he thought, either I win, or we lose.
----
“We all can’t be winners, champ.”
“Shut up…”
“What’s important is not who won, but if we both had fun, right?”
“You cheated.” Shouta couldn't deny the accusation. He did cheat, though he would never confess it unless he was under some oath that forced him to recount the last hour of mini-golf.
It started like this. Cutie had been telling the truth about being a mini-golf champion back in the states, which considering how bad her sportsmanship was, made no sense to Shouta. She had nothing but holes in one the first five courses. Her aim was true and guaranteed no cartoonishly large obstacles would stand between her and the hole.
Meanwhile, Shouta was lucky that his skills had improved since his last attempt, not by much though. He still took a minimum of five hits to reach the end of the course, but he no longer lost his ball to the sand pits or mini lakes placed sporadically in the game. Cutie was not impressed and made no attempt to hold back her taunts. After losing his ball to the robotic gorilla obstacle, he made a decision. Distract his girlfriend and make her stumble with the golf ball. What better way to do that than with bad pickup lines?
No, he won’t repeat them and yes, he was a bit ashamed but they worked, and he won!
“I don’t know what you're talking about.” Cutie stared at him for a moment, then released laughter that shook her frame. Unease filled him as he watched her laugh, at one point so hard that she had to lean on him for support. When she finally calmed down, a graceful smile was directed at him
“Forgive me, how dare I accuse the great Aizawa Shouta of cheating at mini-golf. Let me make it up to you,”
----
“So maybe I cheated…” Shouta huffed out. His breathing was labored, and his muscles were taut with arousal. Cutie paused her kisses she’s been planting on his neck to look at him, brown eyes alight with intrigue.
“And you decided now was the best time to confess?”
“I don’t want to fuck you under false pretenses.” Her cunt tightened around him in reaction to his words. His hip bucked up into her more, pushing himself deeper into her. Cutie resumed her kisses, each imprint setting his body aflame with more yearning. This is the first time in a month they’ve been together physically, and they both knew the first round wasn’t going to last long. “Fuck, you feel so good.”
“Sho… I missed you so much.” Cutie twirled her hips trying to build up a rhythm they would both feel pleasure from. As much as she wanted to ride him like a stallion, her body was forcing her to take it slow and readjust to his size. As if feeling her desire, His hands cuffed under her ass to help her rise up off his cock, then slowly back down to bury himself to the hilt. “So pretty under me like this.”
“Shit, sweetheart.” Her riding picked up speed as her body finished the readjustment. Shouta had to slap her ass in appreciation.
“Such a pretty boy between my thighs. Where you, ah,” Cutie’s seductive voice paused as Shouta dipped his head to catch one of her breasts in his mouth, tongue eager to flick and caress her brown skin. Her hand pushed his head against her flesh, prompting him to suck harder and thrust up into her. “Where you belong, right, Sho?”
His moan reverberated from his throat to the breast his lips had latched on. By now, their rhythm was near perfect. Every rise and fall of Cutie’s hips sparked pleasure between them. Her clit rubbed against his pubic bone every time she settled in his lap, causing moans and curses to tumble out of plush lips.
“ M’close.” He warned. His hands tightened on whatever flesh they were holding on to. Cutie moaned out in agreement, now moving with the fierceness of someone also at the end of their rope. “Gonna cum, gonna cum in that pretty cunt of yours, Cutie. Then I’m going to flip you over and do it all over again.”
“Mmm, mm, yes, Shouta!” Her inner muscles squeezed down on his cock for a heartbeat, then relaxed into flutters as her sweet orgasm swept over her body. The sensation filled every cell in her body with a feeling only her lover could induce. Her eyesight went hazy and she could make out the sound of her boyfriend grunting her name as he filled her cunt with his seed.
She settled in his lap, thighs burning from exertion, to catch her breath while her boyfriend rubbed along the stretchmarks on her ass. Only for him to roll them over abruptly and grind into her body with his half hard erection.
“What I tell you?” She didn't give a response but dropping her head back to expose her dewy brown neck was answer enough. Cutie could feel the smirk that shaped his lips as he planted kiss after kiss, raising her temperature until it was unbearable. Shouta hummed in thought, his next move undecided. “So much I want to do to you, that I’ve been wanting to do for weeks,”
“I know. You would send me those nasty little texts only to cancel an hour later. I had to fuck myself and reread what you sent.”
Her confession dragged a long groan out his mouth. Shouta made a quick stop at her lips to kiss her breathless before trailing down to suckle at her breasts.
“Sho…”
“Keep talking. Tell me what you did to get off.” He requested while continuing his assault, nipping and sucking her sensitive flesh, earnest in his endeavor to leave his mark on her body.
“I set up a mirror by my bed so I could watch my pussy be fucked, you always say I look good taking cock so I wanted to know what it looked like,” her voice wavered the closer he got to her nipples with his tongue. His drool ran rivers down her chest, pooling at her sternum or disappearing into the blankets under her. Shouta had returned to fully erect and didn’t hesitate to begin rutting deep into her.
“Was it enough?” Pulling back to rest on his haunches, Shouta took a mental screenshot of the scene. Cutie glistened beneath him, shaking her head and pouting her lip as if the question offended her. He had slipped out of her when he moved back, gracing him with a glimpse of her pulsing pink hole dripping their combined essence.
Brown hands reached for his, and together they made the meandering journey along her frame, through the valley between her breasts to collect his saliva and ending with stuffing her mouth with moistened fingers. He couldn't help but groan as he watched Cutie succumb to the pleasure. Brown eyes met his for a split second before rolling into her head. Shouta was sure he never ached more than in that moment. “Mmm, nothing feels better than you. Love you in me.”
Lining himself back up, Shouta reentered her weeping cunt with a sigh. “Love being in you. ‘ts all I think about baby, every night.” At her reaching for his pec, at his heart, Shouta gave a wicked grin. ``and I’m all you think about too.”
Cutie mewled in agreement. Her eardrums could only register the sound of her own frenzied heartbeat but what she gleaned from his body language, Shouta was talking his shit and getting methodical about how he was fucking her. Fast thrusts slowed to a more concise effort to target her g-spot. His pale hand spread her thighs wider until the muscles grew taut. Foul language fell out his mouth.
“Want you so bad, Sho.”
“Yea. Can you show me?” And Cutie wasted no time yanking his hair to get his lips to meet hers in a sloppy french. His pace switched gears again, barely sliding an inch out before stuffing her cunt again. Her walls gripped him fiercely, expressing her desire plainly. “'hats it, mm, sweetheart. Give me all your kisses, shit, give me all your energy, fuck put your all in it.”
Shouta rearranged his hands again, gripping her ass almost painfully with one hand and tugging her hair until her arch met his standards. He was doing his damndest to reach her guts. “Shouta, close!”
Her walls fluttered relentlessly around his cock, goading him into joining. His previous release had been forced out and all over their pelvises. After all their time apart, he couldn't in good conscious let that stand. “Want you to really take care of this one, baby. Don’t waste a drop.”
“Won't, won't, ll'keep it all in, Shouu…” Her breath quickened as the knot in her belly grew bigger. And when a large hand grabbed her for a quick kiss to her empty ring finger, tears fell from her eyes. Her second orgasm pulsed deeply through her. Above her, Shouta grunted but rallied his energy into a few more thrusts until he filled her. “Love it, love you, love you, love you.”
“Me too.” Shouta whispered when he ran out of cum. He was proud of the mess they made as he slid out her beautifully ruined hole. He gave a happy wheeze when Cutie rolled to her side and the fine lines of her tramp stamp entered his vision. “Hold on…”
His girlfriend watched his ass walk out her bedroom, and presumably to her bathroom to grab a washrag. And when he returned, Cutie was happy to see she was right. In one hand. His other hand was wrapped around the neck of the wine she bought earlier. Shouta took a quick swig of the drink as he neared her prone frame, eyes soft and taking in all of her.
Inspired by this post, which gave me the kick I needed to create my own for Runaan. I’ve always kinda pictured Runaan as “Zuko but instead of befriending Aang he grew up and married Ethari.”
I’m not going to go into how precious this headcanon is to me. You have headcanons that are near and dear to your heart. This one is near and dear to mine. Let’s go:
Physical traits
Sensory dampening
Autistic people often have sensory issues that result in them feeling overwhelmed, overloaded, or hypersensitive. It can result from a combination of mental and physical input, and autistic people develop a variety of coping mechanisms to deal with it.
One way to dampen an overload of physical sensation is with clothing. Loose and baggy works for some, tight and gently constricting works for others. It can turn overwhelming nerve input into a kind of white noise background so it’s easier to focus on other information.
Runaan wears a lot of clothes on missions, leaving only his face and upper arms exposed. I’m not talking about layers so much as skin coverage. While there’s a variety of coverage among the assassins, Runaan is the only one with long hair covering his neck, long pants, high boots, and gloves.
Though Rayla’s dressed very similarly to him, her hands are bare, giving her a more approachable and vulnerable look, as befitting a character trying to find out who she is.
With all his layers of insulation, Runaan appears as if he’s trying to separate himself from, or protect himself from, the world around him.
About those gloves and leather gauntlets. It seemed a little odd (read: foreshadowingly important) that those gauntlets would get a mention in Callum’s Spellbook as part of Runaan’s look, but they’re in there. Runaan’s gloves are black, a nice dark undistracting color. When he moves his hands around in front of him, he won’t be visually distracted by the light hue of his own gloves. And he does use his hands a lot, as a major form of his communication with others, so keeping that contact to a comfortable level, both visually and tactilely, lets him touch and move as much as he needs to without overwhelming himself in the process.
Meditation
Meditation is another way to calm an overload of input, or to psych oneself up for something that will require a lot of focus.The first time we meet Runaan, he’s meditating while the others set up camp.
Rayla’s been gone a while and he’s probably worried. It’s her first mission, and he vouched for her skills, so he can’t just go traipsing off to find her. He has to wait and trust her, so he spends his time calming and focusing.
We also see him meditating in the dungeon, several times.
Even though the room was dark and quiet, all that sensory input from his injuries must’ve been intensely stressful. Falling back on his meditative coping mechanism was the only tool he had to handle the stress and pain of his environment and situation. But all his years of using this technique means that he’s pretty good at it. Every time Viren came in to pester him, Runaan was always able to keep his wits about him.
Stimming
Autistic people stim as a self-soothing technique when they’re hit with intense emotions--good and bad alike. They’re basically a way to anchor during a storm of feels until it passes, by doing something familiar and repetitive.
Runaan’s stim is clenching his hands. His hands are very clenchy when he’s stressed. With those dark gloves on, it’s not terribly noticeable, but they’re opening and shutting constantly when he’s worried over Rayla and how she’s endangering herself/messing up his mission.
Runaan is an elf of action. His skill set is entirely physical. When Rayla acts insubordinate on the mission, he knows he should punish her--a harsh physical tactic--but he quietly refuses to do so. Instead, he talks to her. And though he keeps his voice calm for the most part, he’s upset, nervous, off book. It takes him a while to be able to make eye contact with her (more on that later). And his hands start twitching, possibly because he’d be far more comfortable with a physical fix to the situation, a tactic he’s far more familiar with but in this case he’s deliberately choosing not to employ.
Long hair
Devon Giehl confirmed way back when that Ethari braids Runaan’s hair for him (awww), and he’s really good at it. It’s possible that Runaan had a very different hairstyle, or not much of a style at all, before he fell for Ethari. Autistic people sometimes struggle with haircuts or complicated personal hygiene routines. Some very much enjoy the asmr of having their hair brushed, or the comforting weight of long hair. A warrior needs to see what he’s doing in battle. A Moonshadow needs to look stylish. Enter Ethari, who probably still cannot believe he gets to play with all this long glorious braidable hair every day.
Maybe this beautiful hairstyle that we all love and adore and draw over and over in our art is Ethari’s creation, tactically designed to bother Runaan as little as possible. It’s not hanging in his eyes or tickling his neck or bugging his ears. He has a clear line of sight in all directions. No dangling fringe, unlike almost every other Moonshadow we’ve seen.
Those hair cuffs Ethari made keep Runaan’s side tails out of his way when he’s spinning in battle, too. There’s basically nothing that will get Runaan’s hair in his face.
And he hasn’t cut it in a very long time.
Interaction Issues
Processing time
Runaan comes across as a stoic and calculating character. He uses silence and stillness on the regular. These techniques can be used deliberately to give an autistic person time to process new information. Autistic people can have processing issues, hearing issues, and comprehension issues, and our first instinct upon hearing new information can be to blurt, “What?” because we don’t collect all the details on the first pass. Letting the mind continue to process for a few extra seconds can help to fill in the gaps, though. Remember this iconic moment?
Runaan takes 17 seconds to make his way from “Give me the egg” to “Don’t do this.” He stands dramatically, the clouds part, it’s all very epic. But he could’ve acted the second that Rayla defied him. He didn’t. Looks like he genuinely needs a minute to process what Rayla is doing and how to handle it. It’s very unlike her. He wasn’t expecting it. He has no plan for this. He has to stop everything and think. So he holds still and keeps his reactions under wraps, until he has formulated a plan. Runaan lives by plans and rules. More on that later, too.
The Kiss
Autistic people can be sensitive to being approached and touched. And martial arts training does wild things to your personal space. You have none and all at the same time. It’s vastly more comfortable to keep everyone at arm’s length because there are so many options to choose from if they get close enough to touch.
An autistic person and their loving spouse can easily create little rituals--social and verbal cues--to be recognizable indicators of desired behavior. Ethari’s line, “My heart goes out with this one,” acts as a code that Runaan has heard over and over. Ethari’s worried, and he’s seeking comfort. So he prompts Runaan and patiently waits for Runaan to respond and initiate the kiss in his own time. And Runaan does so, with the smoothness of long practice. He reaches out, he steps forward, and then he also steps back, breaking the kiss.
Ethari chases the kiss as long as he can, but he does let it go when it’s clear Runaan is backing up. It’s clear that Ethari is an enthusiastic lover, and Runaan knows it. Though the kiss is complete, Runaan takes time to reassure his husband that he loves and trusts him, and he does that by ensuring a long moment of close eye contact and physical touch--both things that can take extra focus for an autistic person to offer. But for Ethari, it’s definitely worth doing.
Eye contact
Eye contact can be stressful for autistic people, and we often avoid it when we’re already uncomfortable. When Runaan takes Rayla into the woods to tell her she’s off the mission for being too soft, he can’t look her in the eye for the first part of their conversation.
He keeps looking in her general direction from the corner of his eye, but he can’t look her in the eye and tell her she failed him. It’s too uncomfortable for him. He has to work up to it for a couple of minutes. And though he does manage to meet her eyes for a short while, he ends the conversation by walking away while he’s still talking. As far as his plans extend at that moment, he’s never going to see her again. He believes he’s marching off to die, and he can’t look at her then, either. .
This look is Runaan’s emotional lockdown. Everything is tense and no feels are getting in or out. Hands totally fisted up.
Time Out
Autistic people can get so overwhelmed that we lose our temper, go nonverbal, or otherwise shut down, and we need to step away from the environment that’s caused the overload. Runaan lost his cool and yelled at Rayla when he learned that she’d lied to him about Marcos.
Losing his temper wasn’t good because he yelled at his daughter. But it was also bad because he lost his professional cool in front of his team. He had a little domestic right there in front of them. When you’re supposed to be in charge, especially in a culture that prides itself on cooperation and perfection, falling apart in public has got to be humiliating.
The next time we see Runaan, he’s taking a break in a tree with his second while the other assassins chill, clearly waiting on him. He might have been here five minutes. He might have been here for an hour or more.
My favorite part about this is how Runaan isn’t alone. His friend has come to sit with him, but silently. He doesn’t ask any questions, he doesn’t try to touch Runaan, he just waits. And eventually, Runaan gets his focus back and talks about the mission.
This moment is also an instance where Runaan needs time to silently calculate until he creates a whole new plan out of nothing. In this case, he’s deciding to set Rayla off the mission for being too childish to complete it properly, rather than executing her or otherwise punishing her as a full-fledged assassin. But first, he needs the time out, because he can’t make that plan until he’s emotionally calm again.
“Enough Brooding, Elf.”
When Viren dumped the coins out and Runaan saw that they were cursed objects that somehow contained his dearest friends, Lain and Tiadrin, he was so overwhelmed, shocked, and upset that he had his only eyeshake of the whole series, and he ended up going nonverbal.
Everything that Runaan had done with regard to Rayla over the last several months turned out to be for nothing. She didn’t need to avenge her parents’ honor because they never ran away. Runaan didn’t need to fight with his husband and go into emotional lockdown. And he, his husband, and Rayla never needed to ghost Lain and Tiadrin in the first place. All that stress and emotional suffering was for nothing. And on top of that, the man who’d taken him prisoner had cursed his friends and imprisoned them this whole time. Runaan just can’t catch a single break. His voice drops into a stressed whisper as he says, “You’re a monster.” And then, judging by the next words Viren says a whole scene later, Runaan doesn’t speak again.
Viren leaves him alone after the coin threat backfires, because he realizes he’s not going to get anything out of Runaan in his condition (and he could recognize this state because Soren is autistic-coded as well!). When Viren returns, he calls what Runaan was doing “brooding.”
Brooding is generally defined as being two things: quiet, and thoughtful. No one broods out loud. But a nonverbal shutdown while chained to a wall is going to look pretty similar. Runaan can’t do anything to physically escape Viren, so his brain just switches off his mouth for a while. He has a lot of bad things to process and he has no room for responding to Viren in his state of extreme emotional distress.
Courtship Rules and Replies
From interviews with Devon and Iain, we’ve learned that Runaan fell in love first, but that he also needed Lain’s prompting to confess his true feelings to Ethari. One way to describe the difference between autistic and allistic people’s thinking patterns is to call one oft them Microsoft and the other Apple. They can generally do the same things, but the ways they get there are always a little different. Because allistic people outnumber autistic people, they have generally framed the society we live in, and we often feel like we must rote-memorize the rules of the world around us instead of using our own system. This does create a strong reliance on rules, and specifically on knowing the rules before proceeding.
If Runaan had never courted anyone before--or if he’d tried to and it had gone poorly because Runaan didn’t fully understand the rules--he would be very, very hesitant to make the first move with Ethari.
Additionally, Runaan was making all his good-faith efforts to show interest in Ethari via the proper channels, but meanwhile, Ethari was skirting the rules. He was interested in Runaan, but he’s a playful elf and was teasing his suitor by pretending not to be interested That Way. This might sound cute, but to an autistic person, such a lack of hoped-for feedback would be intensely exasperating. Runaan was trying to communicate in what possibly felt like a foreign language, and he didn’t feel like he was doing a good job of it. He was probably doubting his metaphorical grammar and accent constantly. Autistic people aren’t always good with reading facial expressions or unfamiliar moods, so he didn’t pick up that Ethari was genuinely interested and just teasing him. He was too uncertain and vulnerable to take the matter to Ethari straight out, but there was an elf he trusted fully: Lain.
Lain could probably see Ethari’s interest when Runaan couldn’t. (And if I had to guess, I’d say Lain’s clue was Ethari’s intense eye contact, which Runaan wouldn’t notice if he was avoiding eye contact due to anxiety!) If Runaan was really so uptight and protective about his feelings, Lain wouldn’t have encouraged him to share them unless he was confident that Ethari would reciprocate. And because Runaan did trust Lain so much, he took that next step, confessed his feelings, and sure enough, Lain was right! Ethari loved him, too.
Free Time
Runaan’s birthday post for 2020 told us that he would prefer to spend the day reading alone, but he considers Rayla’s wishes and lets her decide otherwise. Runaan is more introverted than most and he’s perfectly fine entertaining himself, but Rayla drags him to the adoraburr meadow to spend time together, and because he loves her, Runaan lets her do it. If he were truly uncomfortable, he could put a stop to the whole thing. But he understands that this is how Rayla shows love, and so he lets her show her love through shared companionship, instead of shutting her out and keeping to himself.
Special Interest Sharing
Runaan tells Rayla that there’s an instinct to being an assassin. He has it, and he’s realizing now--only now--that Rayla doesn’t.
Callum’s Spellbook tells us that he began training Rayla to fight when she was just a toddler.
Autistic people often have special interests that appeal far above everything else, and can last a lifetime. For some it’s coding, photography, marathon running, or collecting something. Could be anything, really. Runaan’s special interest is combat. He’s a deeply physical elf who feels very present in his world, and sometimes too present (hence the gloves and the meditation). It’s only natural that he takes the body he’s got and trains it as hard as he can. Being ready for battle is a form of freedom for him. He can run anywhere and fight anything. His intense dedication to his training contributed to his promotions through whatever ranks assassins have, allowing him to contribute meaningfully to his community and his society through his service. Runaan’s special interest has made him uniquely qualified to lead the assassins.
When we meet someone we like, we tend to use our special interest as a form of communication and bonding with them: “I like you, so I will share this thing I love with you.”
Lain and Tiadrin had a precious baby girl, and Runaan and Ethari helped them raise and care for her. And the moment Rayla could move around, Runaan was right there, showing her all his favorite little tricks and techniques, steadying her, patiently demonstrating and explaining every little thing. Stances, physics, trajectory, angle of attack, center of balance, weak spots. All the physical things he knows and loves, he shared with his tiny new friend.
Having a full-grown adult pay her the respect of assuming she could learn all these things, even as a little child, must’ve been so important to Rayla and her self-image. No wonder they bonded so tightly. He truly believed she could do everything he taught her--and he was right.
Mental Effects
Hyperfocus
Autistic people can experience hyperfocus on a new and interesting person or thing. The more ways a person, like say, Ethari, appeals to someone like Runaan, the stronger his focus will be on them. All free time--and time that isn’t free--will immediately be diverted to thinking about and experiencing this delightful new phenomenon.
Runaan is described as putting his duty first, and he takes his job very seriously. But this is also the elf who deliberately damaged his weapons in order to have an excuse to see Ethari and ask him to fix them. To Runaan, the one thing he and Ethari had in common was weapons, so that’s where he started. Runaan gave himself a crash course in Ethari and his interests and ways of expressing himself, and found a way to speak the same language in order to ensure they’d connect. He literally hampered his own ability to do his job in order to find a way to connect with the craftsman.
Once they were a couple, he threw himself into learning How To Boyfriend so he could continue to communicate his feelings to Ethari in an understandable way. It was of the utmost importance to Runaan that he be able to speak a language Ethari could understand, so that he could tell him how much he loved him, and so that Ethari would believe it and trust it.
Small Talk
Runaan learned Ethari as a language, and he learned Rayla’s language as she learned his. He probably speaks Lain and Tiadrin fluently. But everyone has slightly different tics and cues in their speech, and they can all seem like separate languages sometimes. It takes true effort to connect with someone, to truly get to know them and all their little quirks. Runaan simply doesn’t have time to learn every single elf in the Silvergrove as a separate language. He’s learned how to connect with those he values most, and that’s all he feels he needs. Everything else is just small talk--a jumble of things Runaan doesn’t have room to care about beyond his special interest, his duty, and the few elves he’s taken such pains to learn so well.
Disney little goblin man so we get new dolls *screaming as i’m dragged away by security* disney! When you touch a thing from the match is about to shove carly rae jepsen’s e.
