Scars: Year five, Chapter eight
Remus Lupin x reader
Warnings: yelling, fighting, cursing, implied depression and anger issues, abandonment issues, crying, tell me if you find more!
A/N:
Cara- darling, beloved, dear, loved one ————————————————————————
Later the next day Mare decided to take Y/n along to shop for her wedding dress, and of course, Remus tagged along as well.
At first he only agreed because she was going but later realized that they had desperately wanted him to get out of the house and see sunlight for once.
Which meant any means necessary to keep him there. ________________________________
" Wait so Mare, aren't James's parents paying for this? Don't we have to meet them or something?"
Y/n walked beside the older girl as she ran her fingers through stacks of fabrics lying on a back table in the store. She doubled back when Mare stopped.
" No, I'm actually making my own dress. I mean, Euphemia and Fleamont are paying for the fabrics but, I'm going to be making it. And I'm making the bridesmaids dresses too."
Mare turned and winked at Y/n as she grasped her hand and motioned for her to feel the fabric in her's.
Remus rolled his eyes at the blissful smile on his sisters face at the feeling of the fabric and had to hold back a grin at the look of Y/n's face in the sunlight.
He hadn't seen just how magnificent her s/c skin could look in the sunlight recently.
She looked stunning.
Her gorgeous h/c hair was simply sparking in the sun and her beautiful e/c irises looked like crystalline in the ravishing sunlight. The scar on her face was now a thin, yet deep line cutting across her face and the colors were no longer molded together but the skin around it had always stayed pink, as if she were blushing.
The color of it however mixed perfectly together with the rich, titian coloring of the sun light streaming through the tinted, glass stained windows of the boutique and- oh good lord the smile in her face, the sparkle in her eyes.
He hadn't seen her seem so carefree in ages. Her skin glowed with happiness, her face and smile, her grin and smirk, every single one of her expressions showed it. They all showed the brightness bubbling inside her heart and mind, soul and body.
And seeing that sight every single morning when he woke up, simply made him fall in love with her again everyday.
Suddenly a pair of fingers came snapping in front of his eyes and Remus almost dropped the stack of fabrics he'd been carrying for the ladies. Mare stood full height before Remus and shook his shoulders lightly.
" Okay little bro, I get it, your girlfriend looks nice, that doesn't mean you can just stare at her the entire time while we walk around. You're creepin her out Rem."
She glanced back over to where Y/n stood on her tippy-toes next her, her head level with Remus's neck.
Remus glanced over to Y/n and saw her biting her lip again, peering at Remus with a inquisitive, saddened look to her face.
" I heard my name, did I do something wrong?"
Y/n looked between the two and before either could speak a word she began to stammer out a string of words that quickly diminished the light and carefree mood, bringing to light something new Remus hadn't accounted for.
" I mean, if I did do something wrong. I- I mean you can yell at me, o-or you could hit me or anything else you felt fitting."
The girl brought her sleeve up to her mouth and began to chew nervously on it, keeping her eyes low by her feet as if in disappointment, lightly rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.
" I- I mean, if you feel the need to punish me I won't backtalk, or blame you or anything. If you see a punishment fitting then I must've done something to deserve it."
The two taller ones stood staring down at the girl in shock, Remus hadn't thought of this new possibility. He had merely assumed that if she hadn't remembered how her mother treated her, then she wouldn't've felt the need to act the same way as before. Yet, standing before her now, he realized just how fucking retarded of an idea that was.
Mare quickly pulled Y/n's tottering figure into her arms and wrapped her arms around her frame, lightly stroking her hair and kissing her head as she stared blankly at Remus.
" No, no baby no, you didn't do anything wrong. And we would, we would never hit you okay. Y/n, I don't- I don't care if you can't remember anything like that ever happening but I can assure you we would never do anything like that honey. We would never raise a hand to you, we would never yell at you either, we would never punish you kid."
Mare pulled back and held Y/n at arms length, looking in her eyes, letting her gaze rake over the younger females frame. At the denim jacket she was wearing, at the f/c tank top under it, at the thin mark over her face, at the glassy look to her eyes.
Mare squeezed her shoulder once and pulled her close to kiss her forehead again, simply wrapping her arms around her tight as they stood there.
" You can remember your parents, can't you Y/n? You remember that your mum used to tell you that, you told James and Peter and Sirius and me about that in fourth year..."
Y/n nodded her head slightly at the taller teens voice and moved her arms upward, wrapping them around Mare's torso as she nuzzled her head into the older girls breastplate.
" I can hear mum's voice sometimes. Well, my auntie really, I can't remember what she did but I hear her voice sometimes and I get nightmares about the bad days at home too. But I can't remember anything in detail."
Mare took a deep inhale and exhaled sharply, pulling Y/n back again, holding her at arms length. Her next words seemed cheery sweet and Remus had been the only of them to tell her anger masked beneath.
" Okay so how about this, why don't you go run off and find some flowers, any kind you want, and bring them back here. Just stay where we can see you okay. When we get back home we can talk about this more okay cara."
Y/n, still biting her lip, quickly swiped her sleeve over her eye and nodded, moving off to find a few flowers for Mare. Remus watched as she left and kept an eye on her as she moved around the store, looking for flowers.
Remus knew the exact kind she had been most likely to pick. Blue Delphiniums, Periwinkle, Lobelia, Lilies (she had always felt that they brought comfort) and Roses.
Y/n had always been the type to do things herself, so she made her own perfume (which she didn't often wear and instead let Kayla have, placing bottles by her sisters grave at times), and her own shampoo and conditioner. She had always used those five flowers and fragrances since they'd known her and if you were to get lucky enough, you could smell the scent of the flowers on her.
Remus knew, he just knew, that Y/n would remember those. She had been using those flowers her whole life, they would be bound to have an imprint on her memory.
Godric be damned if she didn't pick those. ________________________________
" Okay so Y/n, I have to go and meet up with someone. Could you possibly stay here and just, help Remus?"
Mare soon recoiled and came back, using hand gestures to talk.
" You know what I mean Y/n, just, y'know, hang out with him some. You two can chat or goof off or something I don't care really just get him up and moving okay. Get him to take a shower and make him eat breakfast, help him clean his bedroom and do some laundry. Just, You know what I mean Y/-'
The younger girl cut in and placed her hands on the elders shoulders.
" Marabella Louraine Rosa Lupin. Stop stressing, I would've stayed here with Rem anyway. I haven't hung out with him in forever. Now do me a favor and go take your boxes to his car, go to your fiancé's arms and take your things okay. You're coming back here later anyway. Now just breath and trust me."
Y/n watched as Mare walked away, hesitation in her face, before she turned and yelped at the sight of Remus standing behind her, a sad and slightly annoyed look to his face.
" I can take care of myself thank-you-very-much."
Remus scowled and crossed his arms over chest.
" If you have something to do then go ahead and do it Y/n. For all means Y/n, don't let the 'mentally ill man' weigh you down. Go ahead and do your thing Y/n, I dare you to go and do something else, you'll just forget what you did an hour from now."
Snide, Anger, Discretion, Disappointment.
Those are the feelings and emotions that laced his words.
His posture showed as such, his voice showed it even more. But the look of pure rage was what best displayed the extravagant mixture of emotions splayed across his frame.
You'd think that his words and flame would've been enough to silence the girl before him. Yet, it was the meaning behind them that only made her anger worse.
" No, Remus what makes you think you weigh me down? And I bet you think I'm just some daft dimbo who'll just turn around and continue to be ignorant of things for on such."
Her words had twice as much flame, twice as much snide, and so much more passion and caring twisted into them.
She now matched his posture, except her back and shoulders weren't broad as his were, she didn't look stiff and rigid, she didn't have the same scowl coating her features and she definitely didn't have the same raw anger and harshness masking her true feelings.
Remus immediately retaliated, his jawline defined broadly as he began to grind his teeth in an attempt to keep the slur of incandescent and crude curse words from falling his tongue.
" Well, there's the facts that you and my sister talk behind my back about how much of a mess I am, at least I didn't walk up to James and Sirius and Peter and Mum and Dad and Mare and goggle about how messed up your brains were."
He took a daring step closer, she could feel the heat radiating his body.
" And Yeah Y/n, maybe I do think you're a daft dimbo with no brains who can't remember for shit."
His voice was cold and filled with a hatred he didn't mean. Of course Remus didn't mean the words spilling his lips. He was simply upset.
Upset at Mare, upset at his parents for leaving him alone, upset at James for causing this whole mess, upset at Peter for not even being there, upset at Sirius for being at James's house and goofing off while he had been at home barely even eating his food as he struggled not to blade his skin, the only think keeping him from quitting completely being the picture of his loves face laughing and grinning and smiling as he spun her in the air above him.
Y/n's face fell, sadness displayed on her features as realization swam in her e/c irises.
Her posture lost the protective nature it had held beforehand as she stood away from him.
" I get it now. You think I'm some stupid kid who needs saving because I don't have the brain to save myself. You think you can't help the daft dimbo because you're mentally sick and find it hard to even hold yourself up at times."
She paused, wanting to find a reaction from the boy.
She wished he had done something other than talk and retaliate more.
His voice came out as a whisper, filled partially with regret, the other half filled with pain and sadness as he tried to step nearer her.
" That's not what this is about..."
His sentence ended swiftly as she looked him in the eye and moved to grab her backpack from the couch.
" If that's not what this is about then you'll be fine if I leave right. If this isn't what this is about then you would encourage me walking out actually. If that isn't what you think is happening then Remus Lupin would be perfectly fine with me grabbing a bag and calling a cab to take me over to my dad's."
The tension in the air between the two of them started to fade as Y/n moved to drape the bag over her shoulder, gradually making her way to the door where her shoes lay.
" No Y/n, that's not what I meant..."
" But of course Remus, it must be what you meant because it is exactly what you said."
She carefully slipped her shoes on, keeping enough care to keep eye contact with him as his facade broke and she saw the man she'd fallen in love with behind it once more.
" No Y/n,'
He reached up and leaned against the wall for support.
" Y/n that isn't what I meant. I didn't mean any of that..."
She looked him in the eye and gave him the same look he used to give her when sensing lies.
" Stop lying to yourself Remus. You meant all of that. Now I'm about to leave. You can either try and stop me or you can sit back where you are and watch as I walk out."
Her face showed sadness and a certain level of calm that Remus was surprised to find on her face.
" Y/n, no, I don't want you to go. That's not what I intended..."
" Then why don't you try and stop me Remus?"
His posture broke, his shoulder slumped against the wall fully and the tears falling down his face that had once been silent now turned noise-full.
His voice broke, it cracked, it was filled with pain and sadness as regret molded into it in full force like a wave crashing against the hull of a ship. The ship being his heart and body, emotions and feeling.
" Because I'm scared."
" Can't you see that Y/n?"
He paused and gulped down a few breaths, pulling oxygen into his lungs as he refused to meet her saddened gaze.
" I'm scared to lose you again Y/n."
He leaned over and used his free arm to motion at the living room windows.
" I'm scared that I'll wake up in the morning and come to find that I dreamt all this up. That you're still asleep and I'm still at home in bed moping around again. I'm scared that one day you'll decided I'm not good enough for you. Hell, I know I'm not good enough for you Y/n I'm just hoping you don't realize that'
He cut off his sentence with a shaky sob as he sunk to the floor slowly.
" Because I can't live without you Y/n. You don't realize how hard it was to even go to class without you sitting there beside me. You- you take being alive for granted Y/n, but I will never take you for granted that way."
" Because I need you in my life Y/n and you don't even realize it. I'm scared because I know one day someone will see you the way I do."
He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, letting the tears slowly cascade down his rosy cheeks as Y/n progressed further towards his figure.
" Y'know Y/n, people ask me what I see in you. But I never respond because I'm afraid if they knew they would fall in love with you too."
The silence between them felt like an eternity and when he next spoke his voice was filled with so many emotions, so much raw pain, that she couldn't even begin to compensate how much of it there was.
" And I wouldn't be able to live with that. Because you would see how much better they were and just go off for them."
He sucked in a huge breath and simply sat there, crying for a moment, before he turned his head to where Y/n was kneeling next him. He briskly grabbed her jaw and leaned her closer to him.
" So yeah, I'm scared and I won't try to stop you from leaving because I know you'll find someone better out there than me."
Remus pulled himself onto an elbow and Y/n found herself going down with him as he stared into her tear-brimmed eyes.
" But I will fight tooth and nail if it means I'll get to see you one more minute of another day. Even if it means I won't be with you."
Y/n let out a sob as Remus pulled her lips to his in a soft, delicate kiss before he let her go.
She dropped next to him on the ground and pulled the boy into her arms as they lay quietly sobbing in the kitchen walkway area beside the living room.
Y/n pulled him closer in his arms and pressed a sloppy kiss to his head as he sobbed into her chest and shoulder.
" I would never leave you Remus, even if you think you're not good enough. Because I love you, and I would miss seeing your smile too much to leave."
Remus would be damned if he said that he knew Mare was still standing outside the house while they fought.
Because he knew Y/n would just try and make him get up and take a shower, clean his room, if he had told her.
But Remus rather preferred their current position on the floor to anything else.
He still got to hold her then, even if there were tears shed. ________________________________ I swear I tried so hard to make it happier- _____________________________ Drop a vote, drink some water, eat some food, take a screen break and remember You Are Loved! ^ - ^
