Used to have a masterlist but after being inactive for so long that thang broke lol
Bucky fics
what happens after dark masterlist
match my moves
quiet love
I do take requests for Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Parker (Tom or Andrew's) and Bucky Barnes but I am wayyy more partial to Bucky right now. Don't really have rules, I'm good at handling sensitive content, though we don't judge people who aren't.
The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.
it seems like in bdsm the "rewards" and the "punishments" look very similar. this concerns me a great deal, because it points to a system of misaligned incentives. if we're not careful, it's even possible that a rational actor could deliberately violate regulations, because the penalties for rule violations are in fact incentivized. one shudders to think of the consequences of such an arrangement
This has been my main argument against "AI" from the very beginning.
OpenAI scraped the entire web. All of which had been a labor of love from humans. Wikipedia is the backbone of a lot of LLMs, and that was volunteer human labor. They stole it and now they're selling it back to us.
And worse, they're trying to destroy the free sources that they stole from. It's destruction of human knowledge on an unprecedented scale. The burning of the library of Alexandria has nothing on this.
…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment
likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post
the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like.
…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment
likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post
the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like.
hello! can i request a smut with remus lupin x extrovert!reader? reader is very bubbly, extroverted, and popular and she's good friends with the other marauders. remus and her have been dating for a while and one time reader catches remus shirtless when she goes to visit him in his dorm and she starts having thots . . . she's actually been having thots for a while and they do it together (her first time? but not remus')
anyways, i understand if you can't get to this. have a good day and thanks from your fellow pan content creator <333
I've been DYING to write some Remus content and this is the perfect opportunity, so thank you anon :) I hope this covers everything you wanted in your request!
warnings: smut, mix of soft and rough Remus, oral (f!receiving),
wc: 2.5k
You're in the common room with Lily, occupying an armchair, your legs thrown over its edge while Lily takes up an entire couch, laying flat on her back. It was oddly silent in the common room, but you figured that it was due to the lack of marauders in the room. You let out a deep exhale and Lily giggles, turning onto her stomach before bringing up the topic of relationships.
You were both lucky enough to be in a long term relationship with the boys you'd been crushing on since the beginning of your time at Hogwarts. "So you and Remus... It's been almost a year." You blush, hands coming up to cover your face in embarrassment as you groan. "You guys still haven't done it... You'd tell me if you did right." You fish for one of the pillows under you to toss at Lily who shrieks, and sits up.
She shuffles closer to you, hugging the pillow to her chest and leaning towards you, her eyebrows raised suggestively. "Lily I want him so bad" You groan and the both of you break down laughing. "And what, he hasn't made a move?" You go impossibly more red, and hide your face in your hands once more, whining "No. He knows I'm a-" You cut yourself off, looking around, before continuing in a whisper, as though it was taboo. "A virgin. So he's waiting for me to make the move" Lily nods in understanding, a wide grin making its way onto her features.
She starts giggling again, and you jokingly shove her shoulder just as the portrait swings open, and the common room is welcomed with the booming laughter of your boyfriends and their two other companions. You both straighten up, trying to wipe the stupid smiles off your faces, and failing.
When Remus, James, Sirius and Peter approach you, you're still smiling, cheeks red from laughter, and trying to avoid eye contact with each other. "What's with you two?" Sirius asks as Remus dips his head down to kiss you, in synch with James' movements towards Lily. You try making space for Remus to sit beside you, but instead he just picks you up, taking your place and places you on his laps. Lily makes solid eye contact with you and clearly holds back a suggestive comment, cuddling into James' side, a hand rubbing her eyes, as if it would hide her smile.
James looks down at his girlfriend, eyebrows furrowed, and leans closer to whisper something to her. You shut your eyes, knowing exactly what she replies to him in a hushed tone, the rest of the marauders starting to get suspicious of her behaviour. James grins, and looks straight up at you. You shake your head in disappointment at your closest friend, but every thought flies out of the window when you feel Remus' fingers dip under your shirt to caress the soft skin of your waist. The movement is completely innocent and there are no other intentions behind it, but it gets you thinking about him again.
The fact that he hadn't changed his behaviour with you when he found out you were a virgin had taken you by surprise and somehow made Remus even more attractive in your eyes. His tendencies to pin you up against the door of his dorm and press his body impossibly close to yours as you made out hungrily only made you want him more, but he was just too respectful. You knew fully well how needy and horny he got before every full moon but he was just too respectful of your boundaries to do anything about it. You both loved and hated him for that same reason.
"You okay sweetheart?" Remus asks and you jump slightly at the feeling of his hot breath on your neck. You turn your head to face him and nod, smiling. He holds your gaze, the hand on your waist moving down to rest on your thigh, but your moment is broken by James, who jumps up, announcing "Well I'm off to get dressed for practice." Sirius nods, murmuring something incoherent and following James up. Peter gets up, leaving the common room to meet his girlfriend, and Remus sighs, saying something about changing out of his uniform. You nod, watching as your friends go up to their dorm, only to look back and meet Lily's gaze.
You avoid her relentless stare, bowing your head down to focus on your fiddling hands. It's only when James and Sirius come down from the stairwell leading up to their dorms that you look up again, and shooting one last quick look at Lily, who follows her boyfriend out of the common room, you get up. You knock twice on the boys' dorm room, waiting for Remus to call out "Come in!" And as soon as you do, your jaw drops.
You stare blatantly at your shirtless boyfriend who takes his time finding a jumper. At your silence, he turns to you, a silent chuckle leaving his lips. He proudly walks over to you and you have to will yourself to look up at his face instead of his shirtless figure. He raises a single eyebrow at you and you flush brightly, hands immediately going to his chest when he pushes you backwards against the closed door, hungrily kissing you, his tongue dipping into your mouth to claim control of the kiss. You moan, wrapping your arms around Remus' shoulders to deepen the kiss as his come down to tightly grip your ass. He breaks the kiss to start nibbling at the skin of your neck, and the little bits of your chest exposed by your shirt and he grinds into you, causing the both of you to moan.
He digs his head further into the crook of your neck, deeply inhaling your scent. His hands continue to roam your body and he groans, pressing his hips flush against yours for you to feel how hard he is. "Tell me when you want me to stop." He sighs, continuing to grind his hips against yours. You shook your head, causing him to look up and cried "No! Don't stop. Please don't stop."
At your comment, Remus completely separates himself from you, pulling a desperate whine from you. "What?" His palms are now flat against the door by your head and he looks at you straight in the eyes, as though looking for an answer in them. "Don't- I don't want you to stop." You breath out, a hand coming up to rub the back of your neck. "Y/n what are you- are you telling me what I think you're telling me?" He double checks, blinking a couple of times, and you nod.
"Please Remus, I want you to fuck me." And for the first time in your relationship, Remus' whole face goes red, and he licks his bottom lip before pulling you towards him by your wrist. You squeal, your arms wrapping around him when his own wrap around your waist, so he can pick you up and throw you onto his bed. He goes back to roughly kissing you, softly grunting as he rolls his hips into yours. Finally, he unzips his pants, looking at you with a silent question, and you grin, pulling your shirt over your head and throwing it somewhere. Remus blankly stares at your chest, his hands still on his trousers, and he shakes himself out of it, shimmying out of them before pouncing on you once more.
Remus gives attention to every inch of exposed skin on your body, pressing tiny kisses on your body and leaving a cold trail of saliva on you. His hands reach behind your back, and he fiddles with the clasp of your bra. You arch your back to make it easier for him, and when he finally undoes it, his hands go straight to cupping your tits and playing with them. He tugs at your nipples with you writhing under him, and puts one of them in his mouth, instantly beginning to suckle at it.
One of your hand trails down his back, digging your nails into his soft skin while the second grips his hair tightly. Remus groans when you tug at it, but continues his job of marking you as his. His hands start to wander again, this time finding themselves going lower and lower, until they trail under your skirt, fiddling with the hem of your underwear. His fingers hook themselves to the sides of your underwear and he slowly drags the fabric down your legs. His face dips under your skirt, and just as you move to prop yourself up on your elbows to see what happens, his biceps curl under your legs, pulling you towards him, and he buries his face in your cunt.
You cry out, Remus' tongue teasing your entrance as his nose bumps at your clit. You let your head fall back in pleasure, legs automatically trying to close shut when Remus switches to sucking and licking your clit, while his fingers start to dip inside you. His unoccupied hand is firmly pressed across your lower abdomen to keep your hips from bucking into his face. Slowly, he inserts one of his fingers inside your hole and you whimper, but Remus' hand on your stomach softly caresses your skin while he ensures your pleasure with his mouth. Another finger makes ints way inside you, and Remus begins to scissor them open inside you, stretching you out as you buck up into him.
Remus separates from your pussy to look up at you, and mutters a soft "You doing okay?" You nod, your eyes shut and you try adjusting yourself to his fingers. "No darling, I'm going to need a verbal response." You gasp the instant the discomfort from his fingers turn into pleasure and moan "Oh- I'm, I'm good." And Remus can't help but grin boyishly as the sight of you moaning on his fingers. He leans over, smashing his lips against yours, allowing you to taste yourself on his tongue while he rotates his wrist in a way that keeps you desperate for him.
Finally, Remus completely pulls away from you, licking his fingers clean, while maintaining eye contact with you, and your eyes widen in shock. Remus sighs, running his eyes over your body and you self-consciously shut your legs, straightening up a little. He frowns, shaking his head. "No, come on, none of that." He places a hand on your knee, and your legs loosen up for him again. He smiles softly, both hands going back up to the waistband of his boxers. You gasp when his cock bounces up, slapping his stomach, and you're immediately thinking about how all of that's going to be inside of you.
Remus shuffles towards you and takes your last garment - your skirt - off. He starts rubbing your thighs with his big, veiny hands, and starts to reassure you. "Darling it'll be fine. It's going to be uncomfortable at the start, but I'm going to go easy on you, and if you want to stop, just say so." He looks at you, as though expecting a response, but you only shake your head at him. "Hey, remember what I said about needing words?" You nod quickly, then shake your head "Yeah I- sorry. No, it's okay."
Remus nods, lowering himself onto you and giving you a soft kiss on the lips. He's gentler now than he was before, slowly kissing you as he teases your entrance with the head of his cock. He only just realises how uncomfortably hard he's been this entire time and he groans, holding himself back from just sinking his whole cock into you. He pushes into you inch by inch, rocking back and forth to help you adjust to his size, while his hand tightly fists the rest of his dick. Your whimpers are swallowed by the kiss you share, and so are Remus' moans that come out every time you tug harshly on his hair, making him impossibly harder.
When he's completely inside you, he gives you a moment to get comfortable, and he bites his lip, his forehead falling against yours as his eyes tightly shut. It's his turn to whimper, the feeling of your tight pussy clamping on him practically begging him to start pounding into you. But he controls his urges, waiting for you to quietly give him the go ahead from under him. He exhales deeply and moans loudly when he starts to slowly roll his hips into yours, dragging his cock along your tight walls.
You let out a high pitched moan that has Remus drowning in pleasure, and his hand returns to your pussy, rubbing quick circles on your clit. "Shit." He whispers, when you beg him "Faster, please." And he does. He goes slightly faster, but it's enough to have you both nearing the edge. Remus connects your lips again, groaning into the kiss when your nails drag down his back, and the arm holding him up above you starts to shake. He focuses on your clit more, only slightly increasing his speed so you're both pushed over the edge at the same time.
"I'm so close. God sweetheart I can feel you squeezing me, are you gonna cum?" Whining at his words only encourages him to continue talking to you. "Be a good girl for me and cum on my cock. You're fucking making me crazy over here." And his words seem to have a positive effect on you by the way your leg twitches and your grip around him tightens. Remus holds back until your back is arching and you're screaming his name repeatedly for him to release inside you, his hips wildly rutting into you. He whimpers, leaning down to capture a nipple in his mouth and sucks hard.
He prolongs your orgasm by continuing to buck into you and rubbing your sensitive clit, until you're pushing him away from you. Remus pulls out, his hand coming up to fist his dick, cum dribbling down onto your stomach. You moan at the sight as you catch your breath, staring at your boyfriend, his eyes shut in pleasure and his untameable hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. When he rides out his orgasm, he collapses next to you on his stomach, catching his breath.
You giggle, turning around so you're laying on your stomach, and a hand comes up to rub Remus' back. "I think it's supposed to be the other way around" Remus chuckles, turning on his side and pulling you closer to him by the waist. You grin, returning the kiss he gives you, and humming in satisfaction. "How was that?" He asks quietly, suddenly shy as insecurity makes its way onto his face. "It was amazing." You reply, bringing him into another kiss, which he breaks too early. "How about you let me go run a bath for you?" He asks, without giving you time to answer before getting up from beside you.
Your eyes widen as you watch him walk away, angry red scratch marks on his back staring right back at you. Despite that, you let yourself fall back on his bed, a wide grin making its way on your face when you think back about what had just happened.
Summary: Presumed dead for months, you return to find Remus drowning in grief and guilt. You survived captivity; he survived losing you. Now you have to figure out how to survive each other
Word Count: A little less than 4k
Author's Note: Upon seeing the drought of Remus Lupin fanfiction, I figured I should take the matter into my own hands. This is actually a rewrite from a very old porject of mine and it is inspired by one of my favorite christmas songs, River, by Joni Mitchell. So, yeah, feel free to send request, or not. PSA: English is not my first language.
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Christmas drifted through people’s lives in its own quiet way, offering a different kind of magic to every heart it touched. For some, it meant hope—renewal, prosperity, the promise of gentler days. For others, it meant the warmth of family, the laughter of friends, or the sweetness of a lover’s presence. Some even felt the thrill of a romance waiting just around the corner.
But for Remus John Lupin, this year, it carried none of that light.
For him, it was just a sharp and ruthless reminder that he stood alone in the world. He no longer had any family, nor friends, and especially, no lover. He was only accompanied by the silence that followed loss.
A year had passed since October 31 of 1981, the fatal day where he lost everything he ever knew and loved. They had won the war, but at what cost? That was a thought he wouldn't linger on for long. There were no more mass murders staining the streets of England, or Death Eaters terrorizing from the sky. The world was finally at peace. And wizards and muggles could finally leave their homes without feeling a lump on their throat or the quiet dread that they might never make it back.
However, Remus couldn't help but wonder whether the weight of his loss was too steep, even for peace.
Throughout his teenage years, having grown up surrounded by the quiet, untouched magic of the Welsh countryside during the holidays, Remus had learned to adore Christmas. He cherished the fairy lights that glowed softly against frosted windows, the food he used to help his mother, Hope, prepare, the joyful carols that once filled their small home, and—above all—choosing and decorating the pine tree with his parents. Those moments had been his sanctuary, the rare times when the world felt gentle and whole.
But now, with the war behind him, it only deepened the void in his soul. Neither the fairy lights nor the music fluttered even a speck of joy. He tried wandering past the pine trees for sale, flipping through Christmas vinyl records, but each attempt seemed to drag him to the nights he shared with his parents choosing the perfect tree, or to the songs he used to belt out to with James and Sirius in their dorm while they arranged a tiny, lopsided tree. Every path led back to the familiar unstaunched wound. What was the point of happiness if he had no one left to share it with.
It was almost Christmas Eve, and Remus found himself in his small flat, grumbling as another Christmas' A Cappellas, stopped by his door singing songs about joy and peace,—words he had no strength left to hear.
"It should only get worse." complained the scarred brunette while closing the door impatiently.
His flat was a mess. Dishes were piled in the sink, begging to be washed; the furniture laid under a thick layer of dust– Merlin only knew how he hadn't had an allergic attackyet–, and a mountain of clothes waited to be washed. But Remus himself was in worse shape than the flat surrounding him. The dark circles beneath his eyes were deeper than the ones he varied throughout his Hogwarts days. Fading bruises of the last full moon mottled his skin, poorly cleaned and hastily bandaged. His beard had grown bushy and his hair was way too tangled and overgrown that even he couldn't remember the last time he had bothered to comb through it.
Automatically, he mopped towards his kitchen cabinet, looking for something to soothe his torment; chocolate. It was a vicious cycle. Sadness, pity, anger, chocolate, and eventually, liquor.
But to his dismay,the shelf where he kept his stack was empty. He’d eaten every last piece. Which meant only one thing, he would have to go out, and face the blindfull brightness of Christmas in Norwood.
With a sigh, he grabbed his mousy colored coat and pulled it over his worn out jumper.
As he opened the door the cold air and the faint smell of what seemed to be gingerbread cookies enveloped him. Perhaps, years ago he would have smiled dumbly at the scent and breathed out "I love Christmas" earning a round of laughter from his friends.
But there was no one left to hear.
The streets of London weren't nearly as cheerful as the Hogwarts grounds had been. During the holidays, Hogwarts transformed beneath a blanket of snow, its joy radiated so strongly it was as if it could be sensed from miles away. London wasn't the opposite, not exactly. It had his own charm, its own kind of magic – just far less of it than Remus would’ve liked, and much less snow.
He kept walking, trying to ignore everyone and everything, focusing only on slipping through the frantic crowd of last minute shoppers. All he wanted was to reach the small shop he always visited when he needed to buy something, preferably without having to endure the chaos of the season.
Upon entering the store, which was surprisingly empty considering the time of the year, he started his hunt for the sweet treat. Once he found it, he walked straight to the only cashier available. A moody cashier stood there, far more interested in chatting with a guy with glasses and messy hair. The sight made Remus’ chest tighten. The boy painfully resembled James, and the cashier, with tattoos peaking out of his long sleeve, reminded him of Sirius.
The familiar pain and anger entangled in his throat, and for a moment he felt the overwhelming urge to cry.
"Just buy the chocolate and get it over with." he mumbled to himself as he took a deep breath.
Leaving the store he no longer cared about the crowd, there was only one thing on his mind; he was never to visit that shop again.
Turning into an empty alley, entangled in his thoughts, he didn't notice someone walking toward him. Before he could register the person, he collided with her, sending both of them – and the bag with the chocolate – crashing to the ground.
"Oh my, I'm so sorry, sir." started a feminine, familiar voice, "I wasn't looking where I was going—"
"It's alright..." said the boy trying to recognize the voice in his tired state.
"Here, allow me," she extended her hand for him after she kneeled to the ground and grabbed his bag, extending it for him to retrieve it. As he stood up, he brushed off the dust from his coat and glanced at her – first quickly, and then, again, slower. His gaze traveled up until it met her eyes. Those eyes.
Eyes he would have recognized anywhere.
Eyes that haunted him during every sleepless night.
Eyes, that the mere hope of seeing them again, was the fragile thread holding him together during his darkest days since the war.
"Remus, is that you?" whispered the girl, uncertainty trembling in her voice.
She had been a fellow Hufflepuff—the girl he’d quietly adored through all his Hogwarts years. They had never dated. Remus was far too afraid to ruin their so‑called friendship. But he admired her from afar, which only fueled the Marauders’ relentless teasing. She was sweet, understanding, caring, delicate, clever, funny, brave, charming—Remus had always thought of her as something close to an angel.
In her fifth year, Y/N and Remus had even created a small book club together, bonded by their shared devotion to literature, especially classic Muggle novels. After Hogwarts, she joined the Order, and that was when she learned about his “condition.” From then on, she waited for him after every full moon, tending to his wounds and comforting him through the pain.
It was during those quiet, vulnerable nights that Remus finally admitted the truth to himself: he was in love with her. He always had been.
Y/N and Remus became inseparable. She never knew he loved her, but the truth was she had been in love with a boy since her third year—and the Marauders knew it. Oh, they knew. And when they finally convinced Remus to ask her out, she was called to an extremely dangerous mission in one of the most perilous places in Britain during the war: Malfoy Manor.
He waited days, then weeks, then months. But she never came back.
And now here she was, standing before him, looking at him with those same mesmerizing eyes.
“Y/N?” he breathed, the word escaping him more as a stunned confession than a question.
"I thought you were dead?" he blurted, worried with disbelief in his voice.
"I-" she began, but he cut her off.
"Where have you been? The war has been over for nearly a year!" his expression that was once worried, now melted into something sharper, angrier, "James, Lily, and Peter were murdered, did you know that?" he said with a hollow, almost hysterical laugh, tears pricking the corner of his eyes, "Oh, and it was Sirius' fault. He is in Azkaban now. Did you know that?"
"Rem, I'm sorry, I—"
"No!” His voice cracked, “You don’t get to be sorry. While you were in –Merlin knows where– I was here. Alone. Do you know what that feels like?"
She opened her mouth, but he didn't let her speak.
"No, you don't." His lips trembled as tears spilled before he could stop them, "I lost Peter, James, Lily, and Sirius all in one night. And even before that, you made believe I’d lost you. I just needed somebody Y/N! Someone to hear me, a shoulder to cry on. But until now, everyone I could think of was dead."
He collapsed into her arms, and she caught him instantly, holding him tight as he sobbed into the crook of her neck. Her scent—warm, familiar, achingly safe—wrapped around him like a memory he’d been starving for.
“Rem,” she whispered, voice soft but steady, “I’m so sorry you went through all of that alone. I truly am.”
He swallowed hard, jaw tight, eyes still shining with the remnants of his breakdown.
She hesitated, then added, “But I’m here now. And I’m not leaving again.”
Remus shook his head slightly, like he didn’t dare believe it yet. “I… I don’t want to do this out here,” he murmured, voice rough. “Not in the cold. Not in the middle of a street where you could—” He cut himself off, breath trembling. “Come with me. Please. Let’s go home.”
She nodded, relief flickering across her face.
They walked a few steps before she spoke again, quieter, almost like she was afraid the words themselves might break something.
“Remus… I didn’t stay away because I wanted to,” she said. “I was trying to get back to you. Every day. I just… couldn’t.”
He stopped walking, breath catching. “Y/N—did they—”
She shook her head quickly, not in denial but in fear of the question. “Not now,” she whispered. “Please. I’ll explain later. I just need you to know I never chose to disappear. I never stopped trying to come back.”
Her voice wavered, and for a moment she looked like she might shatter.
Remus dragged a trembling hand through his hair, exhaling shakily. The edge in him softened, but the ache stayed, deep and raw.
“Alright,” he murmured. “Home. Then you tell me everything you can.”
When they reached his building, Remus unlocked the door with a shaky breath and stepped aside, giving her a small nod for her to go in first.
She hesitated for a heartbeat before crossing the threshold.
Her eyes swept over the flat — the cluttered books, the unwashed mugs, the blankets thrown carelessly over the sofa. It wasn’t dirty, just… lived in. Lived in by someone who had stopped expecting company. Someone who had been grieving alone.
A quiet ache bloomed in her chest.
She felt guilty. Not because she hadn’t tried — she had, desperately — but because this was the life he’d been forced into without her. A life she never meant to leave him to face alone.
"I know, it's compact, but it's closer to what I can call home."
She nodded as she waltzed around the house.
"I would ask you if you would like tea, but I don't really have—" he said, his voice husky.
"Don't bother." she responded and smiled simply at him.
She took in the piles of clothing, the thick dust settled on shelves and furniture, the quiet signs of a life lived in grief and solitude. But in the middle of all that mess, something else caught her eye — a shelf overflowing with photographs and old polaroids.
Drawn to it, she walked over slowly.
There were pictures of him and the Marauders in their first year, all gangly limbs and too‑big smiles. Another after a Quidditch match, James hoists his broom triumphantly while Sirius makes a ridiculous face behind him. One from James and Lily’s wedding — Remus hugging Lily tightly, Sirius clinging to James with tears in his eyes (tears he would deny until his dying breath).
Another showed Remus and Sirius hunched over textbooks, clearly meant to be studying for their N.E.W.T.s but looking suspiciously like they were plotting something instead.
And then the one that stopped her breath.
A photo of her and Remus sitting under a tree by the Black Lake, a book open between them, sunlight filtering through the branches. She lifted her hand, fingertips ghosting over the image as the memory washed over her.
It had been mid‑autumn — her favorite season. The air crisp, the leaves golden, the world soft around the edges. They had just started a new book for their little book club: Romeo and Juliet.
Remus adored those afternoons. Listening to her read, watching her act out scenes with dramatic flair, pretending to be unimpressed while secretly loving every second of it. Especially the overly dramatic parts, where he could shout lines at the sky while she giggled beside him.
“Hear me out,” she’d said that day, popping a piece of chocolate into her mouth and licking her fingers. “Mercutio is in love with Benvolio.”
Remus had laughed, shaking his head. “How did you come to that conclusion?”
“Rem, look at them! They’re totally in love. Utterly, hopelessly, head‑over‑heels. You can’t tell me otherwise.”
He’d raised an eyebrow. “You do realize Shakespeare didn’t write it that way.”
“Shakespeare was wrong sometimes,” she declared, as if delivering a universal truth.
He snorted. “You say that about every author who doesn’t make your ships canon.”
She pointed at him. “Because I’m right.”
He’d leaned back against the tree, smirking. “Of course you are.”
She nudged him with her shoulder. “Back to the book.”
He’d cleared his throat dramatically, lifted the page, and recited in an overly theatrical voice, “Love is a fire that burns without flame, a wound that aches without bleeding…”
She had laughed so hard she nearly dropped the book.
And then, when the laughter faded, they’d fallen into one of those quiet moments — the kind that felt too intimate for two teenagers who weren’t technically dating. Her head rested lightly against his shoulder. His fingers brushing the edge of the page but not turning it, because he was too busy listening to her breathe. The lake shimmering in front of them. The world is soft and golden around them.
And now, standing in his dusty flat, staring at the frozen moment of that day, she felt her chest tighten with a mix of longing and guilt — because he had kept this memory alive while she had been fighting just to survive.
"Y/N, where have you been?" his voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Where they sent me, The Malfoy Manor." she said, not daring to look at him, fearing she would break down.
"B-but you were supposed to come back a week later?" he stuttered, walking up to her, "And some members even sneaked into the manor to look for you, but you weren't there..."
“They kept me locked in one of the attics,” she said quietly, eyes fixed on the floor. “I tried to escape — I swear I did — but their security was so tight I still don’t understand how I even got inside in the first place.” Her breath trembled. “Two months ago, after they lost the war, they decided I wasn’t useful anymore. I… I can’t explain why they didn’t kill me.”
Tears gathered in her eyes, but she blinked them back.
“Did they…” Remus’s voice cracked, the question barely forming.
She shook her head quickly. “Not now,” she whispered. “Please. I’ll tell you later. Just… not tonight.”
He looked devastated — guilt, anger, relief, and fear all fighting for space on his face.
“It’s my fault,” he muttered, dragging a hand through his hair. “I never should’ve let you go on that mission.”
“This wasn’t your fault,” she said firmly, stepping closer. “There was nothing you could’ve done. I volunteered, Remus. I chose it.”
She took his hands gently, interlocking their fingers. His were cold, trembling slightly.
“How about this,” she said softly. “I stay here. I help you clean up this chaos. And you go get some sleep — something you clearly haven’t done in a long time. You look like death, Mr. Lupin.”
A small, tired smile tugged at his lips. “So do you, Ms. L/N.”
He squeezed her hands, stubbornness flickering through the exhaustion. “Which is exactly why I’m not letting you clean this alone. That wouldn’t be fair. Let me help.”
He gave her the softest, most ridiculous puppy‑dog eyes.
She sighed, defeated. “Fine. You can wash the dishes and the clothes.”
His smile brightened just a little — the first real one she’d seen in years.
“But only because I know I’ll never hear the end of it otherwise.”
They moved around the flat slowly, almost cautiously, as if afraid that any sudden movement might break the fragile reality of being together again.
Remus gathered the dishes with a tired sigh, sleeves rolled up, hair falling into his eyes. She watched him for a moment — the way his shoulders slumped, the way exhaustion clung to him like a second skin — and her chest tightened.
He shouldn’t have had to carry all this alone.
She turned away before the guilt swallowed her whole and began picking up clothes from the floor, folding what could be saved, setting aside what needed washing. Every now and then, their eyes met across the room — small, fleeting glances that said everything they weren’t ready to speak aloud.
At one point, Remus dropped a mug into the sink a little too hard. It didn’t break, but the sound echoed sharply.
He froze.
She looked up.
Their eyes locked.
And for a moment, neither of them breathed.
Then he looked away, jaw tightening, and continued washing.
She didn’t push. She was familiar with that look, the one he wore after full moons, when he was trying to hold himself together with a fraying thread.
So she kept cleaning, quietly, gently, giving him space while staying close enough that he could feel she was there.
After nearly an hour, the flat looked… not perfect, but better. Lived‑in, not abandoned.
Remus leaned against the counter, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. “I think that’s enough for tonight,” he murmured, voice rough.
She nodded. “You should sleep.”
He opened his mouth to argue. She saw it coming, but the fight drained out of him before he could speak. His shoulders sagged.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he admitted quietly.
Her heart cracked. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He swallowed hard, as if the reassurance hurt.
“Alright,” he whispered.
He led her to the small bedroom, hesitating at the doorway like he wasn’t sure if he should let her in. She stepped inside first, giving him the choice to follow.
He did.
The bed was messy, sheets tangled, blankets half‑on the floor. She helped straighten them without a word. He watched her, eyes softening with something like disbelief.
When he finally lay down, he looked smaller somehow. Younger. Fragile in a way she had never seen before.
She pulled the blanket over him gently.
“Stay?” he whispered, barely audible.
She sat on the edge of the bed. “Of course.”
“Y/N, not like this.” he whispered, louder this time.
She hesitated when he patted the space beside him. Not because she didn’t want to, but because the closeness felt like stepping into a memory she wasn’t sure she deserved anymore.
But his eyes… Merlin, his eyes.
They held that same quiet plea she remembered from full‑moon nights, when he was too exhausted to pretend he didn’t need someone.
So she nodded.
Slowly, she slipped under the blanket, lying on her side facing him. The mattress dipped under her weight, and for a moment neither of them moved. The room felt impossibly still, like even the air was holding its breath.
Remus exhaled shakily, the sound barely audible.
He shifted closer — not touching her, not yet, just close enough that she could feel the warmth radiating from him. His fingers twitched, as if he wanted to reach for her but didn’t know if he was allowed.
“Thank you,” he whispered, voice frayed at the edges.
She swallowed. “You don’t have to thank me.”
“I do,” he murmured, eyes fluttering half‑shut. “I thought I’d never… I thought I’d lost you.”
Her heart clenched. She wanted to tell him she had tried, that she had fought, that she had screamed his name into walls that never answered. But the words stuck in her throat.
Instead, she inched just a little closer — close enough that their foreheads almost touched.
His breath hitched, a soft, broken sound.
And then, as if the nearness finally loosened something inside him, his eyes fluttered shut almost instantly, exhaustion claiming him the moment he felt safe enough to let it.
His eyes fluttered shut almost instantly, exhaustion claiming him the moment he felt safe enough to let it.
Within minutes, his breathing evened out.
He was asleep.
For the first time in months he slept without nightmares clawing at him.
She stayed there, watching the rise and fall of his chest, the way his hair fell across his forehead, the faint lines of worry still etched into his face even in sleep.
She reached out, brushing a strand of hair away from his eyes with trembling fingers.
“I tried,” she whispered, voice cracking. “I tried every day to come back to you.”
Her throat tightened.
“I’m so sorry, Remus.”
She leaned down, pressing the softest kiss to his temple — a touch so light he didn’t stir.
Then she sat back, keeping vigil beside him, letting the quiet of the room settle around them like a fragile promise.
summary: Remus begins to worry about your well-being after seeing you act much differently than before.
pairing: remus lupin x Black Family!reader
includes: use of Y/N, mentions of abuse (both mental and physical), unfair treatment, bullying, cursing, allusions to receiving the dark mark, burning out, angst, smallest bit of fluff (lmk if i missed any!)
a/n: lowkey, this one was sad and requested by someone a while ago… i’m swamped with my own school work so this was a little vent fic for me :)
From the moment you were born, Orion and Walburga knew what you were meant to be—what you would always be known as. You were the Black Family’s spare. If Sirius or Regulus was injured in a way magic wasn’t enough to heal them, you were the person they tore open to find missing parts. You were nothing but a tool.
Worst of all, they refused to recognize you as even part of their family. What they wanted was a male heir and—being the first born before Sirius by mere minutes—you ruined their lives. Sure, the legacy would’ve still been able to continue with Sirius, but Walburga and Orion were furious when they saw a girl be born into the Black Family.
It was always your fate to be their spare.
When you were old enough to attended Hogwarts, they were quick to dismiss your presence. You were no longer theirs to care for as long as you stayed there. Hell, they even called Sirius—who was sorted in Gryffindor—back for holiday while you—who was sorted into Slytherin—stayed at Hogwarts with the school's staff.
However, they learned that Sirius was no longer fit to be the heir of the Black family. So they did what they did best—throw you into the deep end with no safety. Instead of letting Sirius get away with his stupidity, you were to take over his responsibilities until Regulus was suited to become the heir.
You were constantly watched to ensure perfection. It didn't matter if you were the top of your class or not—you had to maintain the role of the perfect heir. The useless heir. Coming home every summer just to be scolded at was never ideal, but you tried. You pushed through all the extracurriculars until you couldn't feel the weight of pressure on you anymore. You just kept going.
You kept pushing and pushing until the worst thing happened at home.
Sirius left. He left you and Regulus with your wretched parents. He left you with more scars than you could count that you swore he didn't care much for you either. It truly was you against the entire Black family—with little help from Regulus whenever he wasn't being trained to be the Black family heir.
“Letter from mother.” Regulus tossed the cream envelope in your direction, unaware of how closed off and fragile you became since Sirius left.
You peeled the envelope open and did a quick scan of the letter, humming at the usual demands from you. Nothing new. “I need to go study, Reg. I’ll see you later."
“You'll come find me for lunch, right?” He grabbed your wrist like he would when he was younger, alarmed that his whole hand could wrap around the joint with ease.
“I need to study for my NEWTs.” You give him the best smile you could muster, making your steps quick as you left the Great Hall. You loved your younger brother, but your parents would have your head if they found out you were talking to him rather than studying for your final exams.
You swiftly looped around the castle corridors—potions, charms, and transfiguration textbooks in arm as you made your way toward the astronomy tower. No matter how many times you’ve studied in Hogwarts’ library, you found it easier to work in the tower. The library was filled with all kinds of students—even the ones who weren't there to study.
Just as you made a sharp turn to the tower stairs, you slammed into someone more than half your size—all your books and parchment scattering to the floor. Immediately, you apologized and rushed to grab the papers and books, face warm with embarrassment when the person handed you your quill your cousin Narcissa bought you.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bump into you.” You clutch the books tighter to your chest and move around the figure, unaware that it was one of Sirius’ friends.
The one who watched you were a careful eye since you hopped onto the stool with a worried look in first year.
The Marauders were scattered about their dorm. Peter was munching on some kind of bread, Sirius was hanging upside down in his bed, and James was on his usual session about how Lily was the most perfect girl when Remus walked in with an unreadable expression.
James slowly came to a stop before tilting his head at the lanky boy, tossing a pillow in his direction. 'What happened at the library, Moony? Madam Pince refused to let you check out anymore books?"
Remus ignored James and caught the pillow with a swipe of his hand—his attention only on the curly-haired boy in front of him. "Padfoot, do you know what's going on with your sister? She looks like she might be ill.”
Sirius froze at the mention of you, ultimately falling from his spot on the bed. He rarely saw you back at home that he didn't know anything about you anymore. At least, not as much as he knew about Regulus.
“I… I don’t know.” He admitted and ran his fingers through his hair in guilt.
“You don’t know?” Remus repeated in disbelief. He didn't think that when Sirius left, he would forget all about his twin sister. She looked exactly like him—only now, she looked like she could break with one wrong touch. "She could be seriously sick—"
"Look, I'll get Regulus to ask her what's wrong." Sirius crossed his legs and frowned when Remus still looked unhappy. "What?"
"We both know you won't willingly talk to your brother." He said and stood from his spot, mind running through different scenarios as to why you looked so malnourished—why you were so malnourished.
Sirius narrowed his eyes at his best mate, "Why do you care so much about my sister?"
"Why don't you care more?" Remus scoffed and left the dorm, leaving the rest of the Marauders confused with his sudden interest in the Black's eldest child.
Though Remus cared little for the Black family, he knew you never wronged anyone. In fact, he believed you were Sirius' foil. When Sirius was off pranking someone with James, you were always studying for your next class. When you weren't studying, he found you speaking quietly with Regulus in the Great Hall. You were so quiet and reserved that Remus refused to believe you were Sirius' twin for so long.
He rarely spoke to you, but he knew something was definitely wrong. And he would get to the bottom of the issue.
“Miss Black, you need to take care of yourself. Your brother is concerned for you—“
“He should not be concerned for my wellbeing. Instead, he should be concerned about his grades in Care for Magical Creatures.” You huff and push away Madam Pomfrey’s wand from your arm, tugging your robes over your body in a rushed manner. “I am perfectly fine and need to get back to my studies before the night takes away all the light.”
You leave the hospital wing and glance at your watch, silently cursing yourself for wasting precious time on a silly check up Regulus insisted you get. Although—you had to admit— you were too exhausted to make the trek up the astronomy tower to study. So instead, you made your way toward the library instead, the candles in the corridors lighting your path to the quiet space ahead.
Finding an open table, you get to work as quickly as you can. You flip open you defense against the dark arts textbook and begin your studies, hands shaking and eyes blurring with how exhausted you were. Willing yourself to push on, you started to mutter the words you read, unaware of the brown-haired boy looming beside you.
“You’re not casting a spell, are you?” A voice spoke from your right, causing you to jerk in surprise.
Lifting your head up from the book, you meet warm, brown eyes, the feeling spreading across your chest before you pulled your attention toward the book once more. You couldn’t get distracted, not when you were running out of time before the holidays.
“No.” You answer truthfully before continuing to mutter about the three unforgiving curses, each one worse than the last. You’ve encountered two out of three of them and you prayed you never had to witness the last.
Right as you went to turn the page, the person moved to sit in front of you—your eye twitching in irritation. This was your spot for the rest of the evening and you would like to not be distracted by… whoever this person was.
Huffing, you flip the page in frustration and speak once more. This time with annoyance. “I’m sorry, but I’m trying to study for—“
“I see that.” The mysterious figure pulled out his own book, raising his brows when you nearly looked up from your book to see what he was reading. So close. “I’m here to merely observe. You are the top of our graduating class.”
“Incorrect.” You keep a shaky finger on the last word you left off on, finally taking a proper look at the boy who decided to distract you. “I’m tied with…”
“You don’t want a tie?” Remus rested his head in his palm, hiding a small grin at your shocked expression.
You swallow thickly before going back to your book, refusing to acknowledge his presence for the rest of the time. It wasn’t like you were intimidated or embarrassed by the boy. You were just confused and stunned by him. Why was he suddenly interested in you when he stuck so close to your twin? Perhaps your mother or father sent him as a spy—but he was a half-blood, so you doubted that was the reason.
Remus sighed and began to read Jane Eyre, occasionally glancing in your direction. He noted that you were still here mentally—well, as far as a mere five minute interaction goes—but your physique seemed way off. Though you weren’t as tall as your brothers, you were a hell lot paler and way too ill-fed to even look remotely related to them.
By the time Madam Pince kicked the both of you out, Remus memorized the way you looked and stored it for later data. He thought that you would snap under the weight of all the textbooks and parchment you were carrying. He also swore you memorized each of the textbooks—catching you repeatedly murmur the different facts you learned over your hours of studying.
But as Remus went to turn toward the Great Hall, you continued to go straight down the corridor—worrying him. “Black, you’re not coming to have dinner?”
You stop walking and hesitate before settling on your normal excuse. “I’m not hungry.”
“You studied for over two hours. Surely a snack or even just water—“
“Lupin, I’m fine. I don’t need—“
Before you could even finish your sentence, a familiar voice rang out clearly. A voice you haven’t heard since he left you all alone.
“Moony! There you are! We’ve been looking for you.”Sirius clapped Remus on the back, unaware of your presence. He never truly acknowledged your being—you assumed he learned it from your mother and father. “Where were you?”
Remus’ eyes darted in your direction after the initial surprise from Sirius faded, but you were already fleeting down the hall—Mary Jane’s echoing with each step.
“Just…” He paused and shook his head, directing his attention back to the younger Black sibling and following him into the Great Hall. “Studying.”
Unfortunately for you, it became Remus' habit to constantly be around you when studying. No matter where you went to study—whether it was the damn astronomy tower or back of the library—he found you. It became impossible to hide from him and you knew you were losing valuable time studying if you spoke to him.
So you just stopped.
"I brought chocolate today." Remus spoke, finding you by the edge of the Black Lake. "A piece offering."
Your eyes briefly flickered up to meet his and glanced at the chocolate, but you immediately fell back into reading, making him frown. You were frustrating him just a tad bit. It was the day before holiday break and you decided to spend your time on the freezing grounds studying than inside with a cup of hot tea doing something else—he wasn't even close to figuring anything about you.
You were just a ghost of a person.
“Lupin, I can’t focus.” You whisper as you felt his gaze on you, frustratedly reading the same line over and over again.
Remus muttered a quick apology and went back to War and Peace. But he couldn't focus. All he could focus on was the sound of you shaking underneath all the layers of clothes you had on. He pursed his lips and sighed, removing his own overcoat and draping it over you.
Freezing at the sudden warmth enveloping your figure, you meet his brown eyes and give him a smile that could be noted as a grimace. "Thanks..."
He hummed and took a bite out of his chocolate, letting you read for a couple more minutes before speaking once more. "Do you plan on studying over the holidays as well?"
Your tongue poked the inside of your cheek. Were you going to spend your entire holiday studying? "Depends on mother and father. They might coupe me up in my room and make me study all holiday. Or they may decide to finally let me join in opening gifts with Regulus—not like I'll get anything."
It took you a second to realize what you said to the boy sitting beside you. Honestly, you didn't know what he was doing to you.
Remus' eyes narrowed at your confession the second you covered your mouth with a shaking hand. You were never supposed to talk ill about your parents or you family—especially not to some… to a Gryffindor and half-blood!
“I-I have to go.” You stutter and quickly gather your things, rushing back into the castle without another glace toward Remus.
When you came back from the holidays, you looked even worse than before. Remus took one look at you and knew something went down back at the Black house. Although you did look more fed then most days, the circles underneath your eyes were more prominent and instead of rolling up your sweaters like usual, you wore them normally.
What happened?
But Remus wasn't the only one to notice the changes. For once, Regulus noted the changes in your demeanor. Rather than using your time to study for charms or transfiguration, you began to read books on the dark arts. The textbooks that once belonged to Bellatrix were passed down to you, causing Regulus to do his own digging into your sudden change of studies.
“What're you reading Trimbles' book for?” Regulus asked quietly as you pushed food around your plate, gaze locked on the ink in the book. "Did Bella get through to you about the dark arts?"
You subconsciously touch your left arm and bite your tongue. You could say it was your cousin's fault for she was the one to suggest you become one of them anyway. Yet you would never speak ill about her—you supposed it was her way of showing she cared for you.
"No, it's just interesting."' You clear your throat and stand from your spot. "Finish breakfast, I'll see you later."
"You didn't touch anything on your plate." Regulus frowned and stood up as well, following close behind and grabbing your left arm. "What are you hiding from me?"
You winced and quickly pulled away, "Nothing, Reg, leave me be."
"I can't do that! You're my sister and I care about you—"
Quickly finding your way out of a conversation you didn't want to have, you weaved your way in between the Gryffindor boys that deemed themselves as the Marauders, subconsciously grabbing Remus' hand and dragging him with you.
“Hey—!” Sirius gaped at his best friend being stolen from him, earning a glare from his younger brother.
“Fuck off, Sirius. Something’s wrong.” Regulus quickly spat out and chased after you and the lanky boy.
Sirius' eyebrows knitted together before letting out a loud sigh, following his brother to wherever you were taking Remus. After all the time he spent away, you and Regulus were still important to him—even if he rarely showed it.
"What's happening?" Remus stumbled into an empty classroom and glanced at your heavy breathing figure, face twisting in confusion as you leaned back on the wooden door in exhaustion. "Why were you running?"
"I didn't mean to pull you with me." You rub your face and wander over to a desk, sitting in the chair as your thoughts swallowed your mind. "I just needed an escape from Regulus. He can be nosy."
Still confused, Remus simply nodded and sat at the desk opposite of you, wincing when he heard Sirius' shouting from outside the class. You let out a quiet laugh at your brothers' bickering before those laughs quickly turned into quiet sobs, shoulders shaking from the weight of emotions packed into each one.
"Oh." Remus murmured and patted his pockets down, taking a bar of chocolate and snapping a piece off. “Eat, it’ll make you feel better.”
You wipe your tears and look down at the chocolate, your stomach growling at the lack of food you’ve eaten today. Sniffling, you take the chocolate and nibble on it, unaware of Remus’ smile.
“Better?” He asked softly, biting into the chocolate himself.
There wasn’t an answer from you, but he knew it helped somewhat—your tears subsided and all that could be heard was your occasional sniffling and hiccups.
Remus had so many questions he wanted to ask you yet he knew it wasn’t his place. Though only one really stuck out to him.
“Why did you bring me here?”
You purse your lips and fiddle with the loose strings on your sweater, refusing to meet his eyes.
“I don’t know.” You say truthfully. But before Remus could say anything else, you continued—eyes shut because to you, the confession was quite embarrassing. “Maybe I just got used to you always being there and I…” You drop your head into your hands and sigh loudly, “I trust you more than my whole family.”
He raised his brows but made no effort to say anything else—knowing you had more to say.
“You care for me in a way my siblings will never understand.” You murmur and peek between your fingers to find him slouched over to hear you clearly. “I can’t… I can’t tell you anything about what happened at home.” He opened his mouth to protest but you stopped him. “But I’ll consider keeping the odd friendship you chose to start.”
Remus narrowed his eyes at you and—for a brief moment—he wanted to refuse. He wanted to know what was happening, why you were more conscious about how you dressed. Yet he couldn’t find himself wanting to object your offer. If he could keep a close eye on you like this, so be it.
“You’ll tell me in due time, alright?” Remus gave you the rest of his chocolate bar, noticing the way you tugged your sleeve down once more.
“If it’s fitting by then.” You give him a weak smile. “Besides, I think I can still be the top of the class without you. After all, I am the perfect replacement.”
