Dedicated to Huang Renjun
He was never good for me. Most nights were spent crying or overthinking.
I was in love with the idea of him.
I made myself fall in love with the idea of him, 'cause I knew that I'd never love his reality. He was one of those people that you really want in your life, the type you would constantly wish for to be ‘the one,’ and though I knew that he wasn’t...
I still wanted him to be.
It started off easy, waking up in the middle of the night, sneaking out and riding his black sports car - drifting off somewhere where we’d find ourselves intoxicated with each other. He would kiss my knuckles and rub my skin, comforting every single bit of me that needed warmth. He knew exactly what he was doing, even the way he’d place my hands on his chest to feel the fastening of his heart beat.
I thought that was love, so I built myself in a world where he was just like that. The perfect guy that loved me better than anyone else.
So when he started drifting away, I ignored it because I envisioned him drifting back. In my head he was too in love with me to let me go, but in reality he was falling out of us - whatever we were.
In reality he wasn’t in love with me anymore, and what’s more dumb was the fact that I knew, I knew it right away but I was too in love with the imaginary version of him, to the point where I didn’t want to let go of the real one.
Then one day it all ended.
That was when reality slapped me across the face and reminded me that I should never fall in love with a person’s potential. Fall in love with the way that they are.
Sometimes we have to make the decision that’ll break our heart but bring peace to our soul.