a/n: happy birthday renjun my love!!!! this is a short timestamp for his birthdayyyy i hope renjun has a great birthday i love you so much
"happy birthday, renjun, my love," you whispered, as renjun who was sitting on the couch beside you, blew the candle on his cake.
it was just a simple celebration in your shared apartment; a bento cake designed as a cute moomin you ordered, a take away pizza, all on a red checkered table spread, but the way renjun looked at you, it was as if you plucked the stars from the sky for him.
"thank you, yn. this means so much to me," he smiled softly, the corner of his eyes crinkling. maybe you did pluck the stars, cause what else could possibly explain the stars in renjun's eyes? oh, how you wish he could be happy all the time, how you wish you could protect that smile all the time.
"i hope you get everything you wished for, baby," you said, placing both of your hands on his cheeks to make him face you. you placed a kiss on his forehead.
then a kiss on his nose.
he giggled.
finally, his lips. you felt him smile into the kiss.
little did you know, everything he wished for, is already right in front of him.
You are about to try the new lip tint you bought and your boyfriend interrupts you.
Info: Renjun x female reader, established relationship
Genre: fluff, suggestive
Content: the reader is whipped for Renjun just like me, kissing, making out, slight hair pulling lol
Word Count: 1.4k
You sit in front of the dressing table, excitedly. You open your little bag to take out the new lip tint you bought. "Finally" you think, as you have been searching for this shade for a while now; good quality and a reasonable price. To be honest, you're no expert at colours and shades, but you could tell that this is what you wanted, the moment you laid your eyes on it. You tear the plastic seal, unscrew the cap and pull the applicator out. "Wow" you almost say audibly as you admire the colour for a second, it's a peachy, rosy, pretty little pink, you think to yourself and realize you didn't even look for the shade name on the packaging while buying it. So you examine the container, only to find out there is a shade number given there instead. "Whatever," you say and swatch the tint on to the side of your wrist, the colour looks so pretty and the pigment is just perfect. You move the applicator towards your lips and—
"Hey y/n, Good Morning! What are you up to babe?" Renjun says cheerfully yet calmly as he enters the room and sits on the bed.
You ignore what he said. "Come check this!" you say, without even looking at him. "This lip tint is so pretty! I just bought it and was about to try it on," you tell him, showing him your wrist.
"Oh, it smells really good too," he says as he examines your wrist and takes a satisfactory whiff. "Mmm."
You finally look up at him and notice how he looks extra pretty today, even though you're the one who is dressed up while he is still in his pyjamas.
"Wait, I think we should try it on you because your lips look so pouty and plump. They are always prettier than mine." "Hmm?" You croon.
He cringes.
"I just woke up a while ago and although I took a shower, my face is still somewhat puffy, that’s why," he says seriously, sounding annoyed.
"So, you do agree with what I said, right?"
He groans and makes a face but rests his weight on the dressing table as he faces you, folding his arms and puckering his lips a little. You almost giggle at how easily he complies, even though he is annoyed. Adorable. You get up with the same excitement as earlier and apply the lip tint on your boyfriend's lips. You take a step back to have a look and gasp. The pigment is so damn perfect, it's neither too much nor too little, it looks very natural. Renjun's plump lips and the little gloss of the tint make him look so utterly delicious that you feel like kissing him.
He is waiting for your response, so you turn him around and make him face the mirror. "Babe, it looks so good! You look so dreamy and perfect, I might cry," you beam, overdramatically.
He smiles at you in the mirror and leans forward to take a good look. "Mmm, it’s gotta look pretty because you chose the colour," he tells you. You roll your eyes at his cheesy remark.
He looks so handsome yet delicate as you both stand next to each other in the mirror and you admire him, eyeing him up and down.
"Ahem.” “Wanna try it on yourself now? Want me to put it on your lips?" He asks. You lightly nod at him.
He dips the applicator in the container, turning to his side and— you press your lips on his, firmly, backing away quickly. He looks at you with surprised eyes and you just look back at him, as if you kissed him for the first time. You chew at the inside of your lips, shyly, tasting the lip tint.
He is taken aback as usually he is the one stealing little kisses from you here and there. Though he can see the lip tint on your lips now, and he chuckles, your knees go weak. You feel a little hot on your cheeks and see that he is blushing too. You grin at each other like idiots.
He looks so precious, you cannot think of ever letting him go. The next moment, you are crashing your lips onto his so hard that your teeth clack, so stupid, you think. You both kiss hastily yet softly. You can smell the lip tint on his lips, the shower gel, your jasmine shampoo he likes to use, his freshly washed oversized t-shirt and his scent. Shit. It all makes you slightly dizzy and your heartbeat increases rapidly. His hands reach down to your waist, pulling you in and your hands are in his hair, then fiddling with the dainty chain at the back of his neck. You reach further to his shoulders and chest, turning him around and pushing him onto the dressing chair, breaking the kiss.
You both look at each other, expressions full of only one thing. He reaches up to cup your face, and you lean into his touch, so soft. He suddenly pulls you in for another kiss, one hand on your jaw and the other on your hips, squeezing. You slightly squirm. He straddles you onto his thighs smoothly.
How can he be so hot and so damn adorable at the same time? He'd have the softest expression, looking all precious and tiny in his favourite oversized outfits and still having this elegant and intimidating aura. You fall for it each time. One second he'd give you his delicate bright smile and gaze so gentle, and the next, his smile still the same yet his eyes would darken; the gaze going cold, giving you butterflies because it's so sexy. It's been three years since you guys started dating and you still feel like you're in a trance, whenever you notice him doing the simplest things. He is too sexy, too beautiful, too precious. You Love Renjun.
You get out of your hazy thoughts as he suckles at your upper lip and you lick his lower lip, slightly biting it. He parts his lips and you take no time to explore his mouth. He tastes like the toothpaste he uses and the lemon water he drinks after waking up. The minty and citrus taste tingles your tongue but you like it. Your tongues work so well together, swirling the slightly bitter taste of the lip tint, taking turns. You didn't realise when your hand moved under his t-shirt and onto the waistband of his sweatpants. One of his hands is dangerously close to your inner thighs, groping you and the position you both are in isn't very helpful either.
You move your other hand from his chest to the back of his neck, into his hair and tug a little. He whimpers, grip tightening where his other hand rests on your side. You feel the hair on the back of your neck rise. You do it again, this time yanking, and he moans loudly into the kiss, both his hands suddenly flying to your hips and grabbing tightly. God!
You lean away for air, he looks so gorgeous as you still hold on to his hair, his face tilted towards you. His dark brown bangs are a mess, his lips swollen and lip tint smeared. Both of you are panting. His brows slightly furrow as you're still pulling his hair, and his eyes have this fiery look as if he is angry at what you did, but you know him, you know he likes it. You smirk, also mouthing a little sorry. As soon as you say that, his expression surprisingly changes to a smug smile. He was just teasing you as if he gave you what you want because he wanted to. He likes to play. You swear you want to violently kiss that smug off of his handsome little face and keep kissing him forever.
The lip tint! You sigh and turn your head around to look in the mirror. “The color indeed looks pretty,” you say while noticing the lip tint smeared on your lips as well.
“Told ya, my girlfriend bought it,'' he says while peeking from your side, proudly raising his eyebrows. You both smile in the mirror like idiots, again.
Author's Note: I am so down bad for Renjun if you can't tell. The recent teaser pictures for ISTJ have me on my knees🧎🏻♀️.
Anyway, thanks for reading and feel free to interact.
Warning(s)- Yandere themes, emotionally manipulative!Renjun, mind break, y/n poses symptoms of Stockholm syndrome, temper tantrums, undertones (not mentioned) isolation and emotional deprivation as 'punishments', overall messed up. not proof-read.
Type; wc; drabble; 1.19k
It was your fault. It's all your fault that it came to this.
Or so said that small voice in your head as you watch the man you thought you knew oh so well pick and throw anything that came into his line of sight.
"J-Jun.. Calm down" you cautiously approach him, voice as shaky as your form when he pays no mind to your silent pleas. "He needs help, this isn't healthy, you don't want this?' How're they supposed to know your wants, huh?! Did they dedicate themselves to reading you well like I did? Did they devote themselves to you?! Are they the ones having a future with you?!" goes a row of well arranged books on the shelf as he continues ignoring your existence.
Renjun is a sweet guy, a really sweet one for that matter. Never once has he taken the initiative to hurt you. Never once has he ever tried replacing you. Never once has he made you feel worthless.
If anything, he makes you feel like the only woman in the world with the way he looks at you. The way he talks to you. The way he does everything he can in his power to keep you happy.
Then why're you two such an imperfect couple?
'You're yet to come around the fact that we're destined to be together, Y/n. You'll see what I mean as the time passes', "Oh aren't you a little oblivious? Baby, we're meant to be. Doesn't mean there isn't a mountain of things we have to work on.' 'Quit being stubborn, would you? You brought this upon yourself! All I ever did was tell you what's right because you can't seem to be able to do anything right!' He'd say with that loveable smile of his. The same soft one he'd coaxed you with into falling in love with him.
Ah.. That's right, you're the problem here.
"Renjun, th-they don't mean anything-you know that! They're just trying to look out for m-"
"Look out for you? Why? Am I hurting you? Do I make you do things against your will? If anything, Y/n! You're killing me. You're chipping away at my sanity bit by bit! Don't you see??" The exasperated tone Renjun speaks in kills you, your knees feeling weak as it fails to hold your form upright.
"I-i'm sorry, Jun.. I didn't.. I didn't know.." you zone out while speaking.
You're hurting him. He's right, you are hurting him.
Renjun is a sweet guy, a really sweet one for that matter. He always puts your needs and interests before his. Took you to places you'd say you'd always wanted to go to. Got you gifts almost every other day. Stayed at home when you'd seem even a little out of it. Yet, he never asked for anything in return.
All he ever wanted was for you to love him as much as he did.
Of course you're hurting him.
"That's the thing, Y/n.. You never know anything. Do you know how much it hurt me when you actually took their words into consideration? You don't know anything, yet. Just, just hold on until it all makes sense will you? Please, you're killing me.." the last bit came off as a whisper as he kneels down in front of you. Hurt evident on his face as a lone tear escapes from the corner of his eyes.
In a way, Renjun knows the way he's going about dealing with you is wrong. He doesn't want to use brute force trying to get you to come through, he really doesn't. He's been trying to coax you with words and actions solely. He wants you to feel his love for you, and he's pretty sure he's doing a good enough job with that. But with how slow the things have been processing, he may as well resort to force.
You're easy to break. Easy to coax, easy to fool. Renjun noticed so. He knows how easy it is for people to play with you. To play with what belongs to him. Which is why he'd sworn that no matter what, he'd protect you and lead you down the right path. Because obviously, a gullible little girl like you wouldn't know what's good for her.
You stay quiet as he shifts to situate himself right in front of you, shaky arms coming up to cradle your face gently, urging you to look at him, "They don't want you to be happy. Don't you see, doll? They're trying to take away what's keeping you happy. I make you happy, don't i?" his eyes widen comically as he awaits an answer.
"You do," you reply meekly.
He makes you really happy for that matter, excluding episodes that take place as such the one right one, he's done nothing to make you unhappy. Even right now, all of this wouldn't have happened if you'd ignored your 'friends' and never tried voicing it out to him. Because it doesn't make sense. Whatever they'd said doesn't make sense.
He isn't hurting you. You're hurting him.
"Then why would you listen to them? Baby they're trying to take advantage of you. They're trying to keep you all to themselves. They don't want you to be happy. They don't want me to be happy. They don't want us to be happy." you choke back a sob. That makes sense. They're trying to tear the two of you apart. They're trying to get you to make a mistake. They're trying to take Renjun away from you. Of course this makes sense.
They don't want you to be happy. But Renjun does.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jun" you shake, guilt overtaking all of your senses as you mutter apologies after apologies, saying how it was never your intention to hurt him, saying how you'd make sure to never contact those 'friends' again, saying how you'd stay beside him no matter what others say as he rubs his hands around your shoulder in a calming manner.
"I know you didn't mean to hurt me, doll. But you did, didn't you? Will you make up for it, for me?"
You nod your head vigorously, albeit knowing what "making up" entails.
You don't want to stay away from him. But this was an effective method of showing you his worth. Showing you that he's your life line. That he's the one keeping you sane.
That he makes you happy but you managed to hurt the one source of happiness you have.
"When 3 weeks pass, I'll take you to your favorite cafe, hm? I'll feed you all your favorite foods! Buy you a lot of clothes, okay? But I'll need you to behave for me. For just 3 weeks." he coos into your ears.
As you find comfort in his embrace, ignorant to the slight smile playing in his expression as he once again had you playing his games, you let out a sigh, one of relief or defeat, you're not really sure.
But the one thing that you are truly positive about is;
'Ah.. I am the bad guy here. Renjun truly is a really sweet guy'
#☠︎︎ DAY 3 — The Siren and The Sailor— HUANG RENJUN
☾︎ SIREN AU! MENTIONS OF DEATH ☽︎
SPOOKTOBER MASTERLIST
The last thing Renjun felt was the fresh air from above the shore. The sun was still visible to his eyes and the voices of his fellow mates were not muffled. Now, he couldn’t feel those things.
All he could feel was the chilly waters embracing his body. His feet were dragged underwater by the siren he witnessed hours before.
The siren’s tail showed the iridescence of colors as you sang a lullaby with the most beautiful voice he has ever heard. Your voice only echoed in his head, it caused chaos in his head. It brought him to his knees; it brought him to you.
The sailor was about to lose all the oxygen left in him. His body got weaker and weaker. He cannot handle the pressure underwater. He will die and he assumed that’s what you want. However, that wasn’t your case, it wasn’t your intention.
You stopped swimming and faced the sailor. His eyes closed, not being able to open them much further. His clothes float with the waters that you claimed yours.
The sailor was beautiful; he was stunning. Your hand, as cold as the water, caressed his cheek while you slowly leaned closer.
Renjun thought he was going to die. He thought it’s all over for him, so why does he feel like he can breathe again. He opens his eyes with effort and sees you so close to him.
Your pale lips against his as he stared at you with shock. He pushed you away, but you only grabbed his hand once more.
You dragged him to your home. The cave with countless tunnels, one that seemed so endless. It was full of treasures from above the shores, from the humans, treasures from Renjun’s kind. You took a crown from an area of the cave.
Renjun watched you swim around while he stayed there. He was clueless about what to do.
The siren who dragged him underwater gave him oxygen to breathe again, and now you are here swimming around in your cave. You act like he was not there.
You turned to him again before you placed the crown on his head. You clasped his hand and planted a kiss.
Renjun’s heart has relaxed around you and you felt safe with him. However, you know it cannot last as a siren and humans cannot be together.
Your tail showed so many colors and it was the same with your eyes. You looked so stunning and Renjun liked that. You brought his hand to your chest to let him feel your heartbeat.
He looks at you, confused but only sees a sad smile on your pale lips. The next minute, you covered his eyes and when he opened them again hours later, he was back on the shores of his village.
You brought him back, alive and well. Your existence now felt surreal to him. He wondered if he would ever see you again.
gen. dr taglist: @iminchaosnow @glorybeom @staysstrays @tonightletspretend @at-the-end-of-your-letter @jiminismybabymochi
About: Angst, recovery, comfort, semicolon, light humour, sad, Bitter-Sweet, open ending.
Word Count: 4.6k
WARNINGS
Mentions of suicide! Attempt at suicide! (Nothing graphic) Read with caution it gets heavy.
Toxic family relations.
Mentioned bullying.
Reader suffers from depression.
You sat on the thick railing of the bridge, legs dangling high above the moon lit waters. It was truly a beautiful and calming site, so peaceful and pure, the complete opposite of your thoughts.
Up on this bridge you were lost in a trance, trapped in a void of your own thoughts that were empty but at the same time raging.
You failed to notice a presence besides you so you were quite startled when a voice spoke asking you, "Why are you here?"
You blinked once at the pretty who sat next to you before calmly answering him, "To watch the water."
"You're not here to....umm..."
"Join the water?" You asked a small teasing smile creeping on you face and the boy seemed to curl into himself.
"Y-yea that" he stuttered.
"Yea I'm here to join the water." You said and he frowned, "But not today. I'll do that the moment my birthday ends" you said with a smile and he looked at you in awe.
"Leave this world a day after I arrived, won't that be cool?" You asked and he hesitated before nodding.
"It would be cool..." He said slowly sitting up straight.
"So you're here to jump too?" You asked, your words too bold and unfiltered for him.
"Oh- umm I, Y-yea" he stuttered, panicking and you smiled softly again.
"I don't think you will. You seem too cowardly to actually jump...I mean you couldn't even properly ask me if I was going to jump" you said with a shrug while the boy with blond hair (you just noticed) slowly calmed down.
"I am." He said with a small nod, "But I wasn't always scared it's just...." He trailed, biting his lip not sure whether to tell you or not.
"Just what?" you asked eyes innocently curiously, he held his breath for a minute contemplating whether to tell you or not and then sighed, "I used to sneak out and come here every night but every time my younger brother would know I was gone and would always follow me here" he said eyes glistening and you felt entrapped in his sullen gaze.
"And we'd sit here on this bridge every night talking about anything and everything. He was bubbly and carefree but always held onto my hand tightly as if he knew I would jump if he let go. But I could never tell if he knew or not because the only thing that was bluntly visible on his face was his million dollar smile." the boy said with a small twinkle in his eye.
"Where is he now?" You asked and a sad smile made its way to the boy’s soft features.
"He's shining as the brightest star in the sky" he replied, pointing up at no particular star.
"He was sick. Born a sick child, I always knew he was going to go early." the boy said and you felt sorry for him, the way he smiled sadly to himself holding the weight of losing a loved on his lean shoulders.
"I'm so"
"No don't say sorry, he lived a good life" he cut you off and for a few minutes the two of you just sat on the bridge silently, two broken souls.
"What's your name?" You finally asked and he looked hesitant before he spoke, "Huang Renjun"
"Hi Renjun I'm Kim y/n" you said offering him a smile with an enthusiastic wave.
"Hi y/n" he said with a small laugh at your gesture, which he found cute.
"So why do you still come here Renjun?" You asked and Renjun stilled, breathing slowly he spoke "I want to jump. I can't handle life anymore but every time it feels like someone's holding onto my arm..." He trailed off and you felt your heart sink, he lived only because of the memory of his brother.
"Why are you here y/n?" He asked, changing the topic.
"Me? Well...I recently shifted here with my parents. My brother stayed back but it's not like he lived with us. I hated my old school and my entire experience there. It scared me to the point I have an anxiety attack at the thought of going to any school so I'm being home schooled now. Home school isn't better though considering I'm stuck at home with the constant yelling. I'm invisible now almost as if I was never supposed to exist so that's what I'm here to do. To not exist." you said in one go biting your lip nervously at the thought of over sharing but Renjun smiled at you and you felt your nervous heartbeat calm down. You also noticed that he really was a beautiful boy because one small smile on his face looked so captivating to you.
"That's sad... I wish you didn't feel that way" he said earnestly and you felt something close to genuine happiness at that statement for a brief second.
"And I wish I was never born...it's not fair to me" you said with a sigh eyes fixed on the water again. Jumping into it and being lost in its current seemed like the most peaceful and joyful thing in the world to you. The coldness of the water and the darkness of the night wrapped around you like a blanket as you finally let go. It sounded perfect.
"What if you find a reason to live?" Renjun asked interrupting your thoughts and you frowned. There wasn't a reason, there never was going to be and even if there was one reason to live there were thousand other reasons to leave.
"What was your brother's name?" You asked changing the topic. Renjun smiled and simply answered, "Zhong Chenle" without prying any further.
And so you two bonded talking about anything and everything or nothing at all. And every night, like routine you went to the bridge and he was there. And that's how you made your first and probably your last friend.
It was on one of the more cheerful nights when Renjun was animatedly telling you about his baby brothers dolphin laugh and about how contagious it was that it had delayed his cake cutting by fifteen minutes because he couldn't stop laughing that you told Renjun when your birthday was.
"In two weeks!" Renjun exclaimed shocked, a frown plastered on his face.
"Yes in two weeks" you repeated with a small giggle at how cute his flustered self looked.
"But that's so soon" he subconsciously pouted rather cutely.
"Want to join me?" You asked even though you knew his answer.
"I would if I wasn't a coward" Renjun said with a frown and held your hand. "I'll miss you"
"At least someone will" you said with a dead laugh and Renjun frowned, for some reason he was convinced people knew you existed. And maybe they knew but if you didn't want to live it was your choice not theirs.
"My brother's in town and we used to be so close now it's only awkward small talk as if he hates talking to me" you said with a sarcastic laugh but it only sounded like a strangled cry and Renjun put a comforting hand on your shoulder not saying anything.
"And my parents...well they don't talk they yell" you scoffed, "They probably haven't even noticed I live with them by how occupied they are trying to hurt each other"
"And I never had any friends and I wouldn't call the people at my old school my friends...ever. They broke me and said that's just how they are or that I'm being dramatic. It was always just me. I'm always stuck outside as if I was never meant to be and maybe I'm not..." You said a sob escaping your lips after your outed your demons and Renjuns heart broke as he pulled you towards him and hugged you as you silently sniffed.
"Don’t worry you won't go alone, I'll come and say goodbye to you" he whispered in your ear and a small smile made its way to your face, glad that he understood you.
"I'd try to stop you but I know it's stupid to try to stop you when I myself want to jump so bad" he said as he tightened his hold around you and you lay your head on his chest. Renjun wasn't cold like the waters were but being in his embrace still brought you peace.
"How come you're waiting till after your birthday?" He asked you and a small smile made its way to your face, finally a question you wanted to answer. "Because that's the one day the yelling stops and everyone pretends like everything is fine and the one day they notice me. It's the one day I'm everyone's favourite and I want their last memory of me to be a happy one" you said, recollecting those rare happy memories as you listened to Renjuns heartbeat.
"I'll send you away happy too so you'd have one last happy memory too" he said resting his head on yours.
He was so warm but you didn't hate it as much as you did and suddenly the water looked too cold.
And so two weeks started to go by and your nights with Renjun got weirder and weirder, he would either be really talkative or extremely quiet. And not the comfortable quite you were used to, not when everything about his quite presence screamed THINKING LOUDLY. But it didn't bother you for too long.
The day of your birthday went as you predicted. Everyone was smiling and suddenly you were the center of everyone's attention. With fake smiles and happiness and peace that wouldn't last. At least their last memory of you was you smiling right? Maybe they won't feel guilty for too long because you were never supposed to exist. But at the same time you wanted them to hurt the way you did, to regret not being able to save you.
The day went by cheerful and night came, you kissed your parents good night and hugged your brother properly for the first time after he returned. You were pretty sure you shocked him a bit but it was your last good bye. You needed it. He was the one you cared for the most in your family.
Once night fell and you were sure everyone was too tired to care you creeped out towards the bridge walking there quickly in anticipation of Renjuns good bye so you frowned when you realised he wasn't there.
You looked at your phone, 11:45.
He still had fifteen minutes to arrive maybe he'd say goodbye to you then.
But it was soon 11:59 and no one had come onto the bridge other than a stray cat.
You frowned looking at the screen on your phone as tears made its way to your eyes, you were always meant to be die unnoticed and alone.
The numbers on the clock changed from 11:59 to 12:00 and you placed it down on the railing next to you as you leaned over to look at the water.
Stupid Renjun, his warmth made the cold water which you loved before seem too cold. But at least it was dark.
You placed your arms on both sides of the railings and gave yourself a slight push ready to slip and fall off but just then a hand clasped onto your arm and you turned around to look at a red faced Renjun.
"M-my brother used to...” he panted, out of breath and you looked at his pleading eyes worried. “He used to hold onto me and now I'm going to hold onto you" he said, breathing heavily from his run here.
"B-but you said you understood" you yelled anger bubbling inside of you, a frown making its way to your face, how could he stop you just because he was scared.
"I didn't understand two shits." He said sternly, standing up straight. "At first you inspired me and I thought that I'd finally have to courage to jump if I do it with you but then I didn't want to see you go....I already saw Chenle go without being able to do anything for my baby brother who wanted to live and here I was letting you go and thinking of taking my life, a life which Chenle could have never had. What an insult it would have been to his death if his brother who wasn't forced to die took his own life after his baby brother fought so much to live? And you! How could I just sit by and watch you take your life" he yelled as tears threatened to fall.
"So I decided not to come today but I care too much to not show up. So the only thing I can do right now is hold onto your arm to make sure you won't jump while talking about anything and everything until you forget about wanting to jump. Just like Chenle did for me." Renjun said hurriedly and desperately, face turning red and fresh tears falling out of his shining, determined eyes and you felt your heart sink as realisation of how real this situation was. His goal was to talk to you until you forgot why you were here but you just couldn't.
"B-but" you started to reason and Renjun shook his head. "No I'm holding onto you" he said, red eyes shining with a passion to keep you alive and you almost felt touched. Almost. This was supposed to be your escape but now one small boy with the voice of an angle has got you questioning everything? His eyes pleaded with you and he rambled about something that fell deaf to your ears as you glanced at the waters. It looked too cold and suddenly death seemed a bit scarier than before.
You closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath and you let yourself die away in the darkness. As you pressed each emotion you felt way under an invisible weight of the darkness that comforted you, that excited you, that promised you eternal peace. Maybe the water was too cold but the darkness was pulling you in and all it would take was one little push to let it consume you.
But the darkness was snatched away from you as a sudden bright light blinded your vision, it was someone's torch from their phone but you couldn't see who was holding it and neither could Renjun as he squinted trying to not look directly into the light.
"Y/n?" A voice called out and your eyes widened, in recognition.
"D-Doyoung?"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" he yelled pocketing his phone and running to you, yanking you off the railing and onto the pavement of the bridge.
"Are you mad? Why would you do that! What would I do if I lost you? How could you just think of leaving like that!" He yelled at you, tears shamelessly falling out of his eyes. You noticed he looked defeated but you didn't understand why.
"I-I’m sorry" you mumbled feeling obligated to apologise, looking away biting onto you lip hard, more embarrassed than scared that he caught you.
What you didn't know Doyoung’s mind was a whirlwind of regrets and flashbacks. Of hatred for himself for not noticing sooner for not coming to your aid sooner.
For how noisy his mind was to you it was silent. Too silent. He didn't say anything and now you were scared. Scared of what would happen, scared because no matter how much you tried to predict the outcome your mind remained blank.
"Ohhh what would I do if I lost you" he finally said breaking the silence and holding onto you so tight you were surprised none of your bones broke.
"I'm sorry." He broke into a sob, "I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. I'm sorry I didn't take you away from there with me, I'm sorry I didn’t protect you at school. I'm so sorry I couldn't do more. But please don't do this y/n" he pleaded with a broken hopeless voice holding onto you tighter, "You're my baby sister and I won't be able to live with myself if I lost you" he sobbed into your hair holding you close to him and for the first time you felt fear, fear of what would happen if you left Doyoung behind.
"I should have protected you and should have just taken you with me not waited until I could prove to our parents I had money oh god" he continued to cry and it hurt your heart, how could you forget your brother's promise to take you away and protect you and how could you forget your promise to love with him. Live with him. You couldn't hold back either, clinging onto him for life as you cried. All the pain inside you finally breaking lose as you sobbed and sobbed in your brother's arms. And suddenly all the emotions that the darkness hid were out in the open and you felt every emotion all at once and it wasn't a burden like you expected but instead freeing.
The pain from the constant bullying, the neglect, having to deal with your parents fighting and then your brother moving out. You were alone and scared and all the emotions you bottled up came pouring out all at once. You felt faint and light headed but you couldn't stop crying your soul out.
You weren't brave but a coward just leaving without really putting up a fight. You felt yourself shift as Doyoung who had stopped crying slowly sat down with you still held tightly in his arms.
You sat on the cold road, head rested on your brother's chest as you listened to his heartbeat and he caressed you head as your sobs slowly died down. You were tired and might have fallen asleep there if it wasn't for your brother's cold voice startling you back into consciousness.
"Who are you?" your brother's asked tone so cold you would have been scared to be on the receiving end of it and that's when you realised- Renjun!
"Oh I'm her.... Friend?" Renjun questioned more than answered and you smiled at the flustered boy as your brother's eyes critically scanned him.
"He's Renjun" you said pulling away from your brother's embrace deciding to end the trembling boys suffering, "He was brave enough to not join me and even braver to stop me" you said smiling at the said brave boy (who was currently trembling under Doyoungs gaze). Doyoung gave Renjun a curt nod and got up to thank him.
You tried your best to hold in your laughter as you watched them awkwardly shake hands. It was definitely a start of a very awkward relationship.
...
You blinked your eyes open, your head was killing you and you felt like you woke up from a drug induced dream. Last night was all messed up for you and you weren't sure if it was real.
You lay there on your bed feeling drained to the core and empty inside. You felt awful. Like you shouldn't have woken up today morning, yet some part of you was secretly glad.
Your thoughts were interrupted by Doyoung who barged into you room and opened your curtains filling the room with bright light, you squinted, your eyes hurting at the sudden surplus of light but for the first time you were glad it was bright rather than dark as you saw your brother standing against the light, smiling at you.
"Get dressed Renjun should be here soon" he said and marched out of your room before you could react. You forced yourself to sit up, brain still not processing a word he had said.
It was a challenge getting ready, especially since all you wanted to do today was lay in bed but you got ready and walked to the kitchen where Doyoung placed a fresh plate of pancakes in front of you.
You smiled at him, sitting yourself down and digging into your breakfast when you stopped and realised how quite it was
"Ummm Doyoung where are..." You started to ask but Doyoung cut you off, "It's like you forgot last night." He scoffed but there was a very obvious smile on his face as if he was happy. You couldn't understand why he was so happy when all you felt was empty and awful after last night.
"They have gone for couples counselling but honestly I think it'll end in a divorce" Doyoung said it so casually that you sat there with your fork hovering in front of your mouth shocked. "Don’t be so surprised. I know it sucks but I'm old enough to take care of you and I'm taking you away with me this time. Let them sort out their own problems and don’t you dare blame yourself for their failed marriage okay." He said sternly walking towards you and feeding you the pancake himself since you just sat there frozen. "And I know they're kind of messed up but they do love us and they have taken care of us, maybe not emotionally but in...other ways" he said placing a hand on your head and you nodded, dumbfounded. You wanted to say something but didn't know what to say or ask so you just sat there watching him, confused. He smiled at that. Everything was happening so quickly it was still taking you time to process it especially after last nights... whirlwind of emotions.
"You can be mad at them y/n. You can be mad at me. You can be mad at whoever okay. Feel things again." He said placing a soft kiss on your forehead as he walked to answer the door.
When did the doorbell ring?
"Oh Renjun you're here!" You heard him happily exclaim and walk back into the kitchen, followed by a shy Renjun. You looked at Renjun confused but he only gave you a shy smile.
"What's going on?" You asked after you swallowed the food that was in your mouth.
"I'm taking you two for therapy" he said so casually as if he didn't forget to mention that to you and by the looks of it he forgot to tell Renjun too.
"But my parents..."
"Renjun I spoke to them and they agreed to it" Doyoung said interrupting Renjun who seemed to have trouble believing Doyoung as he looked at him accusingly.
"Okay I fought with them and they agreed. Plus they can't stop me all the way from China if you consent to this can they?" Doyoung asked with a smug grin and Renjun looked at him in disbelief.
"What why?" You asked still confused "when did all this happen?"
"I got it all arranged last night." Doyoung casually said again as if he didn't forget to tell the two of you all of this and turned to Renjun, "Would you like some pancakes too?"
Renjun flushed in embarrassment at Doyoungs gaze and you frowned.
"But why are you suddenly so invested in all this" you asked, your tone sounding colder than you intended it to be. You regretted your words when you saw hurt flash through Doyoung’s eyes for a second.
Doyoung’s gave you a wary smile before he spoke, "When I left three years ago I wasn't in a good place. But I met good people and I got help. The three years I avoided coming home was because I took that time to heal. And I feel selfish for leaving you but I hope you'll one day understand that I needed to be stronger to take care of you. So that's what I'm doing now."
"Why are you taking me too then?" Renjun asked, eyes downcast, looking disappointed. What you didn't know was that he was disappointed. Someone else was going to take the burden of taking care of him and he didn't like that. He didn't like being a burden. He burdened his parents so much that they left him and now the same thing was going to happen with the only nice people he knew. He was beyond disappointed.
"Because you need help. I have a friend in uni, his name is Lee Taeyong." A small smile made its way to Doyoung’s face, "He helped me out in ways no one else would. He took care of me and he made sure I was okay, he genuinely cared for me even though I wasn't very nice to him. At first I found him annoying but now he's one of the most important people in my life and I don't think I would ever be able to live without him, don't tell him that though. But the thing is he came to me and helped me I didn't go to him, so now I'm going to help you no matter how much you feel like you don't deserve it Renjun. No matter how annoying you think I am." Doyoung said, stubbornness shining in his eyes and Renjun stood there shocked and taken back.
"I also knew your brother" Doyoung said shocking Renjun for the second time in the past five minutes, "He was a child prodigy at SM University, musical talents unlike any other, he was so young and so week but so jovial. His parents loomed over him taking praises given to the kid as their own but that young boy couldn't care less about them. The only thing he would talk about was his brother waiting at home for him, his brother that took care of him, who played with him, who protected him from the monsters in the closet. He spoke about his brother that held his hand when his heart hurt. He spoke about how when he was sick the medicines could never put him to sleep the way his brothers voice would." Tears made their way to Renjuns eyes as memories of everything Doyoung had mentioned came flooding into his mind but he held them back, too stubborn to let them fall.
"Every time he came he would tell us about how handsome his brother was and how talented his brother was. He would brag about how he wanted to spend his whole life being this faceless boys little brother." Renjun sniffed, roughly wiping away his tears before they could leave his eyes as he looked at Doyoung who continued to speak. "I owe it to him, a small kid that really gave me a different view and perspective on life to take care of this amazing brother" Doyoung finished speaking and Renjun broke into a sob, turning away and hiding his face. You got up from where you were seated and walked to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulder from behind, hugging him. Your heart broke every time he shook because of a sob. And that's when you knew, you knew you didn't want to continue like this. This beautiful boy deserved a happy life and so did you. You may feel like shit right now but you were going to change that and you were going to help the blond headed boy who stopped you from taking your life genuinely smile too.
"It's going to be a long journey and I know the two of you feel like it would never get better but it will. And I'll be there for the both of you during that time" Doyoung said sincerely and you looked at Renjun who looked at you through teary but hopeful eyes. You brought your hand up to Renjuns face, wiping a tear away as you felt his fingers interlock with your free hand and smiled. He smiled back at you, eyes still shining with fresh tears and you looked at Doyoung who stood at the side with an unreadable expression (but you could make out the hint of pride on his face) and you gave him a single, sharp nod. "We're going to get better." You looked at Renjun, "We're going to move forward"
"We'll take baby steps"
This is the first time I've written something so heavy so feedback would really be appreciated.
Let me know about your thoughts on this story.
It took a long while to come to a final story line/plot and even longer for me to want to post this.
He was never good for me. Most nights were spent crying or overthinking.
I was in love with the idea of him.
I made myself fall in love with the idea of him, 'cause I knew that I'd never love his reality. He was one of those people that you really want in your life, the type you would constantly wish for to be ‘the one,’ and though I knew that he wasn’t...
I still wanted him to be.
It started off easy, waking up in the middle of the night, sneaking out and riding his black sports car - drifting off somewhere where we’d find ourselves intoxicated with each other. He would kiss my knuckles and rub my skin, comforting every single bit of me that needed warmth. He knew exactly what he was doing, even the way he’d place my hands on his chest to feel the fastening of his heart beat.
I thought that was love, so I built myself in a world where he was just like that. The perfect guy that loved me better than anyone else.
So when he started drifting away, I ignored it because I envisioned him drifting back. In my head he was too in love with me to let me go, but in reality he was falling out of us - whatever we were.
In reality he wasn’t in love with me anymore, and what’s more dumb was the fact that I knew, I knew it right away but I was too in love with the imaginary version of him, to the point where I didn’t want to let go of the real one.
Then one day it all ended.
That was when reality slapped me across the face and reminded me that I should never fall in love with a person’s potential. Fall in love with the way that they are.
Sometimes we have to make the decision that’ll break our heart but bring peace to our soul.
An awkward sound left bestfriend!Renjun’s mouth as he leaned against the kitchen island, a cup of hot tea in his hands. His eyes averted from yours, his face twitching in discomfort from your words.
‘I’m in love with you, Renjun.’
His unenthusiastic response made your heart fall. When you took a step towards him, and his knee-jerk reaction was to step backward even though he couldn’t, it told you the depths of your mistake. “R-Renjun, -- “
“Uh, please don’t come any closer.” He stumbled on his words, his hand darting out to stop you. His physical distaste for your words made you regret everything, maybe you really should've just kept it to yourself.
“Renjun, please -- I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore, it hurt too much.” He scoffed and rolled his eyes as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking. His thoughts were zooming around his mind at light speed, and while he felt guilty because he knew he probably hurt you in the process of being your friend, the most apparent thought was the disbelief that you would tell him when he was in love with someone else, and happy with them.
“It couldn’t have hurt that much, since you kept it to yourself for so long.” He put his cup down, crossing his arms together instead. You shook your head, your emotions filling your eyes. “It hurt though! It hurt so much! But I just...I just couldn’t handle it anymore! After all these yeas...they just, spilled over.”
“Well, you should’ve kept them to yourself. You really picked the perfect time to tell me.” He raised his voice a little, dripping in sarcasm, getting annoyed at your emotions. He loved you, he did. But your sudden springing of emotion towards him confused him, it angered him; why now? Why when I’m with someone? Was all he could think of. You laughed, wiping the dripping tears off your face. “It’s not that easy, Renjun.”
“Oh please,” he sneered, “You’re being over dramatic.”
“Is it over dramatic that I love you?” You sobbed, not paying attention to your surroundings. A sudden soft gasp caught both you and Renjun’s attention, and you felt your blood still as his girlfriend stood behind you, a small hand over her mouth. Her eyes turned red and glanced at Renjun, not staying long enough for him to explain.
“Wait, baby -- “ But she didn’t listen to him. She took off, grabbing her coat hastily and sliding into her shoes before rushing out the door. The air was cold and frozen between you and Renjun. Neither of you could comprehend what just happened, but your first reaction was to apologize, but Renjun’s icy words were the first sound in the empty air.
“Get out. Now. Don’t even fucking look back, Y/n.” He spat.
And you listened. You’d never seen eyes like the ones he looked at you with. Filled with such betrayal and hurt, pure pain. You supposed that was another one of the looks that he only gave to you. But, you didn’t really feel happy to have it.
