Okay so I've been talking about asoiaf characters with my brother (who hasn't read the books or seen the show, but who knows everything thanks to his annoying sister), and today it was Loras Tyrell's turn. So basically I spent an hour yapping about honour and chivalry, about how deeply he loved Renly (here I spent 15 minutes insulting Stannis btw even if I secretly like him a bit) and how deeply affected he was when Renly died, but how he kept going just for his family's sake. I talked about his joining the kingsguard and about "when the sun has set no candle can replace it" and how after all that he had to stand Cersei fucking Lannister insulting him and Renly. And, after an hour of listening patiently he says,
"So bro took 'love your King' way too seriously and now he listens to Adele"
...and I just couldn't say it wasn't like that cause it is and that's Loras Tyrell for you guys.
Okay but when I listen to the song "Fix you" by Coldplay I can't help but imagine Loras after Renly's death
It just makes me so sad :(
And like it's Margaery singing that she wished she could help her brother feel alive again...
"When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse"
Basically Loras being a REALLY successful knight (joining the Kingsguars at such a young age), but not being enough...
"And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"
It's so obvious how deeply affected he was after Renly's death... It just breaks my heart :(
"Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face, and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face, and I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you"
The rest is just Margaery being a great sister who feels bad for her broken-hearted brother... But after Loras made sure his family would be okay and securing their hold on the iron throne, he didn't have any more reasons to live, so he went on the half-suicide mission to Dragonstone (a place he also associated with the man who killed Renly), WHERE HE SUCCEEDED, but barely survived...
Renly and Loras break up a mere few months after signing a two year lease on an apartment. To avoid having to face their families with the failure of their relationship, they decide to stay friends and keep leaving together. This would be a whole lot easier if they were actually over each other.
Efforts to coexist with and move on from each other result in disaster. This is a post break-up slow burn about two people who refuse to accept that they still love each other. In an effort to prove he's over Loras, Renly starts sleeping with other people, which ignites the competitive spirit in Loras in addition to jealousy.
“I can’t do this anymore, Renly! It’s your family and reputation or me! You have to fucking choose!” Loras screamed from across the room, fists clenched and jaw set. His hair flew everywhere, wild and frizzy without product. Renly, too, was disheveled, hair out of place and dark eyes as cold as Loras’ were fiery-light. There were pillows and clothing strewn about the room, the few framed photos the two had of each other broken against the wall. They had been fighting for hours, and despite the vein pulsing in Renly’s neck and the way Loras seemed poised to throw a punch, their shoulders had started to droop with exhaustion.
“You know I can’t do that! I get that you want to be my priority, but right now my career has to be the biggest thing. I love you, but we’ve been having this fight for months.” Renly’s voice wasn’t loud, though he was angry. His muscles were taught, contained like a spring ready to snap. But beneath that lurked defeat. This was a fight he knew he had already lost.
Loras sighed deeply, slumping a little, mouth falling. “Then I guess we’re over, huh?” he said quietly.
Renly sighed too, frowning, and said, “Yeah, I guess we are.”
Shaking his head, Loras stood there for a few more minutes. His face was still tense, as if he were waiting for Renly to say something else. His lower lip trembled the way it did when he wanted something he couldn’t have, as if he were about to throw one of the tantrums he was famous for. The fury had faded and been replaced by a sort of disbelief that was matched on Renly’s face.
After staring at each other for a few minutes, waiting for the other to move, Loras stormed off to their bedroom and slammed the door. Seconds later, loud music played on the stereo and Renly couldn’t hear the noise he was sure Loras was making.
Renly’s hands shook as he poured himself a shot of bourbon. Downing it in one swallow, heart pounding, his eyes were dry. There was a numb sort of feeling, a pressure growing in his chest that Renly just wasn’t used to, like it was constricted. Renly had gone through break ups before, but never with people who’d mattered as much as Loras. Renly had spent his life denying himself the right to feel vulnerable, looking up as he had to Robert and Stannis. He swallowed hard, took a few deep breaths, and thought he might cry.
He poured himself another shot, moved to knock it back but hesitated. Shot glass still in his hand, he stumbled to the couch and fell into it. Renly looked around at the destruction wreaked by their hours-long fight. The normally tidy apartment was a wreck, broken glass and Renly’s clothes on the ground where Loras had thrown them. The two of them hadn’t vacuumed or swept in days, and the leaf-green carpet was dusty and the pastel-yellow couch unkempt.
After a half hour of sitting in silence and shock, listening to Loras’ muffled swears and sobbing under the sound of the Adele he was blasting to mask the noise. He took a deep breath, set the shot glass on the mahogany coffee table, and called Brienne.
“Bri? We broke up,” he said, already up and putting on his coat one-handed. He sat in his car for a few minutes, shaking gently before he could properly start his car and start to drive.
*******
By the time Renly arrived on Brienne’s doorstep, his hair somehow looked lank. Jaime was leaving, looking smug and superior and walking with a swagger.
“Well, well, Baratheon, don’t you look nice. I see you’re the reason Brienne kicked me out of her bed so quickly,” he said, sneering.
“Fuck off, Jaime. I’m not in the mood,” he muttered, avoiding the Lannister’s eyes. Jaime stared him down, willing him to say something, to rise to his bait. Since he had started dating Brienne, fiery hatred had cooled to steely hostility, then warmed to a neutral sort of snarky banter. They could have good fun with each other, though both would deny it, but Renly wasn’t up for Jaime’s attitude. When it didn’t work, the blond shrugged and walked down the steps to his car. With a screech, he tore off down the street, rap music blaring out the open window.
Once Lannister’s noise had receded, Renly knocked on the door again. It was a nice place that Brienne lived, half of a duplex rented from the Starks. It was private, and had a yard, in a quiet enough neighborhood just outside the city. Painted a faint blue, with dark shutters and a lawn that was clean despite how young the people who lived there were. The apartment itself, despite its small size and unassuming furnishings, was immaculately clean. Brienne’s car, parked on the street, was sensible and small. As the door open to reveal his best friend, Renly shakily thought that perhaps Brienne was the only voice of reason in his life.
The door swung open to a blushing Brienne, still buttoning up her boyish collared shirt. Renly raised an eyebrow. “At least one of us had fun today,” he said wryly, looking at his feet. He was not crying, not even shaking anymore, but Brienne looked worried all the same. Quickly, she ushered him inside, bustling him to the couch and sitting next to him to listen. Renly didn’t say anything, just sat in silence, hands clasped in is lap.
Sitting on Brienne’s lumpy brown couch, Renly hunched his shoulders, seeming to curl in on himself. His steady breaths became shuddering, and sitting quietly on Brienne’s couch in Brienne’s humble but spotless apartment, Renly crumbled. He shut his eyes tightly, and Brienne wrapped an arm loosely around his shoulders. He hiccupped a few sobs, quiet and brief and restrained. She waited for him to say something, a silently comforting presence at Renly’s side as he regained control of his emotions.
Once he had quieted and managed to look up at her, face red and pinched, Brienne sighed and stood up. Holding out her hand for Renly to take, she said, “Would you like some coffee? I know it normally makes you feel better.”
“Yeah, actually. I think that’d be good. I drank two shots before I came here,” Renly said, looking sheepishly at her. He took her hand and stood up, but didn’t let go until they reached the kitchen and Brienne pulled it away to get the things together for coffee.
“So. What happened?” she asked briskly as she hustled around clumsily. It was not in Brienne’s nature to be coddling or too nurturing, which suited Renly perfectly. Like the rest of her house, Brienne’s kitchen was homey but meticulously clean, styled with dark, masculine colors.
“You can guess what happened. He told me to choose between him and my reputation, my family, my career. I wasn’t paying him enough attention, I didn’t want to meet his parents. He wanted to be my top priority, and I couldn’t give him that. Moving in with him wasn’t enough,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. Renly stared at the floor, looking uncomfortable. In order to distract himself, he went about getting himself a mug for the coffee Brienne had started to brew with her French press.
“Renly, I told you this would happen! I told you this would end in disaster, but you wouldn’t listen!” Brienne said, a sigh in her voice, as Renly slammed the cabinet door shut. He held out his mug for Brienne to make him a coffee, and with a roll of her eyes, she took it without another word. While she poured, she watched Renly out of the corner of her eye. With not a small amount of regret, she noted his slumped shoulders and tired face. She was one of maybe two people in the whole world who had ever seen him without a mask.
Brienne handed him his coffee, then leaned against the counter and waited for him to say something. Renly was silent, sipping his coffee for a few minutes. He avoided her eyes, stared at the floor and seemed a little bit smaller than normal.
“I thought I could make it work, Brienne. I thought I could convince him to stay,” Renly said, his voice quiet, eyes still resting anywhere but on his best friend. She stared at him hard, penetrating as if she was reading his mind. She knew him better than anyone, had fallen in love with him and grown up. She had been there when he met Loras, dazzled and starry-eyed like she had never seen him. He had been caught off guard, nervous and stuttering and utterly charmless. It had taken Renly months to ask him out, to come to terms with his feelings. Brienne had spent countless mornings just like this, drinking coffee and talking.
Commitment had always been the problem. Brienne had known Renly for years, knew that there was nothing he feared more than being abandoned besides caring about someone. “Renly, I’m really not sure you wanted it to work. Loras wanted things to be considerably more serious than you were ready for,” she said, finishing her coffee. She set the mug in her stainless steel sink, scrubbed spotless like the rest of her kitchen.
Suddenly angry again, Renly slammed his mug against the marble counter, milky coffee sloshing over the rim. “How dare you?” he hissed, and Brienne flinched, rubbing her temples. “Brienne, I am stuck in this apartment for another year and ten months. You think I would have signed a lease if I didn’t want to be with him? I’m fucking stuck!”
“You can’t stay in that place, Renly! He’s your ex!” Brienne exclaimed, voice louder than she meant.
“Unless I ask my brothers for money, I can’t break the lease! You know how important being independent from them is! We were friends before we were together, and we’ll figure out how to be friends after. We’ll have to,” he said, jaw still set. He was grinding his teeth, face twisted into a grimace.
“That is a disaster waiting to happen, Renly, and you know it. But you’re stubborn, I know I can’t change your mind,” she said, sighing deeply. “Do you want something to eat? Jaime’s coming back not too long from now, but you’re welcome to stay.”
“No, thanks. Seeing Lannister again is the last thing I want directly after breaking up with my boyfriend of five years,” he said, sighing. He gave her a small smile, but it was weak and wan. It dropped from his face before long. “He’ll be spending the night at Margaery’s, more like than not. He’ll have left shortly after I did. It’ll be safe to sleep there tonight, either in our bed or on the couch. I’ll manage.”
“If you’re sure, Renly. You’ve been drinking, are you okay to drive home? I can give you a ride,” she offered, taking Renly’s mug and putting it in the sink. While Renly watched guiltily, she took a rag and wiped the coffee he had spilled. Her manner and voice were still firm and devoid of any needling, but she masked a deep concern for Renly that both of them knew was there.
“I’m fine, you know me. My tolerance is much higher than two shots of bourbon, Brienne.” Renly shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out his car keys. “Thanks for the coffee, I’m gonna go.” He lifted himself up off the counter and approached Brienne with another wan smile. She hugged him, tall enough that he couldn’t tuck her head under his like he did most everyone else. For a moment they stood there, Renly steadying himself and breathing deeply. They rested their heads on each other’s shoulder before he pulled away again with a wider smile.
“Okay. Bye, Renly. Call me if you need anything,” she said, smiling at him. He waved at her and headed for the door, giving another small smile before she closed the door behind him.
When Renly got home, his boots fell heavy on the stairs and the door closed with a slam. If Loras were still here, he deserved warning that Renly was returning, but the lights were off and the broken glass had been tidied. Their shared apartment had not been a totally welcoming place by the end, but it had never felt colder to Renly than it did now. With a great huff, he threw the lights on, threw the curtains open, and turned his stereo to cheerful pop music. He made himself some tea and settled on the stiff couch with his laptop, settled in to try to get work done to distract himself.
He barely succeeded, ended up looking at the same page for hours with no progress, and fell asleep slouched in the cushions of the couch near two in the morning.
*******
By the time Loras snuck in quietly the next morning, Renly had roused and was brewing coffee. Habit had him brewing enough for two, and he offered one wordlessly to Loras before he could slump off unheard to their bedroom. With his arrival, the apartment seemed to shrink. What once had been spacious became cramped and claustrophobic.
Loras looked like he’d been stricken, seeing Renly in the kitchen moving around like he had every day since they had moved in. Hesitantly, as if he expected Renly to have poisoned the mug, he accepted it and took a small sip.
“Sorry, I know you were probably expecting me to not be here. Jaime Lannister was staying the night with Brienne, so…” Renly said, trailing off and shrugging helplessly. The two of them stood facing each other on other opposite sides of the room, sipping their coffee. They moved slowly around the room, looking wary of the other as if facing a dangerous animal. Neither wanted to be the first to speak; neither wanted to start fighting again, but both expected the other to start yelling.
Loras merely shrugged and sipped his coffee. After a minute, Renly set his coffee aside and crossed his arms. Renly raised an eyebrow, waved his hand in frustration, and spoke again. “Not gonna say anything? You know that’s gonna make coexisting a little difficult, right?” he said. When Loras looked surprised but still said nothing, Renly huffed and turned around. Being ignored bothered Loras like almost nothing else; it challenged his pride and ego in a way he could not stomach. Renly went about cleaning up the coffee machine and used grounds, humming softly to himself.
“Fuck, Renly! Don’t do that! Coexist? What do you mean, coexist?” Loras yelled, arms crossed over his chest, looking thunderous. Renly sighed, shook his head, making a show of being a little angry at Loras’ outburst. He didn’t turn around just yet, and instead hid a small fond smile by pushing the coffee maker out of the way before he turned around.
“Are you planning on asking your grandmother for money to break the lease you just signed? After all that blustering about how we were making a mistake, you’re planning on telling her she was right all along?” Renly said, raising an eyebrow. Loras, who’d looked like he was building up a tirade, released a breath like a balloon releasing a lot of hot air. He pouted, hunched in defeat as he avoided Renly’s eyes by looking around the room.
“We just broke up, Ren.” Loras frowned, eyes suspiciously wet as he collapsed in a heap on the couch. Renly had spent a few hours in the morning tidying, and the living room now looked like it had when they were happy together. Their shoes were piled unceremoniously next to the door, books sat haphazard on the coffee table, receipts poking out where their owners had last left off. The soft yellow curtains were open to the sun and blankets knitted by Loras were piled on the otherwise stiff-looking couch. The room looked like they had just last night cuddled up on the couch for a movie instead of screaming themselves hoarse.
Renly sighed, running a hand through his hair, and nodded. Loras wore his emotions on his face, with no hope of hiding them. Renly had never hid himself from Loras until now, steeling his eyes and setting his jaw so his ex-boyfriend wouldn’t know that this upset him just as much. It took him a minute before he spoke, before he could be sure his voice wouldn’t shake just a little.
“I know. But unless one of us asks our family for money, we can’t break the lease,” Renly said firmly. He stared at Loras for a moment, as emotionless as he could manage, before sighing and moving to sit on the coffee table opposite him. He gave Loras a small, sad smile, patted him on the knee, and waited while he took deep steadying breaths to keep himself from crying.
“I guess,” Loras said quietly, whispering to keep the emotion out of his voice.
“I can keep staying on the couch, it doesn’t bother me. I’ll just go into the bedroom to get clothes and shit. We were friends before all this, right? We can be friends again. Right?” There was a slightly desperate quality to Renly’s voice. Loras was one of the only people Renly trusted, and his voice took on a slightly pleading quality when he contemplated the thought of losing him completely.
Loras smiled a little and nodded, though he looked somewhat unsure. He curled his feet under him on the couch, sniffing a little and pulling a blanket over his legs.
“Friends, yeah. We’ll make this work. But we can share the bed, trade nights on and off. Not fair to make you live out here,” Loras said, swiping his curls off his face and giving Renly another watery smile.
“I’m gonna take a nap in the bed. Didn’t sleep well last night,” Renly said, and stood up from the dark wood coffee table. Loras nodded and tucked himself with the red knitted blanket, shivering in his thin jersey pajama shirt. Renly dropped his eyes to it, knowing it was huge on him, knowing Loras had stolen it from him one weekend Renly had gone on a business trip. He’d said the shirt smelled like him and his cologne, though Renly was sure that smell had faded. For just a moment, his heart ached and when Renly looked back up into Loras’ brown eyes, he found the same dulled pain reflected back.
“Goodnight, Ren,” Loras said softly, and Renly nodded. He found himself jerking forward, habit forcing him to lean down to kiss Loras on the forehead. With a small grunt, he stopped himself and left for bed, closing the door a little too hard behind him.
Once he had gone, Loras let out a long, shuddering breath. If a few tears escaped, they were few and small enough that he could pretend they hadn’t. Cursing under his breath, Loras curled himself tighter under his blanket. In the back of his mind, he could hear his sister’s voice scolding him for not finding another place to live. Renly and him may have broken up the day before, but he was not under any delusions that meant they’d just stopped being in love overnight.
Pushing the thought out of his mind, Loras shut his phone off to ignore Margaery’s forthcoming questions. He wiped one last tear from his cheek and turned the television on.
renly hates sugary tea, but he loves that loras takes his that way because it means his kisses are even sweeter.
”How many scoops are you going to put in that?”
Loras rolled his eyes and gently swung his elbow back, catching Renly’s side as he stood tucked up against him from behind. “As many as I’d like.”
Renly rested his head on Loras’ shoulder and watched the many spoonfuls of sugar fall into the large mug of black tea. The action was a bit hypnotizing, and Renly stayed where he was until Loras had finished prepping his tea, a large amount of milk joining the sugar until the liquid vaguely resembled toffee.
”I don’t get how you can put so much sugar in there,” Renly said, pulling away just enough so Loras could turn around in his arms.
Holding the mug between both hands, Loras cradled it close to his chest and gently blew on the top, accepting a good morning kiss on the cheek. “Sugar makes the mornings easier to handle,” Loras explained. He still looked half asleep despite having been up for more than an hour. Eyes hooded and puffy and hair still a tangled, curly mess, he looked a bit like a disgruntled owl.
Renly thought it adorable.
”I take sugar in my coffee but not in tea,” he explained as Loras finally took a sip. “Although I love how you put so much sugar in.”
He moved in for a slow, careful kiss, relishing the way Loras’ lips were still hot from the tea. When they parted Loras looked a bit more awake and aware, and Renly couldn’t help but go in for another, this one longer and deeper. It tasted of sugar.
”Why?” Loras asked when they parted again.
”Why what?”
”Why do you like that I put far too much sugar in my tea?”
Renly grinned. “Because it makes your kisses that much sweeter.”
Loras returned the smile, gentle and sweet and unassuming, before he gently smacked Renly upside the head. “Bloody ponce,” he joked, grinning as he moved in for another kiss.
In a perfect world where love overcomes strength. But we don't live in that world ... v.2
All the tragic couples whose love caused a war or was used as an excuse to start one and whose heirs paid the price, and those who simply were not meant to be and others whose death caused the other to lose all sanity. AnakinxPadme, FrancisXMary (Reign semi AUhistorical), Henry VII x EOY, Edward IVxElizabeth, EllariaxOberyn, Katherine of Aragon x Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn x Henry VIII, Katherine Parr x Tom Seymour,Richard III x Anne Neville, Elizabeth X Mary (sisters/friendship), RenlyxLoras, Anne Stanhope x Edward Seymour, Tom x Anne Stanhope, Margaret x Henry (mother/son relationship), Mary Tudor x Philip of Bavaria, Greer x her true love (Reign).
