#resleep

[sanders-sides-ghosts]

Parts 1 & 2 of me drawing every possible ship for this au 😋

[fakeloveaskblog]

I just think they all deserve some rest after everything they’ve been through. that’s all. there’s a lil drawing of Janus in a cute hairstyle and a random design for a Logan in another au under the cut

[remusbush]

Remy has been gone for 37 days!

So I guess it’s time to talk about the actual plot to the Fake love AU (the drawings for the AU can be found here: 1 2 3 4 5)

Okay so Janus is the main character and there are a shitton of Jan ships in this (Yes I made a chart). So Jan finally moved out of his toxic household a few months ago and moved to a new town. Now he’s an awkward lonely librarian with a huge gay crush for his coworker Logan bc hey he has been in the closest for the past 22 years of his life he’s gonna be gay for any cute guy he sees.

Only problem is that Jan has 0 self esteem and is sure no one will ever want him....And also Logan (he/they/starself, poly, bi) is married to Patty (she/her trans, poly, bi) so Jan is 100% he has 0 chance. HE’S A FOOL! Lo has been flirting with him for months!!!

So Jan is out sulking and drinking one night and he sees a pretty guy sitting alone in the corner. Maybe if Jan wasn’t wasted he would realize they guy was crying but now instead he goes up and slurs out

“Hey wanna go to couples counseling and see how long it takes until the counselor realize we don’t know each other?”

The guy goes along with it. The guy is Remus (he/him, trans, gay, ace) 

So they starts meeting up once every second week to go to Dr. Picani and these bitches have a great time screwing with Picani and every time once the session is done Jan wants to spend more time with Remus but he’s too anxious to ask. This is the closest thing he’s ever had to friendship. He doesn’t wanna ruin it by being pushy.

Also Jan and Rem meets Remy (disabled gay enby) at the conselour bc their therapy session is always right before or right after the guy’s counseling session. Both Janus and Remus fall head over heels for them bc the Remy charm is unstoppable. All while Jan starts having feelings for Remus too. (Sadly Remy already has a boyfriend and they are very defensive about him)

So now Janus has 3 crushes on 3 different people. Will Janus stop being a gay dumbass? Will we learn anything about Remus’ past?? Will Remus’ famous chaotic lesbian twin come into town? WHERE THE FUCK IS VIRGIL IN ALL OF THIS???

Learn all that and more in the Fake Love AU!!

(btw here’s the shipping chart)

[fakeloveaskblog]

Songs as ships in this AU

Let’s get the obvious out of the way. All of Janus’ romances in this AU is just Jenny by Studio killers being played over and over agan more intense each time

Logan x janus: Lonely eyes by The front bottoms 

Remus x Janus: No eyed girl by Lemon Demon 

Logan x Patty: Isn't it love from the Steven Universe movie

Remy x Virgil: Violence by Frank Iero and The future violents

Remy x Remus: You stupid bitch by Girl in red

Remy x Janus: Like sexy dynamite by The orion experience

Bonus:

Janus x Remus x Remy: Susie save your love by Allie X ft Mitski (and also The cure by Lady gaga)

[fakeloveaskblog]

Aaah, don't shoot me! Don't know who to ask this of. Eh, first of all Logan! Remus doesn't hate you, he said so himself, he's just… there's no way to sugarcoat this, he's in denial. (Heavy denial, I'm worried about him.) Btw Janus! Janus, how's that hangout date with Remus and Remy turned out? (Plz give good news, plz give me good news…)

(This is technically part 2 of the amusement park thing but part 1 isn’t necessary to have read to get this part)

(Words: 3352)

Logan: "You certaintly isn't the only one who is worried about Remus"

He looked over to the passenger seat where Janus sat. He'd come to pick him up from the hangout over half an hour ago but they hadn't even left the parking lot yet.

"Especially after tonight"

Janus let out a low mhm in agreement "Well the hangout....happened...That's for sure.....after”

After they’d gotten out from the tunnel of love they decided to go to that restaurant Janus had seen with the big fake snake outside. Jan ordered an egg soup. Remus put a gastronomical amount of salt on his sausages (that had been cut to look like snakes). Remy just had a plain black coffee.

“Mongooses are actually really good at killing snakes. Like the best. they even are resistant to the venom” Remus ranted while making the snake sausages look like they were fighting.

“I am now very afraid of mongooses. Thanks” Janus replied sarcastically.

Remus kept info dumping about animal biology. His friend listened intently but he couldn’t help but notice the way Remy was staring at him. They took off their sunglasses and squinted at him.

“Wait. Top tier information octobabe, but girl what the fuck” They interrupted.

Remy leaned across the table and grabbed onto the collar of Janus’ shirt. They pulled him close and squinted again.

“Girl are those hickeys on your neck???”

Janus went as red as a tomato factory “no I-”

Remy looked at between Janus and Remus repeatedly with wide eyes “What the FUCKING HELL where you two doing in the tunnel of love???”

“No!! We uh we no”

“If I was going to do anything to his neck I would have grown fangs and ripped his blood veins out” Remus replied. 

“Well I trust that” Remy burrowed their eyes into the flustered fool “Okay gal what happened?”

Janus panicked “Well darling it was just a run in with the vacuum cleaner!! Nothing more! I am still new to this whole living alone thing”

Remy glanced to remus to give him a look about how obvious the lie was, but he was too busy playing with the snake sausages.

“Girl just spit it out- if you want to- who was it????” They tapped the table “W H O??? I gotta get the tea! I will like tots die without it!!”

He dragged in his yellow gloves while looking down at the floor. “Well he has said I am allowed to tell you about it whenever I want to. So uhh” He glanced up at his crushes and let up into a small anxious smile “Logan is my boyfriend!”

Remus droppe the snake sausages. He stared at him. Something in his chest hurt. It hurt really really bad. Like someone had taken their hand right through his skin and pulled out his organs. He didn’t know why. He didn’t understand it at all, but it hurt. 

Remy grimaced. They got ready to snark out some vicious insults about how much of a whiny bitch Logan was. But then they saw the way Janus was glancing down at the table, the way his eyes were filled with a kind of happiness they’d never seen from him before, they way his smile was shining of warmth.

“He makes me feel so beautiful” Janus murmured.

All of the insults died on Remy’s tongue. They sunk in on themself. If they weren’t such a bad person they would have been happy his crush was happy.

“I- well uh girl you’re- I mean” Remy fake coughed.

This wasn’t like them. They were so stupid. They leant their elbows on the table and leaned their chin on their hands. They forced a smile.

“Well Logie was poly right? So like girl are you like poly too then? ‘cause like it would be real sad for all of the single people- not me!!- but others if a snack like you got taken”

“We haven’t fully decided to which degree of openness we’re both comfortable having the relationship be but we are definitely poly yes. I enjoy seeing him guide me through how poly works. He’s like a teacher but if the teacher was in my age range and also really p- Where was I?”

“You were being a fucking dork” Remy replied. Remus had crashed his head against the table and was muttering under his breath. The enby patted him on his fluffy hair.

“Ah right. Just like usual then”

The two of them blinked at each other for a while. It was just a bit awkward. 

“So how big is Logie’s di-”

Janus stood up so fast the chair fell down behind him. In an instant he’d turned bright red “I need to go powder my nose actually!! Good evening fellas!!”

He spun around and pretty much sprinted to the restrooms. The Rems did an accidentally synchronized sigh.

“Log is definitely big. Asshole guys always tend to have massive dongs” Remus muttered. 

“True wisdom babe!” They shot their arms out “I just don’t like get it! JanJan could have gotten like anyone in the whole like world- EXcept for me of COUrse!!- and he like chooses Logan???? What the fuck??? What the absolute fuck????”

“He could have chosen cannibalism and it would have been a better choice” Remus agreed.

“Exactly!!!”

They both sighed again. Remus picked up the snake sausages from the floor and just fucking stuck them somewhere into his fluff hair to eat later.

“....At least Logan is making him happy” He mumbled.

“Well we could have made him happy too!”

They looked at each other for a moment. They both broke up into a flutter of fake chuckles.

“Platonically happy I mean”

“Yeah obviously!! What else??? Sexually???”

“Logan sure has that taken care of I guess. I bet he sweats a lot! He can’t be good at everything!”

“YEAH! Get him!! Fight fight! Babe we’re tots gonna like mown him down an-” Remy quickly shut their mouth “Oh shit Jan is coming back. Act natural!”

“Uhhh so did you know that elephants is the only mammal with 4 entire kneecaps???” Remus babbled out.

Remy nodded along in an overly enthusiastic way “Mhm mhm. Cool cool. Hear you babe. Elephants are just soooo in right now, you know how it is”

Janus had been trying to stim his flusterness out but his cheeks were still pink from blush. He stayed standing by the table. He did an awkward little wave.

“Do you two perhaps want to go do something else?”

“Like each other” Remus joked back. 

“NO!”

His cheeks went right back to red. The Rems high fived each other like true bros over an epic joke.

“I was referring to some other ride-” Remus got a mischievous grin on his lips but Jan cut him off before he could even start speaking “No innuendos! Or I will go back into my primal form and swallow you both whole-”

“Swallow huh” Remy fluttered their eyelashes.

“This is it. I’m becoming a cocoon again. I am going back into the deep endless forest and you shall never see me again”

Janus put on an overly extra pout before turning to leave. The Rems quickly hurried along. Remus shoved some more snake sausages into his hair before following along.

Remus poked in Jan’s cheek before pointing over to the big Ferris wheel “How about trying that one? If we’re lucky it’ll detach and roll into the ocean”

“Hmm I’m unsure” he glanced over to Remy “It is quite high up. I wouldn’t want anyone afraid of that sort of thing to have to worry”

The enby patted his shoulder “Aww JamJan. Don’t you worry, I know I’ll be like tots alright if you’re here”

That comment made Janus’ cheeks go pink in a good way. Remus shoved himself between the two and took both of their hands in his. His was warms and slightly slimy somehow, the other twos were cold but he didn’t mind.

“C’mon then!!! Let’s go! Let’s go!! Before the line gets too long!!!”

They dodged between crowds before getting to it. It was as tall as the rollercoaster and painted in different shades of blue. Lights were decorated all over it that blinked in different patterns.

They got into one of the capsules. All of it was see through so they could see the view any where they looked. There were two long seats on either sides. Remus planted himself on one of them, the other two pining dumbasses sat down on the other.

Remy quietly reached out and took Janus’ hand as the ride started to go up. “I wasn’t ready for the floor to like be uh like glass or something”

He squeezed their hand. “Understandable”

“Okay. So get this” Remus held up his hand “We start a fire” he moved his fingers to pretend it was a cracking fire while mimicking fire sounds “I mean this ride takes 10 minutes??? What are they gonna??? Stop the ride???”

“Babe we are not starting a fire” Remy replied.

“No no I think he has a point. I do want to see what happens” Janus added while nodding along.

“Jan if you’re gonna be weird at least have like the courtesy of the rat babe over here and like look the part. Like how I look like a total snack!”

“Noted. I will do you proud by drinking a poison that turns my legs into a snake tail”

“Hot”

Remus grinned “On that note. Who of us do you two think is most likely to be a monster fu-”

“Wow what a lovely view” Janus interrupted while pointing towards the left side of the capsule.

The sky had started to darken into shades of deep purple and blue. The lights of the amusement park had in turn all been turned on making it glimmer in all sorts of patterns. The lights of the city shone in the distance. Between the park and city laid a forest, the trees looked dark in the night but still welcoming.

Remus got up and pressed his hands against the glass. His grin only grew. His breathing left shapes on the glass. 

“Wouldn't it be cool if this was actually a spaceship and we could just continue flying and looking all night?” He exclaimed.

Janus’ heart beat faster at the thought of the three of them spending the entire night together. Cuddling together on the floor and admiring the stars. Falling asleep in each other’s arm. Waking up to hear Remy’s sleepy voice and see Remus’ messy hair.

“..That....that would be umh enjoyable” 

He stood up as well. He went up next to Remus. His crush happily leaned against Jan. He took his hand. The side of their heads were touching.

Remy got and leant their chin on top of Remus’ head. He let them move their arms around his shoulders and cuddle closer. 

Janus moved his free hand around Remy’s waist so now they were just kinda standing in one big cuddle thing, admiring the view. The two pining dorks were casting hasty glances to admire each other without the other seeing. Fucking idiots.

Remus moved his finger to the glass to draw in the tint left by his breathe. He made one short round figure with a big hat, one tall stickfigure with giant sunglasses and one even taller super muscular figure in the middle. They were all holding hands and standing on some sort of disc.

“See? That’s us in the spaceship”

“Hun I hate to break it to you but you are not like that tall” Remy replied.

“It’s us in the future obviously! Dummy! Silly! Fucker! After I get on T I will transform into my ultimate tall form and rule the earth with- Or well I mean umh If I get on T it’s not like it’s uh decided I just-”

“Then we can both annoy Jan by showing of how much we can reach the top drawer!”

“YEAH! Exactly!!!”

Janus was staring down into the floor. There was a happy feeling filling his entire body. 

“you think we’re going to know each other for years” He mumbled out. Barely even as a question.

“Of course Snakey!” Remus assured back with a bright smile. he got an unsure look in his eyes and glanced up at Remy “Right?”

“Right! I can’t let my lil babes go all alone. You two are like gonna die from starvation if I’m not here to get stuff from the top drawer”

“Oh...Oh how lovely” Janus was too giddy to make a snarky comment back.

Remus was getting excited over it as well. His heart beat extra at the sight of Remy still wearing his hoodie, at the thought of them going on even more da- hang outs like this, at getting to hear Janus’ silky smooth voice murmur compliments to him for years to come.

It all made him feel like insects would burst out of his veins and like his smile would get so wide it would rip apart the skin on his cheeks and like his heart would burst into a gorey mess.

He didn’t understand why he felt like that. He didn’t get it at a-

oh

Oh he did get it.

He understood.

He understood all of it.

Remy noticed as their friend carefully moved away. They assumed he’d just seen something on the other side of the view. It took a moment before they heard a shaky breathe.

Janus and Remy both looked back to see Remus sitting on the floor. His hands were pressed over his mouth and his eyes were wide and filled with tears. He was hyperventilating so fast his body had started to turn numb as he got close to passing out.

Stupidly enough Janus let out a “Are you okay?”

He obviously didn’t get an answer. He moved closer and sat down in front of his friend but Remus immediately flinched away. His breathing got faster and for a moment his eyes were close to rolling back into his skull and he fell forward.

Janus moved to help him up but Remy grabbed onto his shoulder to stop him. “Do you have his sister’s number?”

“I think so-”

“Then call her. Tell her to come pick him up okay?”

“O-okay”

Remy hunched down in front of Remus, not too close. He was trying to keep himself upright while his breathe only fastened.

“babe you’re having a panic attack. I don’t know why but I can promise you you’re not dying, you’re not in danger, everything will be alright. Okay?” 

And suddenly their voice was light like a feather. It was so unlike them and yet so calming.

“Can you hold your arms up like this?” They showed how by holding up their arms above their head “It will help you breathe okay?”

Remus let out a sob but forced his shaky hands to move up. His chest was burning. He could hear Janus’ talking on the phone. He could hear things that weren’t there.

Remy continued “Okay babe please imagine like a window in front of you” They moved their fingers in a square pattern.

It took a moment before he somewhat nodded.

“Okay good. So when you look at the top part of the window breathe in okay? and when you look at the side breathe out. And then when you look at the bottom part breathe in again and so forth. Can you do that? Please?”

Remus stared out at something that wasn’t there. Slowly but surely his chest started to rise and lower less rapidly. He was still hyperventilating but he wasn’t close to passing out. Tears were streaming down his face.

“You’re doing great. I promise” Remy assured “Can you tell me anything that is in the window?”

He opened his mouth to speak but only a sob came out. His entire body was shaking but he was still trying to hold his arms up.

“..la..lamp” He choked out.

“Okay. Can you tell me what color it is?”

“...gr-reen....”

“How pretty. Is there any pattern on it?”

It took a moment before he forced out “..sp..spid..ers”

“Perfect for halloween then”

The end of the ride was coming up. Janus was standing of the side, fiddling with his gloves. He kept casting nervous glances to his friends.

“Okay babe can you stand up?You just gotta stand up and like follow us and you’ll be home soon enough. I promise”

He sniffled before trying to get up. He was shaking so much it was hard to stand but he managed. He was covering his ears to try and get the sounds out.

He couldn’t move. He kept feeling flashes of ghosts. The smells were too strong. The ride stopped. The line waited for them to get off.

“Oh dear” Janus murmured “Is it alright if I grab a piece of your shirt? I’ll simply help you to the parking lot. Like we did at the laser tag remember?”

Remus didn’t look up but he nodded. Janus took ahold of a part of his sleeve and helped him up. He tried to look as menacing as possible so no one around them would try and interrupt them. Remy walked next to them, they kept asking about decorations in the window to distract him. He mumbled back quiet replies.

When they got to the parking lot Rowan had just nearly crashed her car into a tree with how fast she was speeding there. Remus relaxed, if only by very very little, when he saw her.

She ran up and pulled him into an embrace. He moved back as he squeezed his cheeks and checked so he was physically fine. 

For just a moment Rowan glared back at the two others. She wasn’t sure if they’d caused her brother’s panic attack. Really she wanted to smash them both up against a wall and threaten them about Ever daring to hurt her brother, but she knew getting Remus home was more important.

Soon enough the car drove away. With Remus still in the middle of a breakdown. The parking lot turned quiet.

Remy took out a cigarette and sighed as they lit it. They sat down on the pavement and took a deep breathe. Their hands shook from seeing Remus like that.

Janus stayed standing. It felt like all of the energy had left his body. He kept staring out at the faraway trees.

“You- you were quite good at calming him down. I- I don’t know what I would have done” Janus said to force away the silence.

“Yeah. The window was a real good distraction when having the shit kicked out of me” They chuckled back “It was so fucking decorated by the time I was like 14 it was ridiculous”

“Oh.....cool”

They took out their phone and tensed up when they saw all the missed calls they had. They gulped. “Shouldn’t you like call Lo to pick you up? Get your man candy to get all this shit off your mind-”

“Do you think Remus will be okay?”

“Girl how am I to know that” They took a blow from the cigarette “I...I hope so...”

“Same here”

They typed something on there phone. For a few minutes it was quiet again. Until Remy finished the cigarette and stomped it out on the ground. They stood up and went up to Janus. They took off the green hoodie they’d gotten from Remus, leaving them in a tank top and short, and handed it to him.

“Could you take care of this until next time I see you? Please?”

Janus held it to his chest “Sure”

“Good”

They hugged him just a few seconds before quickly moving back “Tell me if you hear anything from Rem, kay?”

“Right back at you”

Remy walked away, leaving the air feeling hollow. Janus sat down and waited for Logan to come pick him up. He hoped with all of his heart that he hadn’t been the reason Remus got the panic attack. He hoped both of his love’s would be alright, especially tonight.

[fakeloveaskblog]

aw, sweet loceit in the evening sun. logan is actually super good at explaining healthy relationships and boundaries and stuff actually, i betcha he could recognize abuse no problem

…aye remy! REMY!! HAve you thought about going to that gay bar more often? who knows, maybe you'll encounter someone nice, make friends with like-minded people, hear some disco, the full nine yards. janus might be there, remus might be there. (just look around for the guy with the blue tie, he's a great guy, if he's not wearing it he'll look like he has that blue tie kinda energy! you could totally just get drunk and unload your grievances on him and i bet he won't even mind!)

(Mentions of U!Virgil but I say beforehand when that happens so those who don’t like U!Virgil can enjoy the rest of the fic up until then)

(Words: 4100)

Remy wiped away a tear while looking at your message. The cold light from their phone was the only thing brightening up the room. Virgil was sleeping beside them, his arm was laid around their waist.

"You just like tots gave me the greatest idea! I'm gonna invite Rem out to the bar! It's gonna the funnest thing like ever! Thanks girl!!"

--

2 days later Remus was dangerously close to eating the moss straight from the gay bar's wall. He had been left without supervision for over 15 minutes while he sat outside waiting for his friend to show up, what else was he supposed to do?!

"SSSSUUUP BABE!!!"

Remy came towards him as fast as they could. They had on a short leather skirt, a neon mesh crop top and a leather jacket over it.

They did a little turn "I just like felt a bit glamorous today!" 

Remus choked on his own spit "The world must be a dark place when you aren't feeling glamorous"

"Awwww babbbe"

He sent them a big grin. He'd just put on his usual oversized dysphoria hoodie and matching oversized (:O) sweatpants.

Remus' smile disappeared in an instant as he noticed dark bruises all around Remy's neck. Shades of purple and green collided against each other.

"Ehm did a vampire come and attack you last night? Seriously are you alri-"

"JUst a reminder that it will be loud in there" Remy interrupted.

"Oh. Right!"

He fumbled around in his bag after his headphones. After putting it and a chew necklace on he did a thumbs up. Remy took off their sunglasses and leaned down so they were face to face.

Their face was so close he could feel their breathe against his lips. They put the sunglasses onto him and sent him a soft smile.

“There’s like lots of bright lights too” They explained.

Remus’ heart fluttered. He didn’t understand why “T-thanks”

They moved their arm around his shoulders as they went into the bar. It was past 12 am so some of the daytime furniture had been moved to make place for a dancefloor. There was indeed lots of neon lights flickering all around the bar and fast pop music was blasting through the speakers.

It was hard to see any details of anyone around him so Remus quickly forgot about the bruise. In this lighting it just looked like a weird choker anyway.

A guy with a see through shirt bumped into Remus. He had top surgery scars. For a moment they looked at each other in the most knowing way. The stranger looked away and continued talking with whoever he was with.

Remus whole body seemed to vibrate. There were so many butterflies in his stomach it felt like he was going to puke, in a good way.

Remy sat him down on one of the tall barstools and slumped down right next to him “So whatcha gonna drink?”

“The squashed down organs of my enemies!!!” He shrugged “Soda?”

They burst out into laughter “What? You catholic or something? Not allowed to drink alcohol?”

He slumped in on himself and started fiddling with his necklace “I-I dunno-”

“No. No babe I was just like joking. Like a stupid bitch. It’s okay” They waved at the waiter “Your most alcoholic fruit mix and your finest coca cola please!”

Remus leaned in to whisper “With salt”

“With salt? Please!”

He kept vibrating like an overexcited weasel. After getting their drinks he kept tapping the glass to stim some of the happiness out.

“Honestly I’ve never been to a gay bar before. I’m digging it. Just like how I’m digging graves”

They playfully hit his shoulder “Then I’m tots gonna try my best to make this the  ultimate first gay bar experience! I can’t think of any other lil fucked up gremlin buddy I would wanna have by my side!”

"Muhahah!! I am officially assigned ultimate gremlin buddy-”

“Greetings” A voice suddenly came from behind them.

Both of them flinched away. Remy let out a short yell and Remus was close to throwing his drink in the person’s face when he saw it was just Logan.

He had on jeans and a black button up with the top button unbottoned. He had with him iced coffee from starbucks because he had to drive home later.

“LOGIE!!!” Remy threw their arms around his neck to pull him closer “Babe this is the Log-legend. Once he was like sooo drunk so when he like tried to kiss me puked on my shoes instead!”

Logan grimaced “I am still very sorry about that”

“Oh I already know him through Janus” Remus replied. 

“Oh my gawd babe” Remy looked between them all “So like we all know Janny?! Wig! Sad he isn’t here then”

Remus held up his cola “Cheers to J-anus!” The other two held up their glasses in agreement.

“Cheers”

“Cheerio!”

“He is very pretty and charming and cute” Logan dreamily sighed. He stopped himself from continuing to say compliments.

“Yeah” The other two sighed back in unison.

Logan sat down on a chair next to them. Remy looked around the bar before squinting at him “No Patty?”

He instantly started looking like a Very sad seal “Sadly my wife is away on a convention with her magical girl anime fanclub this whole week. I estimated that going to the bar would make me feel less lonely”

“You have a WIFe??? Like a real one???” Remus exclaimed, his eyeballs were close to popping out from surprise.

“Yes. This may be a controversial opinion but when I marry someone I prefer them to be physically real” He replied druly.

He got a smug grin on his lips “Does she peg you?”

“She does far more than just peg me”

“Nice!” His eyes went even wider “IS That a stim toy??!”

He pointed at the tangle Logan kept between his fingers “Correct. If I do not have something to relieve my focus onto I can easily go into senso- OH a chewie?”

Remus nodded while showing of his chew necklace. The two of them started rambling about their favorite stim toy. Until they went off into special interests (star trek/astronomy and art/animal biology respectively).

Soon enough Remus was showing pictures of the animal bones he’d found. Logan ooeh and ahhed at all of them before asking the most nerdy of questions (where he’d found them, their bone density, if any damage had been done to them) which only made Rem infodump which made Lo infodump which made them both happy stim.

Meanwhile Remy sat beside them completely zoned out. They got time to drink 2 more of those fruit mixes and a few shots. The room was starting to spin.

The loud music wasn’t keeping out the yelling. They dunked their forehead against the bar table and covered their ears to try and get it out. The music was supposed to keep it out! Why was nothing working! The bruise ached. Their throat closed in on itself until they couldn’t breathe. 

“Remus” They gasped out. They looked over to their friend with a desperate look in their eyes. They just needed a distraction.

“So my theory for why you keep finding bones in specifically that part of the woods is because of the kind of dirt making it take longer for them to deco-” Logan was explaining while Remus nodded along.

“Rem! L-let’s like go up and dance or something. Please” 

This time it caught Remus’ attention. He looked over to them “Sure- are you feeling alright? Did you drink too much? You’re looking like a mummy”

“Yes. No. I just like- Like- They’re playing Charli xcx of course we gotta like dance!!”

“I will protect your belongings then” Logan added.

Remy stumbled up on shaky legs. Remus sent them a warm smile that made them want to cry before taking their hand. He let them lead him out to the dancefloor. Honestly he was pretty nervous about it, but being with them always made some of the anxiety melt away.

They stumbled on their own feet and fell forward. Their friend took ahold of their wrists and pulled them close to his chest. Their faces were so close to each other. So so close.

He didn’t let go. They couldn't remember him ever letting them hold him this close. Their chests pressed against each other. Their arms around his shoulders. His hands on their back. 

"You’re right. It is a good song. Good to crash a car too" Remus said absentmindedly.

Remy let up into shaky giggles from how sudden he’d said it “Yeah. Yeah I guess” 

They kept giggling. He chuckled back. He started spinning around on the dancefloor. They moved with him. His arms wrapped closer around their waist. Their cheek leaned against the slope of his neck (even though they had to lean down to get on his height level).

Remy quietly sang along to the music which made Remus start yelling along to it. The enby threw their head back from laughter. They took his hand and intertwined their fingers.

Remus moved his hand out and spun them around before pulling them close again. Their cheeks were flushed red, his was as well. He playfully dipped them down when the song ended.

It continued on into a song neither of them knew but they kept dancing anyway. They didn’t stay as pressed close to each other but they always had some contact. Holding hands. An arm around a waist. A head leaning against a chest.

When they finally got back to the bar table they were both panting. Remy was completely leaning on Remus since their body had started to hurt, but even through the pain they were both bubbling over with so much happiness they kept breaking out into bouts of giggling.

To their surprise Logan wasn’t sitting alone. A tall person with long dark hair sat on the chair beside him. Xir hand was on his thigh. The nerd had a soft smile on his face as they leant close to talk.

“Uh Lo?” Remus had to wave his arms around to get his attention.

His head shot around to look at them “Hello” He glanced to the person “These are the ones I was protecting belongings for” He stood up and held out his hand “Shall we?” Xir took it. Logan waved at his friends before going off to the dancefloor with the stranger.

“Huh. Good for him” 

“I guess”

Remy ordered another high alcohol fruit mix. Remus happily chewed on his necklace while humming along to the music. Between their chairs their hands hang with their fingers intertwined. Holding their hand had started to make Remus feel all funny in the head for some reason.

The enby watched on as Logan and the stranger danced for a bit before moving to a corner to make out. When the stranger started to lead him towards the bar’s bathrooms Remy turned to their friend.

“Yeah okay he’s not coming back for like a while. Smoke break?”

“Of course!”

They finished their drink before leaving the bar. The pair stopped right outside. Remus sat down on the side of the pavement. Remy tried to sit down but they stumbled over themself and fell flat on the ground.

Remus got up to help “Are you okay? Are you sure you haven’t drank too much?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine” They laughed out.

He sat them down on the pavement while dusting off their clothes. He patted them on the head while pouting “You should get some water”

“Naaaah babe. I’m good”

In the moonlight the bruise was visible again. That horrible dark purple bruise around their neck. It looked like it hurt.

Remus put his hand on their shoulder “Beanie are you alright? I do know it wasn’t some halloween monster that got you that bruise”

For a moment their whole body tensed, they forced a smile “It’s fine. me and my boyf just tried like some new kinky shit in the bedroom y’know. Nothing more” They lied.

They took out a cigarette pack and a lighter from their bag. They traced their thumb over Remus’ lower lip and opened his mouth just slightly. Remy leaned closer while putting a cigerette between his lips. They lit it.

Remus took a deep breathe. It’d been a while since he’d last smoked. He leaned so close the cigarette nearly touched Remy’s skin. They parced their lips as he breathed out the smoke right into their mouth.

A smile spread on their lips. He held the cigarette over to them but they shook their head. They looked around in their bag again and took out a small poppers bottle.

“Should you really take that. Won’t your brain melt out of your ears?” Remus asked “I really don’t wanna have to slorp up your brain juice...yet”

“Relax babe. It’s like not dangerous as long as I don’t like take too much and I only take when partying” It took a moment before they quietly added “And I only party when I need to get out of the apartement”

“What?”

They forced on a bigger smile “What?”

Remy moved the popper up to their nose and inhaled as much of it as they could. It took a few seconds before they let up into a giggle. It was in a higher tone than their usual bubbly laugh, it almost sounded like cackling. They could see stars.

(U!Virgil mentions from here on out)

“Y’know my boyfriend gave me like a flashback or whatever last night” They giggled while swaying from side to side.

Remus gently grabbed their shoulders and moved them to lean against him so they wouldn’t fall over “Uhu. Did you stab him?”

“No silly. He just. He’d been soooo sweet all weeek and I just I just ruined it ‘cause i like overeacted to some joke he made while like we were washing the dishes” They were barely even aware they were speaking “And like it just kept going until we were like screaming at each other”

Remy was still smiling and giggling between every word but tears started to form in their eyes. Their fingers felt numb. Bile was rising in their throat.

“And he just like threw the plate he was holding down on the ground. And it like didn’t hit me. He wasn’t even aiming at me. He was just throwing it at the ground. But it shattered and it was so stupid and overemotional and stupid and pathetic but I just I just curled up on the floor and like had a panic attack like a stupid baby”

They smeared their hand across their face to try and get the tears away. They felt sick. Remus quickly put out his cigarette, it didn’t feel like the right time to smoke.

“And I just like- Is that normal? Is that fine? Like throwing stutff like that? I-I- he’s never done it before. Or I mean like not plates” They looked up at Remus “Is it fine?”

He gulped while fiddling with his hoodie sleeve “Well uh did he apologize?”

“Mhmm. He like- like for some minutes he like kept yelling ‘cause he thought I was just like faking a panic attack to like I dunno manipulate him but then he like comforted me and like calmed me down and like held me and cuddled all night until I fell asleep and- and he said sorry a bunch of times and like he said it would never happen again. He uh usually doesn’t lie”

“Well ehm then it should be fine right? Right?” They both shrugged at each other “I mean everyone can make mistakes! And it was during an argument! Everyone does drastic things during an arguments! So it’s fine. I think”

A shaking breathe of relief left Remy’s lips. They stretched themself over his lap and he moved his arms around them. “Thanks babe. I was like tots worried for a bit but y’know i was thinking like that too. So it’s fine”

“Yeah” He combed his fingers through their hair “You do know you can vent to me whenever right? I promise I won’t gross you out with details about how to pull out rabbit teeth ever again so if I can hold that back then I can also listen to stuff! I can super listen!!”

They closed their eyes. They felt so tired. So tired and sick and horrible. “Mhm. I know babe. I know”

Remy sent him a soft smile before suddenly puking. Some of it came on his pants but mostly on the ground. Remus stood up and carefully moved them down to a sitting position.

He rubbed up and down their back with one hand and held their hair back with his other. Their shoulders were shaking and they were taking in shallow breathes between every sudden throw up.

“It’s okay beanie-boo. Breathe. Breathe. You got all the time in the world. Until the sun blows up at least”

“I-I took- too much- too much” They slurred out before lurching forward again. It seemed to stop for now.

“I’m aware” He carefully wiped away some of the puke left around their mouth with his hoodie sleeve.

They leaned back against his chest. They closed their eyes and focused on breathing. He held them so so gently. As if they would break like glass otherwise. He pressed a kiss to the top of their head.

“There you are!” Logan said as came through the bar entrance “What a relief. I assumed you had left without me because you thought my actions were unacceptable” He noticed how pale and shaky Remy looked and got a worried look on his face “Is everything alright?”

“They feel like someone has slammed a fish into their stomach. Not good” Remus replied.

“I see. I suppose it woud be best to get them home”

Logan picked Remy up with ease to carry them to his car. He was quite sure he’d carried dogs that weighted more than them. Remus anxiously followed along.

He sat them in the passenger seat. He shook their shoulders until they opened their eyes. They let out a quiet whine.

He held up 4 fingers “Remy how many fingers am I holding up?”

“Fuck yourself”

“Noted”

They moved to the side and seemed to pass out again. Logan closed the door before turning to Remus.

“Did they take anything?” He whispered.

“Only a popper”

“Good. Do you need a ri-”

“Bus”

“Okay” Logan was about to go but stopped midstep and lowered his voice even more “Oh and Rem...Could you please not ask Janus to hang out next weekend? I am planning a surprise...I hope it will make him happy”

“Good luck comrade....Please text me once Remy is home safe. Please?”

“Of course”

He did a little nod before leaving. Logan got into the car. He couldn’t stop looking at the bruise around their neck. Remy continued to sleep for most of the ride until they they were 5 minutes or so away from their apartment. They suddenly flinched awake.

“Stop the car!” They gasped out. 

“Are you still feeling the same?”

“Logan stop the fucking car!” There was fear in their eyes. 

Logan stopped by the side of the road. The road was barren and dark. It had to be past 3 am at least. Remy crawled back into the backseats while their whole body shook.

“Don’t. Look. At. Me”

“Sure” He stared down into the steering wheel to not accidentally see their reflection in the glass.

“I just. I just have to change clothes. I just. I don’t want Virigl to call me a whore again. I mean. He won’t. But what if. What if he gets mad. I just. I just have to change” They slurred out.

They stumbled out of the car after changing into a pair of long pants and closing their leather jacket. A cold chill went up Logan’s spine. He quickly stepped out of the car as well.

“Okay bye bye Logie!!”

They tried to move but Logan grabbed onto their shoulders. He forced back a choking feeling in his throat “What do you mean by your boyfriend getting mad?”

“Pff! It’s nothing! I’m drunk!! Byyyeeeeee”

They started to stumble away but Logan easily followed along “It did not sound like he called you a whor-...you know what...with your consent. I am simply going to remind you that calling a partner things like that is not okay. Not in any circumstance”

Remy’s expression turned cold. They walked faster “I don’t like what you’re implying”

“I’m not implying anything”

“Yes you Fucking are!”

“Exscuse me for being worried about your wellbeing. What you just said sounded like a very bad sign”

“Yeah exactly it only SOUnded bad! My boyfriend isn’t bad!” Remy snarled out.

“I am not saying he is. He doesn’t have to be bad to say awful things, as long as he changes”

They shoved their hands into their pockets. Their hands moved into fists “You don’t know a fucking thing about me. You tried to kiss me once when you were drunk and that’s all. We don’t know each other”

Logan took a deep breathe “I don’t need to know you to see red flags. Remy-” He searched for words “Remy you’re bruised. How- you can’t expect me to not get worried”

Remy suddenly stopped and turned around to meet his eyes. “MY BOYFRIEND ISN’T ABUSIVE! I-”

“I’m not necessarily saying he is. I just wan’t to talk-” His voice started to sound desperate.

They looked like a cornered animal. Tears were brimming at the edges of their eyes “YOU DON’T KNOW A THING!”

“Remy-”

“I DID THIS TO MYSELF!” Their hand went up to the bruise “I DESERVED IT! VIRGIL DIDN’T DO A FUCKING THING! I DID! I TOOK A BELT AND HURT MYSELF! OKAY?! VIRGIL CARES ABOUT ME!”

He tried to sound soothing “Remy please take a deep breathe-”

“NO! NO! YOU KNOW WHAT LOGAN?! THERE IS STILL CUM ON YOUR FUCKING LIPS FROM YOU SUCKING OFF SOME STRANGER IN A DIRTY BATHROOM! SO NO! I AM NOT TAKING LOVE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO IS CHEATING ON HIS GODDAMN WIFE!”

They stormed away. For a moment Logan was frozen in place before he forced himself to run after them to try and make sure they would be okay.

“I am not-”

Remy looked at him for one last time. The look in their eyes made him feel cold. It was pure hatred.

“Logan get the fuck away from me! I am drunk and high and alone on a street with no one but you who is sure as hell fucking stronger than me and all you’re doing is spouting bullshit! So please get why I want you to leave. And why I don’t ever want you to talk to me again!”

He stopped dead in his tracks “...Right....Yes....I am so sorry”

Remy didn’t even respond. They simply turned and walked away. Logan stayed and watched to make sure they got home to the apartment safe before going back to his car.

He slumped down in the seat. His heart was racing and his thoughts were for once an illogical flurry. He sat motionless for several minutes before finally getting some semblence of an idea.

He took out his phone and dialed one of his usual numbers. It took several signals before Emile Picani picked up.

“Mhm? Logie bear? I can’t today I have clients in the morning” He yawned out.

“This is about one of your patients. I am fearing that they are in danger”

In an instant all of the sleepyness in Emile’s voice disappeared “In danger? Physical? Is it urgent? Do I need to call someone? Which patient are you even referring to?”

Logan hesitated. If Remy had reacted that strongly to him just attempting to ask about his boyfriend it was very likely that they would stop going to therapy if Emile brought it up. His throat tightened, he didn’t want to put them in any more danger.

“I....Nevermind Emile....This was just a far too gone joke...Someone dared me to call you. I am sorry. Have a good night”

He ended the call. He leaned his forehead against the steering wheel and let out a long sigh. His hands held onto the wheel so hard his knuckles whitened.

Logan had no idea what to do. No idea at all. All he knew was fear. Fear for Remy’s safety. Fear for their well being. Fear that anything he did would only make their situation worse.

[fakeloveaskblog]

Hi, me again. Hope I’m not bugging you with all the asks. I have a bunch of ones, don’t feel pressured to do all of them these are just a bunch I think would be cute.

For Remy maybe 🛁, ⛑, 🤝 or 😭

For Remus 💤, 🥰 or ✋

For Janus 🍳, ☺️, 🧣 or 🛎

all of these happened some time in the timeline but not right now since it's still technically christmas in the story. I have been going in and out of dissociation for days now so sorry if there's worse grammar than usual ig???

For Remy: 🛁: A relaxing bath⛑: Some tender first-aid 🤝 : Some help performing a basic task (This first one is much longer than the other 2)

"You need to press the X butto- oh we died again"

"Why do we even gotta like fight the colossus??"

"Beanie that is the whole point of the game"

Remus was laying on the couch with his head leant on Remy's ribs while they were half sitting, aimlessly pressing buttons on a controller. He'd brought his ps4 over to their apartment to keep them company.

Remy made the character ride his horse in a circle "I like horsing"

"This is why you suck at this. You don't have any bloodlust!!! You don't have any need to hear your victims scream in anguish!! No want to peel toenails out and put them into people's eyes!!"

"We died again" Remy replied after they'd accidentally made the horse fall down a cliff.

"I can take over. I'm the stabby stabby master"

Remus had fought against the serpent colossus about a dozen times so he didn't have to pay full attention to it. Instead he noticed out of the corner of his eye how Remy tried to subtly reach out and grab their wrist warmers. Their hands were shaking as they tried to put them on but their fingers gave out every time. They kept dropping the warmers into their lap the entire time he played.

"We won" He said "Do you want me to help you on with those?"

"With what?" They replied while dropping the wrist warmers again.

"Dude."

"It's stupid"

"Certain species of boars evolving to make their husks stab into their heads is stupid. Not this"

Remy rolled their eyes while handing the wrist warmers over to him. He mumbled a little 'thanks' while gently holding onto their wrist. For once they were wearing something long sleeved and they refused to pull the sleeves up but he managed. He put the warmers on as carefully as someone putting on a wedding ring.

"You can tell me if playing video games is hurting you, you get that right? I'm not gonna cut your head off for it" Remus said while rubbing his thumb up and down their palm.

"Some of us just aren't made to be gamers" Remy sighed it out as dramatically as they could. They could barely hold back giggling as they continued "I could never be a gamer- 'Cause- y'know- I'm not a virgin"

They burst out giggling like they'd just said the funniest shit imaginable. It spread over to Remus who tried to muffle his laughter with his hand. He lightly punched their shoulder.

"Bad joke dude" He laughed out.

"I know! I know!"

"I'm sorry beanie but I'm gonna have to kill you for that joke. Gonna take a shovel to your head. Gonna say your fibro made all your bones break all at once so you died. Very sorry" He teased with a half grin.

"Gonna say your psychosis magically took over like in the movies and tots made you kill me. Taking you down with you. Bitchass" They snarked back.

"Just two disabled fuckers murdering each other. Fun!"

"Indeed. OhohohOOohoho"

"MuhahaHAhahaAh"

"HehheehehHE"

Remus lightly bonked his head against theirs "No but really, you okay? Any way to help with the pain?"

"Baths usually help. Gets me all like warm. But I don't wanna make you like uncomfy"

"Nothings saying that I have to get in with you"

Remy almost looked a little embarrassed "No! I girl I like didn't mean it like that that!"

"I gotya"

Remus stood up and held out his hand to help them up. He handed them their cane but when he saw how they grimaced just from standing up he moved his arm behind their back to let them lean on him.

They went into the bathroom. Remus put on the water while Remy dragged off their dress leaving them in their sport bra and underwear. He was a bit baffled by how many bottles of hair dye was in the mirror cabinet but he also found a bottle to make bubblebaths.

"It's like fine if you leave y'know. You can just grab your game and leave whenever. I won't mind" Remy assured.

"It's okay" He threw some bubble stuff in "I hope there's acid in this"

"So you can watch my skin melt off??"

"I'm sure you have very sexy bones!!"

"I guess!"

Remus helped them into the bath. All of Remy disappeared under the growing mountain of bubbles except for their head. He sat down on the tiled floor and leant the back of his head against the bath's edge.

He smiled when he felt Remy form bubbles on top of his head "Whatcha doing?"

"The tower of bubble"

"OHOHO!!! You should try making a skull!! I would like having a bubble skull on top of my normal skull!"

"Honey just 'cause I've spent a shit ton of time in baths don't mean I'm some Picasso. That's your job"

"heh. PicASSo. heheh" Remus laughed mostly to himself "Is the warmth helping?"

"Loads. Here feel"

Out of the bubble mountain came their pale hand. They reached out so Remus let them take his hand in theirs. Their fingers intertwined.

"You're right. That is REally warm"

Remy continued making bubble creations on top of his head. It went a bit quiet. Sometimes Remus would blurt out some animal fact. They kept holding hands. Both silently decided to not speak about the holding hand thing. Both silently wanted it to continue for as long as possible.

"Your bones feel weird" Remus suddenly said while squeezing their hand.

"It's nothing" Remy blurted out.

"No. No, I know my way around bones. Yours feel really weird. Like it's a bit too loose"

"That's what she said. It's like seriously tots nothing"

Remy let go of his hand and was about to sink it back into the bottles but Remus grabbed onto their fingers and held them still.

"I can take a look. Maybe your fibro has accidentally caused some type of injury. I'm no doctor and I am sure you know your fibro better than I ever can but I know some stuff at least"

They let out an annoyed groan before sticking their whole arm out of the bubbles. Remus nearly flinched when he saw their wrist. Their wrist was swollen and would have been red if it wasn't for the bruises covering most of their skin. Purples and greens all mixed together.

"I can explain"

Remy threw the words out. Their eyes flickered between their wrist and their friend. They writhed around in their seat and hoped the bubbles would hide their anxiousness.

"Wow dude. You must have given the most intense handy of your life" Remus joked. Remy got so surprised they let out a few anxious chuckles "Do you have any first aid around here?"

"It's not that bad"

"If you don't let me take care of you I'm gonna have to poison you to sleep!! This is serious!!! No time for idiot thoughts!!"

"Fine. Fine. Whatever" Remy rolled their eyes "There's like a first aid under the nightstand in the bedroom. Please grab some cigs as well"

"Yep yep sure fine"

Remus quickly got up and got everything needed. They wouldn't even let him open the first aid kit before he'd lit the cig for them. They dragged in the nicotine and looked away while he took out rubber glove and filled it with warm water. He pressed it gently against the swollen area.

"Got this trick from the nurses. They were so nice" He pressed his eyes close to not let his mind dissociate to the visit to the hospital.

Remy stared down into the water "I didn't want anyone to know. I was- I was like worried you would tell Jannie and they would start going all crazy about Viv being like a bad boyfriend again. I didn't- I don't like hearing it"

Remus cupped their cheeks and turned their head so they were looking at him "I get it dude. What is said between us stays between us okay?"

"Okay" Remy took a shaky breathe and nodded "Okay. I bruise really easily ‘cause of the fibro!! I swear! So it looks a LOT worse than it actually was! I swear! He didn't mean to"

"I know. They never do" He moved the warm rubber glove away to put some creme onto the bruises.

"We were arguing. Like just y'know like normal arguing. yelling and stuff. And it was all my fault because Viv said he was going out for a smoke to let out steam but I didn't think he could like just decide when the argument was over so I like walked after him and he- I'm sure he wasn't looking at what he was doing- I'm sure he wasn't- He slammed the door shut on my- on my wrist. And then he left to like calm down and- and it hurt- And I- I might have gotten a flashback- so I like shut down and dissociated and when he came back he said the argument was past us so we shouldn't drag it up again so I like got nervous that if I told him to help me with the injury he would get mad"

"Fucking hell Beanie, no wonder playing that game hurt your wrist"

"I'm sorry. I just- it's hard to tell when injuries are serious enough to patch up- I'm just- with dad- I'm used to dissociating through it and going to school anyway"

"No apologizes needed. I only take apologize measured in blood anyway"

"He didn't mean to. It was like def my fault for trying to walk after him"

Remus took out a bandage and began to lap it around their wrist "Y'know my ex accidentally gave me bruises all the time. So you don't have to worry about me not getting it-"

"Sorry" Their shoulders relaxed a little "Sorry"

"It's nothing" He tied the bandages together and placed the warm rubber glove on top of it "Feeling any better?"

"Yeah. Thanks gal. That's- you were really good at that"

"What? You think I learn nothing from being interested in death and disease???"

Remy chuckled "Sorry"

Remus leant his chin against the bath's edge. His friend moved their head against his. "But also y'know. I only went to the hospital once during the time I was with my ex. I had to self help sometimes"

"Yeah 'cause you're a reckless fucker who can't stop trying to juggle scissors"

"True! Very true! Also y'know like uh my ex would sometimes just like accidentally open cabinets right when I passed by so they like uh slammed me in the head. Or he would uh accidentally- or I mean I would trip a lot. Stumble into a lot of walls uh and that sort. He just happened to always be there. And when uh when I would blackout from getting high I would wake up in pain or with bruises or- But he always said I was just imagining things and that it was all just misunderstanding and accidents and that I was overreacting 'cause it was nothing. And that I was uh delusional"

Remy noticed the way his hands shook a little and handed him the cigarette to stable his thoughts "Well yeah you got delusions but that doesn't mean you're wrong about everything. You know that I'm like tots hot and sexy and hot don't you. Then you can be like super trusted with knowing stuff!"

He let out a half hearted chuckle "Heh I guess. I also know what a fucking buffoon you are so it checks out"

It was quiet for just a little bit as they shared the cigarette. Remy rolled a few sentences around on their tongue before finally managing to get out.

"I know- I like remember the reason you went to the hospital that one time. You've like taken care of me so well I feel like you deserve some comfort as well. I can like I dunno kiss the scars? If that would be like okay with you?"

Remus took a deep breathe, so his cheeks puffed up like a chipmunks, and nodded.

He turned around and dragged off his t-shirt. It left him in his black binder. Remy had doodled octopuses in neon sharpie all over it.

Remy had seen the scars before, once or twice. They were all over his back. Small stripes of white and even in some places purple. Some of them were protruding out of his skin.

"I know our partners were just making mistakes but I hope to hell your ex apologized for his mistake" Remy muttered.

"Of course he did!"

Remus gulped. He was quite sure there had been apology in there. After being thrown against the mirror. After the shards of glass had gone into his skin. Between Os making him promise he wasn't going to tell any of the nurses what happened and the nurses hesitating every time one of them asked if Os was his...boyfriend..? Somewhere in there under the dissociation and ketamine there must have been an apology.

A shudder went up his spin as he felt Remy's cold lips agsinst his skin. They pressed gentle kisses against each of the scars. Several second long kisses. Like they were trying to press in how much they loved him.

For a second Remus got a thought about how it would maybe be nice if those lips were pressed against his lips instead. He choked on his own breathe and started to wheeze. Remy immediately moved back.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"NO! NO! Nothing! Nada! No problemo!"

"You still want to stay?"

"Yeah! Yeah! Claro! Of course! Do you wanna hear about monster ideas! And how I imagine they would date! And Kiss! Like the kraken and nessie??"

"Girl!!! I would love to!! I tots wanna hear all about those wonderful freaks!!"

Remus turned back to face them. He took their injured hand in his, right on the edge of the bath. He leant a little closer as he began to go on. So close so some of the bubbles stuck onto his binder.

Remy dipped their free hand in the warm water before letting their fingers run across his scars. They saw how his smile brightened as he did. How his eyes lightened a little at them being close.

For Remus: 💤: A few extra hours of sleep 🥰 : Post-nightmare cuddles ✋: A hand carding gently through their hair

Remus woke up in a groggy state. It was slow. The kind where nothing seemed real and everything was far away and he was unsure if he had even been asleep.

The moment he remembered what had happened in the dream his eyes shot open. He gasped for breathe while sitting up. A nauseous feeling filled his throat to the point that he was scared to open his mouth in case anything would spill out.

He kept forcing in deep breathes while looking for his phone. He opened the text message history with his ex but there was no new messages. He had been so sure there would be new messages. The dream had felt so real.

He tried to pull the sweaty blanket closer around himself but it wouldn't move. A sound came from behind him. Breathing.

Remus froze. His heart was beating out of his chest, nearly skipping beats. He didn't have the guts to look, instead he clasped his hands over his mouth to muffle his choked breathing. He pressed his legs together as his whole body tensed up. Every small sound made him flinch.

The time became muddled as his thoughts took over. There was a voice repeating that it was Os. Over and over. Another that told him that leaving Os had all been a dream. Just a really long dream. That Janus and Remy weren't real. That he was still in that apartment. He could see as the painted gold walls distort right in front of his eyes into yellowing whites. Into parts of paint peeling off.

A hoarse voice came from the other side of the bed "Rem? You awake?"

A scream came from deep in Remus' throat. He curled up and pressed his hands so hard over his mouth his fingernails left marks in his skin. He swore it was Os' voice.

The weight of the bed shifted as the other person moved to sit up "What's wrong? Did- Is something happening? It's me, Janus. We agreed on me staying for the night, remember?"

Remus tried his best but he couldn't stop himself from tearing up. The voices were so loud they were nearly drowning out everything else.

"Darling- Remus could you please look at me? I don't know if I'm allowed to touch you so I- I'm unsure of how to ground you if you're not looking at me"

He hesitated. It still sounded like Os' voice but it didn't sound like words Os would have said. He turned and saw Janus half sitting up, leant on their elbows, with their silly egg and snake patterned pyjamas on.

Tears rolled down his cheeks but he wasn't really aware of it. The voices switched to telling him Janus wasn't real. None of it was real. He was still dreaming. He was going to wake up soon and be hungover and half high and bruised and-

"Do you think holding my hand would help ground you?" Janus interrupted while holding out his hand "It might make reality feel more...real"

Remus nodded and let them gently take his shaky hand in their palm. Feeling their warm skin shook them out from the worst of it. The voices were still going but more distant. Instead his whole body went numb, like he was floating. His expression turned neutral and his eyes stared out into nothing. His head lolled a little to the side as even his breathing slowed down.

"zoning...dissociating....speech is...difficult" He got out as an explanation.

"That's okay" Janus replied. They rubbed their thumb over his knuckles "Did you have a nightmare?"

He nodded.

"Okay. That's good- Or I mean it's not good. But it's good in the way that I was worrying that I had triggered you somehow. I assume it was the nightmare that triggered your..your.."

"psychosis" He filled in.

"Yeah"

He nodded.

Janus shifted a little in their seat "I'm aware that sharing a bed is...a big thing for you so if you want me to leave I definitely can"

"You're comforting. warm. i. i want to trust" Remus mumbled out.

"Oh okay. Cool. I love comforting! One of my favorite hobbies truly"

"i dont....i dont want your arms around me"

"That's okay. I get it. I might have some leftover poison on my arms anyway so it's all good. You know how crazy poison glands get some times of the year. Am I right or am I right"

They laid down on their back and sent their friend a soft smile. Remus curdled up to their side with his head laying on top of their stomach. He held onto the fabric of their pyjama top so hard that their nails whitened.

"the dream felt so real" He whispered out. "i could feel it. i can still feel it. like ghost hands all over me. it's all over me"

"Well...it's not real...Even if it was some sort of memory reformatted in dream form it isn't happening anymore. That's what you should focus on. Please try and focus on right now"

Remus nodded weakly so Janus continued.

"Right now you're Remus. You're 22 years old. You're in your sister's apartment where you live. You are with me and last night we stayed up till 3 watching 70's horror movies and eating slightly burnt popcorn. You're safe"

He nodded again. He buried his cheek a little deeper into the soft fabric. He tried to focus on the feeling of it against his skin. Tried to focus on his friend's steady breathing.

Janus moved their hand into his curly hair "Is this okay?" They asked to which he nodded.

They carded their fingers gently through his hair. He half closed his eyes and let himself sink into the bed. He clambered for their free hand and when he found it grabbed their wrist and guided their arm so it laid comfortably around his shoulders.

Obviously they noticed his tired look. They let their fingers run even gentler through his hair "Being hit with both delusions and dissociation within the same morning must be exhausting, right?"

"mhm"

"I think it's quite amazing the way your brain is protecting itself. Your beautiful brain. Though I understand it isn't amazing from your point of view"

"mhm"

"Do you want me to leave? If you're going to fall asleep I mean? If it potentially was me staying over that triggered the nightmare I don't-"

"Stay" Remus opened his eye just for a moment to look at them "Please stay"

Janus nodded "Okay. Okay I will. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise"

They kept carding through his hair as he's breathing turned softer. Janus pressed a light kiss to his hair and made themself comfortable in the warm bed. Seeing his relaxed expression was enough to make them willing to wait hours.

For Janus: 🍳: Breakfast in bed ☺️: Soft words of reassurance 🧣: A fluffy blanket

Janus woke up to the smell of coffee. They stretched out their arms and grabbed onto the pillow to slam their face even further into it's fluffiness.

"Seems like someones awake" Logan's voice broke through their sleepy state.

"Ssssshut up. I am very clearly sleeping" Janus snarked back "Listen. snork mimimi. Very asleep"

"Ah yes. Excuse me. I see my mistake now. You are indeed very asleep"

Janus slowly opened one of his eyes and squinted up at his boyfriend. Logan was sitting leaned against a pillow. He was reading some Agatha Christie novel while wearing his specially decorated reading glasses. (He'd put beads on them to match his partner's hair).

"OH!" Janus suddenly exclaimed "Where's my angel baby? Light of my life? Core of my heart?"

"Right here" Logan replied while holding his hand up.

"I'm talking about Ms Carl" Janus fished around with his hand until he felt scales. She was cuddled up to his side. She was letting out snake snores that sounded like hisses "Oh there she is" He placed his hand on top of Logan's "And good morning to the second light of my life"

Logan sat his book aside and leant down to give him a kiss "Good morning to you too"

They were both under a ridiculously fluffy blanket. One of Patty's greatest finds in her opinion. Janus felt Logan's leg moving under the blanket, he gently moved his foot against their leg.

"I woke up a bit ago. I heard Patty talking to Rowan to the late hours yesterday so I thought I might as well wake up along side her and make her some breakfast"

"So i am too assume that you didn't make me shit and you're planning on letting me- your wonderful goddess partner- starve?" Janus replied sarcastically.

"Well first of I got you some tea. Lemon flavor as usual"

"Obviously"

Logan grabbed a cup of tea and handed it to him. They clinked their cups into each other before both taking a sip in unison.

"I also made some sandwiches. Egg and chicken since I know they're your favorite"

Janus got a lazy smile as he managed to move enough to kiss him again "If I eat them in small but very vicious bites they make me feel like a snake. Thanks honey"

Logan moved to grab the plate of sandwiches from the nightstand but Janus waved it off and yawned again. Breakfast could wait. Lo laid down on his stomach instead, he nuzzled his nose against his partner's neck while placing his arm over their chest. Their fingers intertwined and their legs weaved together.

"Patty is away at work, so we have the whole day for ourselves" Logan mumbled out. He was laying so close his lips tickled Janus' skin when he spoke.

"Wasn't there some new documentary about uhm what was it"

"Mathematical diagrams" Their boyfriend filled in. "Including cartesian coordinates!"

"Oh but wasn't there another one about norse mythology. The one that was a several hour long breakdown of both of the eddas? You know my soft spot for the world serpent"

Logan pressed soft kisses to their chest that made them giggle from ticklyness "Sounds like we'll have no choice but to have a very long debate to choose which movie to watch"

"Isn't getting to watch it together with your very gorgeous partner enough" Janus snarked.

"Yes of course. Now I see. I forgot the very incredibly scientific fact that my Janus is the most beautiful partner imaginable" He replied while kissing his cheeks "Most charismatic, smart, endlessly intriguing partner. And a great listener as well. Truly a well of fascinating facts"

He covered his face with his hands as his cheeks went red "Logie I wasn't ready"

"You started it"

"I'm aware!"

Logan settled his head against his partner's shoulder "How about this suggestion, I receive a few more minutes of cuddles before breakfast and in return we watch your preferred documentary"

Janus smiled "I like the sound of that"

[fakeloveaskblog]

Hey Remy, none of the others can hear me rn, just checking in :) Virgil is okay, we've been checking in on him so he's not lonely. Also g i r l was that hand holding I saw??? That's awesome!!

"Thanks gal! I've been like so worried about my babe!!! I thought he was gonna be like mad or something. My phone is out of battery so I can't like check in on him. You're like tots so nice!!"

None of the others could hear Remy's answer either. They were on a romcom marathon. On their second movie. Rowan had draped herself over most of the couch after changing into the her night robe, putting on her face mask and stuffing her hair into her sleeping bonnet.

Remus was sitting in front of the sofa. He was sketching out how he thought the romcom should end (in murder) because he was grumpy that his suggestion to watch the Saw movies had been voted no to.

"Oh and about the hand holding!!"

Since Rowan was taking up so much of the sofa Janus and Remy had had to cram together in the little space left. The enby was pressed against their crush' side while he had his arm around them. Their thighs were rubbing against each other. Janus was focusing all his attention on the movie because he knew if he thought about Remy being this close for even a second he might just pass out from excitement.

"Well ehhhh a lot like that is happening"

"She literally has an entire walk in closet ONly for shoes!!! WHY is she obsessed with getting that guy! She's already living the dream!!! Ugh!" Rowan exclaimed while dunking babka bread into her mouth. (the only valid film food except for popcorn in her opinion)

"He does have very nice eyebrows. Perhaps he has hypnotic eyebrows?" Janus replied while stealing some of her bread.

Remus held up a drawing of the main character stabbing the guy in the eye with the heel of 5 of her shoes at the same time.

Janus nodded back "Innovative solution. I am sure his corpse would be good decoration for her second walk in closet"

Remy finished out the last stitch on the trans flag. They bit the remaining thread off with their bare teeth. They heard Janus take a very sharp inhale just as they did. They had sharp teeth. He was thinking of vampires again.

"Tada!" They motioned for the finished flag.

None of the fabric look like the matched. It was like someone had randomly taken 5 different trans like colors and pasted them together in the dark. It gave perfect Remus vibes!

Remus' eyes went huge and he made grabby hands for it. Remy detached themself from their crush to move down on the floor and carefully drape the flag around his shoulders like it was a blanket.

"You can choose where to hang it later dukey. Not in the kitchen though. You'll set it on fire" Rowan added.

There was a huge smile on his lips and a glimmer in his eyes and traced his fingers over the edge of the flag. His cheeks went rosy as he looked back to Remy. His movement wasn't as hasty and neurotic as usual. It was gentle and slow like he was thinking more than he had in a while.

Remus reached out and took their hand in his. Remy's breathe hitched a little. He hadn't touched anyone except for Rowan since his breakdown.

His hand moved away just as quickly but his warmth stayed on their skin. He moved the flag closer around himself as he went back to looking at his drawings.

Remy entangled themself with Janus again. They pretended to fix their skirt as a reason to look away so no one would see how much they were blushing. They never blushed this much! Oh god had they gotten the plague???

"Your uh hands or I mean wrists- wrists they-" Janus began. He took a second to get back into his usual suave manners "Your wrists must be quite sore after sewing all that. I don't want you to be in pain and I know that warmth usually helps against pain so should I perhaps ehm warm your wrists?"

They turned their head so suddenly they nearly slammed their forehead into his face "Oh sure gal! Do whatever! Or I mean don't like stick them up your ass. Please. We're in public"

Janus took their wrists between his palms, like a wrist sandwich, and rubbed his hands to generate warmth. Before casually gliding his left hand up so their hands were connected. Remy intertwined their fingers.

They looked away from each other, towards the screen. Janus got a goofily big smile on his face. He could explode into happy stims. Remy felt a flutter of giggles that they forced back into their throat. They hadn't felt like since Virgil took them out to a restaurant for the first time.

"Yeah giiirl so about that hand holding" They looked between you and Janus' hand as it sat closely held by theirs and then back to you again. Their whole body was vibrating from happiness.