And the test of patience commences again.
When someone returns home from her mission, people expect her to be more mature, stronger and smarter than she used to be. They expect her to change.
So sometimes, she tries to satisfy the people around her by keeping a cheerful countenance, always looking ready to face any challenge. Ready to date. And eventually ready to marry.
But there’s a part of her that is so vulnerable, which nobody knew, and she set it aside for a long time for a better purpose. She waited until she could go home “and think her own thoughts.” And that’s when she understood the character of Christ.
Now that she’s done with her mission, that vulnerable part, which slept for a long time, suddenly felt as if a hot and painful thing rose from deep inside, slowly erupting, ready to burst. And for the first time in a long time, she broke down. It felt good not having to conceal all those feelings. It has always felt good to cry.
“Thinking my own thoughts is not a very happy thing to do.”, she thought. She’s grateful however for through the cry, she was able to let out the pain that she kept for so long.
She doesn’t talk to anybody about this. She doesn’t date either. The only reason she entertained a few suitors is so she could avert loneliness. But she realized she needs to “learn her way around loneliness” without using others.
She expected herself to be stronger now. She backslid a few times, making a mess out of her actions and stubbornness. But one thing she learned from the mission is that she could always get another chance, she could always get an answer to her pleadings, relying on God’s mercy.
At times, she’s tempted to wonder how much more time it will take before He answers her prayers. It’s been months, she thought.
But then she realized that there must be a reason why she’s always waited. Yes, “she was always waiting, it seemed to be her forte.” And along with the waiting were tears of pain. And nobody could comprehend it except God.
When she returned home from her mission, people expected her to be more mature, stronger and smarter than she used to be. They expected her to change.
She didn’t change much. She is still the same lady who writes when she’s hurt, and the lady who has the same weakness. The only thing that changed is her faith. Having experienced miracles in her life, she is extremely sure that whatever she is going through right now will pass. She is sure that with God, nothing is impossible.
