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sir...
EMERGENCY COMMISSION OPEN, 4 SLOTS LEFT
Chunkli memes
One night, Rex Lapis returns to your shared chambers after an evening of revelry with his fellow Archons—tipsy.
The god opens the doors to your bedroom with a grander flourish than his usual gentle-natured disposition, beaming.
“My lord, you’re back!” You hop out of bed and bound over to him eagerly. “How was the- oof!”
Rex Lapis engulfs you in an intense bear hug, the smile never leaving his face. “Ah, my dearest sweet,” he hums, “how long has it been since I have embraced you like this? Decades have passed since our last meeting.” His horns and tail have manifested, the latter wagging intensely like an overgrown puppy’s.
You squirm in his tight grip, finally catching a whiff of the wine on him. That Barbatos… “No, it’s only been a few hours. If decades had passed I’d be old and wrinkly!”
“And I would still savour the taste of you every night,” the Geo Lord coos, relentless in his cuddling. His tail does not stop.
Your face turns hot. “A-anyway! Please let me go and I can help you with your…current state!”
“There is nothing that can sate my affection for you,” your divine lover declares, although his grip does thankfully loosen, “except by engaging in fierce, passionate lovemaking until tomorrow’s morrow’s dawn breaks.”
The day after tomorrow?! “My lord, you’re drunk!” you cry out. “None of that until you’re sober again!” Wriggling free from his grasp (and dodging his sloppy grabby hands), you usher him to the edge of the bed and sit him down, which he does so with surprisingly little resistance.
Rex Lapis lets out a huff. “Very well.” He crosses his arms and closes his eyes and waits silently.
You frown. “What are you doing?”
“Waiting until I am sober.”
“My lord…” You stifle a giggle. “Wait here while I get you something to eat, okay? And…perhaps a bucket in case you retch.”
“Are you saying I appear a wretch, my dear?”
“Retch!” you repeat. “As in, throw up.”
But the god droops and looks down at his palms. “Wretch…” he repeats morosely, tail thumping sadly against the bed.
You shake your head in exasperation and make to leave, but he grabs your arm. “Oh, what now, my lord?”
He fixes you with a gaze so intense, the gold of his irises gleam in the comfortable dimness of the room. It’s smouldering, the strict curve of his lip almost intimidating… “I demand a kiss before you go. I cannot remember the last time you gave me a kiss.”
“Oh, please. You have impeccable memory which should tell you I kissed you just before you left for the Archon gathering.” You roll your eyes but peck him on the cheek anyway, then worm out of his hold before he can demand another one.
“Fine, at least hear me out.” His gaze turns even more intense than before, an incandescent mountain.
You turn to face him again. “Yes, my lord…?”
He eyes you from head to toe. “I love you.”
“Awww! I love you, too!”
Giggling, you slip out of the chamber to bring back the necessary remedy, leaving a thoroughly disgruntled god sitting on the edge of the bed with his tail thumping petulantly.
The next day, Deus Auri vehemently denies any memory of the night prior.
zhongli didn't like the scent of dandelion wine on you, he prefers you smell like home. ⋆ MASTERLIST ˎˊ˗
Zhongli was not a clingy man. Matter of fact, he was not an obsessive man, nor was he possessive—he was always calm and composed; you could never see this man's composure crack.
…Until you came back from Mondstadt, that is.
You had just come back from visiting the Windblume Festival in Mondstadt, and when you did, that was when he caught the whiff of the dandelion wine on you. Your hair, your sleeves, and your skin smelled like that of another nation.
once a mountain
— ☆ contents: dealing with dragon!form zhongli who possesses cat-like behaviours. human reader. dragon husband. sfw. fluff. established relationship. might be a little ooc. this is very unserious. 0.6k. | masterlist (i’m a dark content blog so mdni).
Dragon!Zhongli who acts much like an affectionate housecat despite his towering size and the magnitude of his status.
He, who is so comfortable around his human partner that he isn't afraid to bear his dragon form day-to-day, lest his cat-like behaviours (endearing as they are) go unnoticed.
Every time you run your fingers through the silk of his dark locks or scratch at the base of his horns, that's when it starts. A deep, soothing vibration beneath his scaled chest. The low rumble is almost hypnotic as his amber eyes drift closed, lulling him (and yourself) into a state of ease. If you remain watchful, you'll catch the corners of his lips curl ever-so-slightly upwards.
You can’t help but giggle because you know it’s not quite purring, but it might as well be.
Dragon!Zhongli whose tail is as much part of his personality as his deep voice and eloquent spiels. First and foremost, that thing is unapologetically heavy. When he’s in a good mood, it swishes around lazily, thumping against the furniture or brushing against your legs as he walks by.
Once it knocked over an entire stack of books and while you were busy laughing, he just sighed and said, “An unfortunate accident.” But if he’s feeling especially affectionate? Even worse. That's when you really have to watch out. It possessively curls around you and suddenly you’re dealing with the weight of a solid tail pulling you closer to him. You’ve almost toppled over a few times because of it.
“Careful, Zhongli,” you’ll tell him. “You might end up sweeping me off my feet.” Then he chuckles at you, tail tightening around your waist just a smidge.
That’s the idea, of course.
🏮 Being Zhongli’s Wife Headcanons
A/N: Realized I published the wrong draft the other day of this, so I reposted.
💍 In Public
• Ever the picture of composure, he carries himself like living stone — but those who watch closely see the softness in his eyes when they rest on you.
• His hand will brush yours in passing, lingering just long enough to send a thrill through you. To others, it looks like nothing; to you, it feels like a secret he shares only with you.
• The people of Liyue revere him, yet they murmur in awe at the thought that you — and only you — have managed to win his heart.
💍 In Private
• Once the doors are closed, restraint melts away. He’ll pull you into his lap while sipping tea, his thumb tracing lazy circles over your thigh as he recounts tales of ancient times.
• He adores the sound of your laugh, often pressing kisses to your jawline mid-story just to hear it again.
• When apart, he grows restless; the weight of centuries feels heavier without you. You are the tether that keeps him grounded in the present.
💍 Jealousy
• Zhongli does not argue or posture when jealous; instead, his silence cuts deeper than words. A single glance from his molten-gold eyes is enough to freeze most in their tracks.
• If another lingers too close, his hand settles low on your waist, firm and unmistakably possessive — a silent vow that you are his.
• Later, when it’s only you, his composure cracks. He’ll pin you to the wall with a heated kiss, his voice rough at your ear: “Do not forget, beloved — you are mine alone.”
💍 NSFW
• In the bedroom, he worships you like you’re a divine relic — every kiss slow, every caress deliberate, as though savoring the sacred.
• But when centuries of restraint snap, he becomes unyielding. He drives into you with the same intensity he once commanded armies, leaving you trembling under the weight of his devotion.
• He loses control when you moan his name; the deep, broken sound that leaves his chest betrays just how much power you hold over him.
• Afterwards, he always holds you close, forehead pressed to yours, whispering soft words in an ancient tongue — apologies, endearments, and promises that he’ll never let go.
💍 Domestic
• He insists on brewing your tea every morning, calling it “a husband’s honor,” though his lips curve in secret amusement when you tease him about it.
• He slips pressed flowers between the pages of his texts, each one chosen because it reminded him of you. Sometimes, you find little notes tucked with them — old-fashioned love letters penned in his elegant script.
• He cannot sleep soundly without you near. If you leave the bed, his hand unconsciously searches for you in the dark, a soft murmur of your name spilling past his lips.