Stalagmites are called stalagmites because if you put them on the ceiling, they mite fall down. Stalactites are called stalactites because ...
You can put a pair of tights on them without the tights having to be upside down
“lactite” sounds like “lactate” and some stalactites look like hanging tiddies if you squint
They’re higher up. Kind of like how titans are taller. Titans/tites. See it?
They descend from the latin word stalactites, which descended from the greek word stalaktos, which came from stalassein, meaning “to drip.”
The first recorded speleologists were twins named Mite and Tite, they each wanted to name a speleothem after themselves. But Tite was a very good basketball player, and so was able to jump up and slap his name’s label onto a stalactite before Mite could get a stepladder for himself.
Mite was actually the basketball player, but he was as dumb as the rocks he liked looking at, and when he slapped the stalactite with his label, it actually fell down from the ceiling. Tite swooped in and labeled it before Mite could get his bearings.
Mites are small and therefore lower down. Stalagmites are lower down. Stalactites, being the opposite of stalagmites, are of course higher up.