#rileejackson

[rileejackson]

When Life Gives You Lemons...Should You Take Them?

Just when you think you have everything under control. A college degree, a good job, good friends, a decent social life, doing what you enjoy and getting better at it everyday and then, bam! Life hits you...again, and again, and again, and a— you get my point.

Life hit me hard a few months ago. Things went south at my new job and I was left to drown with no life-raft in sight. Finding odd jobs to even out my financial situation was difficult and ultimately was deemed unsuccessful. Although things were unfair and I was struggling to afford even just one meal a day, I managed to get by. I got a temporary coaching job (which I did all throughout high school) and had a buttload of time on my hands. The thing with me is that I love to be busy. I love having things to do. In addition to that, I’m constantly tired and love to do nothing but binge-watch Netflix or Hulu all day. But with having as much time on my hands as I did, I felt so worthless and unproductive that I didn’t know what to do anymore.

Shortly after, I made a bold decision. One that scared me (still does) and forced me to swallow my pride a little and accept failure. That bold, scary, and tough decision was to take my sister and brother-in-law up on their offer on letting me live with them in Philadelphia. June rolled around and I found myself packing the last few boxes of all the crap I had in my room. I made the trek to Virginia, where I would be spending the month of July visiting home and old friends and basically trying to get my life back on track; which reminds me, thanks mom for letting me crash. Before getting to VA, I met my family in Myrtle Beach, SC for a family vacation. Although I got sunburn within the first two days of a week long beach vacation, it was nice and much needed for all of us. It was also the first vacation we had since 2013 so it was long overdue.

Me and my sisters at Alligator Adventure in Myrtle Beach, SC

Facing reality after vacation is hard enough. Facing reality while being back in the same house you grew up in after being 800 miles away and on your own for the last four years is even harder. Being from a small country town, you know someone by either personal connections, acquaintances, or through a mutual friend. Or you’re related. The point is, the word about anything and everything gets around fast. So it’s fair to say that I feel like I’m being judged. I feel like people are thinking, “Oh there’s Rilee, she’s back. She couldn’t make it in the real world. She failed.” Add some finger-pointing and laughter and you now know what's been going on in my head for the last month. Are people really doing that? Probably not, at least not everyone. I’m sure there are people who aren’t too fond of me for whatever reason and are kind of glad to see me back home because I did fail. I really did. Ultimately it wasn’t my fault for how things happened with my job nor was it in my control. I just believed in something good and put all of my trust and dedication into it and failed. Life handed me lemons and I took them.

You can say that my mental state hasn't been the greatest in the recent months in spite of everything. My stress level has been at an all time high and I know those around me have been stressed because of my situation as well. Around my first week of being back home, I sat in Starbucks 8 hours a day just sending out cold-emails to managers, bands, venues, and anyone else I could contact about shooting local shows both here in VA, but also in Philly later in the year. Out of about 100 emails, I got maybe 10-15 responses (typical and expected).

You know how “it’s all about who you know”? Well, I finally found that to be true. Capstan, an Orlando band, is playing the Final Vans’ Warped Tour which was making a stop in Virginia Beach on July 12th. Since they’re smaller, I wondered if they had a photographer with them during the tour. Less than a week before the VA date and ready for rejection, I decided to text my good friend Tony who photographs them often. I simply asked if they had a photographer for that date and if not, what the chances were of me shooting for them? We talked and he reached out to Boz (bassist, whom I met literally twice a month prior) for me and sent him my work. Funnily enough, Boz actually texted Tony about Florida Warped dates at the same time I texted him about the VA date. Not even 24 hours later, he texted me saying, “You’re in! He put you on the list!” I was at lunch with my sister and brother and literally freaked out while we were in the middle of a conversation. I was shooting WARPED TOUR....the FINAL WARPED TOUR. Not only that, but it was my first Warped Tour ever AND I got to shoot it! That’s INSANE.

Capstan

Capstan

I got to Warped, got my photo pass, met up with Boz, found out that I had access to shoot any band (score), and I finally met my friend Alex Smith! Alex is the merch guy for Sleep On It and writes bomb-ass tour journals. We've been mutuals on Twitter for a while so check him out! I also got to meet one photographer I really admire, Dieter Unrath. He was nice enough to take some time out of his day to talk with me which was a lot of fun so check him out as well!

Alex (Fucking) Smith and Me

YUNGBLUD

Mosh pit during Simple Plan’s set at Warped Tour

Awsten Knight of Waterparks

State Champs

The next day I had to be in Richmond for A Story Told’s show at the Canal Club. Despite the fact I was insanely dehydrated and spent most of my Friday the 13th hugging a trash can, I had a lot of fun meeting and shooting the guys of AST. A week later I was back the same venue to shoot House & Home.

A Story Told at Canal Club

A Story Told on The Canal Trail (...I think that’s the name)

House & Home at Canal Club

House & Home at Canal Club

It’s nearing the end of July and I feel better about where I’m at and hopeful for the future. Like everything else, making my mark on Philly and the music scene up north will be hard-work, but I’m excited to get my footing there like I did in Orlando. I’m trying to look at it as me expanding my work and my name rather than me having to start over. It’s hard and I’m struggling, but I’m slowly figuring things out and feeling better about things overall.

So back to the question at hand: when life hands you lemons, should you take them? From my experience, yes. If this last year has taught me anything, it’d be that everything happens for a reason. If things worked out with my job, I wouldn’t have been able to shoot a bunch of bands at warped tour, meet the people I got to meet, make the connections in the music scene in Richmond, and I definitely wouldn’t have made the bold choice to move to Philly. I move there in about three weeks and I’m nervous, but excited.

Moving to Orlando at 17, a month after high school graduation was a risk. I’ve made many decisions, good and bad, and I’ve struggled more than one could ever imagine...but I wouldn’t change a thing about how I did it or when. More and more everyday I believe that things happen for a reason and that failure means you’re trying. When life hands you lemons, take them. Take the risk that comes with them. Prepare for failure and be ready to struggle. Expect the unexpected. Make the most of what you have and get creative. It’s easier said than done and some times will be harder than others, but so far, I’ve found that it’s worth it.

[rileejackson]

IT’S TIME

July 20, 2014. That was the day I said my goodbyes to family and friends in Virginia and made the long 12 hour drive to Florida. At age 17, nearly a month after graduating high school, I moved to Orlando not knowing a soul. It was definitely the most terrifying thing that I’ve ever done, but hands down the best choice I’ve ever made. Just days after moving, my car broke down on the side of the road during a hot summer day due to the transmission. I remember I didn’t call my mom, not until I got home safely hours later. I took care of things on my own, took care of the insurance, and was able to get my car towed back to my apartment where I was finally able to shower after sitting in a hot car while wearing yoga pants and a tank top for six hours. 

September 29, 2017. This is the day I graduate from Full Sail University with a Bachelors degree in Digital Cinematography, just three weeks after turning 21. To say I am happy is an understatement. Words can’t describe how much I’ve grown as an artist and overall person within three years. Those three years consisted of changing my major, experiencing a true love, experiencing a true heartbreak, ending toxic friendships and starting new and healthier ones, becoming confident in my work and proving my self worth to myself. The people that I’ve met along the way have opened so many doors for me. If it weren’t for me moving to Orlando to be a campus student studying Show Production; if it weren’t for me changing my major ten months later; if it weren’t for my final project, I would have never met the guys of FELICITY. If it wasn’t for FELICITY, I wouldn’t have met other photographers and videographers or have gotten the awesome video internship at the place I now call my job. If it wasn’t for the internship, then I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now or getting the opportunities I’m getting. I wouldn’t be doing what I love. When I first moved to Orlando, I felt like it was right, but I also knew I was still very young. A lot of people doubted me including myself. There were many times where I considered moving back home, but I thought that I would be viewed as a failure if I did. However, as a lot of you know, I come from a very independent group of women and if it weren’t for them, I would not have been able to make this move when I did and I would not have been able to stay and experience all that I have. If it weren’t for them, I would have moved back home the many times I thought I failed. 

I’ve never been as proud of myself as I am now and I honestly haven’t felt this happy in a long time. Sure not everything is perfect. Things still need improvement, but that’s okay. I think that’s what a lot of us forget sometimes so we see it as a weakness. 

To those who have a passion that truly moves them, a passion that they can pour themselves in to for hours and hours to the point they lose track of time, make that passion a reality. Go for it. It’s possible as long as you want it and understand the amount of work it will take to get there. I’m not going to lie, it’s not easy, not one bit, but believe me it’s so worth it. At times it will seem like the world is totally against you and you’ll see signs telling you to give up. Don’t give into it. Stick to it and you will come out better than ever. When pursuing your passion, you meet people that have the same interests as you. You naturally surround yourself with positivity and good vibes. As a result, you motivate, help, and guide each other and end up being better at your craft than you could have ever imagined. There will always be obstacles in your path. There will always be a reason to not do something. Overcome those obstacles, think about the positive possible outcomes and allow the negativity to do nothing but motivate. Set small goals in order to reach your main goals. 

Your dreams can be your reality. You just have to truly want it.

[rileejackson]

Life Ruiner.

I ruin good things that happen to me. Either my selfish depression gets in the way or I become over excited and express things too soon. Why am I like this? Why am I how I am? I don’t know how to change it. I try not to care, but it never works. Ending up hurt and full of sadness is inevitable for me. I’ve come to accept the fact I don’t deserve any good to happen to me. I don’t deserve true happiness so I’m not going to expect it anymore. Why would I have the luxury of being given something so wonderful and lovely if I’m just going ruin it? Exactly, it doesn’t make sense. It’s a waste when someone else can have it and treat it with the appropriate care. 

[rileejackson]

Title

It’s such a confusing time. I like you. You make me laugh, you make me forget about the sad things and bad things. After every time I see you, my cheeks ache from smiling so much. So why am I scared? You are so patient and kind and I know you won’t be here forever. One can only be patient for so long. You are a wonderful friend and overall person. You deserve so much more than what you’ve gotten in the past. I know you think I can give the “so much more” to you, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to and I don’t want to cause a long sense of pain with only a little bit of happiness to benefit. Maybe that’s the reason I’m scared. You don’t deserve to hurt anymore. Not by anyone, not even me. I don’t know for sure if I’ll hurt you, but I don’t want to risk it. I have so much fun with you, but I am in a weird place and don’t know when I’ll escape it. I don’t know if this “fun” will last or fade tomorrow. I don’t know. I wish I did. 

[rileejackson]

Struggles

Recently I have fixed everything that I was stressing over, but something crumbled and now I’m stressed all over again. I just want to say that there will be times where things are going to fall apart and you’re going to feel helpless. If you’re at least 18, chances are you’ve already experienced it. Just know that when something falls apart, something better is going to fall together. No matter how long it may take or how painful it may be in that moment. Just persevere and do you like a boss. No one does you better than you. 

[rileejackson]

The Lame Friend

I’m the lame friend. I’m the one who has anxiety about going out, the one who is on anti-depressants. I’m the one whose friends only go to when they need something, when it’s at their convenience. Now that I think about it, I’ve always been the lame friend. It hurts and it sucks. Think about it, the friends you’ve been friends with only knows you as being the lame one. And the new friends you meet later, you don’t know how to approach them or how to form a friendship; you don’t know how to change.

This post is a short one. I just needed to vent.

[rileejackson]

I made a music video with my friend! I mixed, recorded, shot, and edited the song and video. Please watch and enjoy! I’m super proud of this and excited to share! 

rileejackson

[rileejackson]

Six Things High School Taught Me

Oh high school, how I hated you then and miss you now…sometimes. I had some great times in high school. I was a Varsity Cheerleader all throughout and was Captain my senior year, but I had some hard times too. Here’s a few things that high school taught me.

How to dodge big crowds in a timely manner.

If your experience was anything like mine, then you know how to maneuver around couples making out, people crowding around a fight, and simply just people walking like snails. Every time I was on crutches (which was quite a bit), I was STILL in class before the bell rang. Granted, after the first time, I was a master.

How to fit all necessities into one bag.

Let’s face it, there was no time to run to your locker and trade in your books for others; especially if it was on the other side of the school. Really lockers were just for practice clothes and equipment you needed later. Because of this, I now know how to pack a suitcase in a sufficient way.

How to deal with people you aren’t too fond of.

I’m not even going to try to say that I liked everyone in high school because I’d be lying. I can get along with almost everyone, but sometimes I just can’t stand people. When it came to classes, I was the one that sat quietly, did my work, talked every now again (obviously depending on who sat near me), and got so annoyed by those who just wouldn’t stop trying to get out of doing assignments. I know that’s a pretty generic thing for everyone, but I had to add it. Now, I understand how to tolerate people…even those I don’t like.

How to accept the fact that you can’t stay out of trouble all the time.

This one annoys me to the core. So, all through grade school I always managed to get out of silent lunch. In middle school, my friends started a food fight. Of course our entire class got silent lunch…except me. I talked my way out of it. Pretty sure everyone hated me for it, but I had a record I had to maintain. Anyways, all throughout high school I managed to stay out trouble until my senior year. It was literally three months before graduation and I got caught in one of those “if you’re tardy, go to the cafeteria." Well, it was like my fifth time being tardy and my only time getting caught for it and I got DETENTION. it made me so upset and incredibly mad. Thankfully, my coach was able to get it to be ISS….still hated it. I hated it so much.

How to multi-task.

Okay, now this one mainly comes from the help of lunch. In my school, there were multiple lunch lines, but a ton of people and only a 25 minute lunch period to eat and socialize. Pretty much every lunch (especially senior year) I had homework or projects to work on. Sure, most of my papers had food on it when it came to turning it in, but at least I got it done and for that I’m proud.

When teachers said, “You think you have it hard now, just wait until after you graduate."

And boy, how right they were. Every teenager ignores it when teachers say this and everyone knows they say it many, many times. Of course, every teenager doesn’t believe it until after they graduate and experience life without high school. But, just because I didn’t believe it then, doesn’t mean I don’t find it to be true now. I think a lot of people can say the same.

Oh high school, how I hated you then and miss you now…sometimes.