I... guys i just had a serious breakdown again. I thought I was okay by now, the last days really had been okay and I felt overall calm and at peace somehow. But.. turns out I was not.
Today I was busy with my daily routines at home, even had done some sports, and all the while I'd been listening to my giant playlist from all the past years with songs that I connect with Bellarke or Bellamy and then THIS song came on and...
.. suddenly everything came to a halt. I was just LISTENING... wide eyed and unable to move. And then came the tears. And oh boy did these hurt... God I cried so hard my whole body was aching. I think I haven't even cried THAT hard right after that mess of an episode aired...
Shit... I thought I was free of it. But I am not. The whole disrespect and disgrace of my all time fave character will haunt me for god knows how long. What have they done... what did they do to you bb... Everything hurts tonight again...
I thought sooner or later the lights up above
will come down in circles and guide me to love
But I don't know what's right for me
I've been here too long and I don't want to wait for it
Fly like a cannonball, straight to my soul
Tear me to pieces and make me feel whole
I'm willing to fight for it and carry this weight
I keep questioning what is true...