#rkhaechan

[rkjaemin]

from a whisper to a scream

"do you know what you've done?"

jaemin has not slept well in years, only when he left home and moved in with donghyuck did he remember what it felt like to surrender to slumber. but even in his peace, he couldn't help but look at his boyfriend, his bestfriend, and feel his heart hurt at what he had to endure. sitting across him during breakfast the following day, he felt like he was keeping a secret, watching the older boy talk so animatedly about whatever it was that jaemin could only smile to. it wasn't that he wasn't listening, he really was... tried to, at least, but he couldn't help but feel that what he had done was not... right. it felt like a crime.

he knew something was bothering haech. over the last few weeks, he seemed to be carrying this cloud with him, a scene that jaemin only ever saw when he was still living with... that man. he wasn't supposed to say it out loud or even think about it, but in the past, he thought of a hundred and one ways to kill his bestfriend's father. he could remember the number of things he thought of to do donghyuck's father, ways he could make him hurt and ways to finally end his bestfriend's suffering. jaemin could make him suffer, make him feel the way haech did. people would think he's crazy, and he probably is, but na jaemin can probably get away with murder, if he truly wanted to. the need gets stronger everytime he saw the bruises, the way donghyuck flinched when jaemin unknowingly touches where he'd been hurt. accidents is what they were called, but jaemin knew better.

i went to see him, haech.

the words were simple, straightforward. and yet he knew it shouldn't be as simple and as straightforward. he was not supposed to be there that day, but he didn't want to let him get away with it. na jaemin knows death very well, knows that it can take many forms, and one of the most cruel things it could be is an escape. he wasn't going to let that man go without a piece of his cruelty shoved into his face. and as he sat there, unable to say a word, eyes still watching haech, nodding his head and smiling, half listening and half distracted, jaemin wishes he actually did more than he had.

they said he was resting, most of the time that's what he's doing. 'monsters doesn't deserve to rest' were the words that immediately came to mind, but instead jaemin puts on a mask, pretends to be the son that left home and didn't show up until today, worried that it would be the last time. that sort of penance always seems to get expressions to soften, always get the sympathy, and got him some time with the dying man he wanted to see. he respected donghyuck's decisions, he knew what hell he lived in most of his life with the man lying on the bed. jaemin wasn't going to lie, he hoped he was dead right there and then. a demented thought to dwell in, but he wasn't going to pretend to feel sympathy for some devil who had made lives miserable. besides, he's thought of worse.

jaemin freezes when the man tossed and turned suddenly. shit. and he finds himself taking one step back, swallowing hard before walking closer to the bedside. he isn't dead... yet. but from what he's heard, it was certain, only a matter of time. he looks at his face, sees a man aged by illness and time, and he almost sees a father in there too. he rubs his temples, sighing as he sat down. "do you know what you've done?" he lets out quietly, eyes still closed, hands balled into a fist over his knees. "do you know what you've done... to your son?"

there were so many things he wanted to ask, so many questions that he seeks to get answer to. he practiced and prepared his rebutals, ready to defend lee donghyuck from whatever sick and twisted response this man might have. but he couldn't sew the words together, couldn't even staple a decent phrase. he wanted to speak, whisper, but all he wanted to do is scream. it wasn't fair. this man was getting the easy way out, never going to get the chance to pay for what he's done. for a split second there, jaemin wanted to do the unthinkable. it would be easy... no one would know. maybe someone will, but he was willing to take the fall.

but he thought of about lee donghyuck, and the way he smiled, just like the way he's doing now across the table.

he closes his eyes and lets his head fall forward, breathing heavily as he calmed himself down. jaemin wanted to kill this man... but that wouldn't end donghyuck's suffering now, would it? to the very end, this man wouldn't give what donghyuck needed to continue with his healing. even when the devil offers him a second life in exchange for that very thing, he wouldn't give it. "you wouldn't apologize. you think you didn't do anything wrong to your son." jaemin bites hard on his bottom lip, feeling the tears spill no matter hard he tried. he wasn't weeping for this old man, his heart breaks for donghyuck.

jaemin wipes his tears and gets himself together before he steps out, walks straight without looking back. he wouldn't let himself become the same monster that man was. he was going to be there for haech. always.

[yujinrk]

TRC ENT PRIVATE AUDITION :: AHN YUJIN

[ performance / havana (0:00 - 1:08) ] 

her jaw absolutely goddamn drops when her name is called by tiger jk himself. first of all, she hadn’t expected him to actually address them backstage. just seeing him on eye-level now felt unreal, one of the industry’s leaders...he watched her perform. wow. but the moment her name came up first, followed by five others, set her heart into a frenzy. they? wanted her? for a private audition?! her eyes were wider than saucers upon hearing the details and she nearly misses the following explanation in her panic.

to prepare a performance displaying her strongest skill...it’s got to be dance, right? she’s been practicing hard enough to make her own mother worry about her wellbeing for once, and it’s all been for opportunities like this. she stumbles out of the waiting room in a daze and meets up with heejin and donghyuck almost immediately outside. they all had news to share, and yujiin’s never been more excited for anything in her life. the chance to audition for and (hopefully!) join the same company as two of her most precious friends? she hopes the universe doesn’t take this away from her.

after some quick texts to juyeon and jaemin telling them of the situation, she finally calms down enough to think. it’s got to be dance for her—but which one should she do? it’s probably best to not use something she’s already uploaded before, and it has to be a dance she’s confident in, one that shows off her best sides. then something clicks in her mind, one song standing out from the rest. she quickly searches up the video and shows it to the other two.

“i’m going with this one!”

with cheers and good lucks from her friends and family, yujin finds herself nearly dying upon entering the trc building. her heart thumps so loudly in her chest that she’s sure she’s about to just up and die right before the audition.

it doesn’t get any better on the way to the room, her palms are sweaty (knees weak, arms are heavy), and she’s barely able to focus on the trip. going over the choreography in her head, she nearly bumps into the door in her distracted state. with a sheepish laugh, she thanks the clerk(?) and knocks on the door gingerly before pushing it open.

with a greeting thrown the way of the judges, she sets her bag down awkwardly before shuffling onto the center stage. it’s much different now that she isn’t in front of a crowd, but instead in a small room with only a panel. the camera set up brings up bad memories of previous auditions, but she tries to get rid of the negativity in her mind. she isn’t acting this time, she isn’t going to be out of her element. she’s going to dance, and she’s going to do it well.

havana, ooh na-na half of my heart is in havana, ooh-na-na he took me back to east atlanta, na-na-na oh, but my heart is in havana there's somethin' 'bout his manners havana, ooh na-na

the music starts and yujin takes those brief seconds to control her breathing, calm down, and focus. she’s gone over the moves so many times already, she knows what to do. she knows she can do it, and she’s so goddamn ready to.

with a couple of swaying steps forward, the first line kicks in and she starts off strong. the moves stay on about the same level of energy, so she isn’t about to risk falling off by the end of it. plus, the dance is fun, so she’s just as happy to keep it going. into the final line, she slows down and raises her arms into the air, before kicking the verse off with a pop.

he didn't walk up with that "how you doin'?" (when he came in the room) he said there's a lot of girls I can do with (but i can't without you) I knew him forever in a minute (that summer night in june) and papa says he got malo in him he got me feelin' like ooh-ooh-ooh, i knew it when i met him i loved him when i left him got me feelin' like ooh-ooh-ooh, and then i had to tell him i had to go, oh na-na-na-na-na

she feels herself looking at the panel, but her mind doesn’t move fast enough to process any of their reactions (if they even are giving any). still, she remembers to keep her expressions intact, knowing that it’s easily one of the ways to impress. with a confident, charming, and seductive (god knows how she’s pulling off that one) smile on her lips, she hits every move perfectly. just as she’s practiced over and over in the studio, at home, and even on the way here.

she wants this opportunity.

havana, ooh na-na half of my heart is in havana, ooh-na-na

as the chorus comes back in, the end of her performance draws near. with a final slide into her ending pose, lowering herself down to the ground before rising back up again, she slowly comes back to planet earth as the music fades out. she straightens herself out and breathes out a quick sigh of relief, even if she could feel her nerves rising back to the surface again.

“thank you for your time,” she gives the judges a bow, biting down on her lower lip nervously. had she done well? did she really just zone out for the whole performance? she can barely remember how she did now, only that no mistakes stood out as particularly damning. maybe it’s actually better that she didn’t have a reason to remember anything about it.

well, all she can do now is wait and see.

[rkrosememories]

@rkhaechan

[ ✉️↝ lame aunt 💟]

↪︎ noona…  ↪︎ are you awake?  ↪︎ i’m… scared ↪︎ i don’t know how to ( * deleted )  ↪︎ it’s hard to explain  ↪︎ everything feels wrong ↪︎ i haven’t felt this hopeless in awhile ↪︎ or this scared  ↪︎ i just… i don’t know what to do 

[ sms ↝  goldfish 🐟  ]

— yeah, i’m awake — what’s up? is everything alright? — hey, it’s okay — talk to me — just talk to me, i’m here, okay? 

[rkxdejun-blog]

Magic Man

 a starter for @rkhaechan

 Dejun has made a habit of visiting his cousin’s mother every other week or so, which he understands is perhaps strange now that she’s not his aunt in the technical sense, but she seems fond of him, and is much closer to him than his actual parents are; in terms of distance. His parents are a much longer tube ride away, and sometimes Dejun wants to be fawned over without the commute. The woman was smart, too, and had a flair to her that made her genuinely entertaining company. 

 He’s confused though, when one day he steps in to find a familiar little brown face sitting at her table; the face belongs to one Haechan, whom Dejun has met before through his cousin. 

 He’s struggling to figure just what Haechan is doing here, though. 

 How many surrogate children did this lady have?

 He exaggerates his surprise a little bit, handing the flowers he’d brought on a whim to the other boy with a smile. 

 “These are for you,” he decides, the declaration starting as a lie, and ending up true by the time he sets the bouquet before Haech on the table, “You know...that reading you gave me...” he says as he peels off his jacket, “I thought it was wrong, and that you were full of it, but recently it’s started coming true, it’s kinda scary.” 

 He drapes his coat over one of the dining chairs and sits down to give Haech a smile. 

 “You’re like a legit witch, or something, it’s cool...”

[soljirk]

✨ shattered

( a starter for @rkhaechan )

on many days, solji believed that she was fully recovered from all of the heartbreak that she had suffered in the last few months. however, she wondered if she could ever really be fully recovered. sure, she was busy enough these days to have less time to think about jaebum and all the things that had happened between them, but there were still the odd days in which he sometimes popped into her mind. the last she had heard he had left the country. that was good, right? it meant that she wouldn’t have to awkwardly run into him in the grocery store or somewhere else. she didn’t need to worry about seeing him with someone else, her heart breaking once more that she was the one who had brought this on herself.

and then, there was also haechan whom she hadn’t seen since all of this had happened. a natural casualty due to the sheer nature of the fact that they used to all hang out together. the other was like the adoptive son of the two, and now, it just felt weird that the third was gone. as they sat in solji’s living room, the air felt thick and dense. it was because she had yet to clear it, unspoken words still floating around in her mind. “maybe ... we should talk about the elephant in the room.” she was thankful that he hadn’t explicitly asked her about it and that he had given her the time to bring it up herself. maybe this was what she needed to really get over it.

[bexmatt]

= night night

@rkhaechan​

Sungjae normally doesn’t stay up late, Sungjae’s a good kid, at least his father tells him so. Normally by 9pm Sungjae is asleep, and at most he goes to sleep at 10pm, however today, a friend of his had gotten an idea, to sneak Sungjae out and make him do lots of things he had never done before. Sneaking out wasn’t exactly hard, he had climbed out of the window, not that he needed to, he could’ve probably just walked out the front door without anybody noticing, maybe brother would’ve noticed but he wouldn’t have cared, and father wasn’t home to notice it. But it was the whole experience he needed, to sneak out for the first time, and also, he wanted to make this special for Haechan, pretend that it had actually been hard to sneak out.

Normally Sungjae was also on diets, before it was because he needed to, now he has mostly just accustomed himself to it, and anything unhealthy was weird to him, still Haechan had decided that the two were going to break Sungjae’s diet for the night, something that Sungjae maybe minded a bit, but then again, the other was oldest, they probably knew best. He didn’t even know what an old school arcade was, but the two apparently were going to one, Sungjae wanted to ask, but he was worried that that would make him sound dumb. The whole trip had been on feet and soon enough Sungjae was a lot tired, maybe because of walking too much or maybe because it was long past his bed-time. “hyung are we—” he keeps quiet for a second, tries to find the words in his mind before continuing to speak “we soon there?”.

[rkiny]

˙ ˖✶ no poultry allowed! ❜

( a rkroyalmove starter w. @rkhaechan​ ).

     despite nayeon not having had any concrete plans on visiting royals new building in all it’s pristine and polished glory, her mind and body still trying to focus on settling into her new schedules and routines as a trainee, she couldn’t find it in herself to pass over the opportunity to go with haechan— not when she knew chances to hang out regularly like this would be a little more difficult to come by in the future. she no longer had flexibility in what she did in her daily life, so she had to work around it to make sure she could still socialize with those she held dear to her heart.

     she especially couldn’t let him come alone when she’d heard him mention wanting to bring eggs with him— no way in hell was she gonna let him do something silly and get himself into trouble.

     so, as she lets her eyes wander around the building's cafe, one of the main attraction points, nayeon turns to look over to the younger boy with a smile. “it really is nice, huh? i wonder if the food is just as good— do you want anything?” she raises a brow, pointing to a line. “i think they’re selling merch over there, we should get something!”

[rkheejin]

˚ ♡ › private trc entertainment audition ( 042819 )!           ‧ ₊ ˚ singing paris by sabrina carpenter // 0:00 — 2:10, 3:17 — 3:45!

     despite her initial hesitations, the immediate conflict of differing emotions she’d felt from the very moment the scout had placed the card between her fingers during the triple threat challenge, heejin knew she’d be here regardless of her prior uncertainty. truly, making the call seemed to be a no brainer in a situation like this, hand unnecessarily shaky as she’d held the phone up to her ear— it was annoying, even hours later, to feel the tremor course through the very same hand despite how calm and controlled she felt.

     she wasn’t nervous. no, far from it in reality— even now, stood outside of the trc building a week later, she felt nothing akin to jitters or butterflies ( if anything, she felt pressure— pressure to prove her potential, pressure to show she was worth the gamble of a contract and training, regardless of whoever's eyes were on her ).

     heejin was never one to half-ass anything, and this would be no exception.

     she was more than ready, the week she’d had between the day of the challenge up until now giving her all the time she’d needed to prepare her performance— the judges wanted to see her showcase what she considered to be her strongest skill, so without any hesitation, the dark-haired girl knew she wanted to sing.

     as she checks in with the front desk, awaiting her slotted time in silence, it’s thoughts of jaehyun ( of yujin, haechan, and of course, yerim ) that come to her in these last few moments, offering a sense of ease to her breathing she hadn’t realized she’d needed. they clear her mind ultimately, and when her name is called once more to be brought to the audition room, heejin holds her head high and walks a little bit straighter than she had been before.

     standing before the ones who’d be judging her performance, her stance stays confident, an easy grin growing on her lips as she gives a bow and introduction. “hello, my name’s jeon heejin. thank you for taking the time to see me today,” her words roll with just as much ease, giving a small nod. once she’s given the okay to proceed, heejin turns so that her back faces the judges, the into to the song beginning as she lets her mind go blank, only to turn back around slowly as she starts to sing.

If I ask that boy to jump, I know he would He don't even have to say, it's understood He treat me nice, he treat me right, he treat me good Still I get so hesitant, still I get so hesitant So I took myself where I think I should be Someone told me that he's waiting here for me Parisian nights, Parisian hot, Parisian breeze Feeding me like medicine, feeding me like medicine, yeah

     she sings with muted power, a build-up of things to come, sliding from note to note with an alluring tone, one that she feels accompanies the song quite well. her gaze is strong, eyes pulling from between her judges to make sure she has their attention. there’s a gentle sway to her body, moving with the beat of the song comfortably with each line she sings, and she can feel herself drowning in it. as she moves on into the chorus, her voice continues to stay stable in its power, retaining the same sultry quality to it.

It's so romantic in Paris Won't even try to compare it Thought I was sure that I'd find it But I already have love in LA It's so romantic in Paris Won't even try to compare it Thought I was sure that I'd find it But I already have love in LA Yeah, I already have love in LA

     it’s such a simple melody, one that’s not too hard to hit, but that’s what she loves about it— how something so easy could still make a person close their eyes and lean forward in their seat to hear more. it’s what had lured her in when she’d first heard it, wanting to elicit the same reaction out of others when sang with her own voice.

     with a quirk of her brow, the first chorus ends, her voice growing louder ( clearer in its delivery ), and she can’t help the sly grin that grows on her lips slightly as she goes on. here comes a slight change in the vocal line, and she has fun with it, finding these new notes with confidence.

If you show me too much love, it makes me leave Guess it's one of many things that's wrong with me Looking past you when you're right in front of me I won't do that anymore, I won't do that anymore Why'd it take so long for me to know this? Scared to put the water with the roses Halfway across the world for me to notice But I know this, yeah I know this, yeah

     as she goes through the chorus for the last two time, she sings it through the first time similarly to how she’d sung it earlier, tone warm, and she’s not thinking of the judges watching her any longer— no, she’s focused on her words, on the clarity of her voice. her eyes are closed now, brows scrunched with her own emotions, and as the track continues on with backing vocals that carry on the main melody for the chorus, she goes through adlibs and runs. finally, with her final line, the music fading out in the back, she waits a beat before her eyes open again and she’s met with the judges' eyes.

     she’s panting only slightly, heart beating quickly. running a hand through her hair, her lips form another grin, bowing one final time as she gives another thank you and takes her leave.

     now, all she could do was wait to hear back.