#rlol

[soulfullofold]

in the event of an emergency, a penis pump will automatically drop from the ceiling in front of you. if you are traveling with someone who requires assistance, secure your own penis pump first, and then assist the other person.

[hothotphone]

To Whom It May Concern at Bankington International,

I am writing to you to apply for the job of customer service experience coordinator. I want to be upfront with you: I am perfect for this job. I am reliable, motivated, and honest. I will also, in all honesty, rarely arrive on time for work. It is true. I will often be late. I have a lot of things to do when I’m not at work and I will often choose doing those things instead of working because I prefer that. I will hardly pretend to be sorry. My bad.

As a millenial and a college graduate, I am surprisingly not that computer proficient. I know only basic programs, how to download something that may or may not carry a virus, any how to type a cover letter such as this one. Also what is excel? Yes, I could learn, but I’m not doing that for free (see earlier point about “things to do”).

While we are on the topic of things you should know ­ that college degree? It’s theatre. Yep. Do not be dismayed, however, as I am highly professional except for when I cry at work. But even then I do it fairly quietly at my desk.

I only have two pieces of professional attire and one is definitely too slutty for work (unless you are into that, in which case it should be noted that I am pretty hot, like an 8 probably if you are into numbers). This means you should really just let me wear what I want, but I’m flexible. You’re the boss.

Please look over my credentials and definitely call me in for an interview because I am better in person than in all other mediums (see earlier point about being relatively hot). I look forward to hearing from you.

God Bless,

Stephanie “The Greatest” Weber

P.S. One time I stole products from a store I worked at. Since you are a bank, I probably would not steal any of your products because you do not sell anything.

[Stephanie Weber runs misunderstoodconnections.tumblr.com]