#roger leach

[foxtrot-oscar]

The Bill » 3x09 - Sun Hill Karma

Tom: This is the Padmasana, the Lotus Position. Alec: Back's supposed to be straight, isn't it? Tom: It is straight. [deep breath] You've gotta try this, Bob. I feel a thousand times better since I started.

[forensicated]

05x32 - No Shelter

Interesting fact: Terry Marcel is directing and his daughter, Kelly Marcel (actor sister of Rosie Marcel) plays an extra at a party.

A PC 'extra' who later becomes Timothy Able in about 20 eps is guarding the front desk as an Italian gentleman asks for directions. Timothy disappears into the back of the front office (nice picture of it here...) to ask Tom what he should do.

Tom calls upstairs for Jim because he knows a little bit of Italian. When asked, Jim admits he knows 'a bit' but doesn't look too keen on the thought of being able to understand properly.

Yorkie's having trouble with his girlfriend and they argue on the telephone. Tom urges him to hurry up and he promises he'll only be a couple more minutes.

In the canteen, Taffy, Viv, Claire and Malcolm are reading the papers and discussing how much the wind kept them awake. Taffy says it's the deterioration in the ozone layer, also known as the greenhouse effect. Malcolm reckons his flat felt like someone had started up a nuclear winter. [You forget how big the threat of Nuclear War was then. How things change... ha!] Behind them, Tosh is frying something at a cooker and tells them they've got a 'nice morning' outside where it's peeing it down. Tom calls for his uniform lot to finish and get back outside. "It's only a little bit of rain!"

Jim reports that the driver is Scilian and he wants to get to the Blackwall Tunnel but Jim can't remember which is left and which is right in Italian.

Pete clearly had a good night if the others didn't...! The boys think it was from a fight, but it definitely doesn't look like it! He tries to find a scarf to cover it up but only Jim has one he can borrow - and it's bright yellow. That's a no then. Tom leads briefing as Pete comes in late and with a plaster over his bruise, having 'cut himself shaving'. "I thought perhaps a vampire had got you."

Heading out on the beat, it's still peeing it down and is pitch black. Pete wants to nick the driver of a broken down van for blocking the station carpark exit and pissing him off. It's the Italian from the front office. Tom sends him out on foot patrol with Yorkie instead, as they can't get the cars out. Yorkie disappears when Pete wants to nick someone for a naff crime just to get back in the station; he's clearly still worked up about his argument with his girlfriend.

Malcolm and Vic are trying to hide under a canopy but are still getting wet through. I love their friendship, they really have a natural rapport together. Just look at their grins! Viv is supposed to be going out that afternoon. Malcolm asks if she plays Trivial Pursuits(!) "Often!"

Yorkie makes his way over to a phonebox and calls his girlfriend again. Their argument is interrupted when Yorkie is asked to go to a report of an all night party. He tries to get his girlfriend to agree to see him that afternoon, but she refuses and he has to leave it to go to the call.

Pete tries to stop someone for cycling the wrong way down a one-way street but unfortunately for his dreams of a dry uniform and warm station - he gets away!

Tosh reports to Tom that the ceiling in CID is leaking but Tom claims he already has enough on with the carpark being blocked.

Viv and Malcolm keep hiding under a shop doorway before Alec radios them to attend to an ongoing alarm.

Thankfully it stops raining, but the officers are all still wet through. Pete has to give directions to a young woman... and then he gets splashed by a massive lorry!

Viv and Malcolm find the gate to the trading estate locked. "Ladies first..." Malcolm grins before both of them climb over. The estate is vast so they split up. Viv calls in her location and spots someone so she advances on them. The man claims he's a builder before wrestling with her and hitting her to the floor. He aims a gun at her before being interrupted by Malcolm shouting. Viv shouts a warning that he's armed and Malcolm does an impressive leap into the bushes.

Viv runs after him, closely followed by Malcolm. A few moments later, the van speeds towards her and she throws something at it to try to stop it. At the same time, the man aims the gun at her and takes a shot. Malcolm hears her scream and runs immediately towards her whilst the van crashes into another parked car.

"Oh god, BASTARD!" Malcolm shouts, gently turning Viv over and believing she's been shot. Thankfully it looks like there's just a cut from a bit of window shrapnel or the side of the bullet because for a horrible moment there it looked like he'd shot her in the face. She reassures him she's OK and tells him to go after him. Malcolm only leaves her when he's truly sure she's OK and calls it in before running after the burglar. He advances on the van and shouts for him to throw his gun out the car. There's no movement inside, so he slowly moves nearer and looks inside. The burglar has gotten away.

Pete shelters in a doorway, miserably eating a packet of Munchies.

Taffy pulls over a car with a faulty break light and does a vehicle check. The driver doesn't speak but does do as he's asked by both him and Claire. Taffy tells him to clean up the inside of the car and to get his light fixed as they let him go. It's only the burglar who shot at Viv....!

Yorkie asks the partygoers to turn the music down. The young woman whose party is it protests that it's almost time to get up so she doesn't have to because 'it's not that loud'. Yorkie asks again and she snarkily snaps 'OK'.

Tom, Jim, Tosh and some other Uniform have reached the Industrial Estate. Tom tells them that Viv is OK but in pain with cuts and bruises. They've found some studs and similar that came off his jacket in the fight. Tom's going to accompany her to the hospital. Jim sniffs through the gap of the door that the man was trying to break in and tells Tosh it smells 'funny' like an Indian Takeaway. Tosh laughs and tells him not to be daft, but he sniffs and claims it smells more like a Chinese. They need to work out what's in the room, who owns the targeted premises, and if he had a larger van there to load up, where did the little one that he drove off in come in? Tosh makes a proper Dad joke about getting a cup of tea and sends Jim off to get him a drink from the nearby snack bar so he can ask the owner what he saw.

Viv relives what she saw and thought when she was held at gunpoint. It's all too similar to Tom's own thoughts when he thought his time was up. Tom sympathises with her and says that it's said that the chances of them being in those circumstances again is very rare [If only it was for poor Viv...]

"Didn't even have me truncheon with me..." she almost whimpers and refuses a hug, telling him she's alright. "Me bag..." she mutters, "I've left me bag behind!" Luckily, her nose isn't broken and her teeth are still in place. It will be a bit sore for a while, but she will be OK.

The van was stolen 2 days ago in Chigwell. It's a new food importing company and they're trying to locate the unit owner. Tosh makes another joke but Jim isn't feeling it and reminds him that Viv and Malcolm could have been killed. "That's the sort of sobering thought that gets me drunk!" Tosh frowns, telling Jim that he has to keep a sense of humour in the job." "Everyone tells me what I need in this job..." Jim mutters.

Pete smirks to himself as he stops at the side of a large puddle far enough back as another van approaches. He thinks he's swerved that bad luck...

Pete calls at his most recent flings and asks if she can let him in to dry off and warm up. She is about to refuse before he promises it's only to dry his trousers. When he leaves, he's sure they've shrunk but he doesn't mind given how they spent their time. It becomes clear that it's Yorkie's girlfriend... uh oh!

The owner of the unit arrives and has no idea who might want to steal from him. Inside is a kitchen and Jim tells the owner they could smell the Chinese food from outside. "We are Vietnamese." Whoops. Jim is saved by a well-timed radio call! The unit owner tells Tosh he employs 16 people, alongside some family members. Tosh asks for their names and addresses.

Jim's radio call was a follow-up on the yellow escort seen hanging around by the snack bar owner. The man has previous and soon Tosh and Jim are outside the mans house with armed support.

Armed support force their way in and arrest the man. Or rather they will in a couple of minutes after squirting a bit of air freshener. At least he won't have problems with constipation.

Tom drives Viv back to the station and they stop at a disturbance that is called in just as they drive past. It's the party girls again! They're refusing to quieten down and are rocking the police van as Taffy, Yorkie and Claire try and arrest them. Tom tells Viv to wait in the car and goes to assist. Seeing the chaos Viv goes to get stuck in and ends up being assaulted herself [By Kelly Marcel as mentioned above, the directors daughter]. The girl is dragged off by Taffy and shouts that it's police brutality! Tom checks on Viv who is holding her face. The poor love has only gotten hurt on the other cheek.

At the station at the end of the shift, Viv goes to attempt to put lipstick on but one look in the mirror stops her. Claire asks if she's alright. She's clearly not, despite what she says. Claire tells him that they've got the burglar and that he had a lock up of things he'd stolen from other jobs. She also thinks Viv will get a commendation. Viv is unmoved. "Have I got any hair missing?" she asks. Claire tells her no and asks if she's alright again. She says she didn't do anything and 'today was a day like any other day.' She recounts what happened and starts to cry.

Malcolm tells Pete and Taffy that he knew the man had a gun and still doesn't know why he chased him. Taffy tells him he'll get a commendation for it. Pete asks him for a drink and Malcolm agrees as he's going to get absolutely legless to forget it all. "She's lucky, she's not a bad looker, our Viv." Pete muses.

Viv asks Malcolm if he's alright. He congratulates her for stopping him. Pete jokes that they're alright on the beat with Malcolm. Malcolm asks Pete if he's wearing perfume...

Tosh comforts and congratulates Viv and tells her that the prisoner says she put up a good fight and that he wants to see her to apologise. Viv walks off to the cells and peeks in through the grill. The man moves nearer the grill and has a look at her face. He says he didn't aim to hit her and wouldn't kill anyone. He claims they shouldn't use women to patrol at night because it's dangerous. Finally, he adds a 'sorry, love!' Viv just shuts the grill in his face.

At the front desk, Timothy comes back to speak to Tom. He has another problem. A rather angry young woman is there demanding to know why her sister has been arrested. "Your thugs broke into a respectable party, beat up my boyfriend and arrested my sister." She wants to make a complaint. Tom looks flatly at her before he's called back by Tosh. Tosh presents him with a present - it's what the thief was after. He jokes that it will be replacing them soon enough!

The angry woman shouts and so Tosh just smirks and tells Tom to wait...

[gayness-and-mayhem]

Bitch, the original 'The Bill' theme tune is making me nostalgic for 1987 and I wasn't even alive yet. Don't know why I'm putting myself through Tom getting shot again though, apart from maybe the Jim Carver/Mike Dashwood bits, bc ya know.

[inspector-monroe-wants-a-word]

Got bored, decided to carry on going through all my notebooks and picking out my highlights. Here you are, I promise I'm not insane, but tbh no one will see this, so idk why I'm bothering to write that. Anyway.

[foxtrot-oscar]

The Bill » 4x15 - Trespasses

[forensicated]

02x05 - Hostage

TW: Mental health discussions in... well frankly not the best terms. Written and filmed in the 80's.

"Bloody Woodentop, don't know why I'm doing this anyway." Mike complains, helping Yorkie locate an address after all the signs had been stolen. They're trying to arrest a poacher for avoiding his day in court.

Ted and Bob have arranged a fishing trip to Margate and are meeting at the station to get on the minibus with the other officers attending. They're already in high spirits with Ted doing a Jake The Peg impression, claiming it's to stop him from getting legless.

Bob offers to find Viv some room on the back seat but is concerned she might lose her virtue. "Promises promises, that's all I get round this nick!" She laughs. Typically the bait is running late so they can't yet leave.

Reg is delaying helping packing the bus up by fussing over paperwork with June. Tom is amused that Dashers was 'charmed' by Bob into helping because most of uniform are on the beano to Margate. Whilst he's waiting for the bait to arrive, Bob is amused to read another letter from an 'admirer'. ''I want you to lose your temper, yell and swear and keep up a steady rhythm. PS is it true what they say about policemen with big noses?" "It's about time I got one of those!" Tom laughs, chasing Bob around the front office to try and read the rest.

On the estate Russell Archer is refusing to open the door properly to Yorkie and Mike, claiming he didn't attend because he wasn't feeling well. They force the door open and wait for him to get changed before realising they've been had and Archer has legged it out the window of his bedroom. Yorkie and Mike give chase but lose him in the crowd of a nearby shopping street.

A lady has found an unknown urn of ashes on her doorstep and handed it to Viv who brought it with her to the station, not knowing what to do with it otherwise. Tom is equally lost, claiming she should have put it in a bin or something rather than bring it back with her.

Taffy reports a burglary to Ted but he's insistent he's not on duty and to take it to Mike 'cos he's got nothing to do'. Mike is being carpeted by Roy with Yorkie for letting the poacher leg it. Roy warns Yorkie that he will be up very early the next morning to return to Archer's to drag him out of bed - even if he is half dressed again - and to not let him have time alone. They get interrupted by a call coming in to report the robbery. It's a little more serious than Taffy let on as it's an armed robbery with a sawn off shotgun. It happened to a milkman and, from what he says, the description is Archer. There was no sign of a gun at the house but Mike suspects he had it in the bedroom with him. Roy blames Mike for Archer still being out there and wants Ted and Bob to work it. He calls the station to get June to stop them going out...

Roy returns with Mike and tasks Reg with finding Ted. Reg is already annoyed because he only walked in the front office - on his day off - and got tasked with cleaning someone else's mess.

At the bookies Bob is placing a bet after feeling lucky from his 20p win! Behind him as he speaks to the bookie, Archer arrives looking shifty and overhears that Bob is a police officer. The bookie teases Bob that he's picked a right plonker.

In the pub Sadie is 'entertained' by Ted miming to her why he's wearing a bright yellow waterproof coat. He's the only customer because it's before opening time.

Reg knocks repeatedly on the door to get Ted's attention and then tells him that Roy wants him. "I'm not here." "Well don't say I didn't tell you!" Ted sighs and laments that he can never have a day off, sinking his pint in one.

Mike asks at the council if they have any other information for Archer, perhaps another address or an address of a close relative. He comes up against a brick wall as the assistant refuses to hand out any information on Archer or his family, despite Mike's charm or his 'I'm just asking you to help me put away a dangerous nutter!' patter. She tells him to make a formal application because she won't bend the system for him. He begs her for a clue before someone gets hurt and she gives in, telling him that the Archer's arrived a year ago. Social Services visited the disused caravan park they'd moved into and found him scavenging for food with no water, rats and knee deep in rubbish. He was forcibly evicted and moved them into a flat.

Roy cancels the day off and wants uniform on standby to find Archer. Bob complains and says he should contact Division for cover but Roy insists it's down to Sun Hill's mistake and they have to cover and find him. June fights to get the men to listen to her and shouts that there's been another armed robbery. "Now do you want to argue?" Roy says pointedly to Ted and Bob.

The bookie that Bob was talking to insists he won't go to the hospital despite having his hand shot by a pellet gun by Archer. He insists he'll be alright and work the pellets out with a pen knife and soak it in disinfectant. 🤢 He tells Roy that the man said nothing to him and simply pointed the gun at him. He claims that the man is 'a bleedin' looney' and had 'that look in his eye'. He put his hands out to reach for the till to give him money and 'the looney' squeezed the trigger.

Mike tells Roy that Archer is a loner and has a Didicoi background (lives like a traveller but isn't a 'true blood' traveller). He used to be a "caravan dwelling roadside scrap metal dealer if you want the full title." Ted explains. Mike claims he's socially inadequate and can't adapt to 'normal' life and has struggled since being placed in a flat. Roy returns to the station, leaving Bob and Ted together at the scene as the experts, claiming "Poaching and fishing go together." "... Very good." the men chorus.

Jim calls in a sighting of Archer with 'something under his coat' but Archer got spooked and ran off before he could rob the grocer. Robin and Jim come face to face with him and Robin ends up getting shot whilst pursuing him.

Whilst the front office are trying to deal with getting help to Jim and Robin, a quiet and lost looking elderly man comes into the office telling Tom he's lost his wife. She was in the urn...

Mike, Bob and Ted race to help Jim and spot him chasing Archer. Archer takes an old lady and her 2 grandchildren hostage at gunpoint. They manage to get the kids away and try to calm Archer down but he locks himself inside the flats - a sheltered housing block - with the elderly woman. Bob updates the station, asking for Roy to be sent alongside backup. They evacuate the other flats in the same block into the day room so all the residents are together and safe and then evacuate the nearest houses facing the flats and place cordons to stop anyone getting near the window of the flat just in case.

Mike tells Roy that Ted has been in charge whilst waiting for him and that he's done very well. Ted comes over to explain that the woman who has been taken hostage, Mrs Knowles, is a very timid lady who easily frightens since she was mugged a couple of months ago. He was just about to find an observation point as Roy arrived. Archer has not made a demand nor has he been spotted by the windows yet. Roy arranges for armed response and someone from C7 (communications) to give them a link direct to the flat that is locked only to the police.

At the station Brownlow arranges for potential temporary accommodation for those displaced from their homes if it runs into the night time and sends assorted services to the scene. The press are starting to sniff around wanting to link Robin being shot with the siege. With things in hand, Brownlow heads to the scene himself. Bob watches the flats from the observation house whilst Roy attempts to make telephone contact with Archer. Archer hangs up before Roy can finish explaining who he is. "We might need to try something else..."

Viv comments that she's glad Archer didn't aim any lower on Robin because he was very close to 'losing his John Thomas.' June laughs that it's typical of Viv to think like that and then 'comforts' Yorkie by agreeing that he's likely to be used as cannon fodder by Roy when this is all over. Robin has had the pellets removed from his stomach and thankfully Archer was too far away from him to do any real damage. It would have been a very different story if just a little closer.

On scene, Roy lifts the letterbox with the end of a broom and calls through to Archer. Archer shouts at them to go away and won't let them inside. Roy asks him to put the phone back on the hook and they'll talk to him that way...

Archer locks the door and pushes things in front of it. "Need a bloody chainsaw to get in that way, now!" CID regroup and tool up, Ted of course still eating at the same time 🤣 and earns himself a dirty look from Roy and Brownlow for dropping bullets on the floor.

The warden arrives and tells them that he's called the nephew of the elderly lady as her daughter and son in law are away hence her having the grandchildren. Brownlow tries to ring Archer who answers. Brownlow promises him that he doesn't want to shoot him when Archer claims that's what they want - he just wants to know how he and Mrs Knowles are and if they need anything and let him know that he can talk to them by just picking up the phone. Archer hangs up without requesting or saying anything. Brownlow wants to keep everything as low key as possible - especially in Archer's line of sight - to try and get to a calm resolution as quickly as possible.

Needing to get to the other side of the window, Mike and Ted contemplate their options before legging it, head down, to the other side of the building, passing the very window of the flat Archer is holed up in. Luckily he doesn't shoot at them!

Archer finally rings and requests Bob after he saw him in the bookies so knows who he is and what he is. Bob is confused because he doesn't know him but he takes the phone. Archer wants him to come to the flat alone and will only talk that way. Roy walks with Bob as far as he can until they're in Archer's sightline. Roy wants more to be more involved but Bob reminds him of Brownlow's words - as low key as possible so as not to upset Archer. "If I do talk my way in I don't want you coming in through the window on a line or anything similar." Roy says it's his funeral and Bob laughs saying if it is, to not let Tom Penny near his ashes!

Slowly, Bob approaches the flats and heads inside. He knocks and is allowed inside the flat with his hands on his head. Archer searches him for weapons before letting him sit down near a terrified Mrs Knowles. Mrs Knowles quietly tells him that Archer spotted Bob in the bookies so he is the only person he wishes to talk to. "I don't like folks, I don't like talking to people I can't see!" Archer whimpers, pulling the wire from the phone.

Charles reassures Roy that Bob has the ideal temperament for dealing with Archer and tells him to give him time. In the flat, Archer stares out the window with his gun, listening but not reacting at first to Bob trying to get him to give himself up. Archer then insists he's only alive because he has hostages and that, come night-time, he'll show the police who is really cornered. Bob calmly tells him to switch the telly on to watch the news and sees what he's up against.

The communications bloke has some more equipment in the car that will allow him to listen in after a while. Roy says no and that he'll go and listen outside the flat instead - at least they'll find out if he has more ammunition that way (!)

Archer watches the news and sees the police and snipers outside waiting for him to come out. Mrs Knowles learns that he shot a policeman and panics which further riles Archer and makes him smash the television up. Mike reports the crash to Roy and then tells him of the meals on wheels van who tried to deliver when it all first kicked off and suggests they try pull a blag rather than Roy risking listening at the door.

Bob gently comforts Mrs Knowles and gets her to sit down, reassuring her that everything will be OK. Archer claims that he'll shoot him first if his friends come in. Bob tells him he came to help Archer and that if he's going to continue behaving like that he'll ditch him. Archer gets angry and pushes Bob against the wall claiming that it's him in charge.

Bob tells him they'd never let him walk out without him and that he's his 'passport' so needs to start working with him. Archer doesn't take it kindly...

Bob tells him to do it and Archer growls that he's getting on his nerves. He growls at Bob that he has no idea what it's like to be told to constantly moved on, 'get away from me you tinker', and hunted and trapped. He claims that's what the council did when they moved him into a flat. Bob said he should have talked to someone and that he'll listen to him and to talk before it's too late.

Archer seems to listen and backs off, looking back out the window. He looks from it to Bob and back again. "What will they do to me? If I give myself up?" he asks. Bob explains he'll have to go to court. Archer worried he'd go to prison. "I couldn't stand that...I'll kill myself first." Bob promises it doesn't have to be that way and that it'd be in his favour. He hasn't been in trouble before outside of the poaching, no record of violence and he promises he'd speak up for him as would Mrs Knowles.

The communications expert reports to Brownlow that a van is being let through the cordon.

Bob gently reassures him and asks him to give him the gun and that it can all be over. A nervous and very frightened Archer is about to give him it before he spots the van. He asks what it is and Mrs Knowles gently explains it'll be the meals on wheels lady and that she's late. Outside it's shown to be June in the ladies gillet. June removes meals from the van and Bob continues gently reassuring him.

Brownlow watches the goings on through binoculars and tells the communications expert that it's a police officer and that something must have happened, running over to the other officers.

Archer looks more paranoid and claims that he's being tricked and that Bob lied. Having spotted that June was the meals on wheels lady which likely means something is about to happen very quickly, Bob urges him to hand him the gun. June knocks on the door and the armed officers Sergeant give the 'go' order. Officers ring the bell and in the distraction Roy and Ted literally leap over the wall and kick in the back door, pointing guns at Archer. An armed officer points his gun through the window and Bob SCREAMS at Archer to drop the gun, knowing how close he'd been to a peaceful resolution.

In the rush and chaos, Archer doesn't get chance to drop his gun before Roy and Ted shoot him.

"He gave himself up. He was going to give me the gun! Can't you see that?!" Bob screams at Roy who tells him if he believes that he's a fool.

[forensicated]

01x02 - A Friend In Need

This episode (and the one after) was shown out of sequence when it first aired (unless you lived in London). This is because of a Technician's strike against Thames TV. It was shown after The Sweet Smell Of Failure (London aired a Minder repeat in the same time slot for those 2 weeks)

(This appears to be before they used the Isle Of Dogs area as Canley when showing maps.)

Superintendent Brownlow asks Roy for his opinion on 3 recent bomb hoax phone calls. Roy believes they're pranks, however, the Commissioner and Home Office are both applying pressure on Charles to treat them as potential terrorism; especially as two of them were made to Jewish restaurants.

Roy is reluctant to step on Bob's toes as he has been investigating them since they began. Charles assures him it's no reflection on Bob, it just needs to be seen - by the higher-ups - like it's being taken seriously hence a Detective Inspector over a Uniform Sgt. Charles is also aware Bob has had a heavy workload of late and that he has a graduate probationer, PC Higgins, attached to him. 

Roy smirks and is told off by Charles for his refusal to have Higgins in CID for a few weeks, warning him that Higgins could be his governor in 10 years given the accelerated promotion his 'type' are getting. ('Type' being university graduates but the obvious disdain in both men to this thought is wonderful!). "I don't care how you do it but get it done."

Also unimpressed with the graduate is probationer Jim who tells him he just had to watch and listen in his first week. "But with you of course it'll be different. Work experience I suppose." The well-spoken Higgins agrees, telling the gathered officers that he'll be attached to an outer division for the next week and then to Police College for a few years. "And then come back as Sgt I suppose" June drawls. "Destined for high places are we?" Taffy laughs. "That's the theory."

Jim tells Higgins that he's lucky he's been placed with June as she's a good copper and 'one of the best'. June is visibly unsettled by her ex Dave Litten approaching them. She tells him to go and "park his arse" at Ted Roach's table rather than squeeze onto theirs. Taffy and Jim tell Higgins that it's something he's going to have to get used to. "If it's not Ackland Vs Litten it's Galloway Vs The Rest Of The World." 

Unmoved, Dave asks "Henry Higgins." ("It's Derek actually...") what he thinks of Sun Hill. He thinks it's quiet for an East End station and he expected more to be going on 'outside'. The officers explain it's not always like this and to treat it as the lull before the storm. They joke that they wouldn't be surprised if Roy had made the hoax calls himself to keep them on their toes. Dave tells them he's already had a run-in with him that morning, muttering about something. Higgins asks if that's what Roy is usually like and, sensing a wind-up, Taffy tells him: "No, not really. Nice quiet chap when you get to know him. You can always knock on his door and ask for a quiet cosy little chat. Very accessible. Especially towards the uniform branch. Father figure you might say."

"Father Figure" Roy is tearing into Bob after reading the file on the hoax calls and accuses him of cocking it up. "You don't bloody listen, do you? You're as pigheaded as ever!" Bob shouts back, warning him they need to be tactful and can't just crash bang wallop into it. Ted and Mike are hilariously making no secret that they're enjoying the show when Roy slams the door to his office. Roy snaps that it's just a prank and claims Bob has inflamed the situation by treating it with kid gloves and in doing so Bob has got no MO and no leads. Bob points out that he's been rostered on the early turn when none of the owners are available. He's bound by procedure and he has to treat each call as real and can't take shortcuts. He reminds Roy that Uniform don't have the luxury of getting cases passed up half worked on with evidence and lines of inquiry found like Roy and CID do. "Don't worry Sarge, the CID - as usual - will sort it all out. Know what I mean?" Bob warns him that when he falls from his high horse and needs help, no one will lift a finger, least of all him. "Get the violins, Robert." He snaps before the men place a bet on Roy cracking the case within 2 weeks.

A fourth call has come through, this time to a Greek restaurant. Tom Penny speaks to the owner and asks him if he's positive it's a hoax. The caller says they've cleared the restaurant and searched it. Tom tells him to double-check thoroughly to make sure. (Cor, imagine doing that now! I was even surprised when they had staff involved in searching the cinema with them in episode 143 but I can imagine that was partly due to having the person who was placing bombs involved in the search). He warns them not to touch anything suspicious and that they'll send the bomb car over. He then arranges for CID to be informed.

Mike tries his hardest to speak to men who mostly only understand Greek and want to go home that Roy is on his way and that no one can leave. Ted is... Ted. ❤ He only stops eating when Roy appears.

Ted tells him it's the same as all the others and that nothing has been found. Roy tells him he can leave and take Mike and uniform with him as he and Dimitri - an old friend - are going to go over everything. "Even if it takes all night."

"Your public is waiting for you out there, God help them!" Bob dismisses uniform from the briefing, placing Higgins and Jim together. Jim hasn't learnt all the bad habits of the others yet so he is partnering them together despite Jim being a probationer himself.

Mike and Ted are in bright and early to continue working on their cases. They're very amused that, come 9.20am, there's still no sign of Roy, nor did he write anything in the book about the case. He finally makes an appearance a few minutes later - paler than usual which is quite some doing.

Mike goes to make him a black coffee whilst Ted finishes dressing him, warns him to take water with his Ouzo and the boys try to find their boss some aspirin to dull his whimpers.

"The things I do for this job." Roy pouts before telling Ted he's found the specific phone box the calls came from as there are roadworks audible in all the phone calls and it's the only one that has had roadworks happening nearby all week. He suspects it's a way for 2 men to avoid paying their bills when eating out by getting a friend to ring and make a bomb threat. Through his investigation, Roy has found 2 men in particular who requested the bill at each restaurant just before the threats came in and they had to evacuate. Being the 80's, there's no one at BT to speak to over the weekend so Roy tells Mike and Ted to visit every local eatery to ask them to keep their eye out for 2 men making large orders and behaving suspiciously. He wants them to call the station so that officers can catch those responsible.

Roy tries to relieve his hangover by dunking his face in cold water much to Bob's amusement. Bob mocks him and his 'for the sake of the job' excuse and says he has no sympathy for him. He does however help him locate the towel dispenser when Roy misses it by a mile and almost faceplants into the wall... even if it is empty!

Mr Rutherford arrives at the station and insists on speaking to Roy about the bomb hoaxes. He gets riled when Rutherford implies that the police aren't doing much and directs him to "the thirteenth hole at the golf club" to speak to Brownlow.

The two men [one being Perry Fenwick] in question for the bomb hoaxes speak to their 'friend', a gullible magazine seller on the high street. He is oblivious that he's being set up to take the wrap should the police become involved. They slip him a few quid and ask him to make a call to a Chinese restaurant at approximately 2.30pm.

Roy takes his mood out on uniform by reading through the report book, first bollocking Taffy to redo his crime reports, then telling Bob he wants to see Hollis. As he does, a frequent flyer drunk called Lampton tries to make a donation to the police widows and orphans. "Charity, Dear Sgt, begins at home. And I'm beginning to feel like I live here." "I think I'll stick to vimto..." Higgins remarks after seeing Lampton out. "Me too!" Jim adds - if only you did, Jim!

Lampton finishes his bottle and places it in the gutter. Jim asks Taffy if he's nearly finished as there's only 5 minutes left. Taffy says he'll be 15 minutes and to get him a drink and he'll meet him at the pub. (The barmaid, Sadie, guests in several episodes over series 1 to 4. Cheryl Hall who goes on to play Smithy's mum. If only she'd been called Sadie and not Pauline it could have been a nice nod 😉) By the time Sadie serves Jim, they've already been paid for by Lampton. When he arrives, Taffy is horrified that Lampton brought them drinks and tells Jim they're leaving. Sadie asks Jim to remove Lampton, claiming he's his responsibility as he's drinking with him. Taffy explains it's a disciplinary offense to associate with a criminal on bail and they need to leave before the drink is misconstrued as a bribe. Jim feels bad but Taffy says Jim can do what he wants but he's not losing his job for a drunk. Jim wrestles Lampton out and tries to take him home.

At the Chinese restaurant, the suspects have arrived and work their way through the menu. At 2.15pm the older one asks for the menu again. The younger one groans and says he only wants a coffee as he's full up. Just after half 2, their friend makes it to the call box but the phone line has been cut. He hurries into a nearby shop to make a call. The shop assistant asks what he's doing, startling him. He runs off before he can end the call, leading to the assistant speaking to the person on the other end. Now sure of what is happening, the owner of the restaurant gestures to a waiter who alerts the other staff. Panicking, the older suspect shouts out that there's a bomb and there's a stampede of people to leave the restaurant, causing people to get hurt. The chefs leave the kitchen, entering the main room with huge machetes, looking for the suspects!

Outside Jim is trying to escort Lampton home as people scream and run from the restaurant. He has to leave Lampton - who drops his wallet in the confusion and runs over to take charge. At the station Tom and Reg are sorting the ambulance and police response to the restaurant. "[The staff] have caught the bomb hoax pair..." Reg smirks when he's asked for another ambulance. Roy hurries to the scene and congratulates Jim, telling him the two suspects will live - just - after their run in with the staff.

The next morning, Bob asks for volunteers to take Higgins out for his final shift...

No one volunteers so Bob asks Higgins who he wants to go out with and he replies, "With the hero of the moment, Sergeant. Carver." Unfortunately for Jim however, Lampton is in the front office to make a complaint, alleging that Jim has stolen his wallet.

Roy is in a buoyant mood which doesn't dim even when catching up on station gossip. "All that good work gone to waste." he sighs before laughing at Bob calling the Chief Super in on a Sunday. Bob explains he's hoping Lampton will come to his senses when he realises the importance of what he's accusing Jim of before it can go any further. Roy tells Bob that he knows where he is if there's anything he can do. "Esprit de corps." (Team moral) Bob sighs.

Brownlow reminds Lampton he was "under the weather' when he left the station and that he could have misplaced the wallet. Lampton insists he had it when he left and in the pub only for it to be gone when he returned home. "Who else could it have been? He took me home - why should he do that?" No good deed goes unpunished, JimJim. Lampton asks Charles what happens now - will the police sub him as he needs 'groceries' (ha!) Charles tells him he's jumping the gun and that he needs to speak to Jim and uniform. If he's satisfied there's a crime then he'll call in CIB.

No one believes Jim is guilty other than Lampton but it has to be looked into. Bob gives Jim a subtle heads-up whilst Taffy speaks to Brownlow. "It's not what you've done, it's what they think you've done!" Bob is more disappointed than anything, telling Jim he keeps making stupid mistakes and that he's a policeman, not a social worker. Jim is near tears, telling Bob that he's never taken anything from anyone in his life. He admits he felt sorry for Lampton because he has a problem. Bob tells him he's not the only one with a problem and sighs, telling him he's stupid enough to do it again.

Ted and Mike discuss Jim and they watch Taffy enter the canteen. Ted tells Mike that Taffy might be up for disciplinary if the Chief Super sticks to the book. Ted teases Taffy by calling him a 'Scab' (Taffy had swerved the uniform group staring silently at him and moved to sit alone before Ted spoke) and asks what happened. Taffy sighs and admits that each time he opened his mouth he seemed to drop Jim further in it. Charles had asked if Jim had ever mentioned being short of money. "Oh god..." Mike sighs.

Higgins is annoyed at being called in too as he wants nothing to do with it. "It's not going to do my career any good." "Right born leader of men you are." June drawls. Roy asks Bob how things are going and Bob admits the Super thinks Lampton is trying it on. As they chat an elderly lady makes a fuss at the front desk. Bob asks her to wait and then when she continues to complain he asks Higgins to deal with her. Lucky for Jim she's very honest. She's handing in Lampton's wallet! Bob has to pay up on the bet after Roy cracked the case in well under a fortnight. However, instead of keeping the money, Roy hands it to Jim and tells him to create a hamper of food for the lady who handed the wallet in. "She won't get a reward from Lampton will she and she's not got two pennies to rub together." Bob is absolutely gobsmacked at Roy's generosity. "I never thought I'd see the day, Detective Inspector Roy Galloway - Social Worker?" "Oh piss off!" Roy scoffs and hurries to the safety of his office.

[gayness-and-mayhem]

Watching this programme is simultaneously the best decision and the worst mistake I have ever made.