Feb. 18th
I've found myself outside more since Harley came back. I'm not trying to distance myself from her, but it keeps happening. She spends most of the day on my computer going through everything that's happened the past 3 years, including my personal journals and whatnot, which is all fine. I'm glad she's doing it, but it makes nervous, which makes me smoke. She hates when I smoke inside, so I go outside. I made it a habit of smoking inside after she died. Shouldn't have done that.
Anyway, some of the stuff I've written in my journals is really bad. Sometimes, after reading a bit, she'll come find me and hug me and tell me that she loves me. And she'll just sit with me for a bit. It's nice, but when she does this I KNOW she wants to ask me about what I've written. She wants to ask if I'm okay. She has so many questions, but she won't say anything. I wish she would. I think she thinks she'll overstep some imaginary boundary.
The first time she sat with me after reading, I asked if everything was okay. She said that she had just read some of my journal and wanted to know if I was okay, but then said, "You really don't have to tell me at all, okay? That's all your business.".
Wth, Harley? I know you know I wasn't okay after everything that happened when you died. Just ask me. On the same coin, I'm a bit to blame as well. I didn't initiate any type of conversation. Curse me for wanting to stay out of the spot light.
It's raining right now. Maybe I'll get my guitar out.
-Rotti M. Luna
