#rotting continues

[magzrot]

i get mad when others don’t see highly of me , yet i don’t even see highly of myself

[magzrot]

it physically ills me when i realize i’m not actually him to the point i feel’s beyond sick

[magzrot]

everyone is all jokes and games “ aw i get obsessions all the time ” ok so do i but i literally have no sense of self without them like if i don’t have smth to base my entire being around then i just don’t exist anymore

[magzrot]

small ramble abt fictionkin related stuff !

every1 is always “ oh , yeah i support fictkins ! “ or like “ yeah , i support the fictkin part of the alterhuman community ! “ until it’s either anything other than a fictionkin or its a fictkin who’s kin isn’t healthy . i’m a namgyu fictionflicker ( similar to fictionkin , but the identity doesn’t stay consistent , as if flickering ) and i’ve genuinely debated participating in some of the unhealthy things he does , even though i know they’re extremely unhealthy , i just want 2 be more like him . and most ppl would go “ oh , that’s so unhealthy maggi ! “ or “ eww , you want 2 do stuff like that all bcz u relate 2 a character ? “ its js like they don’t fully get it , it’s more than just “ relating “ to a character . if it wasn’t , then i’d just say i’m a namgyu kinnie . i’m also a fictionleech ( sum1 who leeches off of fictional characters , creating their personality by basically feeding off of said characters ) , and i feel like nobody ever knows what it is or will say that its invalid . idk abt others , but thats my experience and its just seriously invalidating when ppl do that

[magzrot]

i’d say i feel bad 4 being inactive all day , but its not like im getting any notifs or attention anyways

[magzrot]

what do i need 2 do 2 get more attention on here ? i’ve tried anything i can think of . i’ve asked , i’ve interacted with others , i’ve reblogged ask games , i’ve done tag games , i’ve begged , hell i even tried being other ppl’s anons to get attention but eventually it all js fades away . it’s never consistent and i despise it . do i need 2 reblog more ask games ? make one ? maybe join another community ?

[magzrot]

for some reason all of my thoughts begin to consume me at night but thats like the only time i’m fully awake and its only for like 5 hrs

[magzrot]

this and genuinely thinking your going crazy