2010s Eurovision: 345-341
345. Eldrine - “One more day” Georgia 2011
Despite being in one of my least favorite years, I always, ALWAYS forget how much I dislike Eldrine. "One more day” is weirdly unmemorable to me, but I do think it’s quite bad. I just don’t remember it as vividly as the other garbage 2011 had on offer.
So, the few times I do choose to rewatch 2011, I the “BAD ENTRY AHEAD. VIEWER’S DISGRESSION ADVISED. DIAL ‘A’ FOR ALCOHOLISM” alarms don’t trigger in my head and I’m hit full-force by this tsunami of LOUD toxic sludge. A tripple whammy of Ugly Song (White Guy Rapping + Metal = NO THANKS) / Ugly Singing (+ unintelligible diction) / Ugly æsthetics (I think it’s called ‘Chernobyl Chique’) ringing through my brain, good thing I will have forgotten about this song the second it has finished, huh?
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344. Michael von der Heide - “Il pleut de l’or” Switzerland 2010
A song about golden showers. Hard pass. ________________________________________________________________
343. Vlatko Ilievski - “Rusinka’ F.YR. Macedonia 2011
A song about fœtal alcohol syndrome. Hard pass. (RIP tho </3)
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342. Robin Bengtsson - “I can’t go on” Sweden 2017
[2017 Review here] The concept of “Classy” has reached a postmodern nadir when a song whose message amounts to “OMG THIS GIRL IS SO HAWWWWWWT I CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF I MUUUUUUUUST F*CK HER HARDDDD IN THE 👌” can be considered “classy” just because it’s sung by a handsome Swede in a suit. Btw who even uses ‘👌’ to describe the fuckability of other people? DOUCHEBAGS, that’s who!!!
“I can’t go on” just combines all of the worst characteristics of Robin Thicke (sexual lechery) and Bruno Mars (fratbroness) blends them together in a soulless package which OF-fucking-COURSE made it all the way to third in the jury vote because ~it’s professional and Swedish~ good grief DUNK Björkman and/or the concept of “Professional juries” in acid before the next cuntest plz (and replace it with a dioscopic jury, thx.)
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341. Trijntje Oosterhuis - “Walk along” Netherlands 2015
Oh dear, Trijntje Oosterhuis. The little engine that couldn’t. 😭
Okay, so, right after doing “Calm after the storm”, Hans Pancake was bloody untouchable and it was only a matter of time before one of his entries would ECHO ECHO and FLOP, amirite? Shockingly (but not so shockingly at all), it only took until the next year.
Now, the aspect that stands out the most as “bad” about “Walk along” IS the Pancake staging of the continuous camera shot, the insipid veil, the even more insipid blacklighted letters on Trijntje’s hand and overall drab colour scheme.
However, it’s far from the only thing wrong with it: The song itself is an Anouk hand-me-down (and I LOVE Anouk (um, her music. She herself is the closest humanity has ever gotten to “irl Cersei Lannister”, minus the twincest <3)) and Trijntje herself came off as a desperate frumpy sadsack. Would it surprise you to learn that Anouk and Trijntje would sling the aforementioned arguments at each other in a twitter catfight after Trijntje was kicked off The Voice of Holland and Anouk was given her spot? 😂 Dutchies gotta Dutch, y’all~
