If I had a nickel for every time Captain America saved the world from a corrupt government while running away from said government, with falcon and a widow that he doesn’t fully trust but learns to trust, while trying to clear the name of a mind controlled super soldier that was looked down upon by society and breaking into a top secret government facility while the entire time there was an evil guy from a previous movie partially running things, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.
"Oh, yeah, right," Joaquin mumbled, looking down at Isaiah's phone. That definitely wasn't the picture he just took but a private one. Nothing weird or dirty, but still private. It was showing you and him. He stood behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders while both of you were smiling brightly into the camera. Your cheeks were pressed together and your fingers were wrapped around his arms. The picture had been taken by a stranger during a vacation. Even though Isaiah didn't know the woman in Joaquin's arms, he could see that you two loved each other deeply. "Why isn't she here tonight? Keeping things secret?" "Not exactly... but she doesn't feel comfortable in public when all these cameras are around," Joaquin answered while scrolling to find the right picture.
But that was only a part of the truth. But you'd never dare to tell Joaquin. You loved him way too much to risk him looking at you with disgust in his eyes, which he would do if you had been honest with him.
Things became messy very quickly at the White House and everything ended with Sam and Joaquin being back at the base and doing some research. You were some kind of tech geek, which was the reason, why you did most of the hacking, even though Joaquin was also perfectly capable of doing it but it was your way of being a part of the team.
"That Bat-Seraph agent... she is a former Black Widow," you said and turned your screen over to the others, while nibbling your nails. "Red room experience and stuff. She was good." Sam sighed. "That's not good." "Oh, c'mon, she seems to be one of the good ones now." "Maybe. But we don't know." "The Red Room doesn't exist anymore." "How can you be that sure? How can you be sure that she is good? Widows don't change that easily." "Didn't Black Widow take it down by herself?" "Yes, but she was a Shield agent. They helped her out of the Red Room. Whatever, we should stay out of her way. Otherwise, it might get nasty very quickly." "Or you work with her. That's also a possibility." "However, we should move. Joaquin, take as much gear as you can." "Like, right now?" "Yes, right now. The earth doesn't stop moving." Joaquin turned back to you. "Wanna join us?" "Who? Me?" He nodded. "I saw you fighting in the training room. You are great. Why didn't you tell me about your talent earlier?" He laughed. You swallowed. "Joaquin, now is not the time for recruiting," you heard Sam's voice in the background. "Go, babe, I am fine." He nodded and pressed his lips onto yours. "Hurry up!" The Captain said which only led to Joaquin sighing.
It felt like an eternity until you heard something from your boys. It was Sam, near tears. Joaquin had been shot from the sky. You needed some seconds to realise everything but then you rushed to your car and raced to the hospital, your view blurred by tears.
"How? I mean-" You were cut off by a hug. "Will he make it?" "I am sure, he will," Sam answered but you could hear his voice trembling. You looked through the window. "He seems so... weak. Like... human." "Yes, he does. That is what he is after all. No super soldier... no alien... just human," Sam answered. You stood there in silence for several minutes. "I... should've told him, how much I love him." "Believe me, he knows it. Whenever we have some minutes to breathe, he talks about you. You are his whole world. Sometimes, I ask myself, if he would even destroy the world for you if you ask him to." And there it was again. The guilt. This man loved you so much and you weren't honest with him.
The door behind you opened and Barnes walked in. "What are you doing here?" He asked perplexed, looking at you. Sam turned around. "Bucky?" "Hey man, I saw it on the news," the older one answered and hugged Captain America. Then he turned back to you. "I... I am Joaquin's girlfriend." "You two know each other?" Sam asked surprised. "I ran into him, when I went to the toilet," you answered quickly. Bucky observed you in silence for some seconds but nodded when he saw the tears in your eyes. Your eyes wandered back to the window while the men were talking to each other. But you still felt Bucky's heavy eyes on you.
After some time, he left but the next person was already walking inside. You froze, when you saw Bat-Seraph's reflection in the glass. She also frowned, when she saw you. "Didn't think, I'd see you again." You turned around slowly. "Ruth..." "Hey, what's going on here?" Sam asked quite confused. "Didn't think the Falcon would sleep with a Widow. "What does she mean?" Sam asked you. He was confused. Your tears were coming up once more. "I... I was a widow at the Red Room. That's why I know her. And also Barnes." Your voice was small and you wished for a hole opening up under you but of course, it didn't. The shock was written into Sam's face. "Does Joaquin know?" You shook my head. "I wanted to start from new."
After Ruth left again, Sam turned back to you. "You have to tell him. He deserves to know what he has gotten himself into." "Why? I am not that person anymore. Why bother him? Why make him unhappy? Isn't it already bad enough that I have to live with that knowledge?" Of course, you knew that he had to know. But you were afraid. Afraid that he would hate you for all the lives you took. Afraid that he wouldn't understand. "He deserves the truth after all he did for you. After all the things he gave up to be with you." You sniffed. Of course, he was right. "I give you a week after he wakes up. Then I'll tell him myself." "Okay," you whispered.
When the operations were done, you were sitting beside his bed, watching him sleep. Sam had left some minutes earlier. Joaquin seemed so peaceful. You took his hand and promised yourself not to let go of it until he is awake.
"Excuse me?" You looked up from your book. "Yes?" Because of the sun, you could only see a silhouette, which must belong to a man, who was standing in front of you in trunks. "I just wanted to tell you that you look very beautiful, ma'am." That compliment made you giggle, while you covered the sun with your book. "Thank you, but you don't have to ma'am me. But really, thank you for that compliment." There was some awkward silence until he said Goodbye and walked back to his friends. Only then could you finally see him. He didn't look bad. That was for sure. And for one night? Why not. You kept an eye on him until he was about to leave the beach. "Excuse me?" He turned around and you could see his eyes shining, when he saw you again. "Yes?" "How about a drink? Or two?" That led to you sitting in a bar some time later, which led to both of you landing in your bed. You just planned to keep him for the night, which would probably break his heart in the morning. He didn't seem to be a man for a night but he didn't have to know your plans. He was happy being with you and you were happy not to be alone overnight and to feel something again. But that plan only existed until you felt his hands on your waist. Until you felt raw emotions for the first time in years. And before the night was over, you knew that you'd keep this man.
Both of you were heavily making out on his couch, when the doorbell rang. With messy hair, a half-opened shirt, and an open belt, he went to the door. "Sam! What are you doing here?" You lay on the couch, while he was panicking. "Bad timing?" Before Sam could answer, he saw you coming around the corner, hugging Joaquin from behind. He sighed. "Sam, that's my girlfriend. Babe, that's Sam. I told you about him." "Hey, nice to meet you," you smiled, while praying that he never saw any files about the Red Room. "So, you're the woman who makes this man so lucky. I have to thank you." "Oh, I think, I am the lucky one in this relationship." If they only knew how true it was. But instead, Sam was only seeing two very happy and love-sick puppies.
"Honey?" I shot up from your sleep. "Joaquin?" His brown eyes were looking straight at yours. You felt tears burning in your eyes once more and you threw yourself into his arms only backing away, when you heard him huff in pain. "Sorry... I just - I thought, I'd never see you again." "I'd always come back home to you. I am sorry for scaring you." "I am just happy that you're better now." He closed his eyes again, fighting not to doze off again. "Sleep, Joaquin, we can talk later." "No," he whispered. "I don't wanna sleep. I can sleep when I'm dead." "That isn't funny, Joaquin", you said, near tears once again. "Right, sorry." Your smile was the only thing, I was able to think of when I was falling. I could only think about you." "I am a former Black Widow," you suddenly said. You were shocked by yourself and bit your tongue. "What?" "I... I... I am a former Black Widow." The falcon was silent for some minutes. Your heart was racing and you heard your blood rushing. "Why did you never tell?" "I was scared you'd be disgusted." "Was I a mission?" "What? No! No, really. I was out of it before we met. Maybe it wasn't love at first sight. I reached out for you to not be alone anymore. But I fell in love with you. Madly. But it was never a mission. I am so sorry I didn't tell you." He nodded slowly. "I need some time alone." You nodded, pecked his cheek, and left the room, where you broke into tears.
You leaned against the wall, trying to order your thoughts. But when you left the hospital that day, you knew that you would probably never see him again. And you understood it.
I have a personal headcanon that Ruth Bat-Saraph is actually related to Max Eisendhart, that Max's sister Ruth managed to survive the Holocaust and married a survivor of the Farhud, and her granddaughter is Ruth Bat-Saraph.
