#rynndom thoughts

[rynndom-person]

I find it comical how I started learning about contradictory labels and the contradictory labels themselves weren't what confused me

What confused me was that they are called "contradictory labels" because every explanation of contradictory labels I have seen isn't contradictory, it's complex

Reframing contradictory labels in my head and making them a synonym of "complex labels" has helped me immensely in finding comfort in them as well

[rynndom-person]

Genderfluid Visibility Week & Ace Week overlap for an entire 5 days this year

So perceive be double!!

[rynndom-person]

Considering the gender is not gendering at the moment my mind has returned to the attraction I have felt in the past

But the problem is it was framed absolutely wrong to me for 18 years and I'm unable to really meet people at the moment so all I have to evaluate are 10 years of wrongly label emotions

And what I mean by that is that I was thaught I'm a girl so I like boys and there are no other options. Which turned into me considering any positive feelings towards any boy as romantic (which they weren't) and any positive feelings towards girls as platonic (which they also weren't)

The thing is I realized that so late that I was already removed from everyone I had interacted with during that time so I can't even reevaluate in real time.

[rynndom-person]

I figured out what's been bothering me

Something kept nagging me about using genderfluid for myself & I couldn't put my finger on it

And the answer is that my presentation doesn't change, I always go for comfort first & I prefer looser clothes I can move in without issue. I also keep my hair short, mostly because it's easier to manage (I have quite thick hair so brushing & washing it is a nightmare when it's longer than shoulder length.)

But so much genderfluid rep I have seen before I started researching myself was very woman-man changes & always represented with outwards presentation changes, which isn't bad by any means, I guess I just internalized a way too rigid representation of what genderfluid "looks like" & because I personally don't fit that at all, it kept nagging me.

[rynndom-person]

As many labels as there are, I keep finding myself having to decide between using common labels that most people know of/understand and labels that are accurate but less well known

Like Isogender (a gender modality meaning that one is neither cis nor trans for one reason or another) is a label I am fully comfortable with, but I don't know if I want to explain it every time it comes up? But then also how is it going to be more known?

I might be overthinking but I'm also worried about pushback for not being trans or cis because I have seen a bit too many people insistent that you are one or the other (which I am not, therefore Isogender) [I'm not opening the can of worms how that's a new binary- oopppsss]

Same goes with microlabels. Yes, I can just use the broader labels & string them all together like "Genderfluid & Genderflux but never a boy/man in any way"

Oooorrrrr I can just use "Faeflux" that is the most accurate & then have to explain.

But if I explain now, maybe someone later won't have to

[rynndom-person]

As sure (or unsure) I am in my gender now, I keep coming back to "I should wait longer to be sure" or "I shouldn't fix myself to a label now" which is WILD when you know that the labels I am most comfortable with are (roughly) Genderfluid & Genderflux?? Talk about fixing myself to a label

Completely ignoring that it's fine if I go with Faeflux now & then decide later that another label fits better/realize that I have changed & Faeflux doesn't fit anymore

So, I'm just gonna be unconfidently sure in myself.

Because I am! I'm sure that I'm Faeflux, I've been sure for months (but I have a hard time being confident)

(Faeflux is the combination of Genderfae, a microlabel under Genderfluid meaning shifting only between woman-ish & nonbinary genders & never being man-ish and Genderflux)

[rynndom-person]

Reminder to myself (and anyone else who needs it)

LABELS ARE OPTIONAL

ALL labels are optional & opt-in

You don't have to use a label you don't want to use even if you technically fit under it.

You can pick & choose which ones you want, you can make up new ones & you can use contradictory labels!

And! Labels can & do change! And that is fine! Be that because you have found words that work better for you or because you have changed! That's all good! You are allowed to change & you are the only one who can truly decide which words fit you.

[rynndom-person]

I do not want to use the whole AGAB thing

It's not useful for me, there are things to be said about how my Parents raised me, how I was socialized, how other adults raised me, what I learned from society about how I should be

But AGAB does not communicate that, it doesn't communicate the intricacies of growing up, it doesn't have room for the nuances I found myself with, so I just don't want to use it at all

It does seem like "The Binary: Part 2" to me

I see it used so much as a substitute for anatomy, how someone was raised and socialized. And it doesn't communicate that to me because there can be so much nuance. Maybe I am looking at it too literally...