At 13 yrs old I was SA'd for the first time. My step-dad decided he was going to put his mouth on my body in ways I found quite unsavory. I was so afraid of my mom believing I seduced him, that I didn't tell her and I tried to forget about it. I moved back with my dad for a bit afterwards. When I had to go back with them he would pick me up and pin me against the wall to kiss me. One time my sister walked in on him holding me in his arms like that, just after he had done it. I was afraid. And ashamed. I didn't know what to say or how to say it.
When I started acting out s3xually with my first partner in middle school, I was forced to go back.
His advances became more progressive, picking me up and smothering my mouth with his any time we were alone. We played hide and seek in the dark once, and he shoved his hand in my pants and made me touch his c0ck.
I never was quite sure what to do. I was scared. I knew he could k!ll me if he wanted to.
I told my ex whom I was forcibly separated from bc of the s3xual texts we shared. They told me to tell my mother.
When I finally had the guts to tell her, she confronted him. He told her I was lying. She continuously said, "I want to believe you, but I don't at the same time." She called my aunt and spoke to her a bit. She believed I was lying to get back to my dad. She told my aunt this and my aunt offered to take me in.
I didn't want to live in the state my aunt lived in, I declined. My mother continued to tell me she wanted to believe me and him.
I felt sick to my stomach often, and was diving into a deep pit of depression.
He began physically assaulting me. Beating me and calling me names. At this point I was 14. Just trying to survive in a house filled to the brim with people and constantly feeling as though I was suff0cating.
I never knew what to do or say, who to go to. Every adult would just write me off, a stupid kid trying to do something they weren't supposed to.
I started becoming more defiant, running away, trying to leave the situation because I felt unwanted and disgusting.
Nobody ever saw it as a cry for help.
My mother told me, she would be happy if I said I lied, if I stayed and she could have him too.
She was never happy.
I did what I did because I thought maybe if I forgot about it, it would go away. If I tried to "make it right", it would go away.
I had even attempted suicide only to be met with a sneer and, "I know what you did." No help to be gotten for me.
I'm now 24 years old and just now seeing a therapist.
My name is [REDACTED] and I'm here to share my story. To tell you you're not alone. And to allow you to anonymously share your stories as well.
