It's sad that I'm trying to wear what I want and learn to love my body, but I'm so scared of my sa'er seeing me. I know it doesn't make any sense why other people are allowed to see my cleavage or even just my legs, but once it's him, either of them, I feel disgusting. I wanna be so covered up if they see me. I don't want them to know a thing about how I look now, my life, how I feel, anything.
My sister constantly updating my sa'er and showing him my content is why I stopped posting.
I feel like I've just completely lost myself, and I genuinely can't post myself when I do feel good because that thought is in my head. It's not often I feel even okay about myself, especially not anymore, but the moment you do, you're conceded, and you must be fine. Like, no, I suffer every day. I'm just trying to heal and learn to love myself, but it's never gonna work if people are so mean and judgemental and think they know you based on one picture.
I just wanna feel good about myself and be happy and get my life back I'm so tired of being knocked down. I wish I could just be better.