Summary:
Sometimes Ram falls away and leaves only Saarebas in his wake. Sometimes Cole has to keep him sane when he finally snaps and becomes an actual beast. Sometimes Cullen and Cassandra have to hold him back the way he taught them. Sometimes Solas has to use magic to knock him out so he doesn't hurt anyone. But this time, his Kadan, His Iron Bull, finally gets to understand why he became Tal-Vashoth. When a noble thinks it's funny to call him a beast, a monster, a dangerous thing.
The meeting had gone well. As far as Ram was aware anyway. He managed to get support for the Inquisition's few mages and their many templars and wardens. As he and Cullen talk about the mission to the Hinterlands, he hears a group of nobles from the meeting laugh. His attention gets drawn towards them and he starts only half paying attention. Cullen, always watching, notices but tries to hold his attention where he needs it. But the noble's voices get louder in his ear and he hears them more than he does Cullen. Which isn't a good thing.
Cole has appeared at his side as always, taking his hand like an Imekari would their Tamassran when nervous. The Iron Bull looks at the two blondes in confusion before his attention is drawn to the raven Tal-Vashoth with them. Instead of sunlight orange, he sees blood red in the Inquisitor's eyes. The noble's voice booms in a laugh and the words finally catch up to Bull and he freezes.
"He's an oxman for crying out loud! Those beasts couldn't lead a pack of hogs even if they tried!" Said a man, not caring if he's heard.
"So true! If this one is leading the Inquisition, I fear for the poor souls sent to do that monster's bidding!" A woman scornfully agrees, Bull can see the red getting brighter as Ram's demeanor changes.
Cassandra steps closer and Solas has slowly gripped his staff tighter after arriving outside his office. Varric is quietly escorting people out of the hall as Ram's lip starts to twitch dangerously.
"Monster? Hah! He's a dangerous Beast on a too loose leash! A dangerous thing!" The noble crowed.
Cole yelped as Ram abruptly turned and growled as he tried to get closer to the two. Cullen snapped into action as well as Cassandra. The walls of Skyhold shook with the force of Ram's booming voice.
"A monster?! I'll show you a fucking monster! You pair of two head snakes!" Ram thundered as Cullen and Cassandra held his arms, trying to pull him back. Cole was pushing against his chest talking lowly despite the Tal-Vashoth's thunderous voice. Bull watched with sudden worry as something changed in his Kadan. It wasn't a good change either. "I'll feed you to the fucking crows!" The raven roared. Taking a heavy step towards the two as they backed away in fear.
Cole sobbed in fear. He never liked when The Ram became like this. When he became Saarebas Adaar, he was scary. He was a thunderstorm of hurts, hates, and fears that Cole couldn't help because Saarebas never wanted to forget the reason he left the Qun. The reason he wears the scars of Seheron on his back like a torn piece of armor that can't be mended.
"Hurts, aches, pulls like chains. He can't forget and he can't forgive. Left behind to rot away, a bad memory of a purpose left unfulfilled. Burning, freezing, mind blank from the fires." Cole rambled and he felt the chest under him stop pushing. The thunderstorm slowly fades but the gentle drizzle remains. Not the sunlit valley of The Ram but not the Thunderstorm of Saarebas Adaar. "Can't go back, I am not a thing, not a monster, not a beast, but a person like everyone else. I am not a dangerous thing." He continues and two big arms wrap around him, holding him as if he were glass.
Cullen and Cassandra watch in tense silence as the Tal-Vashoth warrior silently comes back slowly. Solas slowly lowers his staff when it shows that he won't have to knock The Ram out. Iron Bull watches in a pained silence as his Kadan slowly comes back to himself. Ram shakily exhales and falls to his knees, weakened. Cole wraps his arms around the male's neck as he lets tears that aren't his fall from his pale green eyes. The two nobles all but forgotten as the inner circle tries to remind their friend that he is not a thing, that he is a person who is free.
It takes little convincing on Cullen's part to get The Ram up to his quarters in the Tower. It doesn't take anything to convince Cole to go with him to help him settle down. Despite the fact that the blonde is a spirit, The Ram treats him like an Imekari. His Imekari. Neither come out of the Tal-Vashoth's room until late in the afternoon the next day. Cole goes to Solas and The Ram to the Herald's Rest. He needs a strong drink. Instead, he's greeted by his Kadan. Iron Bull grabs his arm and drags him up to the battlements above the tavern.
"We need to talk, Kadan." Bull says once they're out of earshot from anyone else listening.
"What's there to talk about?" Ram says in a hoarse voice. He looked drained still, Bull noted, rings under his eyes and tear tracks along his cheeks.
"Why did you never say anything about your past in Seheron?" Bull asks, voice softening. And when the surprise at his assumption lit up those bright eyes, Bull knew he hit the nail on the head.
"You never asked. And I didn't want to tell a Ben-Hassrath who I was in case he reported it back. I don't take kindly to Qun Reeducators trying to force me back into a purpose I wasn't suited for." Ram snapped tiredly. He could see the hurt in Bull's eye at that. But the taller Tal-Vashoth understood what he meant. If Iron Bull had still been Hissrad, Ram would have been right to keep that bit of information secret. Back then, Ram didn't trust Iron Bull like he did now. Back then it had taken Bull weeks just to get Ram to stop calling him Qun Kisser. It was an unusual name, but it was a unique insult made by Ram for Qun loyals who thought themselves better than him. Sera had started using it too, after hearing Ram scream it from the top of a hill one day after a particularly rough fight.
Ram sighed, grabbing Bull's attention as he leaned against the other tiredly. Bull wrapped his arms around Ram and swayed them both gently. The raven was very tense, making Bull sigh too. "What was your role?" He asked softly, needing to get this out of their way. Ram tensed further but relaxed when Bull kneaded into the tense spot between his shoulder blades.
"I was a Saarebas. A dangerous thing. No mage but it was hard to control me. Even on a good day. They had to muzzle me just to keep me from biting them." Ram muttered loud enough to be heard despite his face being pressed into his love's chest. Unlike most, Ram's horns were facing backwards. Curving up at the end with dulled down points. Bull absently wondered if they had been sharp at one point. Bull hummed as he rubbed the other's back. "I was always being taken back to the reeducators at least once a month due to my continued hostility towards everyone near me. They had though about making me into an Athlok, but they never got the chance after a string of fires freed me from the group watching me." Ram said as he wrapped his arms around the slightly taller male's waist.
Bull remembered those fires. He remembers that a group of Stens running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Bull busted out laughing. Ram growled. "So that day when a bunch of military high ranks became Headless chickens, it was because they lost a big guy like you? Damn they really were idiots!" Bull hugged Ram tighter and it eased the tension returning to the raven. A snort was softly heard from him if the jerk in his shoulders was worth anything. Bull moved them to his bed and laid down with Ram above him. It was comfortable that way, leaving Ram ample room to leave if he wished. At first, Bull remembered, it was because Ram was still skittish being pinned under Bull.
When they were intimate, Bull would let Ram ride him. It was easier to get the raven warrior to relax when he felt like the other wasn't trying to restrain him. Bull rubbed his back soothingly. It had taken weeks to get Ram to even trust him enough to mount him. Leaving his hands untied had helped in case the other needed to buck him off. Bull's attention drifted back to the present, back to the soft sounds of Ram falling asleep on his chest. If he had still been Hissrad, he would have used this time to find a way to send the information he'd just gained back to the Qun. If he had been Hissrad, Ram would have never trusted him at all. The only reason he'd even hired him and his Chargers was because Varric and Solas convinced him to hear the Iron Bull out.
Bull snorted softly, jerking the other but not waking him thankfully. Bull remembers the moment Ram laid eyes on him. That moment when the smaller started to curse in common and in Qunlat. He even cursed in Elven if Solas' look of bemusement was to be believed. Varric's look of intrigue had startled a laugh out of Krem. Though that had done nothing to ease the sudden tension. The Ram did not like The Iron Bull. He didn't even have to tell the boss that he was Ben-Hassrath, the sudden shout of 'A Fucking Qun Kisser!' had been enough to tip the one eyed Qunari off.
Two days before they left to meet the Templars, and he had finally earned enough of the raven's trust to go with them to Therinfal Redoubt. After about an hour of thought, Bull was pulled from his thoughts when Ram shifted against him to hug his waist. Laying chest to sternum with his head sideways to breathe. Bull dug his fingers into the raven's thick hair. Pulling out the oddly shaped braid he had it in, he scratched the other's scalp. Earning a growled hum in response.
The decision to save the Chargers had made more sense right then. Ram trusted them. He was willing to sacrifice an alliance that was based on words for people that he knew could be trusted. Could be counted on. Bull had to sigh shakily at the knowledge that he could have lost that trust if he had stayed Hissrad. One single decision could have costed him the warrior laying on his chest, sleeping with a soft snore. Bull moved his Kadan slowly and gently until his head was rested under the other's chin. His arms limply laying on either side of Bull. The Bull lifted one of his own legs a bit to ease tension, wrapping his arms around a solid, firm wall of muscle riddled with scars.
Bull held onto the one he loved and breathed.
